The Lunam Ceremony (Book One), page 19
I step back towards the door, ready to bolt. Deb stands and moves towards me. “Don’t.” I warn her and step back.
“I don’t mean you any harm. I’m a friend.” Her voice is calm and even. “I have a half-sister, Gale, who is Shasta. She’s Jase’s mother.”
I relax my stance and process what she’s saying. “Jase’s mother is part wolf?” That makes Jase a half-breed.
Deb tells me her father had an affair with a female from Shasta, and they had a baby girl. “My mother took her in because the pack wouldn’t allow the baby to stay with them. When Gale turned eighteen, her real mother came to take her to Lunam.”
“Half-breeds aren’t allowed at Lunam,” I tell her.
“Shasta has their own ceremony.” She says this like it is something insidious, dirty. “An older alpha, a pureblood, chose Gale. She didn’t want him, but she couldn’t refuse. You can’t refuse. That is how Jase was conceived.”
“I don’t understand. Lunam is about matching with your soulmate. Your life partner—it’s a mutual thing.” Maybe Deb doesn’t know as much as she thinks.
“At the official Lunam, maybe. Shasta has their own rules.” Someone yells for Deb, and she tells them to hold onto their britches.
I can’t get over the fact that Jase is the product of some poor girls’ stolen innocence. “Does Jase know all of this?”
“Of course. There are no secrets in our family.” Her words sound like a warning. “Gale ran away with Jase. She left him here with us then left the state.”
“What about Delilah?”
“She was born a few years later to another female. A friend of mine in the Dunsmuir pack reached out to me and asked if I would take her. When I found out she was Jase’s half-sister, I couldn’t say no. His father is a powerful man. He’s also an egomaniac that thinks he can take what he wants from whomever he wants. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a dozen more children.” She stands and moves to my side. “We’ve gone through a lot of trouble to keep the kids safe. Jase is special. You being here puts him in danger. If you leave and never return, I won’t tell him who you are. But if you stay, he has a right to know who he is dealing with.” Deb’s message is firm, but her angelic smile at the end softens the blow. She thinks I’m someone that will bring harm to Jase, but she’s wrong. I would never cause any problems for Jase, for any of them. “We keep clear of the pack, both packs. We don’t want to draw any attention our way.”
I nod my head to let her know I understand. I don’t belong here. Yet, something inside of me is happy to learn Jase is like me. At least part of him anyway. I return to the party smiling. Knowing Jase is a Shasta wolf means our connection is real. He’s as much a Shasta as I am. It makes sense now.
I scan the rowdy partiers and find him smiling at me from across the parking lot. I stomp through the crowd, my eyes never leaving his. Lucky crosses my path, and I swipe the beer from his hand. I take a swig and keep walking. Jase throws his head back and laughs. From my peripheral vision, I see others watching me, watching us. I stop in front of Jase; we are face to face, chest to chest, lip to lip. “We need to talk,” I breathe into his mouth. His lips part, and I pull away before he can even exhale.
Jase takes me to his trailer. It’s a small space, the size of the living room in my cabin. I walk past the small table and sit on Jase’s bed. He raises an eyebrow and clicks the lock on the door. “Just for privacy.”
I nod in approval, and he closes the curtains above the table. He busies himself with minor house cleaning. He shoves a couple of water bottles into an empty Taco Bell bag and places it in the sink. I feel his nervous energy. I like that I make him nervous. It will make for a great story later. I’m the last of my mother’s line, so I know there is no chance he’s an Orrin.
“Jase,” I say as he moves towards a small radio on the counter. He stops and looks at me. “I spoke to Deb. She told me about your parents.” I don’t want to upset him by bringing up his conception.
He twists his face like he has no clue what I’m talking about. This must be something he does out of habit when people question him. “Deb’s drunk.”
I stand and cross my arms. “Really, so you aren’t Shasta?” I hold back the smile that is fighting to escape my lips. Jase is wolf, this means my attraction to him is a natural reaction. He could’ve been my match.
“Deb did a lot of acid in the sixties,” he tries to joke.
He needs to know I’m friendly, not someone who will hurt him or tell his secret. “It’s ok.” I reach for his hand, and he steps back.
“I don’t know what you think I am, but you’re wrong.” The air in the trailer grows warm.
“Jase, it’s ok. You don’t have to lie to me…” I want to tell him we’re alike, that it’s ok, but the hatred and fear in his eyes tell me none of that will matter.
“Maybe you should go.” He pushes open the door, and cold air fills the trailer.
I can’t believe he’s kicking me out. I brush past him and bury my shoulder into his chest. Jase grabs my forearm. I spin around, ready to punch him. I stop when I see the pain in his eyes. We stand almost touching, I smell beer on his breath. He swallows back whatever he was about to say and lets me go. I walk back to the motel without turning around.
After I left Jase in his trailer, I didn’t feel like returning to the party. I ask Bill for a room, he gives me the key to room three. It’s in the back corner of the property. From the window I can see Jase’s trailer. He never returned to the party. When the last of the humans go inside, I decide to go for a run. I creep past Jase’s trailer and undress just inside the woods. I’m not familiar with this area, so I keep my things close to the road. It’s late, nobody will find them. I phase and take off at a full sprint into the forest. I smell rabbits and hear squirrels in the trees. I pick up speed, and I slice through the cold night air. I smell water, a lot of water. I skid to a stop, causing rocks and dirt to fly out over a cliff. I walk to the edge and look at the reservoir down below. That was close. I turn around to head back to the road when I hear something behind me. I look into the darkness and see a pair of eyes staring back. He takes three cautious steps towards me, and I feel my hind legs crest the edge of the cliff. I growl a warning. Whoever it is doesn’t know who I am. I’m an alpha. I will tear his neck out.
Jase suddenly materializing in front of me. “Wait!” He is half hidden by the trees, but I see his naked body in the moonlight. He holds his hands up in surrender. “Don’t be scared, Lacy.”
Lacy? Why would he think I’m Lacy? I shouldn’t wait around to find out. I should run back to my room. But I don’t. Too many things are running through my mind. Human things. I can’t hold the phase. My skin grows cold as I return to human form. Jase’s eyes bulge from their sockets. “Holy shit.”
I stand before him, naked, and wonder why I don’t feel embarrassed. It seems like the most natural thing in the world.
“How come I didn’t know? I thought I was supposed to have some sixth sense.” He steps closer and his eyes drift over my naked body.
I keep my eyes above his waistline. “Maybe it has something to do with being part human.” He’s part human. “How did you phase?” I step closer to him in amazement. Half-breeds don’t phase. “Why did you call me Lacy?”
“Today was Lacy’s eighteenth birthday, so I thought maybe she phased. It doesn’t always happen. I came out here just to make sure she wasn’t wandering the woods alone.”
“That isn’t how it works. You only phase under the harvest moon.” I don’t know why I’m telling him this. He’s a half-breed. He shouldn’t be phasing at all.
“I didn’t phase under the harvest moon. I phased in July one day after my eighteenth birthday.”
“How old are you?” I ask as the full moon shines down on us.
“I’ll be twenty this summer.” Jase’s eyes finally find mine. He steps closer and takes my hand. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, in both forms.” An energy courses through us when we touch. I can’t control the burning in my stomach, my chest. My entire body is on fire. The feeling is so intense; I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to.
My hands are in his hair, his lips press into mine. We lose ourselves and fall to the ground. The twigs and dirt aren’t as forgiving when you’re in human form. “Let’s go back to my room.” I suggest as I pull a pine cone from a place that pine cones shouldn’t be.
Jase stands and helps me to my feet. “I thought you’d never ask,” he says with a smile. He is quite possibly the sexiest creature I’ve ever encountered. At least that’s the thought running through my mind right now. “I’ll race you.” His blue-gray eyes light up.
I phase and take off running. I fly around trees and jump over logs with ease. I even circle back and come up from behind, just to pass him again. He howls and jumps for me. We tumble end over end, over each other until we reach the road. I race back up the mountain, and he follows.
By the time we return to my room, we’re spent. That’s the longest time I’ve ever stayed in wolf form. I shower quickly and leave the water on for Jase. I wrap myself in a towel and open the door. “Your turn.” I step into the bedroom and find him fast asleep. I sit on the edge of the bed and match my breathing to the rise and fall of his chest. His left arm is above his head, gripping the pillow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so peaceful. Nothing about Jase makes sense. I run my finger along the scar above his left eyebrow. There is no question that he is human. Deb said his father is a pureblood. Maybe that has something to do with him being able to phase. Are there more half-breeds like Jase? Lowell Dukes will kill them all. That must be what Deb meant by my being here is putting him in danger. I won’t let anyone know his secret. Tomorrow I will leave and never see him again.
I turn off the shower and climb into bed beside Jase. I curl up at his side and pull the covers over us. I try not to think about Dillan or Cassie, or my pack. I just want to live in this moment. I want to steal some of his peace, even just for a night.
I drift to sleep and imagine another life, a life where I’m just a girl who is in love with a boy. I have no family duty; I have no pack to look after. I can just be me, but who is standing beside me? I see Drake and Leah, watching me, judging me. I see Cassie with her baby. We are standing in front of camp. I’m on the outside of the gate, while they are on the inside. Dillan straddles the line, looking confused. Come with me, Dillan. I reach for his hand, and even though he’s close, I can’t touch him. He’s slipping out of my reach. Dillan, come with me. The gates are closing. Dillan steps back, inside the camp, and leaves me on the other side, alone.
“No!” I sit up in a strange room.
Dillan—no—Jase, Jase stirs beside me. “Are you ok?” He sits up and turns on the light.
“I had a bad dream.” This is the first nightmare I’ve ever had.
Jase pulls me into his arms and caresses my shoulder. “You’re ok, Kali.” He still doesn’t know my name. He turns off the light, and we lie in silence for a few minutes. “Was it about me?”
“No, of course not.” I pet his smooth chest. “I have a lot going on at home.” I wonder if Cassie is lying in Dillan’s arms right now. If they’re talking about what color their baby’s eyes will be. Pain shoots through my chest. I don’t want to think about them. I want to live this fantasy a little longer.
“Yeah, so where is home? Are you Shasta?” Jase asks.
“I’m Sierra.” I feel the air drain from Jase’s lungs. “My mother was a Shasta, is Shasta. She is an Orrin. Do you know her family?”
“No, but that isn’t saying much. I don’t socialize with the pack. Not since I was a kid.”
I’m an idiot. Half-breeds aren’t accepted because they don’t phase. Only Jase did. I sit up and rest my head in my hand. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Ask away.”
“You didn’t have to wait until the harvest moon to phase?”
“No, we phase after our eighteenth birthday.”
“So, no Lunam, no harvest moon. You just phase.”
He runs his finger down the side of my face. “Pretty sweet, huh?”
He has no idea how powerful that makes him. Our entire belief system is based on our ability to phase and that only happens under the harvest moon. If a half-breed can phase regardless of Lunam, that would make them the most powerful being in our pack. “Are there others are like you?”
“Yes, but there are a lot more that don’t phase. We don’t know why it happens to some and not others.”
“That’s why you were in the woods tonight, in case Lacy phased.”
“Yes, it’s scary the first time it happens. Most of us don’t even realize we can until we’re running naked on all fours through the street.” Jase looks at the ceiling and sighs.
It must be awful not knowing who or what you are. “Did you know you would phase?”
Jase nods. “Yes. When I was eight, one of the Shasta pack leaders tracked me down. He told me the pack was evolving and that I had a destiny to fulfill. He said he was planning to change things and that I would be accepted into the pack once I phased.”
I recall the conversation between my mother and Conall. He must have been trying to allow half-breeds to attend Altum Lunam to make them official alphas. Ones that could lead the Shasta pack.
“I was going to run away,” Jase continues. “But I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to leave Lucky or Lacy, or Bill and Deb. Really it was Delilah that kept me here. I couldn’t leave her to be taken by those animals.”
“How does the pack even know about Delilah?”
“The pack leader keeps records of births, then shows up on your eighteenth birthday to see if you will phase.” Jase sort of laughs. “On my eighteenth birthday, I sent Lucky in my place. He was only seventeen at the time. When he didn’t phase, they took me off their list.”
“What would’ve happened if you did go and phased?”
“Then I would have been obligated to go to Lunam. Not your Lunam,” he clarifies. “Shasta has their own fucked-up version. Anyone can go. It’s basically just an excuse for old alphas to prey on young girls. For guys like me, they expect us to match with a girl, but we don’t have to stay together. It’s just a hook-up to get her pregnant.” He says the girls are other half-breeds, betas, or even low alphas. “If I have a child with someone from the pack, Shasta will consider it a full-fledged alpha.”
This must be what my mother and Conall were discussing. This is why the blood test is so crucial now. Will it even matter once they find out half-breeds can phase? “Do you realize what this means?”
Jase shrugs like he doesn’t really care. I know he does, he has to. He’s still part wolf. It has to mean something to him.
“The one thing that keeps half-breeds out of Lunam, out of the pack, is your inability to phase. But you do. This means you are the future of our kind. The purebloods, like me, are getting too close in relation. We have one or two more Lunams at most before the blood lines are too close to match. If we include your kind, or even just open up to the idea that we no longer have to limit who we love, we can create a new pack. One of diversity and acceptance, yet still powerful.” I sit up and move closer to Jase. “You are the beginning of an entirely new breed.”
“Whoa, wait a minute.” Jase sits up. “I don’t want to be the start of anything. I just want to be me.” He smiles and pulls me close. “Me with supernatural abilities.”
I have so many questions, but I doubt Jase has the answers. Cassie will. This is her fucked-up pack, her heartless father. I reach for the Shasta paw dangling around my neck and pull the chain until it snaps off. I don’t want any part of Shasta. I keep the necklace clasped in my palm. It was a gift from my mother, something I thought I would pass on to my daughter one day. Now it’s a symbol of evil. I toss the necklace on the nightstand and turn back to Jase.
He looks at it then turns his eyes back to me. “I won’t be controlled by anyone, nobody should be.” His jaw tightens. I feel his body temperature rise. I kiss his shoulder and his heart rate slows down. He squeezes me to him. “You’re not going to rat me out, are you?” Jase sounds like he is only half joking. “You don’t believe in all the pack bullshit, right?”
“No, I wasn’t raised in my pack.” I don’t want to say any more. I don’t want to tell him I went to Lunam. He might hate me if he knew. I would hate me. “Your secret is safe with me.”
Jase tangles his hand in my hair and kisses me. My chest swells with emotion. Usually it’s the burn, the itch that drives my desire. But with Jase, it’s something different, something new. Jase rolls on top of me and my legs part, inviting him in. I’m about to lose myself in pleasure when a cloud shifts and the full moon shines through a crack in the window curtains.
Jase pulls himself back. “Stop.”
I kiss his neck and nibble his ear lobe. “Do you really want me to stop?”
“No, yes, no.” He can’t make up his mind. Jase’s mouth crashes into mine, and I gladly take him in. His tongue slides against mine and I moan. Then he pulls away again. “No, we have to stop.” He moves from between my legs and lies beside me.
“Is everything ok?” I pull the sheet over my naked body, feeling totally rejected.
“Yes, it’s amazing. You are amazing.” He kisses my hand. “But you know what time of year this is?” He gestures to the full moon. I’m surprised he knows about the season and the moons. “Deb warned me about all of that.” He waves his hand around my head. “Believe me, the conversation was as bad as it sounds.”
I laugh and sit up, letting the sheet fall away. “I can’t get pregnant by you,” I say. “Once you go through Lunam, you can only get pregnant by an alpha.” I feel my cheeks flush.
Jase looks wounded. “Oh.” He seems to be processing what I said, like he was told something different. “I always thought…I don’t know, I thought I was an alpha.”
