The Lunam Ceremony (Book One), page 14
Lowell makes a big show of putting his plate down to greet me. “Kalysia, how wonderful to see you again,” he says with a forced smile.
If I didn’t know what he was plotting behind my back, the sudden show of affection would have freaked me out. “It’s nice to see you too. How is Adel?”
Lowell says she’s fine and escorts me to his table. “I missed you today on the tour of the camp. Dillan said you weren’t feeling well.”
I look up and see Dillan at the buffet. He is trying to hurry to the table, but one of the beta males is pestering him with questions.
“I’m fine, just too much wine last night.” I feign a hangover. “I’m lucky Cassie was here to take care of me. You know Cassie, don’t you?” Cassie hasn’t moved from the door; I wave her over.
“Yes, Conall’s daughter. I orchestrated her transfer to your branch. Dillan told me how much it meant to you.” Lowell’s sinister smile almost sends me over the edge.
“I made you a plate, Kalysia.” Dillan shoves a plate in my hand and ushers me to the opposite side of the table. Dillan must have been watching us while he made my plate, because he has lasagna piled on a bed of lettuce, topped off with ranch dressing and croutons. I sit at the opposite end of the table and pretend to eat while Dillan sits beside his father with a beer.
Turns out Lowell didn’t just come here to ruin my life, he has good news—our license came through, so we can start distribution, and he already has buyers. I’m too wound up to listen to Lowell lecture the guys on quality and building the brand. I dump my plate and I retreat to the corner of the lodge where we have a few sofas set up, and a television that doesn’t get cable. Cassie finishes her dinner and joins me.
The lodge empties quickly nobody wants to hang out with Lowell here, so it’s easy to hear their conversation. Dillan tells Lowell we have enough product to fill his orders, they just need more drivers. Drake suggests they hire outside help, but Lowell says absolutely not. Everything stays within the pack. Lowell thinks we should reach out to Shasta for help. It would show our enthusiasm to join forces. They decide to make a run to Mt. Shasta this week to enlist drivers. I see the longing in Cassie’s face when they mention heading up to Shasta. I know she wants to see her family, but I can’t let her go. Not now. If she leaves, she may never come back.
By some miracle it doesn’t snow, and Lowell is able to leave around eight. Dillan doesn’t even walk him to the gate.
“Are we telling him tonight?” Cassie whispers from behind the magazine she is pretending to read. I give her a look that is part “I don’t know” and part “shut the hell up.”
I’m waiting for Dillan and Drake to finish talking so we can walk back together. I want to break the news to him as soon as possible. Leah finally emerges from the kitchen. Her face lights up when she sees Drake waiting for her. She drapes her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek. “Are you ready?” Drake seems happier at the sight of her. I envy them.
“Ok, let’s go.” We stand up, and Cassie walks to the door to retrieve our coats. Dillan watches Cassie and me closely. He’s trying to figure out what is going on. When Cassie hands me my jacket and gloves, Dillan finally stands.
“Dillan, can you walk us back, please?” I have Cassie ask him this. I know it’s cruel, but I want to see his reaction.
Dillan narrows his eyes at me. “Sure.” He walks to the door and puts on his jacket and beanie.
We walk in silence until we reach Cassie’s cabin. “Kalysia, are you going to tell me what you’re doing?” Dillan says from behind me. Cassie stops and turns to him, but I grab her arm.
“Let’s get inside,” I call over my shoulder, dragging Cassie alongside of me to her front door.
Dillan kicks the snow off his shoes for what seems like forever while Cassie and I wait inside near the fireplace. Dillan finally enters the cabin and closes the door. He walks to the tiny dining table across from the sofa and leans against it, crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s going on?”
“I know why Lowell was here.” I stand beside Cassie, a unified front. She promised she would back me up no matter what.
“We need to discuss this in private.” Dillan gives me a cautionary look.
“No, this involves Cassie too. She should be here.”
“Ok,” Dillan nods and makes a huge effort not to look at her.
“Rusty told me about the deal your father offered you.”
Dillan uncrosses him arms and steps towards the sofa. He grips the cushions and looks down at his white-knuckled hands. “I know what you’re thinking, and I wasn’t going to take the deal. I would never hurt you like that.”
Seeing him so distraught makes what I’m about to say a bit easier. Giving my approval for him and Cassie to have a child feels like a gift. It also makes the pain I feel in my chest a little more bearable. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Which is why I spoke to Cassie this afternoon and we decided—”
“Kalysia, let me finish.” Dillan stands up straight, towering over the sofa. “Lowell isn’t going to let this go. I tried to reason with him, but he won’t back down. I have to give him what he wants, or he will disown me.” Dillan squeezes his fists to control his anger.
“You don’t have to worry about that.” I try to interrupt him, but he is too angry to listen.
“He said I will be outcast, and that you,” he closes his eyes in disgust, “he said he would make sure you were given to another alpha. Like you’re some piece of meat!” Dillan punches at the sofa, and we hear wood crack. “He doesn’t care that I love you. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself!” Dillan is on the verge of a complete meltdown. I could have spared him this anguish. I should have found him earlier and told him about my plan. If I had, he wouldn’t have angered Lowell. Dillan moves quickly around the sofa. Cassie and I jump backwards.
“I love you, Kalysia, but I don’t have a choice.” My heart is in my throat. “I have to do as my father says.” His eyes drift to Cassie, and she looks away.
I’m at a loss for words. He’s telling me he will take Cassie this season with or without my blessing. My head is spinning. I move to the sofa and sit down. I thought I would have to convince him to be with her. I was going to persuade him to do it out of his love for me and mine for him, so we could live happily ever after on our terms. But all that is out the window now. Lowell made this about him. Dillan is obeying his father’s wishes regardless of my feelings.
“I never should have gone to Lunam.” Dillan paces from the fireplace to the door. “I’m sorry.” He looks from me to Cassie. She holds his gaze a few seconds before looking away. This isn’t about me, it never was. I can tell myself it was my idea, convince myself that this is what’s best for me and Dillan. At the end of the day, it’s what’s best for Lowell.
Dillan stands in front of the fire with his head in his hands. Cassie floats somewhere between us. She will always be a wedge in our relationship. In nine months there will a new piece to this puzzle.
Cassie clears her throat and I look towards her. She is starting at Dillan. “Um, Dillan, I think Kal—”
“Don’t,” I demand and Cassie stops. I don’t want to hear her voice right now. This night has gone horribly wrong. Telling Dillan that I want him to sleep with Cassie for me seems like a joke.
“Kalysia, come here.” Dillan reaches for my hand and I jerk away.
I don’t want to be touched by him, by anyone. I run out of the cabin, into the snow. I run past our cabin, into the woods, and phase.
I phase back almost immediately, and I find myself lying face up in the snow. I pull something from under my back, it’s my boot. Half of boot. Snow begins to burn my bare back.
“Kalysia!” Cassie yells, and the next thing I know she is helping me up. “Hurry, I don’t want anyone to see you like this.” She ushers me to my cabin. I don’t protest. I don’t do or say anything. My mind is a jumbled mess of words and feelings. Cassie disappears then returns a few minutes later with a towel to cover my half-naked body. “Take off your pants, I’m running you a bath.” My pants are held together by shreds of cloth. I pull them off, then follow her to the bathroom.
My feet burn when I step into the bathtub. I submerge my frozen limbs and wait for my muscles to relax. My mind catches up to itself and my chest starts to ache. Cassie walks into the bathroom with a bottle of water and sits in on the edge of the tub. “I can’t believe you phased like that.”
“You saw me phase at Lunam,” I snap.
“Other than women phasing after mating season and the occasional male phasing on a dare, it isn’t something I’ve seen very often.”
“Isn’t the whole point of our species the fact that we can phase to wolf form?”
“I mean, yeah. But we don’t actually do it. We choose human form over wolf. This is the body we live in. Being wolf is part of who we are, not what we are.”
Her philosophy is completely screwed up. Dillan said we are wolf living in human form. Wolf is what we are. “Is that what Shasta believes?” I don’t hide the sarcasm in my voice.
She just shrugs and nods her head. “I don’t make the rules. It’s just the way it is.” Cassie stands and turns on the faucet to wash her hands.
“And you never question the rules?” I sit up and pull my knees to my chest. “You just do whatever your daddy tells you to do, even if that means whoring you out to my boyfriend?”
Cassie doesn’t look at me; she keeps washing her hands. “I’m sorry. I never wanted any of this.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I shouldn’t blame you. Hell, two hours ago I was begging you to go through with it. Now, I’m just being a baby.”
“I understand. You wanted this to be on your terms, and now it’s on Lowell’s. Believe me, I get it.” Cassie turns off the water and dries her hands on a towel. “I’ve been told what’s best for me my entire life. Nobody ever asks me what I want.”
Her words start to sink in. Even I tried to tell her how to live her life. “Cassie, do you want to have a baby?”
“Yes, of course,” she says.
I bolt out of the water and grab her by the arms. Her entire body stiffens as I stand naked in front of her. “No, I mean do you want to be a mother? Not for your father or the pack. Is this something you want?”
Her bottom lip quivers, and she blink back tears. “Yes, more than anything.”
“Ok.” I let her go and pull a towel from the rack. “Then the plan is on.”
Cassie tries to protest but I stop her. This isn’t what I want or even Dillan, but we will benefit from it. I can set my ego, my heart, aside for one night. Knowing that Cassie will get her dream makes it easier to swallow. We can all get out of this with what we want.
I tell Cassie I’m tired and send her back to her cabin. I ask her not to tell Dillan about my phase. She promises to keep it our secret. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that I can trust Cassie with my secrets.
Twenty minutes after Cassie leaves, Dillan shows up with a bottle of whiskey. He sits on the sofa in front of the fireplace, and I join him. He offers me the bottle, and I decline.
“I forgot you drown your worries in wine,” he smirks. “I’m leaving.” His voice is absolute. “I never wanted this anyway.” He takes a pull on the bottle and stares into the fire. He’s in pain. I can help relieve him. If I tell him the plan I concocted today, before Lowell threatened him, maybe he’ll see the positive in all this.
“We can both leave.” I rest my hand on his leg. “If you take his deal, we can leave together.”
Dillan shakes his head. “No, I won’t put you through that. And I won’t ask you to leave with me when I have nothing to offer you. No way to care for you.”
“What is this, the nineteen-fifties?” I stand up and stare Dillan down. “I don’t need you to take care of me. If we’re together, it’s because we love each other, not because I need someone to pay my rent.”
Dillan takes another pull on the bottle. “And the baby?” He chokes on the last part.
“It’s one night, one child, and we will be free. We can move far away from here and live a normal life. You can surf.” He raises his eyebrows a bit when I mention surfing. “I’ve never even seen the ocean.” I drop to my knees in front of him. “You can show me everything I’ve missed.” I kneel between his legs and kiss his whiskey tainted lips. “Nothing will change between us.”
Dillan looks at me skeptically. “You can walk away from your duty to your parents?”
I think about Layla. What she sacrificed for me and wonder if she meant it when she said my happiness is all that matters. I have to believe she wants what is best for me. If that’s a lie, then there is no reason for me to be here anyway. “Yes, I can.”
Over the next two weeks, things start to feel normal again. We talk openly about when the consummation will take place. I said the first night would be best, better to get it over with. But Cassie believes they should wait until the third or fourth night. The mating season starts on the first full moon in January and lasts about five days. All children conceived during this time will be born under the harvest moon, between September and October. Dillan and Cassie’s baby, as well as Leah and Drake’s, will be pureblood alphas. They will be leaders one day, just like their parents and grandparents. Monte still has Leah to carry his line. Layla’s bloodline will end with me. Sometimes I catch myself feeling guilty about that. She’ll get over it. She’s with Monte now, she doesn’t need me. Nobody stopped her from leaving to do what she wanted, and nobody is going to stop me.
Dillan comes in just as I finish getting dressed. “One of these days, I’m going to walk in here and you’re going to be waiting for me, naked.” Dillan lifts me into his arms and kisses my neck.
“Today is not that day.” I kiss the top of his head. He smells like the brew house. “How is it going?” Dillan is training Ray and Tripp so they can take over as brew master after we leave.
“We had to toss out an entire batch today because Ray forgot to turn the heat down.” Dillan sets me down and runs his hand over his face. “I just hope one of them catch on soon. We only have ten months.”
We decided to leave right after the baby is born. Once Cassie produces the heir, Dillan is released from his duty. Since I am not giving the pack an heir, I’ll relinquish my place in the pack. I can leave with Dillan’s permission, which I have, but I won’t get a dime from the pack. I don’t want to live off of Dillan, but I don’t have a choice right now. I just want to enjoy being free. I have a list of places we’re going to visit. Dillan wants to find Othello; he thinks he may be living in Santa Cruz. So that is our first stop. After that, he wants to take me to Australia. He’s never been, so it’ll be a first for us both.
I unzip Dillan’s pants and pull him on top of me. He jerks at my force and laughs. “Have you been working out?”
My new muscles have been from running on all fours, but I don’t dare tell him that. As far as Dillan knows, I haven’t phased since Lunam. We aren’t the only animals out here; Dillan wouldn’t approve of me running in the woods alone. After we leave here I hope I can convince Dillan to phase with me. I dream about running through deserts and along beaches in wolf form. I know he’ll love it, too.
I squirm underneath him and flip onto my stomach. Dillan lets out a low growl as he tears at his clothes and yanks my jeans down. When he takes me from behind, I scream out in pleasure. Dillan doesn’t slow down when he nears climax, he charges forward and explodes louder and harder than I’ve ever felt. Sometimes the quick ones are the best.
I pull up my jeans and turn over. Dillan collapses on the bed with his pants still down around his ankles. “That was fucking awesome.” He reaches out for me, and I offer him my hand. He pulls me to him. “I love you.” His words cause little jolts of pain in my chest. I know he loves me and I love him, but knowing that he will share this same experience with Cassie in a few days taints them a little. Dillan senses my despair. “You’re still ok with this, right?”
“Of course.” I scoot off the bed and pull my hair into a ponytail. “It’s just one night.” I twist the band around my fingers. It snaps and shoots across the room.
“Whoa!” Dillan covers himself. “You trying to maim me?”
“I don’t want to hurt your junk. Then you can’t knock up my best friend.” I turn and leave the room to get another hair tie. Dillan doesn’t like when I tease him. He is treating it like a business transaction. Just a quickie and he’s out. Not a good quickie. I’m looking at it from a different perspective. It’s like Dillan is helping her build a bookshelf. He shows up, bangs some nails, and leaves. A friend doing a friend a favor. He’s worried about how he will feel after. He isn’t sure he can live with the guilt. I’ve told him a hundred times; he will have the rest of our lives to make it up to me.
At dinner, I feel the anxiety in the room. Clio has been keeping a close watch on the moon cycle. She says it isn’t an exact science, and since we still have no internet access, she can’t confirm it. If her calculations are correct, we are twenty-four hours away from the full moon. The fact that Cassie wants to wait a few days seems like a better idea.
I decided not to keep the arrangement a secret. The more people that know, the less doubt Conall and Lowell will have about who fathered Cassie’s baby. Leah was livid when she heard my plan. She thought Dillan was pulling a rule seventy-five and would have Cassie and me both, the way Monte did with our mothers. When I told her I wasn’t having a child, her head almost exploded. Until she realized that her child would carry on our blood line and be Monte’s heir. She suddenly became a lot more understanding, but still shoots daggers at Cassie whenever they cross paths.
Dillan and I have chosen not to tell anyone we are leaving the pack. Only Cassie and Rusty know about the deal Dillan has with Lowell. It’s going to break my heart to leave everyone; I really do consider them family. But there is no way I can stay after the baby is born.
