Only The Trees Know, page 10
I ignored him.
Parker looked at me speculatively.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m waiting for someone to admit that this is a joke.” He looked at me, as if I would have any clue. “I have to admit, I like that the two of you haven’t hung out much. The pranks were annoying.”
Liam snorted.
Surprisingly Zoe agreed. “Tell me about it. I was the main target.”
“Remember the one time we convinced you that your phone had been hacked?” Liam asked her.
“And you changed all the contacts and blocked my incoming calls?” she asked sourly. “How can I forget?”
Liam laughed.
I ignored them both, saying to Parker. “I had nothing to do with this. Whatever this plan is, it’s all Liam.”
We’d been good at making plans together, Liam and I. And I’d miss that. I was a wiz at improvising off his ideas. Which had made us the perfect team.
Parker yawned. He grabbed his backpack and lay on the grass, using it as a makeshift pillow. “If we’re not going to be wasted, or at the very least see any tits, I’d rather spend the week sleeping. Five days of not waking up to an alarm and you’d rather spend them hiking? No thanks.”
Liam batted at Parker’s foot that had encroached in his space. “Whatever. You’d enjoy it, asshole.”
“Nope.” Parker moved his leg. “I’d enjoy getting high at Josiah’s house and lazing by the pool more.”
“That’s because you steal from me,” I said.
Parker didn’t even deny it. “Exactly.”
I gritted my teeth and barely restrained myself from punching him. Now wasn’t the time.
“Think about it: us and the woods,” Liam insisted, still focused on his insane idea. “We all know there’s been some stuff going on between us. We have to fix it before the year is over and we can’t.”
Even Zoe looked at him, surprised that he had voiced what we’d all agreed to ignore.
Then Liam exhaled with exasperation, before he said, “Come on, next year we’ll be away at college or whatever, and it’s never going to be the same again.”
This was more sincerity than he’d shown in months. It surprised me, and made me soften a bit. An insidious thought crept into my head that maybe he was doing this in order to spend time with me. I squashed that thought before it could take root, or I could figure out if I liked it.
Liam wouldn’t be dissuaded. “It will be our last adventure, like in Stand By Me.”
“Complete with dead bodies?” I asked dryly. He’d made me watch that stupid eighties movie multiple times and I still didn’t understand what it was supposed to be about.
Parker snorted. “We don’t know anything about hiking.”
“I do,” Liam insisted. “I can plan it all. It will be cool. Trust me.”
It was the “trust me” that made me pause. He’d said those words to me so many times. They provoked a response that wasn’t quite in keeping with the current topic. My breath shallowed and my pants tightened.
“When have you ever gone hiking?” I’d known him for almost two years now and I couldn’t think of a single time he’d ever mentioned it.
Liam rolled his eyes. “It’s not that hard. You pack some shit and you go. That’s kind of the beauty of it. Big plans aren’t necessary. I did it a few times with one of the dudes my mom dated. If he could figure it out, we can too.”
“There’s no cell reception in the woods,” I pointed out. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck in the middle of nowhere with the three of them and not have any communication with the outside world.
“No cell reception?” Zoe made a face, squinting at Liam.
I didn’t understand why this was a problem for her. She didn’t call anyone besides Liam and Kendall anyway.
Liam laughed and then kissed her. “Come on, babe. Wouldn’t it be romantic to spend an entire week together?”
“We’d be with them,” she said, tossed her head at both Parker and me. “That’s not romantic.”
“We’d be alone in our tent,” Liam said, his voice low, meant for her alone even though we all heard it. “That will be sexy.”
I grunted. I was torn. No, I didn’t want to accompany them on their fuck-fest. And no, I didn’t want to spend every hour of my spring break with these people. However, the thought of having the opportunity to make them as miserable as me? That nearly had me agreeing. I was sure I could come up with endless torments.
“How long is this hike from hell supposed to last?” I asked.
“The whole week. Maybe the weekend too?” Liam said. “We could park at the base of the mountain. Like Tioga Lake, or something. And then hike to the summit of Mount Conness. To do that at a moderate pace would take us, say, three days in, one day at the top, and three days out.”
“You’ve thought about this.” Parker sounded surprised.
I knew how he felt. I hadn’t figured out Liam’s angle other than driving me insane. Because I didn’t believe the “let’s get along” crap. It was obvious that he wanted to rip out Parker’s throat. Not to mention that we hadn’t been on speaking terms for weeks.
“It’s insane,” I said.
“It’s not,” Liam insisted. He looked straight at me, his mouth thinned. “Come on, I never ask you for anything. This, at least, you could do for me.”
I didn’t point out the complete ridiculousness of that statement. Of course he asked me for things. Lots and lots of things that I couldn’t give him. Like acknowledging him openly, and being demonstrative in the way I felt about him. That’s what had gotten us into this mess. Still, his plea made me feel a little guilty that I couldn’t give him the other stuff he’d asked for.
So I reluctantly nodded.
Parker squinted at me and then shrugged. “Can’t say it won’t be memorable.”
“To say the least.” I had some serious doubts about how well the trip would go. It would be miserable.
Chapter Fourteen
NOW…
“All rise.” The bailiff’s thumbs were hitched into his belt as he called out instructions to the courtroom. “The People verses Josiah Harrison. The honorable Judge Herbert Wallis presiding.”
I stood. My body felt heavy and I could barely force it to cooperate. It was only the first day. I didn’t know how I would be able to function for the projected three weeks of testimony. I’d never appreciated the life I’d had: walking outside, or getting drunk at the pool, or any number of things until I’d lost them.
As hellish as the limbo of waiting for trial had been up to now, there’d still been hope. Now that my trial had started, I wanted it finished as quickly as possible. Knowing the judgment would give me a sense of finality, and that I could work with. It was the inconsistency of my life and knowing that it rested in the judgment of twelve strangers that had me on edge. They didn’t know me and I didn’t know them. I tried not to focus on how unfair it was that they would decide my fate.
I took a deep breath and focused on the door behind the bench where the judge would enter. It was difficult to concentrate. I should have taken my Xanax. My attorney had suggested that it might be best to display my stress. That it might garner sympathy.
Now that I nearly shook apart, the advice seemed terrible. I wouldn’t be able to manage the rest of the afternoon. I knew I couldn't risk a single mistake. That there was no room for error. My lawyer and his assistants drilled into me that I was always being watched. Each movement I made would be a tell as to my guilt or innocence. Even the smallest misstep like wiping at the sweat on my neck, could make a jury member believe in my guilt. The problem was that I had no idea where the line was between demonstrating a stressful portrait of my innocence and making a gesture or facial expression that would convince someone of my guilt.
This was a play more than anything. Truth was insignificant. I had a role and I needed to win a fucking Oscar, even though I’d never been particularly good at acting. If I flubbed this, it would mean my life.
Next to me my attorney, Frank Dawson, stood with several associates. He pushed down his already perfectly styled gray hair and then ran one hand down his tie, tweaking it. As far as an attorney, he was decent. He was somewhat sarcastic and short tempered, even if his track record for winning was extensive. According to my dad, he was worth every penny.
I looked over, and when he winked at me as if to say, “We’ve got this,” I felt a little better.
The judge walked in. His black robes swayed around his legs. The courtroom garb was meant to strip him of his individualism, to make him part of the institution rather than a person. Except for tiny glimpses of personality like the flashy gold watch on his wrist. He had a menacing persona with thinning hair and craggy lines mapping his face that did little to offset his perpetual glare.
Judge Wallis sat in the center of the raised platform. He put on a thick pair of reading glasses, adjusting a few notes at his desk before he looked over the courtroom. “Please be seated.”
Everyone did as he asked, adjusting in their chairs with murmurs as seats were retaken. A series of coughs echoed through the room after that, followed by silence.
“Breathe,” Dawson said under his breath.
“I can’t.”
The assistant defense attorney offered me a smile that looked like more of a wince. I hadn’t bothered to learn his name. In my head I called him Number Two. He sat on the other side of me, so that it made me feel surrounded. Clearly, he was as nervous as I was. Probably had vomited before he’d come into the courtroom too.
Finally, the jury shuffled in.
They were charging me as an adult with three counts of first-degree murder. Funny how I was entitled to a “jury of my peers,” but in reality not one of them were near my age. A single juror was in her early twenties; the rest ranged from thirty to sixty. Every one of them looked pissed to be there.
As I’d anticipated, the district attorney wasn’t playing softball with this case. They’d brought in their heavy hitter—prosecuting attorney Sophia Johnson. Johnson had a reputation as a no-nonsense fighter who had won ninety-eight percent of her cases.
The woman was class personified. She wore tailored suits in modest colors, her dark skin highlighted with barely-there makeup, and her hair was styled short and natural. Her signature look was a pair of brightly colored heels—today in red. They were several inches tall, and looked as if they could be used as a weapon.
Behind me I could feel the stares from the gallery. The seats were filled with the family of my dead friends. People I’d eaten with, spent time with, slept over their houses. And now they glared daggers into my back, wishing me dead.
My parents had shown up too. I could distinguish my mother’s quiet weeping. Neither had come to the jail since my mom’s last disastrous visit. And I hadn’t spoken to either of them, not even by phone. It’d been a nice break, to be honest. They did nothing but twist me up. I needed a little recovery time and practice in order to wear the social mask I’d worn before with so little effort. Now it seemed nearly impossible to keep my expressions impassive.
The image I’d attempted to maintain as a generally good kid who maybe got into a bit of trouble but wasn’t all that messed up was gone forever. It had become too difficult to find that headspace. The squeaky-clean veneer that I tried to wear constantly slipped when I didn’t want it to. I worried that when people looked at me, that they’d be able to see the real me. The one I needed to hide.
I felt exposed. My hand came up to shield my face in reflex. Pain shot through me and I remembered too late that I’d been hurt. The bruise around my left eye had darkened from green to black, the tissue and bone under it sore.
Yesterday was the worst time to get into a brawl with my cellmate, not that I’d started it. My battered face had drawn looks all day and my attorney had been upset. The upside was that I’d been moved into a cell of my own. My case was too high profile and everyone wanted a piece of me, even the douchebags in jail.
I was miserable. Worse, when I looked up again, I saw imaginary Liam. He was here. I didn't know whether to be ecstatic or furious. Of course he wouldn’t let me go through this alone.
He walked over to the table. Leaning close, pressing his mouth to my ear. “Don't worry, Josiah. It's going to be okay.”
I didn't believe him. He was always telling me that and I knew it was a lie. Except this time, I wanted it to be the truth. I closed my eyes and prayed, probably for the first time ever.
Chapter Fifteen
THEN…
SENIOR YEAR, SPRING BREAK
“This is bullshit,” I complained. My heavy pack burned my muscles, weighing me down. It felt like I lugged a boulder. Sweat had accumulated under the straps, between the thin material of my t-shirt and my skin, itching like a bitch. Yosemite was not the glorious trip that Liam had sold us. Picturesque, my ass. Like I cared about the trees and wildlife and whatever else I was supposed to look at when my body was on fire.
“That’s because you brought too much stuff,” Liam said.
I tightened the straps again so that the pack wouldn’t rub, making it worse. Then readjusted the weight, sitting it higher on my shoulders. “What are you talking about?”
“You were supposed to keep it to a maximum of thirty pounds,” Liam said.
Zoe snickered. “It looks like you have way more than that.”
“What?” I stopped on the trail. I tucked my thumbs into the inside of both straps to pull them taut, helping to keep the weight off my shoulders. But that only made my knees feel like buckling. “You never said anything about that.”
My temper had been maxed before we began our trip. An entire day walking had made it worse. I snapped much quicker than normal. I knew I should be calm and rational, but the ability to do either was completely gone.
“It would have been nice if you’d told us to pack lighter,” Parker agreed. He’d been struggling as much as I had. The entire front of his shirt was soaked with sweat in spite of the cold temperature. He pressed his hand to his chest over his heart, breathing hard. I suspected he’d have a heart attack before we made camp for the first night.
Only Liam and Zoe seemed happy being outside in the forest with nothing but endless trees and dirt. They held hands as they walked, their heads together, giggling. I couldn’t tell if it was an act, it seemed suspiciously joyful. I’d been around them enough to know that they weren’t the rainbows and flowers kind of couple.
“I told you about the weight,” Liam insisted.
“You did not,” I argued. Though honestly, I could admit to myself that I tried to ignore anything he had to say based on principle. “Plus, I had no idea you were gonna torture me. If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have come.”
“Yeah, whose stupid idea was this?” Parker asked.
“Stop complaining.” Zoe rolled her eyes in my direction, steadfastly ignoring Parker as she’d done for most of the afternoon.
I swatted my hands to displace the bugs that never seemed to leave the two-inch space in front of my face. Nature was a disaster. I didn’t understand anyone who willingly went out in it without a good reason. We had days of this nightmare left.
“I need a break.” Parker twisted, shifting the weight of the bag off his back. “I’m not walking another minute. My feet are on fire.”
I grunted my agreement, unbuckling the waist strap of my bag and sliding the buckles on the chest piece up. The strap of my backpack loosened and slid off my shoulders, letting the backpack fall onto the ground at the edge of the trail. The feeling of lightness was immediate and intense. Only now I was in more pain without its weight.
Liam glared at Parker and me from the middle of the trail. He looked like he’d been hiking all his life. His backpack molded perfectly to his back and his spine was straight. I wondered if maybe he hadn’t been lying and did know a thing or two about camping.
“If we keep stopping every two seconds, we’ll never make it to camp before it gets dark,” he said and then deliberately checked his watch before looking to the sky. “We need to push.”
Zoe was unstrapping too, so he was outnumbered. She threw her pack down spraying loose dirt into the air. Looking around, she found a flat rock to sit on. “A small break isn’t going to hurt.”
“We’re not going to be walking in the dark,” Liam predicted. It was clear it was a half-hearted attempt to convince us. He took his pack off and then sat on the rock next to Zoe.
She scooted over making room for him. Her hand slid over his thigh, squeezing it.
Day one and I already knew I couldn’t take much more of this vacation. The sun was too bright and the birds too loud. It seemed like others knew better as well. We’d run into a few hikers earlier, at the bottom of the trailhead. As we’d ascended the numbers had significantly dwindled. I was convinced it was because they were smarter than us.
The higher we climbed, the cooler the air became. Its chill nipped at my exposed skin. I still sweated under the stress of my pack and the sun. Both had me constantly perspiring, which then made me shiver in my damp clothes.
I found a bit of shade and made myself as comfortable as I could while leaning back against a tree. Sweat cooled on my skin, leaving me feeling sticky. I pushed my sunglasses up, fingering my hair out of my face.
“I smell.” Zoe made a face while dabbing at her forehead with the back of her hand.
“I don’t mind,” Liam said. We were all sweaty and gross—and yes, stinky—but Liam still went in for the kiss, sloppy with lots of tongue.
Liam pulled away and Zoe gave him a brilliant smile. “You’re so sweet.”
He squeezed Zoe’s hand where it lay on his thigh, stroking his thumb across her skin. Then he leaned for another disgusting round of wet, loud lip smacking.
Even though it killed me, I couldn’t look away. I fixated on Liam’s thumb as it moved back and forth across her skin, obsessed with it. I wasn’t able to tune out Zoe’s hungry noises as she clawed at his head with her other hand.
