Purgatory Blues (2013), page 25
“Not bad kid, not bad at all”, Julian said with a little grin as they ended their session on the same note.
“I really needed this Jules, thank you”, Andy replied.
“When you’ve got the blues, only the blues will help”, Julian said as he stood up and put the bass on its stand.
Andy decided that it was time to leave. He checked his phone and found that it was a little past three after midnight. He unplugged the guitar and moved to place it in its case but Julian stopped him.
“I think old Red wants to go with you”, he said to Andy, “you take her home okay?”
“What? The guitar?” Andy asked with surprise.
“Yeah”, Julian smiled.
“You’re kidding right?” Andy asked. “This is your Excalibur”.
“My son used to play, I taught him myself. It was supposed to be his. I thought it might become a family heirloom, but that’s not going to happen now. Maybe one day you’ll have a son and you can pass it on to him”, there was sadness in Julian’s eyes as he spoke.
It was an amazing guitar, but it wasn’t as though Andy needed it. He had two more Stratocasters at his apartment. None exactly like Julian’s of course. Every guitar is unique and this one in particular was aged to perfection. It was what it meant to Julian however, which made it all the more special. Andy looked at him and realized that this was something that Julian needed to do. He couldn’t refuse him.
“I promise I’ll take good care of her”, Andy said.
“I know you will son”, Julian said and patted Andy on the back.
Andy packed up the guitar while Julian turned off the various lights around the bar area and closed up. After a few minutes Julian walked Andy to the back exit to say their goodbyes.
“Don’t be a stranger now, you’ve earned your membership, come back and visit anytime”, he said, extending his hand to Andy.
“I will, and thanks for everything Jules”, Andy replied and shook Julian’s hand.
Andy walked out and Julian locked the gate behind him. He waved to Julian one last time before he rounded the corner. It was a long walk back to his apartment, all the way up the hill. He was carrying the guitar case with him as well and it weighed a considerable amount. He took it slow…using the time to think about the conversation he’d had with Julian, while he soaked in the night air.
It had been a long time since he’d had anything to feel good about, till that night. Andy agreed with Julian, something about playing the blues was incomparable to anything else. Being on stage was alright for Andy, but it wasn’t anywhere near as therapeutic as sitting down with another musician and letting it all out. All his frustration, all of his anger, all his misery…he’d bled each of them out through his fingertips. He felt like he’d left the Charleston a new man, or rather, a better version of the one he used to be.
There was one thing that he was finally certain of, running away was not the answer. The only way forward was to accept everything that had happened. He couldn’t change the past and he couldn’t escape it, he would have to embrace it before he could begin to move on. The night had gone a long way towards doing just that. Avoiding his pain had only made it stronger and fixating on his demise had given death power over him. He decided that it was time to focus on life and what could be, not what might’ve been.
The walk back lasted forty-five minutes. By the time he entered his apartment Andy was too tired to even notice the empty silence. He went straight in to the bedroom and fell on to the mattress. For the first time in a year, he slept peacefully.
Chapter 14
When Andy woke it was an hour before midday, he rose to the sound of soft showers and gloomy weather outside. It was the perfect day for being indoors, the kind suited for reading, watching movies and cuddling up with a loved one under a blanket…none of which he was in the position to do.
After the night that he’d spent playing with Julian, the first thing that came to his mind was that he wanted more. He looked at the guitar case next to his bed and all he could think was that he wanted to be in a room with musicians and create something. He knew how much easier it was to destroy than create. He wondered if the destruction he caused was purely to externalize what he was feeling inside, almost like a child acting out for not getting their way…but after his night playing the blues, he was looking at things in a completely new light.
He’d risen from his slumber with purpose and his newborn positivity told him that there was too much left to do. He wanted to be constructive and make things…but if he was going to try his hand at music again, he knew that Jack and the rest of the Reapers wouldn’t be an option. He left the bedroom and went through his morning ritual, cracking open a beer for breakfast while he considered his next move.
When he was ready for the day ahead he sat down on the couch and began scrolling through the numbers on his phone, searching for an activity that would satiate his need for artistic expression. He stopped when he came to the name “Cassidy” and even said it out loud. They’d played together in a band during their college years. Andy had quit to find work but Cassidy had kept at it. Her band still gigged regularly but it’d been years since he’d even spoken with her. He recalled greeting her in passing from time to time, but nothing more. Their style of music was much lighter than what the Reapers played. He wondered if she’d even remember him. He dialed anyway.
“Helloooo”, a theatrically feminine voice answered on the fourth ring. Andy couldn’t be sure that it was still her number.
“Hi, is this Cassidy?” he asked.
“Yeah this is Cassidy, who’s this?”
“I don’t know if you remember me, it’s been years, this is Andy. Andy Maureau”.
She jumped in with a higher pitch before Andy could finish his last name, “oh my god! Of course I remember you! Wow! So what’s up? What’s going on?”
Andy’s mood immediately brightened at the enthusiastic response. He wondered if she was being honest or if it was just the practiced response of someone who was too used to dealing with lots of strange fans. “Um, nothing really. A strange thing happened, I bumped in to Jules yesterday and…”
“Oh wow! Jules! How’s he doing?”
“He’s good…he’s okay”, Andy answered, somewhat mindful of her exuberance. “Anyway, we had a bit of a jam and it sorta got me in the mood, I was wondering if maybe we could get together and pluck the strings for a bit? Nothing serious. Just for fun”.
“Hey, for you, sure thing! Look, we’re in the studio right now, why don’t you swing by? Jeff is laying down the drum tracks and we’re all just hanging out and messing around, these guys are gonna go nuts when I tell them about you!”
“So she really does remember me”, Andy thought. “You’re sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything”.
“It’s totally cool, I insist, you gotta come down here right now! It’s “Squeakie Freakz”, I’m sure you know where that is”.
“Yeah I do”, Andy answered, “I’ll see you in twenty”.
“Fuzzy babe! Can’t wait!”
Cassidy put down the phone and Andy wondered if “fuzzy” was now slang for “cool” or it was something that she alone used. He geared up and grabbed Julian’s guitar before he left the apartment. On the way to the studio he stopped and had a burger from a roadside vendor. Meals being as irregular as they were…made this burger taste like the best one in the whole world. Minutes later he was back on the road.
The studio wasn’t very far from him and he was only ten minutes late, owing to his breakfast stop. When he pulled in to the parking lot he saw a group of people unloading amplifiers from a red pickup. The building was a two-story house that’d been converted with a big sign at the top that read “Squeakie Freakz”. It had the image of a compact disc in the middle.
Andy got out of the car and almost immediately saw Cassidy running toward him with a big smile on her face. She was five foot five inches, had short spiky green hair, tattoos on every visible patch of skin and more piercings than Andy could count. She was wearing a fish net vest over a brazier with torn jeans and boots. She leapt onto him like an Amazonian spider and wrapped her legs around him with a vice-like grip. “ANDY!” She screamed in delight.
“Hi”, Andy laughed and accepted her hug.
She dropped down but still held on to his arms, “looking a little grizzly there fella”, she said, noting his several days of not shaving.
“It’s my new thing”, Andy smiled, “I call it ‘the hobo’, nice huh?” Andy said, showing off his outfit.
“Well, that part hasn’t changed, you still dress like you’re in the mob”, Cassidy laughed. “Come on”, she said as she took him by the hand and pulled him along with her, “come meet the guys”.
Cassidy walked him over to the red pickup. There was a guy in the back wearing a “U2” t-shirt who was pulling out head units and passing them to another guy on the outside who was wearing a “Jane’s addiction” t-shirt. “Guys”, she called out, causing them both to stop and look up. “This is an old friend of mine, Andy Maureau. Andy, this is Dave and Paul”, she said, pointing to U2 and Jane’s addiction respectively.
“Hey”, Dave said with a nod and a smile.
“Hey”, Paul mirrored.
“Hey guys”, Andy said and shook both their hands.
“Reapers right?” Paul asked.
“Yeah”, Andy answered before reconsidering his answer, “well, I used to be I mean”.
“Caught the show the other night”, Paul replied, “heavy stuff. I mean good…but heavy”, he added with a smile.
“Thanks I guess”, Andy said and politely laughed. “Need a hand?”
“Please!” Dave said with a sigh.
The four of them proceeded to unload the amp heads from the pickup. There was a Mesa, an Orange, a Black Star, a Laney, a Marshall, a Peavey and Andy’s personal favorite…a Soldano. They took them all inside and placed them in the equipment storage room to the left of the entrance. To the right of the entrance was the chill out room and straight ahead was the actual studio. When they were done with the gear, Cassidy showed Andy into the chill out room.
There was a massive flat screen television with gaming consoles underneath, a few randomly placed couches, all manner of audio equipment, an assortment of guitars, a piano and in the center of it all…a large table with a dizzying array of intoxicating substances. The only thing that looked odd on the table was the pizza box. There was marijuana, a bong, beers, whiskey, vodka and a variety of pills.
Andy stopped at the entrance to take the room in. Yesterday this might have been his favorite room in the world…today he reacted to it with a furrowed brow. “This is how people record music?” He thought to himself. Andy had always had a no drug policy when it came to writing and music. For him, work and play did not mix. He chose not to be judgmental though, deciding that everyone had their own process for creation.
Cassidy pulled him in to the room as though nothing at all was wrong with the scene. She pushed him on to a couch and jumped up beside him. “Pizza?” She offered with a big-eyed smile.
“Nah, I’m good, thanks”, said Andy, laughing to himself. He found her animated gestures amusing in a cute way. “Quite a little pharmacy you’ve got here”, he added, nodding toward the table.
“Oh, you know how it is”, she said, slapping his arm, “so let’s catch up, what’s been going on with you? I heard you wrote a book!”
“Yeah I did”.
“You always did have that thinky vibe about you, I didn’t read it though”, she stopped for a moment with a fake guilty look before she burst out laughing.
“That’s okay”, Andy said with a wink, “it wasn’t that good anyway. What about you? What’s been going on?”
“Got married!” She announced, holding up her hand to show him her wedding band.
“Whoa! When did that happen?” Andy asked, honestly stunned. She’d never seemed like the marrying type to him.
“Two years now”, Cassidy said happily.
He took her hand to admire the ring, choosing to politely feign interest because he knew nothing about jewelry. “Thanks for the invitation!” He said, pretending to be offended.
“Yee-aaa-h”, she replied with an uncomfortable smile, “that wouldn’t have worked out”.
“What do you mean?” Andy asked.
Another uncomfortable grin followed before she answered, “you were the last guy I was with before Kevin and I got really serious”.
“Kevin, Kevin?” Andy asked in shock. He knew the Kevin that she was referring to. Cassidy had just broken up with Kevin when she’d gotten together with him. Kevin had been on the same campus as they were.
“Yeah, Kevin, Kevin”, she answered with a nod and a smile, “I know it was just the one time but I told him about it and he kinda never let it go. Guys huh?”
“I don’t know about that”, Andy said truthfully, “I might’ve been a little weirded out in his shoes. It is kinda creepy. What about now?” Andy asked, gesturing between the two of them.
“Come on! It’s been, like, nine years! Two of those have been marriage. If he’s not okay with it by now then we’ve definitely got problems”, she said. “Also…” she added before leaning closer and whispering, “he’s not here”.
“Not cool”, Andy thought to himself. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea”, he said politely and began to stand up.
“Come on!” She said, pulling him back down, “it’s totally fine, I’ll tell him you stopped by later and he’s just going to have to be okay with it. I’m not going to tell him you’re here now and make it a whole big hectic thing. You and I are friends and I’ve been happily married for two whole years. I love my husband and he loves me. I think a certain level of trust is implied with that arrangement. If I didn’t wanna be with him I wouldn’t have married him right?”
“You’re sure?” Andy asked skeptically.
“I’m sure sure”, Cassidy said, “plus, nobody picks out a nine year old phone number and does what you did unless something’s up. You look like shit and I don’t know if it’s just age but I see something behind those eyes of yours. You didn’t just call me to jam did you?” She looked at Andy and he returned her a blank expression. “What’s really going on?” She asked.
“I kinda did just want to jam”, Andy said.
“Okay”, she said as if she were testing him and reached over the couch. “Here”, Cassidy said, handing him an acoustic guitar.
Andy took the instrument from her suspiciously. He first checked the tuning and after satisfying himself that it was all in order, held down a minor chord and began picking a somber melody. He couldn’t help himself…sadness had permeated his brainwaves and he revealed himself instantly. Only a minute had passed when Cassidy yanked the guitar out of his hands, “oh come on!” She exclaimed. “No one is that sad!”
“What?” Andy shouted in surprise.
“Come on Maureau, what is it? Throw in a dead dog and busted truck and you’re a walking country song! It’s written all over your face. Just spill”, she said as she cracked open a can of beer and handed it to him.
Andy knew at that point that she was probably right, “must be woman’s intuition”, he thought to himself. “I’m that transparent huh?”
“Maybe not to everyone, but I know you remember?”
Andy took a big gulp out of the beer before he answered her. “A lot of stuff has happened in the last week”, he said with a sigh as the images flashed through his mind, “I can’t talk about it. I’m not supposed to”. It was then that he realized whom he could talk to and he wondered why he wasn’t with Melissa at that very moment. Suddenly he felt an intense longing to be with her and found himself missing her more than he ever had before. “Can I ask you something though?”
“Sure”, Cassidy answered.
“Tell me what happened with you and Kevin. You told me you guys were broken up, we had that one night together and then I didn’t see you again after that, just a hello now and then but we never hung out anymore”.
“Why do you ask?”
“Might be applicable to a certain situation”, Andy replied.
“Well, that was a long time ago but I do kinda remember what happened. I guess that was the first big test that our relationship had. It turned out that we weren’t really broken up. We had a fight about something, I can’t recall what it was, but he stormed out and I thought that was it you know?”
“Uh huh”.
“So anyway I spent that night crying my eyes out in our apartment all by myself and he didn’t come home, I really thought we were done. The next day you and I had practice together and afterwards we went to that bar to talk…and I suppose you know what happened after that”.
“Yeah”, Andy said with a smile, “you made a move on me”.
Cassidy blushed in open mouthed, wide-eyed embarrassment. “You!” She said, pointing at Andy, struggling for words, “you so totally came on to me!”
“Hey, if you wanna remember things differently that’s okay, I don’t mind”, Andy said playfully.
“Forget about it, it doesn’t matter who did what”, she said hurriedly, “anyway, that whole thing happened and then in the morning I went home and Kevin was there”.
“Crap-ola”, Andy said, “so then what happened?”
“Well, he apologized for whatever it was that we were fighting about, it was something stupid…anyway, you can imagine that I was just distraught over what I had done, but I didn’t tell him till a few days later, you know? Like when I thought that we were over that fighting period. I knew if I’d told him right then and there he’d have left and never come back”.
“Okay, but here’s the thing”, Andy began his line of inquiry, “it was pretty much one day, if things were so serious between the two of you, then isn’t there some kind of rule that says you have to wait a certain amount of time to make sure that it’s really over?”
