Home for the Holidays, page 20
But not a single one of them, especially Sandy, looked or smelled or tasted how Iris looked, smelled, and tasted. Her body was flawless, her scent was intoxicating, and her taste was orgasmic. Heidi kept thinking the other shoe was going to drop. Something wasn’t going to be right, something was going to throw her off, but with every second that passed, she fell deeper and deeper into Iris.
When she traced her nipple with her tongue and the flesh tightened, Heidi delighted in the fact that she was jumping headlong into the abyss, totally unafraid of the way she didn’t know where she would land. In fact, she was so freaking excited she could barely handle it. She kept telling herself to slow down and enjoy the ride—jumping headfirst doesn’t always mean it’s going to end well.
Maybe she’d be able to suck and flick Iris’s nipples for the rest of her life. Maybe she’d be able to feel Iris’s wetness until the end of her days. Maybe she’d be able to hear Iris whispering her name until she took her last breath.
She was holding on to hope.
Was it reckless? Sure. But expecting the worst was foolish, and she was far from foolish.
“Heidi?” Iris’s soft whisper was so lovely.
“Yes?” She was next to Iris’s ear when she responded. She heard Iris suck in a breath. “Are you okay?”
“God, yes, I’m fantastic,” she said with a soft laugh. “I just…”
“You just what?” Heidi kissed her cheek, down her jawline, to her chin, then her lips as she moved her hand across Iris’s toned stomach, over her so warm center, to her wetness. She slid her fingers between her thighs. “What is it?”
“I don’t… don’t want this to be the last time we do this.”
“Stop,” Heidi whispered against Iris’s lips. “Enjoy this. Don’t think about the future.”
“But—”
“No, Iris.” She kissed her again, deeply as she slipped two fingers inside of her. “I won’t let you think like that.”
Iris’s only response was a soft, “God damn, that feels so good.”
“Concentrate on me, on us, not on the future.” She continued to work magic with her fingers, reveling in the sensation of Iris’s warm, wet center and her soft whimpers that were slowly turning into low moans. “Concentrate on my fingers inside of you.”
Iris leaned her head back, exposing her neck, and Heidi took the opportunity to kiss her there, run her tongue from Iris’s chin down to the hollow of her neck. She loved that place on a woman. She loved it even more on Iris. Licking her bare clavicle was just as exciting as feeling the rest of her. Her body was exquisite, including the beauty mark she had on the inside of her thigh, which Heidi kissed. When she finally put her mouth on Iris’s wetness, she heard her pull in a sharp breath. And when she pushed her tongue into her, the low, guttural oh my fucking god she released was enough to make Heidi come for the fifth time that night. She replaced her tongue with two fingers and focused her attention on the one area she never needed a map to find. The beauty of sex with women was she never needed instruction. She knew the route like the back of her hand. Was she ever nervous? Sure, but she also realized early on that nerves pushed her to be better.
“I’m going to come.” Iris’s hands were already on Heidi’s head, in her hair, when she whispered those words. It was only seconds later that it happened. She came, and she came hard. Heidi pulled her fingers out and wrapped her arms around Iris’s thighs so she couldn’t pull away. She’d learned that trick from a random woman she met on Tinder. Was she proud of that at the time? Absolutely not. But now? Now she was glad she had that move in her back pocket.
As Iris’s hips came back to the mattress, Heidi moved up her body, found her lips, and kissed her deeply.
“I taste really good on you,” Iris said against Heidi’s lips. “You’re good. Like very, very, very good. Like, are you sure you’re a late-in-life lesbian? Because holy shit.”
She softly laughed as she cupped Iris’s center. “Let’s just be happy I finally figured it out.”
“Fuckin’ preach.”
Heidi spread Iris’s legs with ease. She coated her fingers with Iris’s wetness, then found her clit. She rubbed lightly at first, then harder and faster, matching Iris’s breathing as it escalated. “You’re not done yet,” she whispered. “Come again for me.”
And Iris did as she was told. She clamped her thighs around Heidi’s hand, stilling her movements. “Holy shit,” she panted. “You… wow… fuck.”
“I want to do this all night with you.”
“Same.” Iris’s breathing hadn’t returned to normal. “I’m ready.”
Heidi laughed low and deep. “You are delightful.”
“And you’re fucking good at this.”
“Just wait until we get that strap-on.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Iris hissed.
Heidi chuckled as she pushed her fingers back into Iris and slowly started to pull and push, with Iris’s hips matching her rhythm. She bit down on Iris’s lower lip before kissing her deeply. “I want to watch you riding it while I wear it.”
“Heidi,” Iris said softly. “You’re amazing. You know that?”
“No, babe, you are.” And she meant it. She really fucking meant it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Iris used to roll her eyes whenever someone said they didn’t sleep at all, not even a little bit. How could they not sleep at all? Like, not a wink? Being a therapist and working from sunup to sundown some days, sleep was her very best friend. Naps? Loved them. But crawling into bed at night, reading a chapter of some dumb guide to help her improve as a human being, and proceeding to pass the fuck out was her forte. Zac made fun of her for being the only person he knew who could go to sleep without being on her phone, without TikTok-ing, without endlessly scrolling through Twitter. She took pride in the fact that she was a champion sleeper. It was maybe the only thing she was truly good at.
And then last night happened.
After all that, she completely understood how some people didn’t sleep. It was the first night in her entire life where she literally did not want to miss a second. She had had more sex last night than she had had the rest of the year. It was like they were going through a playbook of sapphic sex positions. Heidi riding her face. Sixty-nine. From behind. On the floor once when they accidentally rolled off the bed. And then on the en suite bathroom’s floor when Heidi got up to go pee. And then again, up against the wall outside the bathroom.
At five, they peeled themselves off each other, completely spent, and decided it was time to give each other a break. Heidi was still handsy, though, and tried one last time. She succeeded. It was just as mind-blowingly incredible as all the other times.
“Merry Christmas,” Heidi whispered after she pulled her fingers from Iris’s wetness.
“God, yeah, Merry fucking Christmas. How are we going to survive today without any sleep?” Iris lazily kissed Heidi’s lips. “I mean, I’m thrilled about the reason, don’t get me wrong.”
“Caffeine, sugar, and a prayer. Lots of ‘em.” Heidi laughed. “We’ll be okay.” She lightly dragged her nails down Iris’s back. “I had so much fun with you.”
“Oh, Heidi,” she said softly. “I had the time of my life with you.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
After another string of soft kisses, Iris sat up. “I’ll get up first.”
“The coffee should be ready. I’ll be down soon.”
She slid out of Heidi’s bed, dressed herself, and grabbed her robe. She left the room like a cat burglar, hoping upon hope that no one else was up. She cleaned up in Zac’s bathroom and headed downstairs to get coffee and obsess over her stupidity in peace.
The coffee was brewed, no one was up, and she had the house to herself. She grabbed a mug and found a perfect spot next to the bay window in the living room. It was still snowing. Three days straight of snow, snow, and more snow. She was going to be trapped in Vale Park forever if the storm didn’t let up. Not that being trapped with Heidi would be bad.
Iris shook her head, commanding herself to focus. Maybe she could use what was probably a minuscule amount of time before the rest of the family arose to try to wrap her brain around what had happened last night.
Last night had been so intense—yes, in all the best ways, but also in all the most confusing ways. What if this couldn’t continue? What happened to her heart then? Part of the reason she didn’t have a significant other was the fact that she could not handle heartbreak. She had learned that at a very young age. And this whole situation? It was a heartbreak waiting to happen. Heidi clearly wanted her. She clearly wanted Heidi. In a perfect world, that would have been the only signal she needed.
But of course she had to go and fall for Zac’s mom.
How was she going to explain this to her best friend? He would never be okay with it. Heidi was right; he wasn’t good at sharing. Even when she had a night out with Stacey, he’d text her a thousand times about random stuff and get upset when she wouldn’t respond immediately. Iris wasn’t prepared to admit that she enjoyed being missed when she wasn’t around, but she never got annoyed with him for being impatient. Being missed was nice.
She couldn’t keep a secret from him, though. She had no poker face; she couldn’t keep a secret from anybody. She was going to have to come out and tell him. Even if nothing else happened, she’d have to come clean, right? What kind of friendship is built on lies, even if they were lies of omission?
But in what world would Zac actually be okay with it? Did that world exist? She had found out so much about him in the past three days. He was much closer to his family than he had led her to believe. That was a lie by omission, wasn’t it? And this relationship with Evan? That was definitely a lie by omission. Or was it simply Zac keeping something to himself? At the very least, it was something he wasn’t comfortable sharing. She wasn’t comfortable sharing her relationship with Heidi, so why wouldn’t that be okay?
She laughed as she stared out the window. Stop trying to lie your way out of this, Iris.
Going on seventy-two hours in Vale Park, and her entire world had been rearranged.
For someone who had spent her entire adult life avoiding falling in love, how was it possible that she had fallen so quickly for Heidi? She barely knew her. And Heidi wasn’t someone she should be looking at, let alone sleeping with. But something about Heidi’s presence, her voice, her touch, calmed Iris in a way she could barely grasp. Her heart would beat rapidly, yes. Her hands would shake, sure. Her stomach would fill with butterflies like a lovesick asshole, of course. But the parts of her that had never been cast in a role when it came to the story of romance in her life had started to play a part. Like the part of her brain that actually felt happiness. Or the part of her heart that felt excited to beat rapidly instead of the dread that normally accompanied the quickened rate. She was ready for this. And that was maybe the scariest part about all of it. Because she had never been ready before. Now here she was… ready… with her best friend’s mom.
“I could certainly get used to waking up to this,” Heidi said softly as she came into Iris’s view.
And the rest of Iris’s life started to flash before her eyes. Heidi in the mornings. Heidi making breakfast. Heidi having coffee with her. Heidi, Heidi, Heidi… She stood in front of Iris and leaned her backside against the bay window. Her red robe was cinched tight. Her hair was down, natural waves surrounding her face.
God, she looks incredible.
“Hi,” Iris murmured. She braced herself to grapple with some conflicting emotions, but nothing came up. Nothing but a sense of calm. The onslaught of nervousness and fear that she had assumed she’d feel when she saw Heidi that morning was not there. Instead, her heart seemed to almost smile. The internal groan she made over that stupid romantic thought was almost deafening.
Heidi crossed her left leg over her right, folded her arms across her chest, and smiled. “Think we should have a conversation today?”
“Us? Or with Zac?”
“I don’t need to talk to you about us,” she said. “I already know you are who I want.”
“Even though he’s going to flip out?”
She nodded. “I have never felt like this before.”
“Me either, Heidi. Ever.” She shrugged. “And because it’s you, it means I shouldn’t be happy? Is that what the world has decided for me? For us? I just…” Iris paused, stared back down at her coffee, and took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I want to skip out on happiness because—”
“Because I’m your best friend’s mom.”
She looked at Heidi, at her crooked smile and the way her glasses weren’t sitting perfectly straight on her face, and her heart fucking smiled again. “Precisely.”
“I’ll tell you what.” Heidi squatted down in front of Iris, knees popping, and held her hands. “I’ve spent most of my life doing the proper thing. Or at least what society thinks is the proper thing. And I have never been truly happy. I’m too old to keep myself in a box. I want to live outside of the box, wholly and with enthusiasm. You and me? We might not be anything more than a fleeting relationship that happened because we were both stuck. But we could also be what we’ve both been looking for. And not going for it? Not allowing ourselves to be happy, to love and feel loved, to live our own fucking lives without anyone else’s input?” Heidi’s eyes were filled with tears now, and Iris had to force herself to not kiss her. “I just know I will regret it for the rest of my life.”
“Mom?”
Heidi’s eyes widened as she stood up, dropping Iris’s hands in the process. “Zac, baby, hi. Merry Christmas.”
Iris couldn’t feel anything. Her legs had gone numb. She blinked once, twice, three times, hoping it would snap her out of the daze she was in.
“What are you doing?” Zac moved quickly into the living room. “What is going on?”
“Zac, wait, I can explain.” Iris still couldn’t move, though, so standing was not an option. “Nothing is going on.”
“No, I saw…” Zac shook his head. “Why were you holding Iris’s hands?”
Heidi attempted to answer. “I was, I mean, I, she was telling me about you—”
“Iris? About me? You promised you’d let me tell her.” Zac’s shoulders fell.
The relief that flooded through Iris’s entire body, coupled with sheer terror at the idea of Zac thinking she’d been a bad friend, spurred her legs to work again. She rushed over to him. “Zac, wait, I didn’t tell her.”
“No, I already knew. I’ve known for years,” Heidi said.
“You already knew?”
“Yes, honey. I did.” She approached Zac, and Iris moved to one side to make room for her. “Why do you think I invited Evan over?”
“Ma…” His voice cracked.
“Baby, I just want you to be happy.” She had her hands on Zac’s face as he started to cry. “I love you no matter what. I know you aren’t with Iris. I know you only did that to make me happy, but you being yourself is the only thing that will make me happy. Okay?”
He practically collapsed into Heidi’s arms—into his mother’s arms—weeping with grief. The entire scene had Iris’s eyes filling with tears as she watched. His hand reached out, and he yanked her toward them so he could hug her too. Heidi’s arm wrapped around her for extra support. Iris was grateful for it; what a strange fucking morning so far.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he said softly after he pulled away from the hug. “I was afraid to.”
“I know.” Heidi had her hands on Zac’s face, pure love and acceptance on her face.
“Iris kept telling me that you were going to love me no matter what. I don’t know why I didn’t believe her.”
“Because you’re stubborn,” Iris said softly as she wiped her own tears away.
“You’re right. I am.” He sniffled before he pulled her into another hug. She looked at Heidi, at the smile on her face. One hurdle had been crossed. Zac was successfully out to his mom. On accident, of course, because why not? Now for the next one.
“Do you think Dad will be upset?” Zac pulled away and looked at Heidi. “Was he mad about Adrien?”
“Honey, your father being upset would be like throwing stones in a glass house. He is going to understand and”—she paused, shrugged—“he won’t be surprised either.”
Zac chuckled. “I guess I’m not a very good actor.”
“The worst.” Heidi laughed along with him. “You know, I guess now’s a good time to tell you that I saw you that one day, back in high school. With Evan. In the—”
“Laundry room? Are you serious?”
She nodded. “I acted oblivious. I’m a much better actor than you.”
Zac was blushing ten shades of red. “I am so dumb. I can’t believe I’ve been hiding this entire time and you’ve known. What the hell is going on with me?”
“Nothing, my love. Nothing at all.” Heidi pulled him back into her. “You’re perfect. Don’t give it another thought.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
One down, one more to go.
Once Heidi knew she was the next one who would come out to the family, it was far more stressful than she thought it’d be. She knew they’d be accepting of her. Half her family was already part of the LGBTQ+ community. There was no way they’d be disapproving.
They might feel differently when they found out who she wanted to date, though.
It had taken everything in her to not just spill the beans to Zac as they discussed his relationship with Evan. Seeing Zac happy and open to talking about his life was all Heidi had ever wanted. She loved the smile on his face, the relief in his eyes. He was free and looked lovely. But a part of her was jealous. She wanted to feel free and look lovely. Hiding wasn’t easy or fun. Zac was absolutely right. Hearing him say that if he had known then that she would have accepted him without any issues, he would have been honest with them was like a punch to the gut. He could have been honest with himself. Instead, he had stayed hidden for years and years. She had raised the kids with as much love and guidance as she could, but, oh god, did her love come across as dislike?
