Home for the Holidays, page 4
“Thank you, Iris.”
“For trying? Don’t mention it,” she said with a fake air of superiority. She knew the more she tried to show him it would never work between them, the more he’d understand.
“God, no,” he said after he sipped his prosecco. “For doing this for me.”
“You’re welcome.” She reached over and patted his leg.
After a few more beats of silence, Zac leaned his head back and promptly fell asleep. He could fall asleep anywhere. Iris was jealous, especially an hour into the flight, when turbulence started to rock the plane. Flying was not her favorite mode of transportation, so she ordered two more vodkas and decided to say fuck the soda water. She pulled out her journal and opened to a blank page. She needed to sort out her feelings.
Escaping New York City during the holidays was feeling increasingly like a necessity. She was upset that her parents had decided to go on a cruise, but she hadn’t found a way to deal with the reality that they weren’t the ones she wanted to spend the holiday with. Admitting that would mean admitting that she was still angry with her mother for literally everything—the way she’d poorly handled Iris’s coming-out, the way she’d glossed over her overreaction and into saintlike acceptance without so much as an apology. Sadness and anger were two emotions she refused to face. Instead, she shelved both next to every other disappointment she had concerning her mother.
And, truth be told, the city was starting to wear on her. She loved it, but at the same time, she was so ready for a change, for something different, new, and exciting. All New York had gotten her was a battered and bruised heart. Running from every relationship and not trusting anyone was quickly showing her that she wasn’t at all cut out for commitment and intimacy.
And, speaking of intimacy, being fake intimate with someone she loved but wasn’t in love with sounded horrifying. She really didn’t want to do this with Zac, but at the same time, her compulsion to help and mend fences for other people was too strong to ignore. It was a tricky spot to be in. She and Zac had been inseparable ever since they met that night in Soho. It had been such a wild night. The party was for a mutual friend, Kara, who was throwing an insemination party for herself. She had wanted to get pregnant for ages; after countless failed relationships, she’d finally said, “Fuck it!” and decided to do it all by herself. She was nothing if not determined. When Iris arrived, Kara’s place was packed. Sperm-shaped streamers hung from the ceiling, tiny sperm confetti was thrown all over the place, and there were even creamy shots in test tubes you were mandated to drink upon arrival. It was ridiculous. But clearly, Iris was a supportive friend.
Halfway through the party, she met Zac, hanging out by himself on the balcony, smoking a joint and drunk. Within minutes, they were chatting and judging the party like they’d known each other for years. Eventually, they were leaving, heading to La Esquina.
Over margs and queso, Zac lamented about hating his roommate and how he had to find a new place to live. Iris went on and on about scraping by every month in order to afford her two-bedroom, two-bath great find in the West Village. Before she knew it, she was inviting Zac over to see her place; a month later, he had moved in.
He had become such an incredible friend in that time. She loved Zac more than anything. He was sweet and quirky and so sure of himself that finding out he wasn’t completely out to his family was shocking.
Doing this for him was twofold for her. She understood all too well how hard it was to come out to parents who, sure, loved you, but did they like you? But she also knew she needed to do this for herself. Get out of the city, get away from the disappointment on her shelf, and maybe figure out how to trust in the process.
“Iris?”
She slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times. “Are we there yet?”
“Yeah, dude, you passed the fuck out,” Zac said from the driver’s side of the rental car.
“I think all the stress caught up with me.” She yawned and set the passenger seat upright. “Maybe take it easy on calling me dude too. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend. Not your bro.”
“Good call, honey.” He winked, and she flipped him off.
After a whirlwind packing extravaganza, a three-hour delay at the airport, and the worst and most introspective flight she’d ever experienced, they had finally arrived. They were parked in the driveway of a beautiful two-story home. The house was exactly what she pictured when Zac spoke about growing up in Vale Park, Indiana: white with wooden shutters, dormer windows, a white wrap-around porch, still completely lit up with twinkling Christmas lights at eleven o’clock at night. Giant snowflakes fell softly on the windshield. “This looks like a Norman Rockwell painting.” Regardless of her pep-talk-journaling session on the plane, being there and seeing the house filled her with even more dread. As if she had room for more.
“Yeah,” he said softly as he stared up at the house. “My good ol’ dad sure made a lot of money.” A sad sigh punctuated the end of his sentence. She hadn’t heard anything about his dad, except that he was pansexual, so the sigh was a mystery. “Lucky you, you won’t have to meet anyone until morning. Everyone’s asleep. I got a text from Oscar that they were all going to bed and to be quiet when I got home.”
Iris released a huge sigh of relief. “Thank god,” she said with a chuckle. “I am in no condition to meet anyone.”
“Too many in-flight beverages, hmm?”
“Hey, when they say it’s free, I take full advantage.” She opened the door of the white Land Rover Zac had rented and climbed out into the quickly accumulating snow. “When we’re married, will you fly me first class everywhere?”
He let out a puff, and the cold made his breath freeze into a billowy cloud. “Is this how it’s going to be then?”
“I’m playing the part,” she whispered. “Duh.”
“I should have just come alone,” he muttered as he walked up to her, holding both suitcases and wearing her carry-on backpack on his back. “Come on. Let’s get inside.”
“You didn’t have to rent such a nice car, by the way. Or did you do that to impress your family?”
“We needed the four-wheel drive for the snow,” he explained as he started to walk up to the front of the house. He stopped and looked back at her. “And also, because I like to rub it in my brothers’ faces. Neither of them thought I’d ever amount to anything exciting.”
“Aww, Zac,” she said as she stopped and looked at him. “Have you ever considered therapy?” She laughed as she patted his arm. “I can refer you.”
He rolled his eyes. “Come on.” He unlocked the wood-and-glass front door, opened it, and a dog immediately started barking. He rushed into the large foyer, shushing the golden retriever who came trotting to the door. “Maddie, Maddie, it’s just me,” he whispered as the dog started leaping into his arms. He kneeled down and allowed the dog to lick him all over his face as Iris watched with glee from the entryway. “Iris, this is Maddie,” he said as he stood and pulled her into the foyer so he could shut the door.
Iris crouched as well, and Maddie, with her graying face, greeted her with the same enthusiasm. After turning in a few circles, her tail wagging happily, she trotted into a different room and came out carrying a very ratty stuffed dog toy. “Oh, is this your baby?” Iris whispered as Maddie showed off the stuffed dog. “Thank you so much for showing me.” Maddie placed the dog at her feet, and Iris’s heart melted like the snow on the wood floor.
“Oh, that’s big,” Zac said softly. “She doesn’t give her baby to just anyone.”
Iris picked up the stuffed dog, damp with dog saliva, and petted its head. Maddie sat and watched the entire display with pride. She scooted closer to Iris and nudged her hand. “You are adorable,” Iris said as she leaned down and kissed Maddie on top of her soft, furry head. She returned the baby, and Maddie took it, prancing proudly around them.
Zac started to make his way through the dimly lit home, still carrying both suitcases. Maddie accompanied them up the stairs, then up another flight into an attic bedroom.
“This is my room,” Zac said as he turned around, his arms spread out. There were white string lights hung throughout the room, a poster of the 1985 Chicago Bears on one of the walls, vintage vinyls in protective sleeves displayed above an old stereo system, and the flags for Chicago and Poland on the ceiling. He walked over and sat on the bed, where Maddie was already curled up at the end. “And this? This is where the magic happened.”
Iris burst out laughing and immediately covered her mouth. “What magic?” She sat on the bed and bounced a couple times. “Wow, it has real resiliency. A lot of bounce back. I wasn’t expecting that.”
He descended into giggles as he flung himself across the bed. “I can’t believe I’m back here. This is so surreal.” He looked around the room. “I haven’t been home in…” He tallied years on his fingers as he peered up at the ceiling. “Like, eight years?”
“Damn, Zac. I can’t believe you didn’t want to come home just to show people how great your life is. You make amazing money as a financial planner! The entire firm where you work loves you, and your clients adore you. When I went home for my high school reunion, I loved that I was finally doing what I wanted and living the life I had always dreamed of. It was wonderful.”
She laughed as she lay back on the bed. There was a small poster of a very young Jason Bateman on his ceiling. She pointed at it. “And they don’t know you’re gay?”
Zac’s lighthearted “I know, right?” sounded strained in the quiet of his bedroom.
She looked over at him, at the sadness on his face. “You okay?”
“I will be,” he whispered. “Thank you for doing this with me. Seriously. I know it’s going to be weird. I promise you, I will handle it, though.”
“Zac,” she said softly as she rolled to face him. “I love you. You’re seriously one of my very best friends. I always said I would help you with anything. This isn’t just anything. It’s important, and I am here for you. No matter what.”
“You’re a good person, Iris.”
“I know.” She laughed just as Maddie resituated herself, curling up behind Iris’s knees. “Well, I’m never moving again.”
“You two snuggle while I go wash up.”
Iris rolled in the other direction so she could pet Maddie. She lay her head down on her arm and focused on relaxing, but her insides were in a knot. She could have bounced a quarter to the sky off her shoulder muscles. The idea of meeting this family and days later being like, Just kidding, he’s gay, and so am I, was giving her more anxiety than she’d had in quite some time.
And she couldn’t be upset with Zac. The first thing she had learned when she started her therapy career was that it’s not okay to push anyone into doing something they aren’t ready to do. Encouragement is fine. Laying out the facts is fine. But pushing? Not okay. The worst part about all of it was that she could see from a mile away that Zac was struggling in far more ways than simply being scared to tell his family the truth about himself. He always put so much stock into finding the right person. Iris could tell instantly that Josh was not the right person for him, but Zac still went all in. A month later, they broke up, but to warn him about any of that would have been close to an ethical breach. And she had sworn never to do that. Especially not with her best friend.
Instead, she resigned herself to the fact that friends do things for their friends, including, every now and then, things they don’t want to do. That was where she was. Protesting this show Zac planned to put on seemed like a real dick move. And it wasn’t like she had anyone to spend the holidays with anyway.
There were a few other friends in the city, but they all had their own celebrations to attend. No girlfriend. She could go find a one-night stand, but that seemed risky during the holiday season; a great way to get a stage five cling-on. Honestly, it’d been years since she looked at anyone with the intent of getting something more than sex. She got what she needed from women when she needed it. She didn’t want the drama that had surrounded every one of her previous relationships. It had taken her six years to get her doctorate and another year and a half to get her practice up and running, so once everything was in place, she didn’t want to disrupt anything. She loved her life the way it was. A lot of time and effort had gone into cultivating her perfect living conditions. She loved her apartment, her short commute to her practice, and her roommate. What else did she need? Certainly not a girlfriend.
Would it be nice? Sure.
Would she enjoy the company? Probably.
But did she need it? Absolutely not.
CHAPTER FIVE
At half past six in the morning, Iris was wide awake, complete with a headache from her attempt at partying with herself on the plane. She rolled over and peered across the room. Zac was still sleeping soundly on the futon. He refused to sleep next to her, which made no sense whatsoever, but she didn’t argue. Having the entire bed to herself was dreamy. And for a mattress that was probably as old as Zac, if not older, it was surprisingly comfortable. She had slept like a rock.
Once she gave herself a pep talk that the chilly air wouldn’t be that bad, she slipped out of bed and, as quickly as possible, threw her dark hair up into a messy bun, slipped on her jeans from the day before, and pulled on a big sweater before she crept into the bathroom where she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She stared at herself in the mirror for a few minutes, pulled at her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead, cursed herself for not getting a spray tan for the holidays, and then quickly applied some powder foundation, a light blush, and mascara. In any other circumstance, she’d have foregone the makeup routine; she had no one to impress in New York. But now, because she had the audacity to care for her best friend, she had to try and impress people. Ick. She found the key to the rental in Zac’s coat pocket, quickly shot him a text that she was going to get pastries for everyone, and as quietly as possible slipped out the front door.
The snow was still falling, and at least a foot had fallen overnight. Iris stood on the front porch and gazed out at the sea of white. A fresh blanket of snow, regardless of its ability to wreak havoc, was always so freaking beautiful. Fresh, clean, renewed. Those had been her favorite moments as a kid. The first real snow of the season, when the only disruption was the snowplow; when she could sit and stare at it, marvel at its beauty.
She breathed the cold air in and held it for a few seconds. It was quiet. Eerily so. It’d been years since she could hear the snow. She could barely hear herself think in New York City sometimes, let alone hear nature happening around her.
She trotted down the snow-covered steps and trudged through to the rental car. She started it and found the snow brush Zac had ensured was included in the car. It’d been a minute since she had to clear off a car—she had never had a vehicle in the city—so using the snow brush on the Land Rover was kind of therapeutic. She chuckled to herself. She was never going to leave New York, and yet here she was, letting small city living get to her already.
She pulled away from the house and headed in the direction of the closest bakery she could find on in her maps app. Easy Bake Café opened at five in the morning, and they sounded like they should have something for her to get for the family. She wanted to try and make a good impression, even if she was still unsure they’d like her.
“They’ll like me. I’m cool. I’m a good person. They’ll like me.” She breathed out as she drove slowly. The four-by-four was handling the weather conditions like a champ. It was definitely a good thing Zac had gotten the upgrade on the vehicle. She was also thankful she didn’t have to pay for a dime of it. The beauty of being the fake girlfriend, she guessed.
Vale Park was a cute little city. The street that went through downtown was lined with old brick buildings that housed restaurants and clothing stores. There was a park in the center called, according to a snow-covered sign, Central Park Plaza. Iris could feel herself smiling when she saw the giant Christmas tree in the middle of the park, then rolled her eyes at herself yet again. The cute quaintness was getting to her.
She found a spot along the street and parallel-parked with ease, which shocked her. Apparently, that part of driving was like riding a bike. With the hood of her coat pulled up over her head, she headed down the street toward the bakery. There were already people heading in and people coming out of the double doors. The weather wasn’t keeping customers away. That seemed like a good sign.
She was impressed from the second she entered. The bakery, or Easy Bake Café, was bustling with activity. The decor was trendy, with rustic wood floors that stretched out in front of her. The space was roomy, with high ceilings and broad windows that let in ample natural light. The holiday decorations were tasteful, even if a little overdone. She felt herself smiling at yet another giant Christmas tree in the center of the café. Celine Dion’s version of “O Holy Night” surrounded her, and everything about the experience was making her feel a little better about everything. How interesting that adorable Vale Park and the charm of the bakery were helping her to settle down. Maybe she needed to stop fighting it and let the warmth and spirit of the holiday affect her in a good way. At least she wasn’t going to be alone this holiday season like she’d previously thought.
She draped her coat onto the back of an empty stool at the bar top, where people were sitting and having coffee. They laughed quietly and chatted over phenomenal-looking danishes, coffee cakes, donuts, and croissants. She was salivating—big time. And her stomach was growling like it had an angry, starving animal locked inside.
“Good morning, miss,” a voice said. “Welcome to Easy Bake Café.”
Iris’s attention instantly glued itself to the woman whose voice greeted her and, upon seeing her behind the counter, sparkling and lovely like the new-fallen snow, all thoughts left her body. She opened her mouth to say good morning back, but only a tiny squeak came out. Her brain wasn’t functioning properly at all. It was running on hardly any sleep, barely any food, and she was fighting a very small hangover from her in-flight cocktail party.
