Home for the Holidays, page 3
“What are you laughing at?” Sandy’s voice was layered with irritation. “Not good enough for you?”
“Oh my god, Sandy,” Heidi said as she zipped and buttoned her jeans. “Stop. I was just chuckling at us, in here.”
“Okay.” Sandy turned to the broom closet’s tiny sink and washed her hands quickly. “You weren’t as wet as normal. Everything okay?” She was staring at Heidi in the old, rusty mirror on the wall.
Heidi slumped against the door, trying to ignore how intimate and, well, partner-y that question was. “Just stressed. Thank you for helping me out.”
Sandy dried her hands, crumpled the paper towels, and tossed them in the trash can. She shrugged. “It’s what best friends are for, right?”
A wave of guilt slammed into Heidi, and she shoved her hands into her coat pockets, trying to hide the way she clenched them into fists. “Right.” Her whispered confirmation was all she could give Sandy.
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“No.”
“No?” Sandy frowned momentarily before remembering. “Oh, right. Family time.”
“Right.”
“Right,” Sandy echoed softly. “You know, I can handle this. I can be what you need.”
“Sandy,” Heidi whispered. “Please. I’ve already told you that this is all I can give you. You said you were okay with it.”
“I know. You’re right.” She held her hands up in mock defeat. “I’m sorry.”
Heidi sighed. So many times she had wished she could, as Sandy put it, handle this, but she couldn’t. And as much as she loved Sandy as a best friend, she just couldn’t get to the place Sandy was in. “We have fun. We promised each other it’d only ever be that.”
“Yep.” Sandy smiled, but it was forced and didn’t nearly reach her eyes.
Heidi stood her ground, jerking her head toward the door. “Let’s go. I gotta get home. Four in the morning at the bakery tomorrow.”
“Good lord, that’s early.” Sandy opened the door to the broom closet and headed back out to the bar. No one gave them a single look, which made Heidi feel much better about what had transpired. They’d been doing it for months, and it always felt great, but Heidi was no longer so sure she could handle the guilt that came afterward. It made no sense at all. Why should she feel guilty for being with Sandy when she was no longer married? Why would she not want to grab onto this situation with both hands? Happiness was fleeting, so why not just be happy with her best friend and confidante?
“Thank you,” Heidi said as she tapped the bar with her now-gloved hand. “I’ll call you.”
“Sounds good, bestie.” Sandy winked, and all Heidi could do was smile in return.
CHAPTER THREE
“Hot pumpernickel!” Tony, the head bread baker, shouted.
Heidi waited, an expectant smile on her face, as “hot pumpernickel” responses began echoing throughout the café. She had no idea why he had started doing it when she hired him ten years ago, but she was so glad that he did it now. At first, she had hated it. Not because she didn’t want him to make the place his own, but because every single time it happened, it would scare the ever-loving shit out of her, and she’d jump a mile into the air. A heart attack at five in the morning was never a good way to start the day.
She took a sip of the latte her morning barista had made for her. “This is lovely; thank you, Margaret. And the cinnamon? Lovely touch with the snowman dusting you did on the top. You’re really letting your creativity shine. I love it.” She glanced around the café. The Christmas carols were jamming, the place was packed, and Margaret was handling all the coffee orders like a professional. “Thank you, also, for showing up for your shift today.”
“Well,” Margaret said, pausing to pass a steel mug of milk under the steamer, “I called off yesterday because I wasn’t feeling well, and I know you don’t want us here if we’re sick.”
Heidi took a sheepish sip of coffee. “You’re right; I don’t want you here infecting everyone. Are you feeling better now?”
“Yep! Great, even. So I figured you would be happy that I came in.”
“I’m always happy to see your smiling face, Marge.”
“Oh, how I hate that you call me that,” Margaret said with a forced smile. “Go away now, please. I have six cappuccinos to make.”
“I can help you, you know,” Heidi offered.
“I know you can, Heidi, but I don’t need you to help. I need you to manage. I think Charity is falling apart at the register.”
Heidi glared at Margaret. “Sure.”
“I’m not joking.” Margaret pointed across the café. “She’s waving at me to get your attention.”
“Oh, shit!” Heidi said when she finally saw Charity waving wildly. She hurried over, latte in hand. “What’s going on?”
“I’m out of receipt paper again and someone moved it and didn’t leave a note,” Charity blurted out. “I have three people who need their receipts for work reimbursements.”
“Under the cabinet to the left. I rearranged and clearly forgot to relay the message. I apologize.”
“Great. Thanks for telling us.” Charity nodded, as though that was just one problem resolved on an unending to-do list. “And I have another lady who is trying to pay for her very large catering order with a check.”
“A check?” Heidi gawked. “Who pays with a check anymore?”
“I do, honey,” an elderly woman said from the end of the countertop.
Charity’s muffled giggle was adorably timed. Heidi composed herself as she ushered the lady down to the unopened register. “If you could step this way, miss. I apologize. I understand technology can be a little nerve-racking.”
The lady laughed. “Oh, no, these pastries are for my church’s Christmas Eve Eve celebration, and they want a copy of the check. I don’t question the pastor. Although I will admit that my husband won’t allow me to use a debit card. He thinks I’m going to blow through all of our retirement.”
“Wow,” Heidi joked. “And you’ve stayed married to him? What a trooper.”
She shook her head, still laughing. “I know, I know. If divorce was cheap, I think I would have done it years ago.” She passed her check to Heidi. “I also put a tip on here for you ladies.”
“Thank you so much. That is so kind of you.” It’d been a minute since anyone had paid with a check, so she took her time and figured out how to scan it into the system to e-stamp it. “Ahh, there we go. Got it. I won’t forget again.”
“Next time I come in, I’ll make the church raid the offering tray.” The lady winked before she left with her bag full of pastries.
Heidi slid down the counter closer to Charity. “Well, that could have gone horribly,” she whispered out the side of her mouth.
“You handled it like a pro.”
“Do you need anything else?” Heidi placed her hand on Charity’s shoulder. The younger woman was by far her favorite employee. She never missed a shift and had worked her way from dishwasher to manager. If only all her staff were as reliable.
Charity shook her head. “Nope, I’m good. By the way, your hair is on point today.”
“Wow, um, thank you!” Heidi said as she turned her head back and forth, moving her long locks from side to side. “It wouldn’t curl this morning to save my life. I was going to pull it back. Guess I’m glad I didn’t.”
Charity nodded emphatically. “And I love these jeans.” She pulled back and gave Heidi a once-over. “Have you lost weight? You look so trendy. I love it.”
Heidi placed her hands on Charity’s shoulders and turned her so they were face to face. “You poor thing. We need to get eye insurance here, don’t we, so you can afford new glasses.”
“Nope, I’m on my parents’ insurance still. So,” Charity said before sticking out her tongue.
“What do you want then?”
“What do you mean?”
“You must want something because you’re complimenting me way too much.”
Charity laughed. “I swear I don’t want anything. I’m just telling you I like your jeans and hair. That’s all.”
“Okay, I don’t believe you, but whatever.” She patted Charity’s shoulders, then walked past her to handle the next crisis.
“Oh! Heidi, your friend Sandy is in your office. I meant to tell you that.”
“What?” Heidi stopped in her tracks and spun around. “For how long?”
“Just a few minutes. I’m sorry. I got all sidetracked with this new point-of-sale system.”
What the hell was Sandy doing there? Heidi’s nerves instantly started to tingle. She made her way through the bustling café as quickly as possible, saying her hellos to regulars as she maneuvered through the crowd. When she finally got to the kitchen, she could see Sandy sitting on her desk from the doorway. She was in conversation with Donna about something.
Great. There was only one reason why Sandy would be here. She wanted to talk. And Heidi did not have time to talk—especially not about whatever was on Sandy’s mind. As Heidi approached, she made eye contact with Donna. Sharp as a tack, Donna was. It had been clear as day for a while that she knew something weird was going on between Heidi and her best friend. So far, Heidi had done a great job of deflecting the older woman’s questions, but her piercing stare now meant she’d put it all together.
“Hey, what’s up?” Heidi asked casually as she leaned against the doorframe of her office. “Everything okay?”
Sandy looked like death. Her hair was a mess, and her makeup was smeared, as if she didn’t bother washing it off last night before bed nor this morning when she rolled out of it. “Can we talk?”
“Um…” Heidi looked at her watch. “Quickly, yeah.”
“Great,” Sandy said as she slid off the desk and over to Heidi. “Thanks for the pep talk, Donna.”
“Oh yeah, anytime, honey,” Donna said. She was glaring at Heidi as she mouthed, “No drama at work, remember?”
Heidi rolled her eyes as she led Sandy into the team meeting room. She closed the door behind them and made sure to stand in front of the open blinds of the window so Sandy wouldn’t try anything. “So, what’s up? What’s going on?”
“I’ve been thinking, and I don’t like to think much, you know.” Oh no. Sandy was fidgeting. This was going to be big. Heidi didn’t have it in her for big. “But I think I would like this to be more than what it is. I know you’re busy for the next week, but I’d like to, y’know, try this. Or at least talk about it?”
Heidi let out a puff of air. “Sandy, seriously?” She looked around, completely beside herself. How many times did she have to have this conversation? And why did Sandy think now was a good time? Of all the times in the world, now was not it. “It’s one of the busiest days of the year, and you’re telling me this now?”
“I know, I’m sorry. I won’t see you for the next week, though, and I needed to get it off my chest.”
“Oh my god,” Heidi said under her breath. “So you put it on my chest? Listen, I’ve told you that I can’t give you what you want. You agreed that it was okay with you. If that’s not okay anymore, then we need to stop. But I can’t…” She stopped talking the second she saw the sadness of rejection creep onto Sandy’s face and into her posture. “I’m sorry. I really am, but Sandy, this is a lot for me.”
Sandy pulled a face. “It’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“No,” she said with a tiny puff of air. “I mean, it is. I—I don’t know what’s going on with me. Last night just threw me.”
Shit. “You promised you could handle this.”
“I know.”
“Then what happened?”
“You happened, Heidi. You did.” Sandy shrugged. “I’ve loved you since day one. When you were straight as an arrow.”
Loved? Shit, shit, shit. “Sandy, I can’t talk about this here. And you and me? I’ve already told you… This is all so new for me.”
Sandy took a deep breath and held it for a good three seconds before she released it. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m gonna go.”
Heidi placed her hand on Sandy’s arm as she reached for the doorknob. “I know I’m busy, but I’ll try to come see you this week, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”
Sandy hesitated, worrying her lip in thought before saying, “Can you tell me why?”
How was she supposed to tell her it was because she just didn’t love her like that? She had tried, but she couldn’t get there. Being honest with herself about liking women was so new. And Sandy was her oldest friend. For whatever reason, falling for her oldest friend didn’t jive with her.
“Sandy…”
But Sandy held up a quick hand. “Message received.” She shrugged. “I’ll be okay.”
And she pulled the door open and left, leaving Heidi standing there feeling like she’d had the wind knocked out of her. She needed to get herself together. Finally admitting that she was into women was new, yes, but that didn’t mean she got to be an asshole to her best friend. She should have never started things with Sandy. She had told her it was a bad idea. She had told her there was no way it would end well. Sandy’s begging and not taking no for an answer had worn her down. Heidi should have found someone else to explore this new terrain with, but she hadn’t, and now she was realizing too late that ruining her best friendship had not only been irresponsible, but a really awful thing to do.
“Hey,” Donna said as she appeared in the doorway of the meeting room. “Buck up, kiddo. Don’t let it get to you.”
“Donna,” Heidi whispered, trying to hide the emotion in her voice.
“Yes, I figured it out, my dear.” She reached out and clasped Heidi’s left hand. “I’ve known for a very long time.”
Heidi gripped her hand back. “You have?”
“Longer than you, I’m sure,” she said through her raspy laugh. “Sandy will be okay. You need to do what’s best for you—and no one else. Well, and what’s best for me. I’m not getting a new job at seventy years old, ya hear?”
Heidi laughed softly. “Thank you, Donna,” she said.
Donna squeezed her hand again before she walked away, shouting over her shoulder, “Now get to work!”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And don’t forget to smile.”
“Absolutely.” Heidi sighed as she plastered a fresh one on her face.
Smile, smile, smile.
It was all she knew how to do these days.
CHAPTER FOUR
“Wait a second… we’re flying first class?” Iris ripped the paper boarding pass out of Zac’s hand as they passed the gate attendant. “You probably should have led with that. I would have relented a lot sooner.”
“Oh yeah, my mom spares no expense. She also knew it’d be a lot easier to get me on a plane if she didn’t put me back in coach.”
“The only Coach you like is the purse, right?”
“You know it, baby.” He flipped imaginary long hair over his shoulder as they stood in line on the Jetway. “Iris?”
“What’s up?” She looped her arm through the crook of his and pulled him close. He looked so adorable with his Chicago Bears baseball cap and glasses on. If there ever was a man she was going to be attracted to, it really would have been him.
“I’m super nervous.”
She leaned her head onto his shoulder. “I know. You have every right to be. But it’s going to all be fine. I promise. I’m not going to let this week fail. I’m especially not going to let you squander the superb acting I’m about to unleash.”
“I really hope you’re right.”
After they found their seats, a flight attendant appeared and asked if they would like something to drink.
“I’ll take a prosecco,” Zac said.
“Vodka soda, please,” Iris chimed in.
As the flight attendant moved on to the next passenger, Iris looked at Zac. “Free drinks? What the hell?”
He laughed. “I mean, someone is paying for them. Just not us.”
“I’ll thank your mom, for sure.”
“Please don’t. She’s only bragging now. As if an all-expenses paid trip via Delta first class was the only thing I’d say yes to. I mean, she’s not completely wrong.” He waved his hand through the air. “I love her, but damn.”
“So, what’s the deal with you and her, hmm? You don’t talk about her much.”
He sat up straighter in his seat and looked out the window of the plane. “Not much to say.” His tone of voice made Iris think there was something else layered beneath the subdued melancholy.
Their drinks were delivered, and soon Iris was raising her glass in a toast. “To a week of being in a relationship.”
“To us!” Zac tapped his plastic prosecco flute against her cup and took a sip. “What if we decide this is really what we want?”
Iris let out a laugh that was far too loud in the quiet of the first-class cabin. After batting away a few glares, she turned to Zac and whispered, “You mean like we decide we want to be together?”
“Don’t laugh,” Zac said with a tiny whine. “I really love you, Iris. Can you see us being super happy together? I get that we aren’t like, y’know, attracted to each other, but you’re everything to me. You brought me out of my shell. I could totally see myself with a cougar like you too.”
“You did not just call me a cougar.”
He shrugged. “I sure did.”
“I am not that much older than y—okay, fine. You’re right. Ten years is kind of a lot. But seriously, Zac. We are happy together because we’re friends. We’re the completely gay version of Will and Grace.” She watched him process her words before she pursed her lips together, an idea percolating in her brain. “Come here,” she whispered. He did as she asked, and she placed her lips on his.
As he pulled away and opened his eyes, he started to giggle. “Yeah, you’re right. Definitely gay.”
“Same,” she added before she drank from her vodka soda, hoping to wash away the feeling of kissing him. “Doesn’t hurt to try, though, right?”
