Home for the Holidays, page 21
“You did a great job with your kids,” Iris whispered as she stood next to her in the kitchen, watching how happy Evan and Zac were.
Her heart clenched. “How did you know that’s what I was thinking?”
“I had a feeling.”
Iris’s hand landed on the small of her back, and Heidi looked over her shoulder. Iris’s eyes were so blue in the early morning light. There was something about the concern on her face coupled with the lightness in her eyes that forced Heidi to pull herself back from kissing her. It would probably not be the best way to come out.
She was so eager to not hide any longer, but as wonderful as it would probably feel, she was also nervous about it. Once she was out, it would mean being honest about everything. About her and Stanley’s time in Paris, about her friendship with Sandy, about her relationship with Iris. Being honest meant opening herself up to criticism, and criticism was not something she handled well, constructive or otherwise.
“Are you okay?” Iris’s question was soft.
“I will be.” She offered Iris a small smile. “This has been a weird couple of days.”
“Tell me about it.” Iris laughed. “I just wanted to tell you…” She stopped, looked around the kitchen to make sure they were alone, and finished with, “I trust you and know that you’ll do whatever you need to do, whenever you need to do it. Okay?”
A strong sense of relief flooded Heidi’s body. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Also, it’s not good to steal the thunder of a recently out gay man.”
Heidi laughed. “Oh, god, that’s so true, isn’t it?”
“Just know that I am fine, and I promise you, I’m not in any hurry.”
“In a hurry for what, hmm?” Heidi raised her brows, a smirk on her face.
“Oh, well, y’know, I’m just saying,” Iris fumbled her way through the start of an explanation, then thought better of it and cleared her throat.
Heidi took Iris’s hand and pulled her over to the walk-in pantry. As soon as they were inside amongst the extra bottles of olive oil and cans of corn, she leaned forward and kissed her, deeply. “Unlike you, though, I am in a hurry for this. For your lips.” She smoothed her thumb over the smooth skin of Iris’s cheek. “For you.”
“If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to have to kidnap you and take you upstairs to your bedroom so I can get my hands on you again.” Iris kissed her again, then moved so she was right next to her ear. “So I can fuck you again and hear you moan my name again.”
“Jesus.” Heidi leaned her head away from Iris and pulled in a deep breath. “What am I going to do when you leave for the city?”
Iris’s expression fell and her shoulders sagged. “Don’t remind me.”
“Baby,” Heidi said softly. “You know you can stay. You can stay forever. I want you to stay.” She leaned her forehead against Iris’s. “I don’t want to spend another second without you near me.”
“Oh, Heidi.”
She rubbed Iris’s arms gently. “Go hang out with everyone so I can get these cinnamon rolls out.”
Once Iris had left the pantry, Heidi breathed in deeply. Maybe she could settle down now. But when she reentered the kitchen, just as that thought flew through her head, she saw Stanley rush to the front door and swing it open.
“Sandra, honey, you made it!” he shouted.
Sandra? Sandy? What the hell? Heidi couldn’t move as she stared through the kitchen at the foyer where the scene unfolding before her.
“Yes, thank you so much for the invite. Y’know your ex of course didn’t invite me.”
“She didn’t? What in the world—Heidi? You didn’t invite Sandy over for Christmas?”
Heidi’s mouth was hanging open. She could feel it.
“Merry Christmas,” Sandy said as she turned through the entryway into the kitchen carrying a reusable shopping bag. “I brought liquor, and it looks like you already need a drink.” She chuckled. “Heidi, babe, you okay?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Heidi?” Stanley breezed into the kitchen, his silk robe fluttering behind him. “What the hell has gotten into you?” His impatience and irritation—a cocktail she was all too aware of after being married to him for fifteen years—was on full display.
She licked her lips, blinked her shock away, and forced a smile. “Nothing at all. Sandy, Merry Christmas. I’m so glad you got Stanley’s invite.” She pulled Sandy toward her and hugged her, all while giving Stanley a look that meant We need to talk, buster.
“That’s better,” Sandy said softly, against Heidi’s ear. “I missed you.”
“I know. I know.” She patted Sandy’s back. “Would you excuse us real quick?” She released Sandy, grabbed Stanley, and pulled him all the way into the back office, which had apparently become the only place she could talk to her family and have them take her seriously. As soon as the door closed, she whirled around on him. “What the hell are you doing?”
Stanley gawked at her in response. “Heidi, it’s Sandy. She’s your best friend. She’s all alone today. We were texting and…” His face fell. “And…” There it was. There was the realization. “Oh.”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, shit.” Stanley’s hands shot to his mouth. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because, Stanley, I was trying to have this holiday season be about our fucking son coming out. Not about me, your ex-wife, and the woman she started fucking.” Her hushed whisper wasn’t coming out nearly angry enough. She groaned while removing her robe. “It’s a thousand degrees in here.”
“I’m fine. I think you’re having a hot flas—”
“Stanley.” She glared at him. “It’s so important to your future that you do not finish that sentence.”
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s hot.” He fanned his face for a few seconds. “Sweltering.” He raised his brows and gave her his Is that better? face before muttering, “I’m a little disappointed. You tell me everything.”
“This wasn’t something I was ready to talk about.” She mimicked him, leaning against the desk so their sides were touching. “It was a thousand years ago when I… y’know… with Eloise. Then, when we got divorced, it didn’t feel resolved, so I decided to go to therapy. Imagine that.”
“I kept telling you—”
“Stanley, I swear to the newborn baby Jesus that you better not finish that sentence either.”
“Sorry,” he said with a soft chuckle.
“You know how it is. I had to figure shit out. And Sandy wanted to help, so I let her.” She sighed. “I stupidly let her. And now she’s ready to give up everything to be with me. God, Stanley, she’s not who I want to end up with.”
“So you just like fucking her.” He let out a laugh when she smacked his leg. “What? Am I wrong?”
“Actually, no. I don’t even like fucking her. It’s just become this thing that ends up happening.” She closed her eyes, the memory of Eloise as present as ever. “You know Paris messed me up. I wanted it to fix us, and I think, ultimately, it broke me.”
“I know.” He reached over and took her hand in his. “I know.”
“And you, I love you so much.” She was crying now. Great. Just what she needed. “I don’t want our kids to hate me. Especially Adrien and Zac. I was so purposeful with them both. I was so afraid of them being different. I wanted them to live such full lives and not be constantly afraid of who they were. And they both turned out just like the two of us.” She wiped at her eyes with her free hand. “I feel like an awful parent. I screwed our kids up because I was so afraid of who I am, of who you are.”
“Honey,” he said softly. He released her hand and pulled her into him, his arm around her shoulder. “You are a great mom. We’re all screwed up. Every single one of us. And you figuring yourself out so late in life means you put everyone before yourself.”
“So late in life?” She let out a chuckle that was coated in tears. “I’m fifty-three, not a hundred and nine.”
He laughed, as did she. “You know what I mean, Heidi. I wish you could see how remarkable you are. You’ve never been able to see it. You’re always the one in the background thinking you don’t matter when, in actuality, you matter more than anyone else.”
“Stanley…”
“You’re simply stunning, my love.” He moved so he was facing her, and he gently lifted her chin so she was looking at him. His eyes held all of his sincerity, always, but they did so now more than ever. “You are going to find someone who sees what I have always seen.”
“Stanley?”
“Hmm?”
“I think I have.”
“Not with Sandy?”
She shook her head.
“Then with wh—oh my god.” He pursed his lips. “You can’t be serious. Iris? Your son’s fake girlfriend? Are you joking?”
She shook her head.
“Oh, Heidi.” He breathed in through his nose, a move that meant one thing and one thing only. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
She nodded.
“And I invited Sandy over, who has always been in love with you.” Stanley had his hands on his hips now as he started to pace the small office. “Damage control. We need damage control.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“What? Why?” He spun around. “Mad at you? I would never be mad at you. Even if it is sort of, well, y’know, forbidden.”
Her shoulders sagged. “I know. God, I know. I’ve never felt like this before. Not with you. Sorry.” She shrugged. “And not with Eloise.”
Stanley’s face softened. “Okay, then we’ll figure this out.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, still perched on the side of the desk. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said when he walked back to her. He pulled her from the desk and hugged her close. “You’ll always be my girl. You hear me?”
All she could do was nod.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Seeing Sandy was most definitely a surprise. In a desperate attempt to not draw attention to herself, she had wedged herself into a spot on the couch next to Zac and Evan, who had apparently stayed the night on the love seat downstairs.
“This seat’s not taken, right?” Breathing slowly was her only defense. She couldn’t give herself away. Her anxiety and nervousness were going to be on full display if she wasn’t careful.
Zac chuckled. “Of course not, my love.” He stopped himself. “I mean, Iris. Sorry. Old habits, I guess.”
She forced herself to laugh, though even she had to admit it was a very weak attempt. “It’s fine.”
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.”
Evan let out a puff of air. “I barely know you, and I know you’re not fine.”
She tried to smile, but it felt like more of a grimace. “I promise. I’m fine.”
“Iris, what is going on?” Zac was looking at her, but she could only stare at Sandy, who was such a part of the family that Nora had picked her lap over Iris’s. She wasn’t jealous. Nope. Not at all.
“I’m fine.” She cleared her throat just as Heidi whisked into the living room with a huge platter of cinnamon rolls and a carafe of coffee. She watched Sandy’s eyes, how they followed Heidi. She had known they were sleeping together, but until now, she had had no idea how deeply in love with Heidi Sandy was.
“You’re a horrible liar,” Zac whispered. “Just so you know.”
“Heidi, babe, those look absolutely delectable,” Sandy said. Nora was all smiles. Iris wanted to scream.
“Thank you. Everyone grab one, and we can start passing out gifts.” Heidi was nervous. Iris could hear it in her voice. When she moved her gaze over to Iris, her pained expression, the sadness in her eyes, it all shouted that she was sorry.
Iris smiled at her, offering as much of an it’s okay as she could. The desire to run away was as strong as ever. She’d fought tooth and nail to bury that reaction to hard situations, but it was rearing its ugly head.
When a cinnamon roll was passed to her on a red ceramic plate covered in white snowflakes, a sense of dread washed over her. She looked around as nonchalantly as possible. This family, everything about them, was what her life would be like if she started this with Heidi. Everything. Heidi wasn’t going to leave Vale Park. She wasn’t going to leave this house and these plates and the five different Christmas trees she put up. Was this what Iris wanted? Or was it just fun because it was forbidden? Because she was obtaining the unobtainable? She swallowed around the giant lump in her throat and stared down at the cinnamon roll. Sandy was safe and here and easy. She was already part of the family. Iris glanced at her, at her look of happiness, at Nora’s adorable smile.
“Okay, Nora, do you want to help me pass out gifts?” Oscar asked, and Nora was up like a shot out of Sandy’s lap. He chuckled as he passed his daughter a gift. “This goes to Grandpa.” He continued with the rest of the wrapped boxes and bags, Nora passing them out expertly. When they got to the last couple of boxes, Iris heard Oscar say, “This one is for Iris.” Nora’s eyes lit up as she ran over to Iris and lunged into her arms.
“This is for you. It says, ‘From Santa,’” she whispered into Iris’s ear. “Santa knew you were here.”
Iris’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you,” she said and kissed Nora’s cheek. “You’re a great helper.” After Nora rushed back to Oscar, she glanced at Zac. “You didn’t have to do this.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t. That’s from Santa.”
“Zac,” she whispered. “Come on.”
“I’m being serious. We said we’d do our gifts back in the city. Remember?” He nudged her. “Santa knew where you were.”
“If it’s not you…” She looked up, eyes connecting instantly with Heidi, who was sitting across the living room. Her breath caught in her throat. Oh…
“Okay, Nowaks,” Oscar declared, “go ahead and open your presents.”
Iris watched as everyone started to rip into their gifts. As the only child in the picture, Nora obviously had the most, and her excitement was as contagious as Heidi’s nervous expression. Iris stared down at the gift from Santa on her lap. She unstuck the sides of the paper and unwrapped the box carefully. She held her breath as she opened it. Inside was a silver necklace, which held two intertwined rings. She instantly started crying.
“This is so beautiful.” She let out a small laugh as she touched the rings.
“It’s a good thing Santa knew where you were,” Heidi said softly, and Iris looked over at her. It was as if they were the only two people in the room. Hell, in the world. Everything else fell away, all the stress, the worries, the cares, the scared feelings. It was the two of them and nothing else.
“I love it. I love it so much.”
She looked down at the necklace again, knowing that if she didn’t stop staring at Heidi, it was going to cause questions. Unfortunately, her best friend and ex-fake-boyfriend never missed a beat.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Sandy was trying so hard. She’d brought gifts for everyone—except Iris, of course.
Heidi hadn’t missed the way the two of them were studying each other. The entire family probably saw it. She was irritated with Stanley for inviting Sandy, and she was irritated with Sandy for accepting. She had accepted on purpose because she was upset about the other night at Lincoln’s. The texts she sent were a clear indication that she wasn’t stupid. Especially the one that read, Do you think I’m stupid?
In short, Sandy knew what was going on with Iris. And now here they both were. In Heidi’s living room. Surrounded by her family. The only thing missing was a cage for the MMA match that could unfold if Heidi wasn’t careful.
“Well, are you going to open it?” Sandy asked, eyebrows raised. She was sitting next to Stanley, who fortunately looked like he, too, was regretting his choices.
“Of course, just waiting for everyone to finish.” Heidi cleared her throat as she looked down at the package on her lap. Sandy was always a thoughtful gift giver, but something was urging Heidi to tread lightly. She started to rip the paper at the edges. It was a frame. Oh god, which picture had Sandy put in it? Heidi’s heart was racing. She flipped it over and gasped when she saw it, a picture of her grandparents on their wedding day. “Sandy, this is beautiful,” she said. “How did you do this?”
“I knew the picture had been damaged, so one day when I was over, I stole it and took it to my guy who does picture restoration. He said it was in pretty bad shape, but—”
“He did a remarkable job,” Heidi whispered. She smoothed her hand over the glass.
“I know how much you miss them.”
Heidi glanced up at Sandy, but Sandy was glaring at Iris. Christmas morning was not the time for a pissing contest. She cleared her throat to get Sandy’s attention. When her eyes finally snapped back to hers, Heidi stood. “Can I see you in my office, please?”
As they marched down the hall, Heidi had to shake her head at herself. At this point, she should just establish office hours, given how often she was having hard conversations in there. She closed the door behind Sandy. “What are you doing?”
“Seriously?” Sandy let out a laugh. “What am I doing?”
“Yes. What are you doing, Sandy? You’re glaring at her, you’re giving me this heartbreaking gift… What are you doing?”
“What are you doing?” Sandy shot back. “You’re the one who’s chasing a woman who will never be what you need her to be.”
“Excuse me?” she asked, flabbergasted.
“Iris?” Sandy jabbed. “She’s not going to give up her life for you. We both know that.”
“And you think that means that I should just—what? Force myself to fall in love with you?” Heidi looked around the office. “What the fuck?”
“We can do this; you know we can.” Sandy’s hands were on her arms now. “Look at me, please.”
