Home for the Holidays, page 1
FIRST EDITION November 2023
PUBLISHED BY Erin Zak
COVER DESIGN: Erin Zak
EDITOR: Jessica Hatch
Copyright © 2023 by ERIN ZAK
All rights reserved. This book is for your personal enjoyment only. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner without the express permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. All characters & happenings in this publication are fictitious, and any resemblance to real persons (living or dead), locales or events is purely coincidental.
ALSO BY ERIN ZAK
Standalone Titles
Falling Into Her
Breaking Down Her Walls
Create a Life to Love
Beautiful Accidents
The Road Home
The Hummingbird Sanctuary
Guarding Evelyn
The Tapestry of a Heart
Novella
Closed-Door Policy
Co-Write
Swift Vengeance, with Jackie D and Jean Copeland
GLITCH, with Jackie D
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Ever since my mom passed away, which will be twelve years ago this month, Christmas and all its accompaniments have been a little complicated for me. She loved Christmas so much. It was by far her favorite holiday, followed closely by Halloween, of course. But yeah, Christmas was where it was at for her. She would decorate our entire house. Our tree was always perfect (because she wouldn’t stop until we found just the right one to cut down). And when she started to bake… what a time to be alive!
It's only been in the last few years that I’ve started to enjoy the Christmas holiday again. I had to create new traditions. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve held onto the many memories of big family dinners, watching It’s a Wonderful Life and Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas, opening gifts only after the monkey bread was done… But I also had to start making new memories at the same time. And it’s been really cathartic.
In writing this book, I may have discovered that I still really love Christmas. It’s been so much fun writing about snow (since I never see it in Florida), writing about a super smokin’ hot mom (since you all know how much I love hot moms), and writing about a dysfunctional functional family.
Home for the Holidays went through many changes. It was originally supposed to be published last year, but I simply wasn’t in love with it enough to release it into the wild. Now, this book has become my favorite of all my books. I genuinely hope you all enjoy meeting Iris and Heidi. They both have a special place in my heart.
As with every other book, it takes a village to get it ready to publish. Thank you so much to my beta readers (you know who you are), my proofreaders (Jackie and Lauren, much love), and my editor, Jessica (you really know how to make my words the best they can be). Without the love and support from my friends and family, I’d never be able to finish writing a book, so heaps and heaps of thank yous to them. Especially Gail, the love of my life. Thank you for being there for me and for always helping talk me down when I want to toss in the towel.
And, as always, thank you so very much to my readers. Some of you have been with me since the very beginning with Pam and Kathryn’s story. And now you’re here with me for Iris and Heidi’s… it means so very much to me that you’ve stuck with me through the drama and all the growth.
For the ones who’ve been told they’re too much. You’re just the right amount. Don’t ever forget that.
CONTENTS
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Epilogue
Can’t Get Enough of Erin?
CHAPTER ONE
“I want you to marry me.”
Iris Abbott froze in place in her New York City apartment’s kitchen, her hands trapped in the process of securing her long, brown hair into a bun on top of her head. She was also in the middle of chewing the bite of pizza she’d taken moments earlier. “Excuse me?” She swallowed with a loud gulp. “Zachary Nowak, are you out of your goddamn mind? Or are you high? Please tell me you’re high.”
Zac, from his seat across their apartment’s small living area, groaned. “Far from it, unfortunately.”
“Then what the hell are you talking about?” She wrapped the silk scrunchie in her hand around her bun as she glared at him across the small kitchen island. He was staring at their small Christmas tree, the lights blinking in time with Burl Ives’s rendition of A Holly Jolly Christmas. “We are not getting married.”
“Geez, way to let me down gently.”
“Come on, Zac. In case you forgot, you’re gay. And newsflash: so am I.”
A wine-drunk giggle bubbled from him as he sank further into the couch cushions. He ran his hands through his dark blond hair, which was looking longer than normal. “Ever heard of beating around the bush? Because you certainly don’t know how to do it.” He stumbled over his words, a common indication that he was a bottle and a half deeper than she was. It was crystal clear that he was feeling the effects of the 12 percent alcohol content. “And, like, does our sexuality even matter?”
“Sweet Jesus,” she said under her breath. The night was taking a turn, that was for sure. How were they even having this conversation? “Considering that I’m not putting your penis in my mouth or my vagina.” She paused. “Or my butt. Hell, or my hand, I’d say emphatically, yes, sexuality matters.”
“I’m sure I’d be able to satisfy you with my mouth and fingers. It’d be fine.” He hiccupped.
“Do you even like vagina?”
He shrugged and hiccupped again. “I guess I could get used to it.”
“And what am I going to do to help you out?”
“I’d find a release somewhere.”
“Wait a second. You’re telling me you’d be able to go out and find a dick, but I can’t go out and find pussy? That seems wildly unfair.” Distracting him with questions was her only option at this point. He was drunk as a skunk if he thought she’d be cool with only a half-open marriage. Read the room. She was the last person who was going to give up on women and marry a man.
“Fine. We could have an open marriage.”
“Yeah, that sounds like something that would have to happen.” She finally poured wine into her glass and quickly took a big gulp. And then another. She’d spent the last three days being the therapist extraordinaire to her fellow, and much younger, LGBTQIA+ community. When she left her practice two hours ago to start her holiday break, the last thing she thought she would have to deal with on this nice and easy Wednesday night was a pro bono counseling session.
Zac wasn’t letting this go. “C’mon, at least consider how great it’d be.”
“I thought we said we wouldn’t consider getting married to each other until we were much older and even more desperate?”
“Twenty-seven is going to have to be the cutoff for me. I can’t even anymore.”
Fuck, distracting him wasn’t working. He’d repositioned himself and was lying with his feet in the air and his head was hanging off the couch. Thank goodness he’d tabled his glass of wine, or their beige carpet would be in trouble.
“Zac, honey, what’s going on? Why are you wallowing?” Iris whisked over to the couch with two plates of pizza and her glass of wine. “Eat. Now. You need food. You’re acting erratic.” She sat and rearranged her oversized NYU hoodie. Nothing was going to get between her and this pizza she’d been craving since noon yesterday. “Did something happen?”
He lifted his head, a grimace across his beautiful face. “I have to go home for Christmas tomorrow, remember?” His tone held all the defeat he was apparently feeling. “I tried to get out of it, but my stupid mother wouldn’t take my excuses. And since she sent me the plane ticket, I have to go, or I’ll probably be disowned or something equally ridiculous. And to make matters worse, she sent two plane tickets. Not one. Two! For the person I was supposed to bring home with me.”
“Oh.” Reality was sinking in. “And Josh broke up with you, so you can’t take him anymore.”
“Yep. Thanks for the extra-special glimpse into my failing love life.”
“You brought it up,” she said around a mouthful of pizza.
“Whatever. I’m still trying to get out of that depression funk. I liked him a lot. And he just broke up with me for no reason?”
Iris squinted in mock concentration. “I thought the reason was
He glared at her. “What the fuck, Iris? Is it necessary to remind me that you have a memory like a steel trap?”
“Geez, sorry.” She knew he wasn’t truly mad at her. He was angry at himself. She only wished he could finally admit it.
“I guess he was right…” His voice trailed off as he rolled over and then off the couch, onto the floor with a thud. “It probably would be horrible to go back to your boyfriend’s hometown and have to live inside a closet that isn’t big enough for the both of us.”
“Zac,” she said softly. “Why won’t you just tell your family?”
“Whatever.” He waved his hand through the air, completely avoiding the question. His eyes, however, were filled with way more sadness than Iris had ever seen on him before.
“Okay, so your mom sent you two plane tickets.” Distractions. Her forte. “If you didn’t tell her about Josh, then who did she think you were bringing home?”
“I wasn’t specific.”
His answer was way too quick. “Zac, who did she think you were bringing home?”
“It’s not important.”
“Zachary, who did she think—”
“All I told her is that I wasn’t sure if my friend would be able to make it. I was sort of hoping my mom wouldn’t come through with both tickets, and I could tell her I had COVID or something.” He shrugged. “At the time, it was easier than telling her the truth.” He sat in silence for a few beats before his eyes widened, as though he had only just come up with the idea. “Oh my god, come home with me.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Iris, seriously. It’ll be so much fun.”
“I am not going home with you. I’m staying here, and I’ll be perfectly fine, walking around the apartment naked, singing Christmas carols at the top of my lungs.”
He let out yet another groan and pounded his hand on the floor. He was reaching, and he knew it. “I know. It’s a dumb idea.”
Iris slid off the couch to the floor next to her roommate. “Zac, what’s really going on?”
His chest rose with a deep breath as he looked over at Iris, his brown eyes pleading. “She’s just so perfect, and I’m just not. It’s so hard to be around them all. My family are all perfect Nowaks. Meanwhile, everything I do is to prove them wrong.” He grabbed his phone from the couch and opened it to his Photos app. “Here, this is my two brothers and me. Look at them. Oscar is a doctor. Adrien is a fashion designer.”
Iris took Zac’s phone and zoomed in on both Oscar and Adrien. Like Zac, they were incredibly handsome. Sandy blond hair, dark eyes, beautiful features, all looking like they’d been chiseled out of stone. “They’re adorable. Just like you. But Adrien isn’t gay?”
Zac laughed. “Nope. Straight as an arrow.”
“The fashion designer? How?”
She laughed, as did Zac.
“It’s a mystery, but he’s super happy with the same girl he’s been with since high school. She’s a massage therapist in Chicago.” He took his phone back and shoved it into the pocket of his gray sweatpants. “Anyway, I refuse to go home because I refuse to have to go back into a closet for her.” His face fell. “Which is exactly why Josh didn’t want to come home with me. Wow. I’m such a hypocrite.”
Iris chuckled. Not at him, but at the situation. They’d had this conversation a hundred times before, and it always ended the same way. Zac would realize he created his own madness, then wallow in self-pity for a few seconds before forgetting about everything and moving on. She could only hope he would move on from this conversation in particular because going home with him was not on her list of Fun Things to Do This Holiday Season. “You are emotionally stunted, my friend.”
“I know. God, I know.” He was working this out in his head. He needed to, so she allowed him a few moments of peace. Finally, after a few deep breaths, he said, “You can’t understand what I’ve gone through. Your parents are amazing.”
“Yeah, so amazing. They went on a cruise for Christmas and left me here.” Iris nudged Zac playfully. “With you.” She wasn’t bitter. Well, she wasn’t too bitter. She’d been dodging questions from them about whether or not she wanted to come home for Christmas for weeks. It shouldn’t have shocked her when her mother finally said she’d taken too long, and they scheduled a cruise.
“But they accept you. Your mom started a PFLAG chapter in your hometown. That’s incredible.”
Ehh…Telling him how long that process actually took might backfire. So she settled on, “How do you know your mom won’t do that?” Iris watched the question wash over Zac, how his face morphed from jealous to convinced in two seconds flat.
“Because she is an old Midwest mom who wanted her kids to be picture-perfect so she had something to brag about at PTA meetings. And ugh, I think she might even be a Republican.” The way he whispered the last part made Iris chuckle. She let out a gasp and covered her heart with her hand. Zac laughed. “I know. It’s awful. But then when my parents divorced and my dad came out—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Iris leaned forward as she sliced her arms through the air. “Your dad is gay?”
“He’s remarried to a man now, but he identifies as pansexual.”
“Oh, ooh la la, how progressive,” she said. Again, Zac chuckled. Whew.
He picked up his wine from the table and drank. His wine-dyed lips lifted into a pathetic attempt at a smile. “I just want to be happy, y’know?”
“I know, honey.” She leaned into his strong shoulder. “Do you want my advice, or do you want me to be there for you?”
He shrugged. “I’m torn. I’d love for you just to shut up and listen to me, but I think I might need your advice. Like a teeny, tiny bit of advice. Free, of course, because I already pay half the rent and grocery bill.”
“You make three times more than I do.”
He grinned, and for the first time, it looked like he meant it. “True, true.” He moved his hand through the air, giving her the floor. “Please, advise me.”
She took a deep breath. Sometimes giving advice to Zac backfired. Actually, it did more times than not. Treading carefully was her only option.
“Point blank”—which was not at all treading carefully, she realized as she said it—“I think you need to tell your family. I know it’s hard. Believe me, I know. I had to come out, too, and as much as you think my mom accepts me now, that was not the case when I first told her. I’m not telling you this so you’ll reconsider, but sometimes I think you stop yourself because you think I had it so easy.” She paused, closed her eyes tightly, and held the memory at bay of her mom telling her she was a huge disappointment. Processing that now, regardless of how many times she’d done it, was also not on her list of Fun Things to Do This Holiday Season. “I don’t have to say this, because I know your head is already big enough”—he laughed—“but you are incredible. You are living a fantastic life. One you should be proud of.”
“But I’m single and living with you.” He glanced at her. “No offense.”
“I mean, none taken?”
“I’m just saying, shouldn’t I be happy and in love and living with the person? And not my lesbian best friend?”
She wanted to argue, but, “Yeah, same. I should also be happy and in love and living with a hot lady and not my gay best friend.”
“See?”
God, he was so right. What had happened in her life that she was single and living with someone she would never want to sleep with? How bleak her life had become. “Wait a second. I am not letting you drag me down your depression spiral. I am fine. I enjoy my life the way it is, and you are a great person and a fantastic friend. You being gay is only a fraction of who you are. It’s not the most important part, which, if you were to ask me, would be that you are one of the kindest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around.”
