Purgatory Blues (2013), page 22
Andy let Allen go and began walking back to Liz. He had a smile on his face that warned of evil intent. The position that he’d had Allen in was an immediate disadvantage. Making him lean in to listen forced Allen to have to process what he’d said to him, giving Andy the head start back. When Allen finally realized what Andy had told him his face turned red and he turned around with purpose. He ran at Andy from behind. Andy listened for the footsteps and the change of expression on Liz’s face.
He came at Andy hoping to spear him, but Andy knew the precise moment to pivot and turn to the side. Andy counted the lumbering footfalls and watched for a wide-eyed Liz. As he turned he caught Allen by his collar and belt, using Allen’s own momentum to throw him head first, crashing into the bar counter. Fortunately, Liz was fast enough to jump out of the way.
Allen lay in a heap on the floor and turned over to reveal a cut on his forehead that was streaming blood. Andy didn’t let it rest there though. He leapt on to Allen to finish the job. Allen tried to fight him off but the effort was in vain. He was too stunned to defend himself and Andy just swatted his hands away.
He began raining blows down on Allen’s face. He managed five solid shots before Jack pulled him off and pushed him away. He would’ve gone for him again if not for the fact that Eddie and Dennis had suddenly appeared to restrain him.
Jack shot him a deadly look and Andy stared back feigning ignorance. “What?!” He said, having stopped struggling against Dennis and Eddie, “he started it!”
“Are we in fucking kindergarten?” Jack snapped in irritation.
Jack pulled Allen up from the floor and checked his head, “have Doc take a look, I just saw him smoking a joint outside with Luke”.
Allen began walking away but turned back to Andy at the last second, “this isn’t over Andy”, he said through the pain. Unfortunately for Allen, he didn’t manage to sound very threatening.
“Any time you fucking stool sample!” Andy shouted after him, still gushing with adrenaline.
“You just couldn’t help yourself could you?” Jack asked Andy.
Andy shrugged with a smile and a raised eyebrow as if to say “why the fuck not?”
“Say goodbye Andy”, Jack said to him with a cold stare.
“Goodbye Andy”, he replied childishly.
Jack shook his head and walked away, knowing that if he stayed he’d be involved in an argument that wouldn’t look good in front of all the other members.
Dennis and Eddie were holding on to Andy firmly, though it was only because they hadn’t realized that they were still doing it.
“Hey”, Andy said, looking to either side of him.
“Oh, sorry bro”, Eddie said as he and Dennis let go of Andy, “what happened man?”
“Just a little unfinished business”, Andy said, winking at Eddie.
“I take it this business is now settled?” Dennis asked.
“Far as I’m concerned it is”, Andy replied.
“I told you not to fight!” Liz said as she came up to Andy.
“Did you see what happened?” Andy asked, pretending to be insulted by the accusation, “I was defending myself!”
“You told him something to set him off, I saw you Andy!”
“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, Andy said nonchalantly. “Anyway, we’d better be getting out of here before Jack has a hernia”, Andy said and gave Eddie a hug, “congratulations again brother”.
“Thanks bro”, Eddie said and squeezed Andy tight.
“See you around D”, Andy said to Dennis and hugged him as well.
“Later bud”, Dennis replied, doing his best to hug Andy with one arm.
As Liz said her goodbyes Andy went over to the bar, grabbed a six-pack of beer and a bottle of whiskey. “Back to my place?” he asked once Liz had joined him.
“Sure, I’ll follow you”.
Chapter 12
The drive back to Andy’s apartment was a little more laborious than he would’ve liked. It wasn’t too far away, but it wasn’t exactly next-door either. It was being intoxicated that made the journey seem more arduous than necessary. He would have gone back to Sink, which was closer, but that also meant that Jen would’ve been hovering around. Andy wanted to be alone with Liz.
Aside from the hassle of the trip though, they both arrived in one piece. Andy directed Liz to park in his garage and he parked in Elsa’s. Outside Andy’s front door, Liz reminded him that it was the first time that she’d been to his apartment. He advised her to brace herself.
“Wow”, Liz said as she walked through the entrance, “not really what I was expecting”.
“You should’ve seen it yesterday, it was a whole different story”.
“What happened between then and now?” She asked.
“Never mind”, he answered with a small laugh. “Bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, balcony”, Andy pointed to each area as he called them out. “Beer or whiskey?” he asked.
“I’ll start with a beer”, she said, “maybe a couple of shots on the side?”
“Coming up”, Andy said as he walked in to the kitchen.
“You sure have a lot of guitars in here”, Liz called out from the living room.
“Believe it or not I studied music, I had my heart set on doing it professionally but things just didn’t work out that way. Doesn’t mean I still don’t love to play though. When I get stuck with my writing I pick up a guitar and everything starts to make sense again”, Andy called back.
“Why’s there so much dust on all the cases?”
“I suppose I haven’t done much writing or playing for a while now”, Andy said as he walked in to the room with shot glasses, the bottle of whiskey and two beers. “Why don’t we take these out on to the balcony?”
“Okay”, Liz smiled with enthusiasm.
Andy knew that the living room definitely wasn’t in any condition to have guests, even after Melissa had done some tidying up. There were still too many random items out of place. He grabbed his blanket from the couch and took it outside with them. The large glass windows provided a beautiful view of the whole city and Andy was sure that Liz was the kind of woman who would find it romantic. He laid the blanket down on the floor, it was large enough that they could sit down on it with their backs against the wall and still pull it up over themselves.
He set the bottles and glasses down to one side and then pulled Liz off her feet, catching her on his lap. She let out a high-pitched laugh upon landing. When he looked into her eyes, his mind seemed to wander for a moment. He found himself wishing that Liz was Melissa, but he convinced himself that this was the way it was meant to be. Liz was a way to leave things behind. Melissa knew everything there was to know about him. She knew where all the bodies were buried, metaphorical and otherwise. Being with Melissa would always be a constant reminder of exactly the kind of monster that he’d become. With Liz he could be whomever he chose to be…he could be someone new.
“Hey, you in there?” Liz asked him, snapping him back to reality.
“Uh huh”, Andy said and kissed her, not knowing what else to say.
He picked Liz off of himself and she curled up next to him with his arm around her. She opened the beers and handed him one, “it’s so pretty out here”, she said, wide eyed and smiley faced, “why didn’t you ever bring me here before?”
“No one ever comes here”, Andy said mono-tonally. If Liz wasn’t as comfortable as she was with him, she might’ve thought that it was the last thing a serial killer says before they plunged the knife in.
“You know I heard your big friend on stage today call you ‘the immortal’ Andy Maureau, what’s that about?” Liz asked.
Andy laughed, “it’s stupid, it started out as a joke a long time ago and it kinda just stuck. When we were younger and just getting into bikes and stuff like that I had a habit of trying all kinds of weird shit out. When things went wrong I was always really lucky and never got hurt. Even the other day, I dropped a bike off a cliff and I still made it out in one piece. Just a lot of luck, so the guys started saying that nothing could kill me”.
“Whoa! Off a cliff huh?”
“Yup”, Andy answered.
“So, how’d you end up being a writer if you were so into music?”
Andy was taken aback when he realized that he knew pretty much everything about her but she knew almost nothing about his personal life. He’d just jumped in to a relationship with someone who didn’t now anything about him…or rather, she’d jumped in without knowing anything about him. He’d done it because he enjoyed the fact that she didn’t know him. He didn’t like that she was about to spoil the dynamic with her questions.
Andy smiled, “what’s with all the getting to know you questions?”
“Because I want to know you, is that so bad?” She asked and gave him a little kiss on the cheek.
Andy felt that the whole point of being with Liz was so that he wouldn’t have to talk about the things that made him remember the past, he wanted to move forward, away from his pain and into a new chapter in life. He didn’t want to have to do or say anything that reminded him of Elsa, but then…everything seemed to remind him of her. He decided that he’d have to learn to talk to Liz if he was going to make things work between them. At that moment though, he hoped that a concise answer would suffice.
“Well”, Andy began, “I’ve had a lot of different jobs in my life, I never really knew what I wanted to do but I’d always liked writing. One day I met a guy who thought I had some talent and he showed me the ropes. I worked for him for a few years and he took me under his wing. He was my mentor, kind of. Anyway, to make a long story short, after Elsa and I had been together for a while, she convinced me to take six months off. She said that she’d support us both while I worked on a novel. I did and it was a success, so here we are”.
Saying Elsa’s name produced a shot of pain straight to Andy’s heart. He picked up the whiskey bottle, cracked it open and took a large gulp out of it.
“You don’t like to talk about her do you?” Liz asked with a degree of consternation.
“What gave me away?” Andy asked with sarcasm, revealing his temperament and thinking better of it the second the words left his mouth. He took a deep breath, feeling angry with himself for having let his emotions control him. “I’m sorry, it’s still hard to talk about some things”.
“I understand, I shouldn’t have asked”, Liz said apologetically, pulling closer to him.
“It’s okay, I guess I should work on putting the past behind me. It’s easier said than done though. In my case it’s been like time hasn’t healed a fucking thing, every memory is kryptonite”, Andy forced out a self deprecating laugh, “I don’t know if you know what that’s like?”
“Yeah, I do actually”, she said before she took the whiskey from Andy and had a large swallow.
Andy noticed the haunted expression on her face and wondered for a moment if they’d been drawn to each other because they were both equally damaged individuals. “Couple skeletons in your closet too huh?” he asked.
“Yup, we’ve all got em”, she said after gritting her teeth from the whiskey’s bite. “So what’s your next book going to be about?”
“I don’t know if I’m going to do another one yet”, he answered.
“Well, if you were going to…” she began before Andy interrupted.
“Enough talking, I’m with you for your body, not your mind”, he said playfully, pulling her down to the floor.
Liz gave him a throaty laugh, “oh, you charmer you”.
He kissed her and let all other thoughts fall away, this was what he needed. After everything that had happened throughout the day the feeling of losing himself to the moment…leaving behind the world and succumbing to pleasure is what he craved. The taste of her lips, her skin, her smell…her touch…it was intoxicating.
Suddenly he was a different person. He was ravenous with her, he was desperate to escape himself and so he devoured her. Her clothes were in the way…they would have to go. If he could be a part of her, he hoped he’d no longer be all of himself.
Liz, normally the dominant partner in their sexual excursions, was for the first time not in control. Andy overpowered her completely. He’d lost himself to desire. She wasn’t Liz anymore…she had become a piece of flesh. His lust was raw and animalistic.
He began to feel as though he’d left his body behind and was experiencing the act from somewhere else, a place he’d never been before.
He opened his eyes for a moment and saw fear in her face, but he didn’t care that she was afraid. He didn’t care about anything but sensation. Every thrust was a search for salvation, for redemption, for a cure. He was searching for something that had been missing for so long he no longer remembered what it was…only that he needed it.
He thought he heard Liz say, “stop”, but it was like a memory of another life whispering in a dream. His movements became stronger and faster. He closed his eyes and saw the contorted, burning facings crying out in agony. He opened his eyes and saw that Liz was scared, but he couldn’t stop.
In the darkness he saw Elsa engulfed in the flames, pointing at him with her sinister laugh…it was the image from his dream. He could feel the heat of the flames against his skin. Every thrust inside Liz made the flames burn hotter and the laughter louder, but still, he couldn’t stop.
His mind began to swim with fire and noise. Inside his head was violence and pandemonium. He didn’t know whether it was Elsa laughing or Liz asking him to stop, every thrust made the chaos greater. Finally when the flames became more than he could bear…he climaxed and came inside her.
Andy collapsed beside Liz, feeling more empty and alone than he ever had before. His breathing was rapid and his mind was racing. It felt like he’d been spiraling towards that moment for months, finally meeting the devil and staring into the abyss all at once. He turned to Liz and found her naked and clutching the blanket to her chest. She looked like she’d come close to feeling true terror, as though she’d been on the edge of tears.
They both lay there for a minute, Liz not knowing what to say or do, Andy much the same. Liz was first to break the silence. “You’ve never been like that before”, she said. Andy lit up a cigarette in response, he didn’t know how to explain what had happened. She reached out slowly and touched his face with her fingertips. “Andy?”
“I’m sorry”, he said. He was disgusted with himself and it showed on his face. “I just don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore”.
“You looked like you were somewhere else”.
“I’m…” Andy stopped, he had no answers to give. “Did I hurt you?”
“No”, Liz lied after a brief pause.
There was only one thing that Andy knew would force his dread to retreat, he reached for the whiskey bottle and took a large gulp of the amnesia inducing poison.
“Are you okay?” She asked with concern.
“I don’t know”, Andy answered.
“Why don’t we try to get some sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning”.
“Okay”, Andy said tiredly.
They picked themselves up, retired to the bedroom and climbed in between the sheets. For the longest time they remained on either side of the bed, not daring to touch each other. Andy was afraid that Liz wouldn’t want him to and Liz thought the same of Andy. Her need to comfort him won out in the end and she pulled closer to him. He took her hand in his and waited for sleep.
It wasn’t long before Liz fell in to the arms of slumber. She’d been drinking all night and hadn’t slept since early that morning. Her schedule was far from the nocturnal hours that they’d been operating on.
Andy, on the other hand, could not find rest. It wasn’t that he didn’t try, it was that every time he closed his eyes, he saw the same thing…fire and death.
It was close to three hours after midnight when he finally gave up on the idea and decided to leave the bed. He gently picked Liz off of himself, leaving her to find another position in her sleep. He went back in to the living room and downed another chunk of the whiskey. The taste of so much going down his throat almost made him want to throw up.
He managed to hold it down, but knew what he’d have to do next to keep it that way. Unsteady as his footing was, he managed to stumble his way back in to the bedroom. He began rummaging through the closet, searching for the second package of uncut cocaine that he’d stashed there previously. He didn’t notice Liz stirring from the noise that he was making until she spoke.
“What’re you doing?” She asked sleepily.
“Nothing, you’re dreaming, go back to bed”, Andy whispered back.
She turned over and it looked to Andy as though she was back in the land of nod, so he continued the search till he at last found what he sought. He took the package to his desk in the living room and extracted a sizable chunk to chop in to lines, after which he folded the package and put it in to the drawer, not wishing to return to the bedroom and wake Liz.
He pulled a section aside with a razor that he kept on the desk and made a fat rail. There was a note already rolled up and stuck between the pages of a nearby book, he pulled it out and quickly used it to snort the line. The rush was instantaneous. He’d just begun preparing the next one when Liz walked in to the room with Elsa’s robe on. The sight made Andy want to launch himself at her to make her take it off, but he calmed himself when he realized how irrational the thought was.
“What’re you doing?” She asked with a yawn as she sat down on the couch.
“Nothing, you didn’t have to get up, go back to bed”, Andy said, hoping that she’d listen. Even with her bed hair and recently woken countenance, he still thought she was beautiful.
“It’s okay, I’m up already, I’ll keep you company”.
“You really don’t have to”, Andy said as pleasantly as he could manage.
“I want to”, she replied demurely.
For some reason that Andy couldn’t fathom, Liz wanted to be a part of his world. She never thought of anything he did as strange. To her, his eccentricities made him seem more intriguing. Everything she’d seen of him in those last few days should have made her want to stay as far away from him as possible, but still, she persevered. Somehow he had a knack for attracting women who were loyal to a fault. Andy wondered for a moment if she felt indebted to him because of the money…and hoped that she didn’t.
