The Lunam Ceremony (Book One), page 20
“If your father was a pureblood you would be an alpha. But your mother’s human blood makes you just a half-breed.”
Jase still looks upset, like he’s been lied to his whole life.
“This is a good thing.” I stroke his chest. He grabs my fingers and brings them to his lips.
“Well, in that case.” He flings the sheet off the bed and pounces on me.
Making love to Jase is a whole new experience. His kiss, his touch, and the way we fit together—it’s like he was made for me. I anticipate his desires and he reads my mind. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay in his arms forever. That is a fantasy I know will never come true. Dillan, Lowell, hell, even Layla would kill him if they ever found out.
When the first hint of dawn creeps in the window, I know my fairytale has come to an end. I dress quietly; I don’t want to wake him. I can’t stand the idea of saying goodbye. I’m afraid I won’t be able to leave. I look back one more time, and I can’t do it. I can’t walk out on him like this. I take the notepad from the nightstand and write him a note.
See you next lifetime.
Love, Kalysia
He at least deserves to know my name. And the love part, well, it just feels right.
The parking lot is peppered with empty red cups and beer bottles. I make it to the truck and start the engine. It roars to life, and I hope it doesn’t wake anyone. I put the truck in reverse and look down at the clock. It’s barely five a.m. I pull out of the parking lot and edge onto the road, when I see Lucky’s iPod sitting on the seat.
I leave the truck running and hurry to Bill’s door. I’m trying to shove it through the mail slot, when the door opens. Bill stands before me with a cup of coffee in his hand. “And here I thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye.”
“Uh, yeah.” I look at room three to make sure the door hasn’t opened.
“Are you returning your key?” Bill looks at my hand.
“Oh, no, um, this is Lucky’s iPod. He left it in the truck.” I hand him the iPod. “I gotta go.” I motion to the truck idling in the driveway. White smoke billows out in the cold morning air. “Thanks for the room and everything. It was nice to meet you. Tell Deb I said bye.”
I jog back to the truck; the icy morning air burns my throat.
“Hey Kal, hold on,” Bill’s voice echoes through the parking lot. I pray he doesn’t wake Jase. I spin around. “The key to the room?”
Oh, shit. “Um, yeah. Jase is still using it.”
Bill breaks into a grin and waves me off.
I stop at a gas station and fill up on the edge of town. I need to put as much distance as possible between me and Quincy. I look in my rear view mirror every few minutes, expecting to see his headlights flashing behind me. The road remains empty. I make it back to the fork where he rescued me and my heart sinks. It’s over. Whatever that amazing feeling was, it’s gone forever. The closer I get to home, the more Jase and his family feel like a dream. I know what I’ve just done is wrong. So wrong. I was selfish and reckless; two traits I’ve fought hard to avoid my entire life. Considering why I left camp and what I’m going home to, makes my actions over the last twelve hours seem justified.
When I’m two miles out, I radio camp. Rusty’s anxious voice calls back. The gate is open when I pull up. Rusty is bundled up, but I see the smile on his face. I pull inside and stop to let him in.
As soon as he closes the door, his smile fades. “What did you do?”
I shrug. “What are you talking about?” I drive up the road to the parking lot, biting the inside of my cheek. “I got a flat tire. I stayed at a motel in Quincy.”
“Where the hell is Quincy?”
“They closed highway eighty-nine, so the tow truck driver had to take me north. I called Layla,” I huff. “She knew where I was.” Thanks to her sneaky GPS.
I start to pull into the line of trucks in the lot, but Rusty tells me to keep going. “No, this truck smells like…you smell…just go to my cabin.”
I pretend not to know what Rusty is talking about, even though I smell traces of Jase’s scent in my hair and on my skin. He smells like sweet jasmine and mint, not as earthy as the Sierras. I wonder if it’s a Shasta thing or just a Jase thing. The thought of him causes an unexpected grin.
“Oh Kalysia.” Rusty puts his head in his hands. “What’s his name?”
I bite my lip and straighten up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” I clear my throat.
“You can deny it all you want. Hell, I’m the king of denial, but you reek of sex.” Rusty laughs as I stop in front of his cabin.
I pretend to be offended as I watch him jump out and run to his door. My jaw falls open when I see Carrick walk out.
Rusty paces on his porch while I gawk at Carrick. “I, I mean, how… You have a daughter?” I finally choke out.
“Actually, I was married.” Carrick kicks at the snow and stares at his hands. “She was my best friend and she knew about me.” He is quick to explain that he never deceived her. “We saw an opportunity to help each other. She wanted a child and I needed a diversion. My father suspected I was different, and he wasn’t the kind of man that accepted different.”
Rusty places his hand on Carrick’s shoulder; it’s a simple gesture, like a friend comforting a friend. “We’ve seen how they treat males like us. It isn’t like we can just be ourselves. Taking a female partner is the best way to hide.”
“Deann was a sweet girl. She accepted me for who I was and never judged me. I loved her.” Carrick looks at Rusty and shrugs. “In a different way.” My brother breaks into a smile and socks Carrick in the arm.
“You’re not hiding, Rusty.” I look at him in admiration. “Aren’t you worried?”
Rusty walks down the steps and hugs me. “I don’t have to worry here, not with you and Dillan. You two are the future. Once you set the tone, the others will follow. By the time Taylor reaches Lunam, who you love won’t matter.” Carrick walks down the steps and hugs me, too. He looks around to make sure nobody is nearby, and then kisses Rusty. I guess he’s still not completely convinced the others will let go of their ways just because Dillan and I are accepting.
A pain stabs at my heart. If we leave, what will happen to them? All the horrible things Carrick has seen could happen again. Especially, if the packs merge. With everything I’ve learned about Shasta, there is no way they will accept my brother and Carrick’s lifestyle.
“Whoa.” Carrick steps back. “Where have you been?” His eyes narrow at me, and I can’t help but smile. After all they’ve shared with me, the least I can do is share my secret.
I tell them how I met Jase and about his family. I leave out the fact that he phases.
Carrick and Rusty smile nervously and exchange worried looks. “Sweetie, you know what will happen to him if anyone ever finds out.” Rusty takes my shoulders and looks me in the eye. “You have to forget about him.”
I shake loose and walk away. “I know.” I feel tears building. “I know Dillan will kill him. I know I’ll be shamed and maybe even outcast.” I think of Dillan taking Cassie as his partner. “But, I don’t want to.” I swipe a tear from my face. “I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. Why should I be ashamed when Dillan doesn’t have to be?”
Carrick throws his hands in the air and walks away. Rusty sighs and watches him pace in front of the truck. “Carrick, roll the windows down. Better yet, get the pine tree.” Carrick opens the door and waves at the air, shaking his head in disapproval. Rusty turns to me. “Is that what this is about? Dillan and Cassie?” Rusty rubs my back.
“I don’t know, maybe.” I would have never been on that run if they weren’t together. I know I sort of condoned it, but now I don’t know if I can live with the aftermath. My time with Jase makes it easier to deal with.
Carrick reappears from Rusty’s cabin holding a small green air freshener in one hand and his walkie in the other. “That was Drake. He’s checking to see if she’s back.” He points the walkie at me as he crosses over to the truck. He hoists himself inside and puts the air freshener on the dash. “That should kill the smell. But what about her?”
“You need to phase.” Rusty walks me to the woods near his cabin and tells me phasing is the only way to clear the scent. “Trust me, we know.” He looks back at Carrick. “Carrick’s seen you phase, so I know you can do it.”
Carrick shrugs and says, “Your cabin is right in front of the tower.”
Great. I bet they get a nice show.
“Leave your clothes. I’ll take them to the laundry with mine. Then I’ll go to your cabin and run you a bath.” Rusty pushes me into the trees and runs back to the truck.
I take off my boots and undress. I take a huge whiff of my Howlin’ Ale t-shirt and log Jase’s scent to memory. Rusty and Carrick will have erased him completely when I return. I close my eyes and let the tears flow freely as I phase.
I run around the perimeter fence until I reach the tower. As much as I want to go for a real run, into the woods, I know time is not on my side. I watch Rusty leave my cabin. If I listen close and focus, I can hear the bathtub running. I realize Rusty never seemed worried that Dillan would be home. He must not think I’m due back until later today. I feel a growl in my throat at the thought of him soaking up as much time with Cassie as he can. Murderous thoughts flip through my brain. I stalk through the snow and focus my hearing on the cabin with no backdoor. I hear them breathing, sleeping. I can crash through the window and tear out their throats before they even open an eye.
I pick up my speed and something crashes into me. I roll into a bush and recover quickly. I spring to my feet and growl. The eyes staring back at me are a mirror of my own. Standing a few yards away is a larger, darker wolf – Rusty. Carrick peeks from behind him. They must have been watching me. Rusty bows, submissively, and edges towards me. He whines and nudges my snout with his nose. I lick him in return. Carrick trots towards the gate and motions for us to join him. I follow Carrick and Rusty to the hole in the fence. We slip through and run up the hill. Rusty and Carrick prance over each other playfully; they look like two pups. When we reach the top of the hill, Carrick plops down and Rusty rests his head on his back. I sit and look out at the lake. It’s so still and peaceful. Layla taught me to swim in the pool at Harrah’s when I was seven. She said I wouldn’t need the skill very often, but it was something everyone needed to learn. Dillan promised to show me the ocean, but all of that seems like a fantasy now. Just a game we play to make the reality bearable. I don’t even know if I’ll be here when summer comes. I don’t know anything anymore.
I hear Carrick start to growl, then Rusty follows. By the time I catch the scent, they are in front of me, protecting me. I see them emerge a few hundred yards away; there are five of them. Even though they are small, mangy creatures, these coyotes have been living in the woods all their lives. They are survivors, hunters, fighters. Unlike us.
I break down the hill for the fence, and Carrick and Rusty flank me. They are fast, as fast as I am. The coyotes follow suit, but maintain a safe distance. It’s like they are corralling us back to our side of the fence. I skid under the chain links and crash into a garbage can. Its contents spill into the dirty snow. Carrick and Rusty come crashing through almost simultaneously, they phase back to human before they stop. Their naked bodies skid across the snow. Carrick jumps up and pushes the garbage container against the fence to block the hole. Rusty pulls a pair of pants from one of the trash bins and slides them on. Carrick runs over and does the same. They have stashed boots and jackets in the bin as well. I stand on all fours and watch them dress. Rusty turns to me and yells, “Go home!”
I sprint to my cabin. I leap onto the back porch and land on two feet. That was fucking awesome. I’m getting better and better. My hand is on the knob to the back door when I hear the front door open. I hop off the porch and hide underneath. It’s Dillan. I smell his sagey scent mingled with Cassie’s. Cassie’s scent is similar to Jase’s, except she has more of a minty odor. It makes me gag. The back door opens and Dillan steps out. I’m right underneath him, under the stairs. He pulls his shirt off, then his jeans. He plucks both socks off, and then steps out of his boxers. Is he going to phase? My heart races in anticipation. I wonder if he’s been phasing all this time and I never noticed. Suddenly, he stops and goes back inside. “Kalysia?” He crosses back through the kitchen. “Are you home?” He must have smelled me, sensed me. I hear him fumble with the dresser drawers, and then I hear his footsteps on the front porch. If he walks around back, he will see me crouching naked under the stairs. I should phase and run. I close my eyes and listen to his footsteps fading in the snow. Then I hear Drake. He calls out to Dillan and tells him I’m back. He says Ray spotted my truck in the lot. Dillan’s pace quickens like he’s running out to greet me. I hope that pine tree works.
I bolt up the back stairs and step over Dillan’s discarded clothes. My feet leave muddy prints through the kitchen and hall way, but I could care less. Rusty must have turned off the water before he intercepted me at Cassie’s. I dive into the bathtub, and water splashes all over the floor. I submerge my body in the large jetted tub and scream.
I stay in the bath until the water turns cold. I sort of hoped Dillan would come back and find me. Not that I want to sleep with him, but seeing me naked might defer his anger. I’m sure Rusty has told him that I went alone. Dillan finding out Tripp didn’t go on the run is inevitable. Rusty thought it was best for him to break the news; this way, Dillan wouldn’t feel like he was duped by his closest allies. Rusty is loyal to Dillan, but he is my brother, so him following my command wouldn’t be completely out of the ordinary.
I stand at the entrance to our bedroom, wrapped in a towel. The bed hasn’t been touched since I left. Dillan has spent every moment I was gone with Cassie. Dillan will never feel the same sting of jealousy that I will live with for the rest of my life. There is nothing to gain by telling Dillan about my night with Jase. The information is a dangerous weapon that will devastate Dillan and probably get Jase killed. It’s something I will guard with my life. The only people that know are Rusty and Carrick, and I know they won’t tell. They’re lives are built around secrecy; they hold a lot of value in privacy.
I let the towel drop to the floor and open the dresser. No use waiting around for Dillan. I’m sure he’s had his fill with Cassie. I pull on my underwear, and I hear the front door open and close. Dillan.
I run to the living room and find Elle, Gavin’s mom, standing just inside the door with a laundry bag. “Oh my gosh!” She covers her eyes with her free hand. “I didn’t know anyone was here.”
I look at my bare breasts and duck back into the bedroom. “Sorry!” I put on a bra and throw a clean Howlin’ Ale t-shirt on with a pair of sweatpants. “I just got back.” I return to the living room with the towel I just used and hand it to Elle. “Here you go.”
She shoves the towel in the laundry bag marked with our cabin name. “Thank you.” She takes a step around me. “Do you mind?” She holds up the bag. “I’ll just take a quick lap and be out of your hair in a minute.”
I’m never here when they come and straighten up or get laundry. I’ve always taken care of these things myself. I didn’t want anyone cleaning our cabin or doing my laundry, but Dillan says everyone needs a job in order to contribute to the camp. Not everyone is an engineer. I’m defiantly not, yet I don’t have to clean other people’s dirty clothes. The only thing that separates me and Elle is our DNA. “How’s Gavin?” I call to her.
“Uh, he’s great.” She sounds surprised that I know her son’s name. “Thanks for asking.”
I wonder if Elle likes cleaning cabins for a living. What is her life like knowing she will never rise higher than this? She reappears in the living room with a large smile on her face. “I think that’s it.” Elle draws the string on the bag.
I look around awkwardly, like she may have missed a stray sock, then I remember Dillan’s clothes on the back porch. “Oh, um, Dillan left some things on the back porch.”
Elle grins and says, “Yeah, I know. I ran into him on my way over.”
“You saw him? Was he coming here?” I move away from the door and stand in the hall, behind Elle, as if she can protect me.
She looks towards the door, like the big bad wolf is about to burst into the room. “He was walking towards…um, he was going the other direction…” Elle looks at her feet and fidgets with the string on the bag.
“Oh, ok. Well thanks for stopping by.” I walk Elle to the door.
“Have a nice day, Kalysia,” she says and closes the door behind her.
I grab my walkie from the holder next to the front door. “Rusty, come in.”
I call him three times before he finally answers. “Hey sis, Dillan seemed to take it pretty calm, especially after I told him that you called Layla from the road to let her know you were ok. How’d it go on your end?”
“I haven’t seen him.” I picture him running to Cassie this morning, hoping to get one last quickie. Asshole.
“Oh.”
I don’t care about Dillan right now. He can wait. I want to talk to Layla about what I can and can’t do. If running this pack is my job, then I should be able to have final say on job distribution. Lowell and Adel only spent two years in the pack before moving out on their own. Who decides when you leave? Can I choose to move people out earlier?
“Rusty, can you take me to the brew house? I need to use the phone.” I release the talk button and wait for him to reply. I look at the empty hook beside the door and remember I don’t have a jacket. Rusty took my clothes to expel all traces of Jase. “Rusty, I’ll meet you at the laundry. I need to pick up a coat, over.”
I pull one of Dillan’s beanies on and wrap a scarf around my neck. The sun is out, but the air is icy, as usual. I’m a few feet from my cabin when Rusty calls back.
“Kal, yer ma…click…On her wa—” Static.
