The Lunam Ceremony (Book One), page 18
“He’s a fast healer,” Jase jokes.
After a short drive, we arrive at a motel called Lariat Lodge. It’s a horseshoe-shaped property with rooms that form a u-shape around the parking lot. During the drive, I find out the party is for Jase’s cousin, Lacy. I have to admit I was relived Lacy was a relative and not a girlfriend.
The lot is already full when we arrive. Smoke from a barbeque billows from the small patch of grass that wishes it was a lawn. We pull into an empty space and Jase jumps out. He rushes around the truck and opens my door. It feels like a scene from a Nicholas Sparks movie. I take his hand as I step out of the truck. I look at our hands clasped together like they are two piece of the same puzzle. He squeezes tighter and blushes. “Sorry, it just feels right,” he says. I think of Dillan and Cassie. Even though they are doing more than holding hands, I know it’s wrong. I slowly slide my fingers free, and the moment I do, I regret it. Jase looks slightly disappointed, but he doesn’t show it for long. We are bombarded by a group of people. Jase introduces me to everyone as if we’re at this party together. Like I was invited and not just some stray he picked up in the middle of a snow storm.
Jase’s cousin Lacy is serious and reserved. She is the total opposite of Jase’s younger sister, Delilah. Delilah is a ball of energy. She dances when nobody else does and sings like nobody is listening. I love her. The motel is owned by Jase’s uncle Bill and his aunt Deb. They are a couple of retired flower children that moved from San Francisco to escape the capitalism that now encompasses the city. After Jase introduces me to half the party, I finally settle down with Bill as he barbeques on the lawn.
“Yeah, we don’t care much about equity or property value. If we did, we wouldn’t have bought this place.” Bills laughs as he flips burgers on the grill. “I still can’t wrap my head around someone paying six bucks for a cup of coffee.” He shakes his head and takes a drag on his hand-rolled cigarette. “What do you make of that, Kali?”
“I don’t know. I was raised in a little city in the middle of the desert.” I take a sip from the red solo cup Delilah handed me. It smells like orange juice spiked with pineapple flavored vodka.
“Now see!” Bill points his spatula at me. “Your parents had the right idea.”
I nod and take a bigger sip from the cup. I like this, anonymity. It’s so much easier than real life. Lacy stops in front of me to get a burger from Bill, and I ask her how old she is.
“I’m eighteen.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “How old are you?”
“Wait, let me guess.” Bill taps the dirty spatula to his temple. “Twenty-one.”
I’m flattered he thinks I’m older. I consider lying to him, but I change my mind at the last minute. “No, I’m eighteen. I’ll be nineteen in October.”
“Oh. My. God. I’m turning eighteen next month! You have to come to my party! We’re having it at the Elks lodge; it’s going to be amazing.” Delilah spins in a circle, and then hugs her cousin. “No offense.” Lacy rolls her eyes and walks away with her burger.
“Darn, I thought you had to be older, since you’re wearing that Howlin’ Ale jacket.” Bill adds another stack of burgers to the grill. I forgot I had on a Howlin’ Ale fleece under my snow coat. “Yeah, we’re Shasta Brew people.”
My heart is in my throat when Bill says Shasta. I look around the group; these people can’t be Shasta. They’re human. I can sense it. I think. I look at the blue eyes and wavy brown hair that some of the older people have. They could be Shasta, except for the small imperfections they carry. Most of them are overweight; wolves don’t even get winter weight. Jase places a chair beside mine and sits down. He has a beanie on, but it sits far back on his head, exposing his forehead. He is the only one here aside from Lucky that has the poise of a young wolf. If not for the small scar above his left eyebrow, Jase could pass for one of us. Lucky is Bill and Deb’s son, and they are without a doubt human, so that rules him out. He’s just your typical cocky teenage boy.
“Don’t look so worried. We aren’t going to roast you over a fire just because you work for Howlin’ Ale,” Bill teases. He takes a long drag on his cigarette. “You got any of that swill on you?”
I tell him I have a few cases in my truck, and he sends Lucky to the garage to retrieve them. Bill heads into the house for more meat, leaving Jase and I alone. I sip from my cup and try to avoid eye contact. Something about his blue-gray eyes makes me feel a way I shouldn’t.
Jase shifts next to me and clears his throat. He’s waiting for me to look at him. Now I’m really not turning around. The legs of his chair scrape the ground, and I feel that he’s moved closer to me. I angle my body away from him even further. Jase lets out a soft laugh. It’s a game now. I wait for his next move. Twenty seconds pass. Then thirty. I don’t feel him behind me anymore. I turn around and find the spot where he was sitting empty. Even his chair is gone. I stand and scan the crowd. I can’t believe he bailed that fast. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t feel rejected. I shouldn’t feel anything for him. I sit down with a huff then freeze when I feel someone beneath me. I jump up and find Jase sitting casually in my chair. He takes a pull on his beer and smiles. He slouches like he doesn’t have a care in the world. His swag is off the charts.
“I was sitting there.” I pretend to be annoyed, but I’m sure it comes across as flirting. Layla flirts all the time to get her way. As long as I stay in control, I have nothing to feel bad about. I’m just having fun. Innocent fun. Unlike Dillan and Cassie.
“I know.” He smiles and pats his thigh. “Have a seat.” Thoughts race through my head. Bad thoughts, good thoughts.
“I can’t,” I say. I should tell him why, but I don’t. I’m not Kalysia tonight. I’m Kali. Kali doesn’t have to explain a damn thing.
“How about a tour then?” Jase stands and offers me his hand.
I stare at his warm, inviting palm. “Ok,” I say. I put down my red solo cup and shove my hands in my pockets.
Jase takes the small form of rejection with a mischievous grin. “Ok.” He leads me through the crowded parking lot, pointing out an ice machine that looks like it’s been around since the turn of the century, and a vending machine that only works if you kick the right side three times. We make a quick turn past a utility closet and come out at the back of the motel. There’s something that resembles a pool and a Jacuzzi. “In the summer the water is blue, I swear.”
I laugh and continue to follow Jase around the motel. We move next to each other easily. Every now and then he places his hand on the small of my back to guide me in another direction. It feels so nice, so right. “And over there is the trailer I sleep in.” He points to a small camper-like thing that hooks onto the back of a pick-up.
“Good to know,” I say sarcastically. The ego on this guy. Ok, maybe I would sleep with him if I really was just a delivery girl. But I’m not.
“Hey, just thought you’d like to know. In case you have a bad dream or you need a cup of warm milk.” Jase bumps my arm with his like he’s just teasing. I roll my eyes like it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard and not something I will most likely dream about tonight.
“What’s that?” I point to the wooded area behind the motel.
“It’s part of the Plumas National Forest.” He steps closer to me and says, “Don’t worry, I’m the most dangerous animal in these woods and I would never hurt a creature as beautiful as you.” He brings my hand to his face and kisses my knuckles. My heart thumps in my chest and a familiar burn rises in my belly. I suck in the cold night air and step away. Jase holds my hand a second longer then lets me go. “Sorry if I overstepped.”
“It’s not you.” I look at my feet and debate on how to tell him that I’m not free. I have no right being here, pretending like my life is my own. “My life is complicated.”
Jase takes a step back. “Ooh, that’s a problem,” he winces. “See, I don’t do complicated.” Jase steps back further like I have germs or something.
“Really?” I challenge him and step forward even though I should run in the other direction.
“Yeah. I do casual. On very rare occasions I’ll do complex. But never complicated. Complicated always turns into messy. And there is no way in hell I’m doing messy again.” Jase starts to walk away, and even though he’s rejecting me, it puts a smile on my face.
I walk back to the party and see my truck pull in and park next to Jase’s. “I thought I would save you a trip to the garage tomorrow and personally deliver your vehicle, ma’am.” Lucky hands me the keys. “And, I couldn’t carry all that beer back on my bike.” He winks and closes the door. Lucky hands Bill a beer and pops one open for himself.
Bill takes a long pull from the bottle. “Oh, this is not good, my friend.” He points his bottle to me. “See, I have friends at Shasta Brewing, and when they find out about this, they won’t be too happy to know they have competition.” I know Bill is just joking, but the accuracy of his statement causes a knot in my stomach.
“How did you get this gig?” Lucky asks as he pops open his second bottle. “Pretty sweet company truck to boot.”
Delilah slides up beside me and hands me a fresh red solo cup then prances off. I shrug and take a big gulp. “I have friends in high places.” I wink at Lucky.
“Sweet.” Lucky nods. He seems like really a cool guy, someone that would’ve been perfect for Cassie. I can’t believe I’m still trying to match someone with her. She doesn’t need a match now. She has mine. I shudder at the thought and down half of my cup.
I don’t want to think about her or home. I look around for the one thing I should stay away from. As I’m scanning the crowd, Deb walks outside, carrying a cake. The party pauses to sing “Happy Birthday” to Lacy. She blushes and blows out her candles. Afterwards, Lucky plugs his iPod into the truck’s stereo system and cranks the volume. Delilah pulls me over to dance, and I don’t fight her. Tonight I am Kali, the Howlin’ Ale delivery girl, and I want to dance. I dance with Delilah for two or three songs. I lose count. The one thing I don’t lose sight of is Jase. I’m aware of his presence, where he is in the crowd. Whenever I look for him, he’s always staring back. When a slow song comes on, Delilah ditches me to dance with a cute blonde boy. I’m walking towards the barbecue when I feel someone tap my shoulder. I turn around and see Jase.
“Can I have this dance?” He holds out his hand, and I take it without a second thought.
He walks me behind the bed of the truck, near the rest of the couples, and spins me around before pulling me into his arms. I think of Dillan. Being in Jase’s arms is a betrayal to him, to what we share. Then I think of him in Cassie’s bed, and the sick feeling of guilt dissipates. My head is foggy from the alcohol. It doesn’t feel the same as the buzz I get from wine or beer. This is stronger, sloppier. It makes what I’m feeling a little easier to bare.
“Do you believe in fate?” Jase whispers into my ear.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I thought I did, now I’m not so sure.”
“I think I was meant to meet you today.”
“It was a coincidence. I wasn’t even supposed to be on that road.” I shouldn’t even be here. I wouldn’t be if Dillan wasn’t with Cassie.
“That’s exactly what I mean. Something forced you onto the wrong highway. If you would have pulled off the road a few inches farther north or south, your tire wouldn’t have popped. You would have turned around and went home.” His grip tightens around my waist. “It was fate that I found you.”
It wasn’t fate that brought me here. It was me playing God with other people’s lives. If I would have just accepted my destiny, I would be home in Dillan’s arms right now. I would want to have his child, not offer my best friend as a proxy. “I don’t want to think about fate right now. Can we just live in this moment?”
“Absolutely.” He pulls me close and gently rocks me back and forth to the music.
I rest my head on his chest. It would be so easy to give in to him, to the feeling I’m trying so desperately to deny. I feel Jase press his lips to the top of my head, and my body melts into him. He is something I can’t have. I will never have. He is what I gave up for Lunam. I am bound to Dillan in a way that I can never be with Jase. Even though I feel his warm breath on my face and his strong hands wrapped around my waist, Jase is a fantasy. None of this is real.
When the song is over, I break away. This is as far as I go. I don’t know what will happen when I return home. But I know that I love Dillan. On the off chance that I’m wrong about what I saw, what I heard between him and Cassie; I won’t jeopardize my relationship for a drunken mistake. I step out of Jase’s arms and try to smile. He has a longing in his eyes that makes it hard to walk away. I don’t want to leave the warmth of his body. Not yet. I can stay in this fantasy a little longer. One more song. I’m about to give in to the voice when someone calls his name.
“Hey Jase, gimme a hand with these heaters, will ya,” Bill calls.
Thank you, Bill.
Jase nods to Bill then looks down at me. “Thanks for the dance, Kali.”
He called me Kali. He doesn’t even know my name. When I leave here, we’ll never see each other again. He will be fantasy in my head. Something I will never speak of to anyone. Ever. Jase walks away to help Bill, and I go on a search to find my red cup. I end up getting a fresh one from Delilah, then I head back to the parking lot and pretend I’m not watching Jase as he hauls heaters from the supply closet.
Bill calls to Lucky as he crosses the parking lot with a cute redhead on his arm. “Luck, would it kill you to give us a hand?”
“My hands are full right now,” he drapes his arm over the girl’s shoulders and lifts the beer in his other hand.
Lucky spots me sitting on the tailgate of my truck and winks. Then let’s go of the girl and walks towards me. “I forgot to tell you.” He disappears into the cab of the truck, then returns with my cell phone in his hand. “You have like a million missed calls from someone named Layla.”
Oh shit.
I run inside Bill and Deb’s apartment and lock myself in the bathroom. I click the voicemail app and brace myself. The messages are various stages of Layla demanding to know where I am, pleading for me to call her back. I think she even sounded scared in one, like I’d been kidnapped or worse, ran away. The last one is calm, too calm.
“I won’t bother you anymore tonight. Just take this time to reflect on what’s important. It’s not too late to fix this. I know you’ll do the right thing. Trust your instincts, Kalysia. They will never steer you wrong.” I doubt she would say that if she knew what my instincts were thinking right now.
There’s no way I’m calling her back, but I do need to check in with Rusty. He must be freaking out. Not to mention Dillan. As I dial the brew house, I feel like I may puke. I lean on the sink and stare at my reflection in disgust. This is all your fault.
“Hello?” a tired voice answers.
“Drake?”
“Kalysia! I didn’t believe it at first, but when I saw Clio bringing food back to her cabin, I knew something was up. Then Tripp told me Rusty called him and, well, I figured it out. What were you thinking?” Drake is hyperventilating.
“How’s Dillan?” He’s the only one Drake didn’t mention.
“Uh, what do you mean?” He clears his throat.
“Where’s Dillan? Does he know?”
“Well, uh. Yes, and no,” Drake stammers. “Rusty told him you were snowed in. The weather got pretty bad here too.”
“Well, it’s not really a lie. I am snowed in. I also got a flat tire.” I hear someone in the hall outside the door, and I turn on the water.
“Where are you?” Drake sounds like he’s trying to deflect my questions.
“I’m in Quin... Where is Dillan?” The fact that Dillan isn’t at the brew house and Drake is tells me what I need to know. “He’s still with her?” My throat cracks and I fight to keep the tears at bay. It’s difficult with all the alcohol in my system. “Tell me the truth, Drake.”
“Yes, but it isn’t what you think,” he adds quickly. “After Rusty told him you were ok, Cassie called, and I don’t know what she said, but he went back. He didn’t want to, Kalysia. He really didn’t.”
“But he did,” I say louder than I should. “So, he thinks I’m stuck in some hotel alone and he just rushes back?” I yell into the receiver. I start to unravel as thoughts of them tangled together on her sofa bed fill my head.
“He doesn’t think you’re alone. He thinks Tripp is with you.” If he doesn’t know Tripp is at camp, he must really be preoccupied. “Rusty said you were stuck. Dillan still assumes he went with you.” Drake sighs loudly. “When he finds out what really went down, we’re all fucking dead.”
“No, you’re not; this is between him and me. I’ll make sure he knows that.” I pound the wall with my fist and feel it give slightly. “How’s my sister?” I ask to calm my nerves.
“She’s unquenchable.” I like the way Drake’s voice lightens when he thinks of her.
“Ewww. TMI, bro.” I tell him not to keep her waiting long and that I will be home as soon as the roads open. He says he will relay my message to Rusty, not Dillan, and we hang up.
When I leave the bathroom, Deb is waiting on the other side of the door. “Is everything ok, Kalysia?”
“It’s great.” I smile and move past her so she can use the restroom. Wait. What did she just call me? I spin around, and she escorts me into the bedroom.
“Your mother called.” She closes the door and sits on the end of the bed. “She said she traced your phone here with a GPS thingamajig.”
Of course she did. “What did you tell her?”
“I told her you broke down and that my nephew towed you to his shop. She seemed relieved to know you were here with us.”
Why would she think Layla is relieved that I’m here? She doesn’t even know where here is.
“Does Jase know who you are?” Deb fixes the corner of the bedspread and avoids eye contact with me. “I recognized your mother’s name from her caller ID. I know her family. I know who you are, what you are.”
