Hidden Kisses (Love in Sienna Series Book 2), page 7
I can’t think of words right now. My brain is mush. I just let my body feel.
Once Johnny is fully inside me, he leans down and kisses my neck. This position is way more intimate than I normally allow. I don’t do intimacy. Maybe that explains why none of my relationships work out.
It’s not that I don’t want a guy to care for me. It’s just that I have fought my whole career to be taken seriously. I feel like if I give up control in any part of my life, my whole world will cave. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I also haven’t found a partner that I’ve wanted to give up control to.
“Get out of your head and just feel,” he whispers into my ear, while he starts to thrust his hips. “Let me take control and just enjoy the ride.”
I nod. Just enjoy the ride.
He lifts one of my legs up onto his shoulder so he can get a better angle and really starts moving fast and hard. It feels amazing, but I want more. I move my other leg to his shoulder so he can really take me.
He smiles and grabs my hips. As he continues to thrust in and out of me, I realize he totally does have a magic dick. I have never felt this good in my life.
“Don’t. Fucking. Stop!” I shout.
I don’t want this to end, because when it does, so does whatever is happening between us.
He places his thumb on my clit, and fuck, I’m coming again. I let out a loud moan as I feel Johnny pulse inside me.
And just like that, it’s over.
He pulls out, kisses me softly, and goes to the bathroom.
I lie there silently for a moment. I guess that’s it. He’s admitted before that he doesn’t double dip, so I’m assuming he doesn’t cuddle either. No use in staying just for him to tell me to get the fuck out.
I grab my bikini and dress and quickly throw them on. I look at the messy bed and sigh. It was only supposed to be one night. At least it was the best night of my life.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart. Officially an adult now.” I pick up my gift off the table and hand it to Crystal. “I hope you like it.”
“Thank you. You know you didn’t have to get me anything.” Crystal places the gift back on the table, then turns to the young gentleman at the table, who I’ve learned is Dustin Maxx, Tia’s new client.
Mikey and Tia still aren’t together, but they are hoping to try co-parenting. She is due right away and I really hope they can make it work out.
I watch the way Crystal checks Dustin out and smirk to myself. She’s totally smitten with him. He is holding her daughter, Olivia, and it’s really cute.
We sit down to enjoy our dinner, but my gaze keeps going to my phone. I haven’t spoken to Johnny since our one night, but I can’t get him out of my head. I followed him on Instagram, and I can’t help but laugh. His messages are cryptic, but I know they are aimed toward me.
I open the app and look for his page. His newest picture is him at his island drinking a cup of coffee.
I don’t do relationships, but my house feels empty without you. #missyou #allbymyself #coffee #comeseeme #youknowwhereimat.
All the comments make me laugh because girls think it’s an open invitation, but I know it’s really for me.
I bite my lip and smile. I shouldn’t even be entertaining thoughts of him. I was supposed to get him out of my system and move on. But how is that possible when I feel like he is in my blood now?
The sex was amazing, and it should have been just sex. It should have gotten him out of my system, but it made me crave him more instead. I should hate him, especially after he called me a slut, but he didn’t treat me like one. He was assertive, sure, but the way he kissed me…it was so gentle. And when he was fucking me, I saw something else there.
I can tell he’s been hurt. There is something in his eyes, underneath the arrogance.
And the way he made me give up control, but still feel powerful…it was like we were meant for each other. But sometimes you can’t get what you want.
The whole dinner is fantastic. I’m extremely fascinated by Crystal and Dustin’s banter, but my thoughts keep drifting. I’ve been casually checking my phone all night, trying to be sneaky, but he hasn’t posted any more.
Just text him, my inner devil says.
No, that’s a bad idea. The angel on my other shoulder rears her head.
I look across the table, and Tia is so happy. Pregnancy really suits her; that glow is a real thing.
I feel a knot form in my stomach. Here I am, sitting with my best friend who has been through hell, and my thoughts keep drifting to the guy who has caused most of it. I’m the worst friend ever.
I will not think about him, I tell myself.
Now just tell that to my heart.
Tia: On the way to the hospital!!! I’ll text you when baby is here.
Me: You can’t be by yourself. I’m on my way.
Tia: Mikey is here… Please… We need some time.
Me: Are you sure you’re okay?
Tia: Yes. He’s helping a lot. I promise, as soon as baby is born, you’ll be my first call.
Me: Damn right! Auntie Leah needs to spoil that girl.
I’ve been pacing my kitchen for hours. How long does it take to have a baby? Why haven’t I gotten any updates? I was supposed to be the one helping her. I hope Mikey is doing a good job.
Me: Did you pop that vagina watermelon out yet?
Tia: You just woke me up from my nap.
Me: OMG I’m so sorry!
Tia: *laughing crying face* Just joking. The nurses wake me up all the time to check my vitals.
Bitch. I was feeling so bad.
Tia: No, baby yet. But I’m hoping soon. I feel like I have to poop.
My brain goes back to taking prenatal classes with her. The urge to poop usually means it’s time to start pushing.
Me: OMG! Okay, focus and remember to breathe. You’ve got this, girl. I love you.
Tia: Love you too. TTYL.
I flop on the couch and pull out my phone. As I scroll through Instagram, my stomach drops. It’s a picture of Johnny with some trampy blonde. I shouldn’t be upset. It’s been a couple of weeks since we slept together, and it was just sex. I just thought…hell, I don’t know what I thought. He told me he doesn’t double dip; I shouldn’t be surprised. But didn’t those Instagram posts mean something?
I shake my head. I’m a fucking idiot.
I pull up his account and block him. I also delete his number and block him on Facebook.
“Goodbye, Johnny,” I whisper to no one.
Entering the hospital, I am so excited. I can’t wait to meet my niece. I bet she’s perfect. When I got the message early this morning, I almost ran right over, but I let Tia and Mikey have their time with their new daughter. I also had to go to the store and pick up the best gift ever.
When I enter the room, I see tears running down Tia’s face.
“Are you okay?” I ask, concerned that something happened.
“I’m. Fine,” she says between breaths. “I. Just. Made. The. Best. Joke.”
“I think she’s high,” Mikey tells me.
I laugh. “Yeah, there is no way any joke is that funny.”
I place the gift down and walk over and give Tia a hug. Her breathing is finally normal.
She wipes the tears from her eyes. “You, my friend, did not see Mikey’s face. It was priceless.”
I make my way over to my beautiful niece.
“May I?” I ask Mikey, reaching out my hands and wiggling my fingers.
He places the tiny bundle of cuteness in my hands. She is so tiny, I’m afraid I’m going to break her.
“So, what did you name her?”
“Cecelia Lively Ecosta,” Tia says, but she isn’t looking at me.
She’s staring at Mikey; her eyes soft, like he’s the only one that matters. She still has feelings for him, I can tell.
“I am your super amazing auntie,” I coo to the baby. “I will love you forever. If you ever want anything and Mommy and Daddy say no, just come to me.”
I hear them chuckle, and I try to hide my face so they can’t see my tears.
Cecelia really is perfect. I cuddle her until she starts to cry, and I think she’s hungry. Kids are still new to me, but the way she is smacking her little lips must mean something. Honestly, she kind of looks like a fish.
Placing her back in Tia’s arms, I feel a tear trying to break loose from my eye. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I never realized I wanted to be a mom until this very moment.
Tia narrows her eyes at me; she knows something is off. I smile at her and give Cecelia a kiss on the forehead.
“She’s beautiful, Tia. You make a great mom. Call me if you need anything,” I say.
She’s still staring at me, and I’m not sure if she’s going to push the issue more or not. When she smiles, I know she’s letting it go for now.
“I will,” she finally says. “Thank you so much for coming.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I give Tia a small hug, trying not to crush my beautiful niece, and then leave.
“Come on, stay for one more drink,” Ace says, grabbing my hand.
I don’t normally become friends with my clients, but the guys from Outspoken Chaos are amazing. Especially Ace. He’s like another brother to me.
Speaking of brothers…I let my eyes look around the crowd. Where did Mason run off to? He’s the reason I’m out tonight. He just broke up with his girlfriend and asked if I knew of any parties. Normally, I would have texted Tia, but since she has a baby at home, I knew Ace would be a better bet.
As I’m looking through the crowd, I freeze. I don’t see Mason, but I do see a brown-haired baseball player who visits me in my sleep.
Picking up a shot off the table, I tip it back. I need more alcohol.
“Woah. You look like you saw a ghost,” Ace laughs as I grab another shot off the table.
“Pretty much,” I mumble.
I reach for another shot when Ace grabs my hand.
“Slow down, or I’m going to have to carry you out of here, and that wasn’t how I planned to end my night,” he says.
I sigh and slump back into the booth. Why does Johnny have to be here? It’s been two months since I’ve seen him, and I still see him in my dreams every night.
I need to get out of here, but what about Mason?
“Hey, sis,” Mason says, showing up out of thin air.
Oh, thank God.
“Where have you been? I have to get out of here. Are you staying or coming with me?”
Mason gives me a funny look. “Why the hurry?”
Can’t he ever just let me have my way?
“Because I’m not feeling good,” I lie.
“She saw someone,” Ace interrupts.
I glare at him.
Shut the fuck up, I say with my eyes.
“Oh!” Mason says, sitting down.
Yeah…we’re not going anywhere. Fuck.
“Who was it?”
I don’t reply; I just scan the crowd again. I don’t see him this time. Maybe it wasn’t him at all. Maybe it was just my imagination playing tricks on me.
“I didn’t get a good look, but I think your sister here has a crush.”
“I’m right here, guys. Can you not talk about me like I’m not?” I glare at Ace. “And I do not have a crush.”
I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die right now.
“You know what? Fuck this!” I stand up and grab my purse. “I’m leaving. You can stay. I don’t give a shit.”
I storm toward the entrance. I need to get the fuck out of here. I feel like I can’t breathe. I know that if I get close to Johnny, I’ll make a mistake. I’ll get lost in his eyes and I won’t be able to make the right decisions. And if he is here with someone else—I shudder thinking about that—I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle that.
I make it outside and take a deep breath. As I climb into the taxi, a single tear escapes my eye. I so desperately want to explore my feelings for Johnny, but it’s not possible. I’m not his type, and I can’t betray my friend like that.
On the way home, I unblock Johnny from Instagram. Just like I thought, he has a picture with a beautiful blonde. She’s kissing his neck, and he looks…distant, actually. He isn’t into her. She’s just another notch on his bedpost.
I don’t block his Instagram again. I should, but I don’t. Maybe I like to torture myself.
The wine flows freely through my veins. I’m drunk as fuck. Pulling out my phone, I shoot off a message to Johnny’s Instagram.
Me: Hope you’re having fun with your hoe. You’d have a better time with me.
I giggle to myself and drink more wine. I’m dancing around the kitchen when my phone pings.
Unknown: Why don’t you come over, then?
My heart catches. It must be Johnny. I guess he didn’t delete my number.
Sober Leah wouldn’t have sent the first message at all. And she definitely wouldn’t respond. But sober Leah has left the building. Her much more fun and stupider twin, drunk Leah, is here, and she decides to reply.
Me: Too drunk to drive. Why don’t you come here?
Johnny: Give me your address and I’m on my way.
I don’t even think about it. I just send him my address and wait.
I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I want him so badly.
I grab the bottle of wine and chug.
Driving to Leah’s place, I wonder what’s going to happen. I haven’t been able to get her out of my head since the night we slept together. I’m not a relationship man. Never have been. But for Leah, I’m willing to try.
I’m completely sober. With baseball season right around the corner, I’m trying to clean up my act. I’ve decided to have a mostly sober season, with the exception of the odd beer on days off. I need to keep the coaches and the team happy. I can’t risk my career anymore.
“Hey s-s-sexy,” Leah slurs as she opens the door.
Fuck. I’m definitely not getting lucky tonight. I might be a class A douche canoe, but I don’t fuck drunk girls if I’m sober. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.
“Hey. I’m glad you reached out.” I give her a gentle kiss and follow her into her condo.
Looking around I can see Leah in everything. The pictures of her and her family. The girly artwork on the walls. It’s so…homey.
The only personal stuff I have is my one bookshelf with a few pictures and my baseball stuff. Everything else is just stuff a decorator ordered. What’s the point in putting up personal stuff when you never have people over? And the people that I do have over? Well, I don’t want them to get to know my personal life on that level. Keep everyone at arm’s length. That’s the best plan.
But here I am in Leah’s place, getting to know her. Planning on opening up a little. Knowing I won’t be sleeping with her, but still wanting to be next to her.
“Can I get you something to drink?” she asks, barely able to stand.
I grab her before she topples over and direct her to the couch. “I’m good. I’m not drinking tonight.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Then why were you at Club Disco, if you’re not drinking?”
“I went to visit a friend.”
She scoffs. “Yeah, I saw your Instagram.”
“What? Are you jealous?”
She gasps and falls over on the couch. I can’t help but laugh.
“How much have you had to drink?” I help her sit back up, then sit next to her.
“Not enough,” she whispers.
I take her hand and hold it in mine. “What’s going on, Leah?”
Her eyes turn sad. “I want you, but it’s wrong.”
I lean in and whisper a kiss over her lips. “Why is it wrong? Don’t you feel the same spark I do?”
She leans into my kiss and nods. “But I can’t betray my friend. No matter how badly I want you. This can never happen.”
She crawls into my lap and cuddles against me. I hold her, not saying anything. She’s right. I hurt her friend, and mine. Why would Leah even want to be with a fuck-up like me?
After a few minutes, I realize Leah is asleep. I lift her in my arms and carry her to bed. Setting her down gently, I place a soft kiss on her forehead.
“You make me want to be a better man,” I whisper.
I make a vow to myself right then and there. I’m going to change. No more nameless girls. No more fucking my way through Sienna. I’m going to build friendships and let people in. I’m going to prove to Leah that I can be a man worthy of her. I’m going to prove to Mikey that I can be a good man and build our friendship back up.
“I don’t want to do this,” I hiss at my father.
“Pull down your pants and let her suck your cock. Stop being a pussy.”
I stare at the prostitute on her knees in front of him. Her makeup is smudged, and she looks tired.
“I’ll make it really good for you,” she whispers.
How could anyone be so low, to have to do something like this? And what kind of sick fuck pays for something like this? Oh, that would be my father.
“Do you want to be a man or a fucking chump?” he yells, slapping me upside the head.
The alcohol on his breath is disgusting and I want to throw up.
I’m only twelve. Why is he making me do this? I turn, the rage in me burning deep. I don’t even think. I just punch my father in his face, making him hobble backward.
Wrong move. I see the hatred in his eyes.
“You’ll fucking pay for that!” he screams while his fist connects with my face.
The punches keep coming, and I hear the screams from the prostitute.
“Don’t. Ever. Fucking. Hit. Me. Again. Or. I’ll. Fucking. Kill. You,” he spits between punches.
My whole body hurts. As he gets up, he kicks me in my ribs, and I feel one crack.
I scream, the pain ripping through my body. He spits on me and takes the woman to his room.
“He’ll be fine,” I hear him mumble.
I lie on the floor crying. I wish Mom was still here. But at least she doesn’t have to deal with this anymore.
