Purgatory Blues (2013), page 15
He was interrupted by Sharon administering a thunderous slap to his face. “You selfish bastard! Not everything is about you”.
Andy stood there dumbstruck.
“Yeah, that’s right Casanova”, Sharon said, fighting back the tears, “I was upset about something else. Believe it or not, everyone else’s lives go on while you’re not there”.
“Then tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help”, Andy said, almost grateful that something more important had distracted her from their argument the night before.
Sharon went back to the desk, sat down in her chair and grabbed a tissue out of a box to wipe the tears away. For a moment it seemed like she might have been able to get a hold of herself, but her emotions overwhelmed her once again and she began to weep.
Andy stayed where he was for the moment, afraid to move lest she tell him to leave forever. After a half minute he decided that he could either try again or walk away. He kneeled down next to her, “tell me”, he said.
There was a moment of silence while Sharon debated with herself whether or not to confide in him. “I’m losing the bar, okay!” She said suddenly, “I’m losing the bar and there’s nothing I can do about it!” She wanted to be angry with him but the fight was all out of her. “We’re losing everything”, she wailed as the tears rushed down her face.
Andy held her and she finally gave in, allowing him to embrace her. He felt the tears soaking his shirt. He felt stupid thinking that she’d still be crying over him a whole day later. The theatricality of her despair was certainly befitting the cause. He knew exactly what the bar meant to both her and Jen.
The bar was the only real home that Jen and Sharon had ever known. This was their safe harbor, this was the only thing that they still had connecting them to their father and he’d inherited the bar from his father…which essentially meant that the establishment had supported their family for decades. The bar was part of their family.
“We’ll figure something out”, Andy said gently while he stroked her hair.
She pulled away and showed him the desk strewn with bills and other papers. “Look, there’s nothing we can do, I’ve refinanced this place so many times, we’ve been running in the red for a year, I thought if we could just hold on another few months we’d make it out of this but it’s just too much, they’ve been tightening the noose for months and I can’t get another extension. We’re done! I need three hundred and fifty grand in four days! There’s no way we could come up with that even if we had three months. We’re going to be in debt even after they take the bar”.
“You look”, Andy said, wiping the tears from her face, “don’t think about it tonight, let me call my accountant tomorrow and he’ll come by and take a look at the books in the morning. He’s the best at what he does and he knows how to work the system, if there’s a way to buy some time or come up with the money, he’ll find it”.
“It’s not that simple Andy”, Sharon said, frustrated with his optimism. “I let things get out of control, I’m the one to blame. I never knew what I was doing in the first place. I was just kidding myself that I could run this bar! On top of everything else, there’s someone on the other side greasing the wheels. They’ve been trying to get me out of here and sell the bar to someone else”.
“Well, there are still rules that they’ve got to follow even if they’re doing that”, Andy didn’t know what he was talking about but he had to try and reassure her. “I know some people who can look in to it”.
“Do you really think there’s a way out of this?” She asked hopefully.
“Sure I do, there’s always something that you can do, don’t give up just yet”, Andy added a half smile to his words to lift her spirits. “Everything is going to be okay”, he said and pulled her close to him.
Sharon held him tight, like she was clinging to a lifeline, afraid to let go. “I love you Andy”, she whispered into his ear.
“Fuck’, Andy thought to himself. He didn’t know how to respond. He had no idea what he really felt for Sharon. A flurry of thoughts assaulted him…‘is this as strong as love? What is love anyway? If I just say it back would it be a lie?” He was about to break out in to a full panic when Sharon interrupted his thoughts.
“You don’t have to say it back, I know you feel it. You’ll tell me when you’re ready”, she said.
Andy was grateful for the save and he thought that maybe she was right, maybe he did love her and he just didn’t know it yet. He didn’t say a word. He just kissed her. He couldn’t help but wonder how something that felt so good could also feel so wrong, he felt like he was lying but he didn’t know why, “I’d better go make some calls”, he said finally. He gave her one last peck on the lips and stood to leave. They held hands till the last second.
When he got out of the office Jen immediately turned to glare at him. He gave her a wink to put her at ease. He didn’t know if Sharon had told her what was going on with their finances, either way, now Jen would know that he was on the case, be it the incident from yesterday or their money troubles.
Andy sat down at the bar and gave Jen a signal for another beer. She opened one and slid it down the counter just as she’d done the last time. He grabbed it and downed half. He was starting to feel like a ship taking on water and it wasn’t because of the beer.
After the incident with the bike and now with his advance being pulled, he was as near to broke as he’d ever been. Under different circumstances, if Sharon lost the bar he would have taken them in without a second thought, but as things stood, he would soon be without a place to live himself.
He wondered if he might be able to keep things going for a while if he sold his guitars, he thought it could get them a few months, but not much more than that. He wouldn’t be able to finish another book in time and even if he did, he felt like it probably wouldn’t sell much, his heart just wasn’t in it anymore.
He considered taking the band on the road but he knew that Jack wouldn’t do that. Jack had too many commitments with the club to be able to leave. He thought about starting a new band, but dismissed the idea knowing that it would take too long. They’d have to write and practice for at least three months till they had an act solid enough to take on the road. Even then, there was no guarantee of income.
He decided that he’d worry about it later. Something always came up. They’d find a way to make it work together. Maybe Sharon would have to let the bar go, but they’d find a way to survive. After all, that’s what Andy did. He survived.
He finished the rest of his beer and stood to leave, when he turned around he saw the Goth from last night approaching him.
“Hey Andy”, he said, coming in for a bro hug.
“Hey man”, Andy replied, “what’s up?”
“Pretty hectic last night huh? How’re you doing?” he asked in a very concerned manner.
“It was nothing, already forgotten, just a mild dispute between old friends”, Andy said.
“It didn’t look all that mild to us man, we argue with words, not with fists”, he said looking a little worried.
Andy’s phone beeped, indicating that he’d received a message. “Thank god”, he thought to himself, grateful for the distraction. “It was nothing kid, I gotta take this, I’ll talk to you later okay”, Andy said, patting him on the back as he walked away. Just then Andy could only think about how much he hated having to explain to pampered little pretender brats that they all lived different lives in the real world…they lived in a cruel, fucked up place and the younger you were when you learned that, the better prepared you’d be later on.
He shook away the thought as he pulled out his phone. Andy saw that the message was from Eddie, he’d forgotten to let him know that he’d arrived. Andy messaged back, “sorry, was in the middle of something, all safe and sound”.
Andy received a reply less than five seconds later, it read: “Keen to party, let me know when you’re done, my treat”.
Andy replied, “Will do”. He didn’t have any plans for the rest of the night, so he decided that he’d go back to Outlaws, it was on the way home anyway. He knew he didn’t want to stay at the Sink for the rest of the night, of that he was certain. He wasn’t in the mood for that particular crowd tonight. Tonight he wanted to be anonymous. He made his way to the exit.
Chapter 9
When Andy stepped outside it was raining hard, he didn’t bother to linger with a cigarette as he usually did, he went to his car instead and decided he’d have his customary smoke in the confines of his vehicle.
He’d always thought that the sound of the rain was soothing. It usually had a calming affect on him, but not that night. A fresh rain was like a symbol of cleansing and renewal, washing away the sins of the past for a new beginning…something he could’ve definitely used, but the rain didn’t work anymore, he knew it wouldn’t unless he drowned himself in it.
Andy wanted to be the kind of person that Sharon could rely on, someone that she could trust to make things better, he wanted to be her strength. But now, alone with nothing but his own thoughts, he gave in to the reality of his predicament. He was broke, without any prospects at all for the future and probably about to lose everything. He knew that it wasn’t all just the randomness of the universe. He knew that he was a bad person. He knew that he drew negativity to himself. “You get out what you put in”, he thought.
It wasn’t the first time he’d fallen from heights so high, yet somehow he’d always managed to pick himself up. This time…it was different, this time he found himself wondering why he still bothered to go on. The two things keeping him running were the booze and the drugs. He’d been searching for a reason to start his life again for almost a year and nothing had come his way. “There comes a point when the bad outweighs the good and it’s just time to stop”, he thought, knowing deep down that the longer he was alive…the more pain, misery and suffering would come his way. “Is it really worth it to keep going? Just to see what might happen tomorrow?”
He shook his head in an attempt to banish the thought. “Just keep going”, he told himself. “Something will come up if you just keep going”.
He took a long drag of his cigarette and closed his eyes. For a while he just sat there, trying to guide his mind to a positive space where an opportunity to fix everything might be waiting undiscovered. He opened his eyes when he heard a car drive into the parking lot. the view from his window provided a direct line of sight. It was a black Toyota with tinted windows. They parked, but after several seconds no one emerged from the vehicle.
Andy continued with his smoke. “Probably waiting for the rain to let up”, he thought. A minute later the gate to Sink opened and a teenager ran out holding a cellphone. He looked around for a little while till the Toyota flashed its lights.
As the kid ran up to the car the driver’s window slid down. “Hello, what’s this?” Andy said to himself. The driver was wearing a red cap. The boy got to the vehicle and they made an exchange. It definitely wasn’t a coincidence, the handoff was executed with no skill and the driver was wearing something identifying, the red cap. Andy thought that it had to be the new dealer on the block. He put his phone in the dock and made a call to Dennis.
“Hey, where you been?” Dennis said as he picked up.
“Listen”, Andy said, “I’m pretty sure I’m looking at a runner for that dealer you’ve been hunting, he’s right in front of me. It’s a black Toyota, I don’t know the model, I can just about make out the logo in the front and I can’t see the plate, it’s pissing cats and dogs out here. I’m going to tail him. I’m outside Sink right now so gear up and call me when you’re on the road, I’ll let you know where I am”.
“Alright, I’ll call the guys”, Dennis said.
“No!” Andy said abruptly, “I don’t want Allen sticking his beak in to this, we can handle this ourselves, it’s just recon”. The Toyota had started up and began heading for the exit. Andy hit his ignition.
“Okay”, Dennis said, “I’ll call you in five”.
Andy cut the call and pulled out of the lot, making sure to keep his distance from the Toyota. Too close and he’d give himself away, too far out and he’d risk losing him. Luckily the rain was on his side. Most cops wouldn’t have tried following someone in that kind of weather and no one would think to suspect an ordinary unmarked BMW.
The Toyota was taking it easy, keeping under the speed limit all the way. Even though it was Andy’s first time tailing someone he’d made it sound to Dennis as though he knew exactly what he was doing. That’s what Jack had always liked about him…he took charge and got things done. He never let it seem like he wasn’t in complete control of any given situation.
Andy was reasonably certain that the guy he was following was a complete idiot, thinking that he probably hadn’t been bust before which was why he didn’t seem to be operating in a very cautious manner. He’d all but screamed, “I’m selling drugs”.
Nonetheless, Andy knew that it was never a good idea to underestimate your opponent. He also knew that they might never get another chance to catch the dealers in the act, so he’d have to do the tail just right.
He was familiar with the roads that they were on and the Toyota was heading for a freeway onramp. Depending on which turns he took, he could head east, north or south. Andy didn’t want to risk arousing suspicion and considered that having the same car following them all the way would do exactly that. He’d need to have another vehicle pick up the pursuit at some point along the way.
Andy had Eddie in the east to intercept and change the tail and Dennis would be coming in from the north, which meant that the only place that wasn’t covered was the south. Andy weighed the odds. Two out of three would have to do.
They were almost at the onramp when Dennis called. Andy pushed a button on the steering wheel and the call came through the speakers.
“Yeah?”
“What’s the situation?” Dennis asked.
“We’re almost at an interchange, stay on the line”.
The Toyota still didn’t seem to think anything was odd about Andy following him, but as he was still a fair distance behind, it stood to reason that they hadn’t noticed him yet. Andy saw the Toyota’s turning signal flash, but waited until he was sure he was going to make the turn.
“He’s going east”, Andy said to Dennis, “Eddie is there. I’m going to see if I can get him to pick up the tail”.
“Eddie!? How the fuck did Eddie get involved in this? He hasn’t earned his patch yet”, Dennis said, clearly annoyed.
“Doesn’t matter, he’s all we’ve got down there, I’ll call you back”, Andy cut the call and then dialed Eddie.
“Hey bro, are you coming this way to join us?” Eddie answered, shouting over the music at Outlaws.
“Eddie, pay attention, Dennis and I are tailing a black Toyota, I need to have another vehicle pick up the tail or it’s going to start looking weird if I follow him all the way to his destination. He’s heading east out of Stockton right now towards the city. You’re right there, get on your bike and wait at the gate bridge where the off-ramp is. I’ll update you soon, leave now”.
“Okay bro, I’m on the way, I’ll be there in three minutes”.
Eddie talked slow but he rode fast, Andy knew he wouldn’t let him down. Another good thing about Eddie was that he didn’t ask questions, if Andy ever asked him to do something, he just did it. It wasn’t only because he was a prospect, Eddie trusted Andy. He just hoped Eddie was sober enough to not crash his bike in the rain.
Andy followed the Toyota on the highway. They kept to the center lane and remained under the speed limit. It didn’t look like they were going to be diverting from their course any time soon so Andy pulled back a little and added a few more car lengths between them.
It was a few minutes later when they began to near Eddie’s position, this was when things would get complicated, there were any number of ways that things could play out, but from Eddie’s position, he’d be able to cover most of them. It was time to call him and see how the cards fell. Andy dialed.
“I’m in position bro”, answered Eddie.
“We’re almost there, are you ready to move?”
“Yeah bro, just give me the signal”.
The Toyota wasn’t taking the off-ramp to the bridge, “fuck!” Andy cursed.
Just then the Toyota’s turning signal came on, the driver was taking the second off-ramp, it was pretty much the same thing, he would just come out a little further down the stretch. Andy smiled. They were back in the game.
“Eddie, he’s not going over the bridge, he’s going under, head south, you’ll see him pop up in fifteens seconds, go!” Andy instructed.
“‘I’m gone”, Eddie replied. In ten seconds he spoke again, “I see him, black Toyota”.
“Okay, keep about six car lengths behind him, don’t spook him and try not to shadow him too much, don’t give yourself away. Don’t change lanes when he changes lanes, do it at the last second. I’ll call you back in five minutes”.
He’d have to wait somewhere for Dennis to catch up with him before they met with Eddie, then Dennis could take over, Andy decided to pull into a little side alley, it was called “Berring Lane”. Andy remembered buying weed from a guy there when he was in college, he smiled at the thought. He dialed Dennis and waited through the rings.
“I can’t believe you called Eddie in to something like this”, answered Dennis. He’d now become even more irritable at the notion of Eddie joining them.
“We don’t have time for that now”, Andy replied, “meet me at Berring Lane, it’s just off the southbound lane over the bridge into the city”.
“I know where it is, I’m almost there, I’ll see you in a minute”. Dennis cut the call. Andy could tell that he was unhappy.
He lit up a smoke and waited. Andy realized that he hadn’t really thought any of his plans through. He was just doing the autopilot thing again. He’d always managed to convince everyone else that he knew exactly what he was doing, but most of the time he didn’t have a clue. He just made up things as he went along, as though he were the protagonist in one of the stories that he’d written…the kind of story where you always expect the main character to survive in the end. He realized that it was a foolish assumption to make, given that his was real life.
