Home for the Holidays, page 26
Well, okay then. “That’s better,” Iris said softly. “Yes, we are.”
“Okay.”
“That’s all you’re going to say?”
Mary took a long, thoughtful sip of coffee. “She’s quite a bit older than you.”
“Are you saying that because that’s what you seriously want to say? Need I remind you that Skip is eleven years older than you?”
“Touché.”
“Yeah.” Iris took a big gulp of her quickly cooling coffee. She was hoping it would still be hot enough to scald her mouth so she had something to focus on other than this uncomfortable conversation.
“Iris, she’s lovely. I’m not asking in order to protest this.”
“You—you’re not?”
“Not at all.” Mary locked eyes with Iris for a moment before she stared out the kitchen windows to the street. “You’ve been your own person for as long as I can remember. I’ll be honest, honey. You became someone I didn’t think I wanted to know.” She looked at Iris again. “But I was so stupid to not realize that sooner.”
“Mom…”
“You are a phenomenal woman. The way you help the LGBTQ+ younglings. And you have a great life surrounded by people who accept you and respect you. I figure I should probably be at the top of that list.”
“Which list?”
“Of people who accept you and respect you. Because I do. And I love you. Which should automatically catapult me to the top, don’t you think?”
Her smile was dazzling. She had taken immaculate care of herself ever since Iris was a kid. She watched everything she put in her mouth, ran three miles a day on top of the thirty thousand steps she’d get some days as a nurse, and moisturized her skin every single day and night. Young Iris used to want to look exactly like her: dark hair, blue eyes, flawless skin. Then one day not that long ago she had looked in the mirror and her mother was staring back. She remembered cringing. If she was going to look like her, was she eventually going to act like her too? But as they sat together and talked, and her mom’s face softening instead of hardening under the weight of acceptance and love, she thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to resemble the woman who had given her life.
Iris took a deep breath. “May I say something?”
“Of course.”
“Zac was so nervous to come out to his family this weekend, and I kept pushing and pushing him. Not good of me, but”—she chuckled—“he brought me here as his girlfriend, hoping to throw them off his scent. And I needed that awkwardness to stop.”
“Zac wasn’t out? And they didn’t know?” Mary’s shock was adorable. “And they didn’t know you were a lesbian? How’d you hide that?”
“I hid my flannels and Doc Martens, Mom. Duh.” She laughed, and so did Mary. “I know, crazy, right? But I pushed him because I knew it was going to help him heal.” Iris paused and fixed her nervous gaze onto her coffee, onto the creamy color and the fact that she wanted more but was too deep into this conversation to stand up and leave. “I thought him coming out would fix his relationship with his mom even though I know me coming out to you ruined our relationship.”
“Iris—”
“No, let me finish.” She held back the tears that were begging to come out, like wild dogs straining at their leashes. Releasing them now could go either way, good or bad, but holding them in was the only thing she had control over. “I’m not perfect. God, I’m far from it. But, Mom, you’re not perfect either. I have spent so much time wondering why I’m so afraid to get close to people, why I run from relationships, why I’m so against falling in love. Not just with someone else, but with myself. I am enough, Mom. I am a good person with a great heart and so much love to give. I deserve more than your acceptance and respect. You say you love me, which is great, and I believe that, but I want you to like me. I want you to see the real me and feel proud of the person I turned out to be. Because I am fucking awesome.” Iris finally looked across the table at her mom, who had clearly not been able to hold back her wild, barking dogs and was crying like a baby. “I’m sorry for being so honest with you.”
“Iris, stop,” Mary said through tears. “Do not ever apologize for being honest with me. My god.” She wiped at her tears with a Kleenex she pulled from the pocket of her pajamas. Iris wanted to chuckle because of course she had a tissue tucked away somewhere. She always did. “I’m the one who is sorry. Sorry for how I’ve handled all of this. For how I handled you and your sexuality. You know when you came out to me and I shunned you, it wasn’t you I was upset with. I was mad at myself. Mad that I didn’t see it. Mad that I raised you and had no idea, no clue that you were different. Different is not bad, my dear. It never has been, and it never should be. If we were all the same, it would be a very boring world.”
“You said I was going to hell.”
Mary laughed. “Oh, honey.”
“I don’t even believe in hell.”
“At this point, I don’t either. I am so sorry. I was a horrible lady then. I am trying. I am working on myself. I think…” She casually traced the rim of her Easy Bake Café mug with her forefinger. “I made you hate yourself because I hated myself.”
Iris felt what she said in the pit of her stomach. Was this the moment? Was this the holy shit moment for her mom?
“You know, being one of ten kids was not easy. Would have been twelve if your grandmother’s last two pregnancies had stuck.” She shook her head, a deflated expression on her face. “I worked so hard to escape that life. I didn’t want to end up like my parents. I wanted to love my children no matter what. And I screwed that one up, didn’t I?” She let out a puff of air. “I’m working on it, Iris. I promise. I don’t want to lose you because of the hatred I have for myself. Because believe me, not only do I love you, but I like you. I think you’re a tremendous woman. You’re beautiful and kind and intelligent and everything I wanted you to be. Those are things that matter. I didn’t want you to be straight or rich. I just wanted to give you every advantage I had to claw tooth and nail for. And I will always want you to be happy. Do you hear me?” She was clutching her used Kleenex in her right hand, her left clenched into a fist on the tabletop. “I’m sorry I ever made you think and feel otherwise.”
“Thank you, Mom,” Iris whispered. She was getting everything she had needed for so long. “For the record, you weren’t a bad mom.”
Mary chuckled through her tears, then blew her nose in a new Kleenex, also pulled from her pocket. She wiped at her nose carefully before she shrugged. “I mean, I was okay, right?”
“You were, yes.” Iris smiled. “You gave me the advantages you wanted me to have. Come on, I went to NYU. I live in New York City. I have an apartment and a fantastic practice with Stacey. There’s nothing about my life that I want to change. Except this. You and me.”
“Then let’s fix it. I’m in therapy now, you know?”
“What? You are?”
“I am.” Mary tapped her hand on the tabletop. “Figured it was time.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“And the PFLAG chapter is booming. Who knew a town of twenty-five hundred people needed such a safe space?”
“Safe spaces are needed everywhere, Mom,” Iris said. She hoped her mom understood exactly what she meant. The look on her face made her think that maybe she did get it. Finally.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
“Looks like you’ve been relegated to the three seasons room, hmm?”
Skip looked up from the newspaper and gave Heidi a warm grin. “I’m actually planning on moving into this room if you’re okay with it.” He smoothed his hand over Maddie’s head. She was lying right next to him on the couch cushions, her head in his lap, and she wagged her tail.
“Man, she really loves you.”
“Y’know,” he started, a sad tone in his voice, “I used to have a golden just like her. Her name was Dorothy. I loved that dog so much.”
Heidi heard him sniffle and her heart broke for him.
“Little Maddie here reminds me of her.”
“Well, you’re more than welcome to monopolize her time while you’re here.”
“Seems like we might be here more often.” He looked up at her. It was so strange that he wasn’t Iris’s real father because their eyes were the same shape, color, everything. “I hope you’re okay with that.”
“I’m absolutely fine with that, but…” She smiled. “Do you know something I don’t?”
He shrugged. “No, but it seems like you and Iris might be”—he cleared his throat—“y’know, in a relationship or whatever it’s called.”
“‘Whatever it’s called’, hmm?”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Absolutely.” Heidi leaned back and propped her feet on the ottoman. “Shoot, mister.”
Skip laughed a wonderful old man laugh. “I’ve been with Mary for most of my adult life. I don’t know how much Iris has told you, but we were seeing each other way before either of our divorces from our previous partners were even filed. I don’t think either of us is proud of that, and Mary would probably skin me alive if she knew I was telling you this.”
“My lips are sealed,” Heidi said softly. Her heart had grown three sizes for this man in the span of ten minutes. He was so sincere and genuine. Again, how was he not Iris’s biological father? They were so similar.
“My point to all of this is that when you know, you just know, y’know?” His eyes sparkled. “I don’t say, a relationship or whatever it’s called as a dig to two women being together. I could tell the second I saw you two standing next to each other, the way you both looked at each other, the protectiveness you had for Iris, that whatever you have, it’s something special. Sure, a relationship is what we all call these long-term dances we participate in. But beyond a relationship, I think exists something deeper.”
Heidi could feel her eyes had welled with tears. She reached up and wiped a stray one as it escaped down her cheek. “You’re a wise man, Skip.”
He reached over and gently patted her knee. “You take care of her, you hear? She’s important to me.”
“I will never hurt her.”
“Hey, what’s going on in here?” Iris’s voice shook both Heidi and Skip from their moment. “Is everything alright?”
Skip stood, Maddie right behind him, and cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go check on your mom and get some more coffee. Keep that fire stoked for me.”
Heidi watched as Skip kissed Iris on the cheek before he left the room. She chuckled at Maddie, hot on his tail. “My dog is in love with your dad.”
“He’s a pretty great guy.” Iris sat next to Heidi, leaned forward and kissed her gently, then settled into the cushions of the couch. “So, I just had a conversation with my mom.”
“Oh? How’d that go?”
“Really well, actually.” Iris grinned. “Now I’d like to run something by you.”
“Why does that sound ominous?” Heidi chuckled before she took Iris’s coffee and sipped it.
“I’m considering leaving New York City.” Iris licked her lips. “I’ve felt stuck for a while now. Just stagnant and spinning my tires and every other cliché you can think of. I want to make a change.”
“Iris, honey, I think that’s wonderful. Where are you thinking about relocating to?” Heidi held her breath. Was this really happening?
“Well, I spoke to Stacey, and of course we’ll have a much more intense conversation when I get back about the ins and outs of everything, but I was considering… Vale Park.”
“Iris—”
“Wait, let me finish.”
“Okay.” Heidi waited as patiently as possible as Iris continued.
“Before you, I was done. Done with how my life was going. I love my work, I love my clients, I love having a practice with Stacey, but ultimately, everything else in my life was just sort of there. And then I came here. Reluctantly, I might add, and ever since? I’ve had to literally tell myself to stop smiling. I’ve never been this happy before. I’ve honestly never been this at peace before, either. And I’ve obviously never been this in love before.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to move in with you, though. I want to find a place and we can move at a pace that works for both of us. But let’s face it, neither of us was going to want to do a long distance relationship.”
Heidi chuckled. “No, I absolutely didn’t want that but I would have done it for you. I will do it for you if that’s what you really want. I don’t want you to leave the city if that’s where your heart is.”
Iris reached forward and placed her hand on Heidi’s chest, right over her heart. “This is where my heart is, Heidi. Right here. And I don’t want to be anywhere you’re not.”
Heidi pulled Iris into her and kissed her. “I love you,” she whispered against Iris’s lips. “So very much.”
“I love you, too. More than you know…”
The café was packed. Heidi always took the week between Christmas and New Year’s off, but it was never a bad idea to make an impromptu visit. This time, she brought the entire household with her. Why not? She was a glutton for punishment, obviously.
Donna was the first person she ran into. She was bellied up to the bar, a cup of coffee in front of her and, “Donna, is that a MacBook Pro?” Heidi gasped as she took in the sight of her bookkeeper in front of a streamlined, new laptop. “What happened to you? Did you finally give the old monitor the heave-ho?” She placed her hand on Donna’s forehead. “Do you have a fever? Are you okay? Have you been kidnapped? What’s our safe word?”
“Fuck off.” Donna cackled as she swatted her hand away. “The kids.” She motioned to the employees of the café. “They all pitched in and got it for me. It’s for personal use. Not for work. Remember that.”
“Oh, so are you not working today?”
“Do you not read the schedule I so meticulously create?” Donna rolled her eyes. “No, I’m off today. Charity is running the place. She’s doing a damn good job too.”
“And Marge is in charge of the bar area, I see.” Heidi smiled and waved at Margaret, whose smile could have lit up an entire room. “How’s she doing?”
“She’s fantastic. We’ve got a great team. I’m going to be sad if any of them decide to go get real jobs.” Donna held her hand up. “I mean go to college and become doctors or whatever.”
“All jobs are real jobs, my dear,” Heidi said with a smile.
“Wait a second.” Donna slid off the barstool. “Is that Zac? As I live and breathe!”
“Donna, hi, how are you?” Zac bent down and hugged her. “You look amazing as always.”
“I look like hammered shit.” Donna’s smoker’s laugh was perfectly timed. “How much longer are you in town—and who is this fine-lookin’ hunk of man? Is that…” She gasped. “Is that Evan Childers?”
Zac’s cheeks filled with pink. “Yeah, it is.”
“It’s about damn time.” Donna smacked him on the arm. “You two were so cute in high school. I wondered when y’all would finally, y’know.” She clapped her hands together. “Fantastic.”
“And this is my best friend and roommate,” Zac started as he grabbed Iris. “She’s dating my mom now.”
“Zac.” Heidi rolled her eyes. “Your timing is awful.”
“Oh?” Donna extended her hand and waited for Iris to take it. “You’re dating her?” She jerked her free thumb toward Heidi, and Iris nodded. “That’s great, sugar. But you hurt her? I’ll kill you. You hear me?”
Iris’s eyes widened. “I don’t plan on hurting her,” she said softly. “I promise.”
“Donna, for Christ’s sake,” Heidi said with a laugh. “The only thing you’re missing is a rocking chair and a shotgun across your lap.”
“Well, I’m the closest thing you’ve got to a daddy who ain’t gonna take shit from someone trying to get into your pants.”
“Oh my god.” Heidi rubbed her forehead, where a Donna-induced headache was mounting. “Okay, okay, I get it. Thank you. Keep checking your AOL email. I’m going to show them around.”
Donna looked at her. “Is that a dig at my age?”
“Yes, absolutely,” Margaret answered from behind the bar. “We should probably set you up a Gmail account…”
Heidi grabbed Iris’s hand and pulled her through the café. Her parents were up at the counter ordering pastries, which made Heidi feel good. She could get them for free and they knew that, but they still insisted on purchasing their breakfast. They were turning out to be great people. Especially Skip. She had known he was a keeper when she realized Maddie didn’t want to leave his side. Maddie was an excellent judge of character.
“So you know where the bathroom is,” Heidi gently teased.
Iris coughed. “Yes, yes, I do.”
Zac’s eyes narrowed. “You two are weird. Evan and I are going to go sit at the bar and have a capp.”
Iris watched them leave, then turned and playfully smacked Heidi on the arm. “You’re bad.”
“What? I was only pointing it out.” Heidi leaned against the counter near the door to the kitchen. “Your parents seem to have settled in.”
“It’s shocking.” Iris’s eyes widened in seeming disbelief. “My mom is like a whole new person. I wish she would have been like this when I was a kid.”
Heidi shrugged in commiseration. “Everybody’s working on something.”
“You’re so right.”
“I was a mess when I was raising the boys too.”
“And now look at you.” Iris was standing in front of Heidi, her blue eyes sparkling in the natural light of the café. She was wearing Heidi’s black sweater, and it had never looked better than it did clinging to the swell of Iris’s breasts.
“I want to rip your clothes off.” Heidi was shocked by the desire in her own voice. She was insatiable.
Iris licked her lips. “We could try that bathroom out again.”
“Or we could use my office.”
“Even better.”
“Will your parents wonder where we went?”
“Who cares,” Iris said as she grabbed Heidi’s hand and pulled her from the counter.
