Purgatory Blues (2013), page 17
“Uh…yeah”, Eddie replied, letting his arm fall to his side.
“Motherfucker”, Dennis cursed in strangled tones.
Andy had assumed that Dennis was reeling from his wound but turned to find Red Cap scuffling with Dennis on the ground, fighting for the Glock. Andy reacted and found himself at their side instantly, giving Red Cap a running punt to the head. There was a loud bone crunching sound and Red Cap slumped to the ground lifelessly.
Dennis looked at Andy for a moment and then checked Red Cap’s vital signs. “He’s dead”, Dennis said, he saw the angle of his head and added, “you broke his neck”.
Andy looked around to see if anyone was watching, “we don’t have time for this”, he said to Dennis urgently and helped him to his feet. Dennis grunted from the pain but there was no time to bother with his injury just yet. Andy inspected the bag in the back seat of the Toyota. It was indeed filled with cash. He handed the bag to Dennis, along with his car keys. “Here, take my car, go the clubhouse, we’ll meet you there after we take care of this. Give me your keys, I’ll bring your bike”. Dennis complied wordlessly and left in the direction of Andy’s car.
“Eddie, come help me with this”, Andy called. Eddie still seemed to be stuck in a haze but came to Andy nonetheless. Andy took Red Cap’s arms while Eddie grabbed his legs and they carried him up the steps and into the house. As they crossed the body at the front door, Eddie dropped Red Cap and turned away to throw up.
Andy knew it might be a while till Eddie was useful again so he took the time to check the rest of the house. There were just two large rooms excluding the kitchen and a bathroom. He frantically searched the cupboards in every room, not glancing in each one for more than a second.
He found lighter fluid in the kitchen and took it with him as he searched, making sure to spread the flammable liquid with him wherever he went. He went into the living room and above the television he found pre-bagged grams of the brown powder, this was definitely the place they were looking for.
In the cupboard under the television he found what appeared to be a half-kilo of uncut cocaine. He tasted it to make sure. It was. He took some in his hand and snorted it. The rush hit him like he’d attached jumper cables to his brain. He almost fell over from the sudden jolt. It was the purest he’d ever tried and he didn’t even know how much he’d just ingested, his adrenaline saved him.
He folded the rest and put the package into his pocket. He pulled apart everything in the cupboard and found another full kilo unopened. He took it with him as well. By the time he went back to Eddie, only two minutes had passed.
“Here, have this”, he said to Eddie, offering him his hand with the uncut in it.
Eddie was still slouching over his vomit but wiped his mouth and did as he was told. After a loud sniff, he looked up and said, “better”.
“Now help”, Andy said. Eddie returned him a look of helpless desperation, a look begging to be spared from this act of horror. He knew it would only take time that they didn’t have to convince him, so Andy nodded and went back to his task.
He pulled the two bodies in to the center of the room and then using what was left of the lighter fluid and his lighter, set both bodies alight. The smell of burning flesh filled the room. Andy doused the curtains and the table in the room with the fluid as well. The flames began to lick at the furniture with an uncanny hunger. Andy sprayed the bodies once more and watched to make certain the flames wouldn’t go out. When he was sure that they would last he grabbed Eddie by the arm and pulled him outside.
“Go straight to the clubhouse, I’m right behind you”, Andy said.
Eddie nodded and ran for his bike. Andy tore open the full kilo of uncut. He threw some in the back seat of the Toyota and then dribbled some along the ground. He folded the rest of the package and pocketed that one as well, there’d be fingerprints on the plastic and he was in the system, he couldn’t risk leaving it behind.
The logical assumption for the investigating officers to come to would be that this was simply a drug deal gone wrong. He took in the scene one last time to see if he’d overlooked anything, certain that he hadn’t, he turned and ran for Dennis’s bike. He hopped on, no one had left their homes yet and there still weren’t any sirens. The fire trucks would be there before the police showed up. Andy started the bike and raced into the darkness, leaving his sins behind him.
Chapter 10
It wasn’t hard to hit two hundred and forty kilometers an hour on the freeway with Dennis’s bike. The adrenaline pumping through Andy heightened his every sense. he steered on instinct, pouring himself into the moment. There was only one thing on his mind, “get where you’re going and don’t look back”.
As he came in to the clubhouse parking lot he saw his BMW and Eddie, who was still on his bike, parked next to it. Eddie was holding the handlebars and staring into nothing. Andy quickly dismounted and went over to him. It took some effort to coax him off the bike. His vice like grip to the vehicle made it seem like it was the only thing anchoring him to reality. Eddie finally dismounted and Andy hugged him firmly, “you did good”, he said, “we’re all safe, come to the bar and put some whiskey inside you, I need to take care of Dennis, we’ll talk in a little bit okay?”
When Andy let go of Eddie he still didn’t say anything. He was looking down and shaking his head from side to side in disbelief. “I…okay…okay bro”, Eddie said eventually.
Andy guided Eddie in to the building and opened the door to find Dennis sitting at a table with Melissa standing over him. Her features softened the instant she set eyes upon him. “He wouldn’t tell me anything, he said to wait for you!” She said as she ran up to Andy. She threw her arms around him like he’d come back from the dead.
“Everything’s fine”, Andy said, accepting her embrace, “go call Doc in the other room and give us five minutes okay?” He felt her nodding in acknowledgement against his shoulder. “Tell him to get here right now”.
Doc was the nickname given to a man named Harold Rimes. He was the club’s personal physician, surgeon and whatever else they needed him to be, for a price. They’d used him for house calls before, but never for anything this severe. Anyone admitted to a hospital with a bullet wound would have to be reported to the police, thus, making Doc the only option under their current circumstances.
“Okay”, Melissa said and hurried away.
Dennis was still holding his arm and gritting his teeth against the pain. He didn’t say anything. Andy grabbed a bottle of Whiskey from behind the bar and then sat down next to him with Eddie. They each took a large gulp from the bottle before passing it on. After Andy had had his turn he examined Dennis’s wound.
“Let’s take a look at that”, he said, “how does it feel?”
“It’s not bad, just hurts like a motherfucker”, Dennis said bravely.
Andy helped Dennis out his shirt, it was sticking to him like fresh varnish because of all the blood, but Andy tore it off him as gently as he could. “Looks like a through and through”, he said after a careful inspection, “didn’t go anywhere near bone. You’re fine, you just need to get stitched”.
Andy tore a clean strip of fabric from the shirt and tied it around the entry and exit, “this’ll control the bleeding till Doc gets here to patch you up”, he said.
They passed the bottle around once more, taking bigger sips than the first time, they all needed to come down from the battle high they were on if they’d be able to do what came next. The whiskey had a calming affect. They sat there in silence, replaying those few minutes of insanity in their heads, searching for some shred of understanding, but there was none to be had.
“That should never have happened, I don’t know why the fuck I let you talk me into doing this”, Dennis said sullenly.
“You can hate me later, this has to stay between the three of us. No one else can know except for Jack, I’ll tell him everything tomorrow”, Andy said. He was unapologetic and firm. In his mind a leader didn’t apologize, it was a sign of weakness.
“Which version you gonna tell?” Dennis asked bluntly.
“The truth, but he’s the only other person who’s going to know the truth”, Andy said, making eye contact with Eddie and Dennis individually. “As far as everyone else is concerned, the three of us found the dealers we were looking for, we kicked the shit of them and they’re gone, we don’t have to worry about them anymore. You took a stray bullet but aside from that, everyone is alive and well, dealers and club members both”.
Dennis looked away from Andy for a moment, wondering if he should raise the question. It had to be done, so he did, “what did you do back there when I left?” Dennis asked, afraid of what he might hear.
“What I had to”, Andy answered with conviction.
“Which is what exactly?” Dennis needed the hear the words from Andy, right then he only suspected how far he’d gone, he had to know for certain. He wanted him to admit it. He wanted him to acknowledge the repercussions of the decisions he’d made.
Andy looked at Dennis with hate in his eyes, knowing he’d have to live with the depravity of his actions in his nightmares for years to come. “Can’t you leave it alone? Just for this one night?” Andy thought.
“Fine”, Andy said, “I’ll tell you. I made Eddie help me drag the corpses of the two people we’d just killed into the middle of the building, I drenched them in lighter fluid along with the rest of the place and I let the flames to take the evidence to hell. After that, I planted enough evidence to make it look like a drug buy that went south. So you want to know what I did back there? I saved all our asses, that’s what I did!” Andy stood up so fast that his chair fell over. He walked up to the bar and picked up another bottle, cracked it open and took a large gulp.
“Who the fuck are you?” Dennis asked rhetorically, there was fear in his voice and on his face.
When Andy heard the question that he’d asked himself a hundred times before he wanted desperately to tell Dennis the truth. He wanted to tell him that he really didn’t know anymore. He wanted to tell him that he hadn’t known the answer to that question for a long time. He wanted to tell him that he was more afraid than he’d ever been of who he might be becoming. Instead all he said was, “I’m whomever I need to be to get the job done”.
“Then you’re not the man I used to know”, Dennis said with sadness in his voice. “There was another way to handle that and you know it! We could’ve turned ourselves in, it was self defense”.
“IT WAS NOT!” Andy shouted. “Why were we there? Huh? I struck first! That guy died from being beaten to death and I don’t have a scratch on me, but his DNA is on me and mine is on him. Eddie gunned down someone with an unregistered firearm and there are bound to be slugs from your gun stuck somewhere in that house. What would we have said? Huh? We were just taking a stroll when some guy ran in to my fist and another guy used you for target practice? What?!”
Dennis was silent, he knew that Andy was right, but that didn’t make it okay. “I just don’t understand how you could…just…do that, without even a second thought. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like you’ve been doing it all your life”.
“It’s called being a man”, Andy said, the words hurt to say, he was lying and calling his friend a coward because he couldn’t admit that he’d stepped so far over the line, he couldn’t even see it anymore, but it was the only armor he had left, “you should try it some time Dennis”.
Melissa knocked twice before opening the door, “Andy, Doc’s here”, she said, showing him in. Doc was a tall, skinny, bald man in his fifties with spectacles. He’d shown up in his pajamas.
“Hey Doc, thanks for coming out so late”, Andy said and shook Doc’s hand. “Dennis had a little scrape, stitch him up would you? I’ll be right back”.
“Sure Andy”, Doc replied with a meek smile.
As Andy stepped through the door he heard Dennis call out, “Andy!” He turned back to find Dennis staring a hole through him, his look was filled with resentment, pity and regret. “That thing you wanted is in your car”, he said.
Andy left without a word, he needed to get outside, he needed air. Once he’d pushed through the doors into the parking lot he found that he still had the bottle in his hand, he drank from it like he was drinking water. He drank till he felt sick. He dropped the bottle on the ground when he thought he might throw up and the sound of it shattering brought Melissa outside.
She found him with his palms up against the wall, looking down at the floor. It looked like the cops had put him there and he was waiting to be searched. “What’s happening?” She asked worriedly.
“This wall was going to fall over so I’m holding it up”, Andy said, forcing out a fake laugh. His head was starting to swim and it felt good. He hoped the sensation would erase his memory of the last few hours.
“Are you going to tell me what happened tonight?” She asked the question softly, almost as if she didn’t want him to hear so he wouldn’t answer, afraid of what he might say. She could tell by the amount of whiskey on the floor that he’d drunk a substantial amount of it. She knew that whatever was going on had to be serious if Andy was behaving that way.
“I need a minute”, he replied, barely getting the words out. He had to concentrate on his breathing. He didn’t want to have to waste such good whiskey, not without letting it do its work first.
Melissa sat down against the wall and waited. Andy could feel her eyes on him. It made him angry, he hated her concern. He knew that he didn’t deserve it. He was a villain. All he could think was that she didn’t know who he was, how could she? Even he didn’t know, yet time and time again she put him on a pedestal because she was so convinced that he was still the man she’d known years ago. He didn’t have the energy to concoct any kind of lie to tell her. He knew that it probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway. She’d only try to find some way to justify his actions through her misguided sense of loyalty.
Andy finally let go of the wall and walked over to the car, the keys were in the ignition, he pulled them out and used them to get to the gym bag from the trunk. He did a rough inspection and found that it contained quite a large sum, he’d do a full count later, now wasn’t the time…he could barely focus on maintaining his balance. He pulled out five thousand and bound it with rubber band that he’d found in the bag before throwing it to Melissa. “For Doc”, he said.
He walked up to the front of the car and opened the driver’s side door, “could you let me know when he’s finished?” he asked Melissa, “I’m just going to close my eyes for a few minutes”.
“Sure”. She stood and left him to his thoughts, trusting that he would tell her everything in due course.
Andy got behind the wheel, put his head back and closed his eyes. He felt the whiskey working on his brain. He slowed his breathing and felt the cool night air wash over him through the open door. He listened to the silence and drank in the sounds of the darkness around him. He escaped the waking world.
At first he guided his mind to an empty space. He placed a plain white sphere on the canvas to focus on and control his thoughts. It was tiny at first but he began to enlarge it very slowly. From a little dot it grew to the size of a tennis ball, then to a basketball. He gave it texture, a smooth marble finish. He concentrated on the marble. There was something inside the grain that he couldn’t quite see.
He stared into it deeply, trying to find the right angle that would reveal the image he sought. Every time he thought he might have it, it would suddenly vanish. It seemed so close but somehow always out of his grasp.
He chased after it nonetheless and for just a moment he caught a glimpse, it was Elsa. She was smiling at him. The marble slowly turned into mirror and Elsa became clearer along with it. When the mirror had formed fully he saw that he was looking at his own reflection with Elsa standing behind him. Her hand was on his shoulder. Her eyes seemed to say that it was okay, that she forgave him.
He wanted to hold her. He’d missed her so much. He turned to embrace her, but as soon as he did she pulled away. Far from him she seemed to be giggling, he couldn’t remember her ever sounding that way before. He took a step forward but she took one back in return. He took another step forward and she took another one back, but this time she burst out into laughter. Suddenly she was even farther away and stood there pointing at him, “look!” She pronounced through her laughter.
He looked down to find his hands on fire. The flames were as large as torches. Inside his dream he was screaming, he struggled to put out the flames but nothing would work. Elsa’s laughter became louder, almost turning mad, “can’t you see!” She screamed, pointing below him.
Red Cap and the big guy were clawing at his legs, they were on fire as well, their skin peeled and melted away from their faces, they grabbed at his arms and torso. Suddenly he was in the house with them and they were pulling him down, forcing him to lie beside them and burn. Andy fought them but he couldn’t get free, they were too strong. His pleas were deafening, but it didn’t matter, he looked up and there was Elsa calling his name…
“Andy!”
“Andy!”
He was struggling with all his might but it was impossible to break free, they were going take him and he was powerless to stop them. He heard the voice once more.
“Andy!”
“Andy!”
He woke with a start to find Melissa at his door shaking him awake. His breathing was rapid and his heart was racing. He grabbed at Melissa’s hand to make sure that she was real.
“What is it?” Melissa asked with concern in her voice, putting her hand over his. “Are you okay?”
Andy nodded. He took a deep breath, letting new air in to his lungs. He tried to shake away the terror he felt. “What do you need?” he asked her finally.
“Doc’s about to leave, he wanted to know if you needed anything else”.
“Yeah”, the feeling of being on fire in his dream had begun to dissipate but he didn’t feel like he was completely in the real world just yet. He found himself back there for a moment, his mind clinging to the last wayward fragments.
