Hidden Kisses (Love in Sienna Series Book 2), page 12
“So, what the fuck is so important that I had to drive over here to see you, possibly jeopardizing my relationship with the only girl that has ever mattered to me?”
I don’t say anything. Instead, I pick up the journal, flip to a page, and hand it to him.
I’ve read that journal probably a hundred times. What he’s about to read is fucking disturbing.
June 5th
Mikey sleeps so peacefully at night. Never tossing and turning. Just out like a light. He doesn’t move when I kiss him or touch his hair. Such a good boy. It probably doesn’t hurt that I switched out his nightly vitamins for sleeping pills.
When I first laid eyes on him, I knew he was the one for me. Those piercing blue eyes. That smile that makes girls go stupid. And his body. Damn, that body.
He treats me so well. Marking me with his load, treating me like his precious. We’ve never put a label on our relationship, but I know I’m special to him.
June 29th
Mikey is mine.
Some bitch is trying to steal him from me. She has him under her spell. He thinks she’s special and now he’s trying to discard me.
I’m not garbage. I know I mean something to him. If only that home-wrecking cow was out of the picture. But that would be suspicious. I’m smarter than that.
August 3rd
I need to keep Mikey away from that stupid bitch. I’ve tried blackmailing his best friend to break them up, but I don’t see that working for long. When I watch the cameras in his house, I see how he still pines for her.
What does she have that I don’t? I’m his precious, not her.
He is trying to leave me for her. Again. And I can’t have that happening.
November 20th
I’ve tried sleeping with other men, but they don’t make me feel the way Mikey does. They make me feel dirty. Like I’m just a plaything to them.
Mikey is my everything.
He told me that I mean nothing, but I know that’s a lie. That bitch is twisting his thoughts. He isn’t thinking straight.
February 1st
I need to save Mikey, but he’s still pining for the stupid cow. I don’t know how to make him forget about her. The only way I can think of is taking him to another world with me. A happier place. A place where it will be just the two of us. Together, like we were always meant to me.
But if I take just him, Johnny will be suspicious. I’ll have to kill him too. He won’t be allowed in our special place, though. He will go to another place. A darker place.
I will figure out a plan to make it look like an accident. Maybe tamper with a vehicle when they go out together. Or hire someone to kill all three of us at a party. A crazed fan.
Mikey and I can be happy together. I just have to put this plan into motion.
Soon, we will be together forever. Just like I’ve always wanted.
Mikey closes the journal and stares at me. “What. The. Fuck?”
I nod. “She was even crazier than I thought.”
Mikey grabs the back of his neck. “How did you get this?”
“Amber’s younger sister, Kate, found it. After Amber took her own life. I guess she was a schizophrenic and off her meds.”
“There are fucking cameras in my house?!” Mikey stands up, throwing the book.
“I talked to Kate about those. She said they’ve been disconnected, but you might want to get a security company to remove them.”
He starts pacing. He’s always done this when things don’t make sense to him.
“Dude, that’s not the only thing.” I open the box and show him all his missing stuff.
He peers into the box, eyes wide. “Holy shit.”
I nod. “And we weren’t the only ones she’s done this to. But the other guys weren’t so lucky.”
Mikey’s posture stiffens, and he sits back down. “Why didn’t she kill us, then?”
“I guess she got pregnant and her doctor put her back on her medication, and she moved back home. Her thoughts were clearer, but she still didn’t tell anyone.”
Mikey rifles through the box, looking at all the photos she took of him.
“There’s a thumb drive in there with videos. They’re fucked up, man. I only watched one and couldn’t continue.”
Mikey stares at me, eyes hard. “What do you mean, fucked up?”
I stare at the table. How do you tell your best friend he was pretty much raped?
“She does some pretty indecent stuff to your body while you’re asleep,” I finally say.
He stands up and starts pacing the floor again before grabbing an ornament off the shelf and throwing it at the wall. It shatters into a million pieces, but I don’t give a shit. I can’t even imagine what must be going through his head. If that’s the only thing he breaks tonight, I’ll consider myself lucky.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” he yells.
“Kate told me the computer has been erased and no files will ever be found, but she wanted us to have everything Amber did.” I grab the back of my neck before continuing. “She blamed herself for Amber doing this to us. She thinks that Amber was sick because she was born. That isn’t true, man. I feel so bad that she’s having to go through this.”
He picks up one of water bottles I placed on the coffee table earlier with shaky hands and takes a sip. He is still pacing and staring off into space.
“I always thought Amber was one of the good ones. I realized towards the end she was batshit crazy, but, dude...” He shakes his head. “This is a whole other level. Who the fuck does this to people? I’m usually a way better judge of character than that.”
“We both know you had demons at the time. There is no way you could have known.”
He nods and sits back down. “Can you give me Kate’s number? I want to tell her personally that I don’t blame her. It’s no one’s fault but Amber’s.”
“Yeah, man. She would appreciate that for sure.” I grab a bottle of water and take a drink. “Look, Mikey, I am so fucking sorry for lying to you. I should have known better. You’re my brother; I would die for you. I fucked up, and my life has been miserable without you. I’m changing, man. I don’t drink anymore, and I don’t fuck around.”
I stop for a minute and take a long pull from my water. Should I tell him about me and Leah? I need to tell someone, but what if he tells Tia? Then there will be no hope in hell for us. But what if he can help me out and get me talking to Tia, and we can smooth everything over?
“I actually have feelings for someone,” I finally say, grabbing at the back of my neck.
Mikey’s mouth drops open and his eyes go wide. “Are you fucking serious? Johnny fucking Crown actually has feelings for a girl?”
I push his shoulder. “She’s fucking amazing, dude, but there are a few complications.”
He shakes his head. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“I kind of need your help.”
Mikey stares at me. I’m not sure what is going through his head. Of course, he isn’t going to want to help me. He fucking hates me. But maybe a small part of him remembers how much we used to mean to each other.
“How can I help with this situation?” he asks skeptically.
“I need you to get Tia to talk to me.”
Mikey starts laughing so hard that he falls over onto the couch. I think he stops breathing for a second, but his loud, boisterous laugh comes back. He is lying on my couch, clutching his side, with tears streaming down his face.
“Why the fuck would she ever talk to you?” he pants, trying to catch his breath.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “Because I know she’s Patricia from school, and I owe her an apology. If I can’t get her to forgive me, then there’s no way I can make this work with Leah.”
Mikey’s eyes go wide again. “You’re dating Leah?”
I nod. “Well, I wouldn’t call it dating right now. It’s fucking complicated, man. I really care about her and I want to make this work, but if I can’t get Tia to forgive me, then it’ll never happen.”
Mikey shakes his head. “How do you know that Tia is Patricia? And why the change now, man? You’ve never given a shit about what you’ve done in the past. Fuck, I was your best friend and you barely gave a shit about me. You ruined my life, and Tia’s. Why should either one of us forgive you?”
I swallow hard; he’s right. I’m a huge fuck-up. And, sure, I can blame my dad, the abuse, the lack of love, or any other number of things, but at the end of the day, I did those things, not anyone else. Only I am responsible for my actions.
“Leah told me about Tia. We were talking about our biggest regrets. I told her about the girl I bullied in school and, well, she let it slip.”
I pause again. It’s time for the real apology. No more lame “I’m sorry” lines. I really need to lay it all out on the line.
“You know about my history with my dad. You were there for all of it. And I know I’ve used that as an excuse for my whole life. You were always there for me; you forgave me for every stupid thing I did. I never thought I would see the day where I would go too far, but I did.”
I stare up at the ceiling, feeling the tears coming to my eyes. “You had every right to push me out of your life, and you have every right to never speak to me again. But I promise, I’m a new man. And I think it’s because of Leah. I can’t explain it, but I’ve never had feelings like this before. She makes me want more. I was always content with just going through the motions in life. I had you, and that was good enough. But it isn’t anymore. After losing you, I realized that wasn’t a life. I’m sorry for everything I put you through, and I’m sorry for fucking your life up. But just give me one more chance, man. I promise, no more fuck-ups. And if I break that promise, even once, then cut me from your life for good. I would deserve it.”
Mikey peels the label off his water bottle. He’s silent for what feels like forever.
“I shouldn’t forgive you,” Mikey finally says, breaking the silence.
I hang my head; I deserve this.
“But I do,” he continues. “I’ll see what I can do about getting Tia to talk to you, but I make no promises.”
I grab him and pull him in for a hug. “Thank you so much, man. I promise, I really do want to be a better man.”
He nods and stands, grabbing his coat. “But I swear, this is the last time. Fuck up one more time and we’re really done.”
I nod; I don’t plan on doing anything like that again. I actually want to live life. I want to be a good man. I want to feel good about what I see when I look in the mirror.
Two months. It’s been two months since I last texted Johnny. I told him to leave me alone, and he has.
Two months of not sleeping and wishing he was in my bed. Two months of being completely miserable. But this is how it has to be.
Rayna and I watch most of the Grey Wolves games at the bar. There is no way I can go to the stadium if I know Johnny is playing. We don’t talk about Johnny, but I can tell by the way she looks at me that she pities me. I hate pity. I don’t need her pity.
Some loves aren’t meant to be. Some loves are forbidden. That’s me and Johnny: a love that will never see the light of day.
“Let me hook you up with Karson’s brother. He’s really nice, and he’s a doctor.” Rayna wiggles her eyebrows at me.
“Is he cute?” I ask with a small smile.
I don’t want anyone, but I know that if I don’t put myself out there, I’ll never get over Johnny.
“Yes! Let me show you a picture.” Her smile is huge, and I wish I could match her enthusiasm.
She hands me her phone, and she isn’t wrong. He is cute. Black hair and caramel eyes. We would look cute together. But they aren’t the piercing emerald green eyes that haunt my dreams.
I shake my head. No. No thinking of Johnny.
“What’s his name?” I ask, trying to focus on moving on.
“Kevin.” She beams at me.
“Give him my number and tell him to call me.”
Rayna starts jumping up and down.
The break is over, and the game is back on, and the first person’s face to come up on the camera? Johnny, of course. I don’t know why, but I can’t take it today.
“Look, girl, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later,” I say.
I don’t let Rayna stop me. I just leave. When I get to my car, I rest my head on the steering wheel and cry. It’s been two months. I should be healed by now, but I’m not.
I sit down in my floor-length blue dress, across from Kevin.
“Thanks for calling me.” I smile at him.
He really is cute. Hot, even.
“Thanks for answering.” He takes a small sip of his wine. “So, tell me about yourself.”
He reaches across the table and places his hand on mine. I feel…nothing. No spark. No tingle. Just nothing.
I politely pull my hand away, placing it on my lap. “Well, I’m a lawyer, mainly dealing with celebrities. And Rayna tells me you’re a doctor.”
“Yeah. Plastic surgery. I do a lot of boob jobs.”
I give him a funny look. Seriously? This is what he wants to tell me on our first date? What a fucking pig.
I reach for my glass of wine when someone stumbles into me, causing me to spill it into my lap.
“Fuck,” I mumble under my breath, trying to wipe my lap.
“That’s not very ladylike, Leah,” Kevin scolds me.
Seriously? What the fuck? This is the twenty-first century. Who gives a fuck about being “ladylike” anymore?
“Sorry,” a sexy voice says.
I close my eyes, fighting back the tears. I try to take a deep breath, but it won’t come. Of all the people to bump into me, it had to be Johnny.
I look up into his perfect green eyes.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, and turn my attention back to my dress.
“I can pay for that,” Johnny offers.
“I can pay for my own date, thank you very much,” Kevin bites out at him.
My eyes go wide. This date is only five minutes in, and frankly, it’s lasted long enough.
I stand, grabbing my purse. “I don’t feel well all of a sudden, so I’m going home. Have a good night, Kevin.”
I start making my way towards the front to get my coat when Kevin grabs my arm. Hard.
“Let go of me,” I say in a low tone, trying not to cause a scene.
“You’re seriously just going to walk out on me?” he hisses.
His grip gets tighter and my arm is starting to hurt. I can feel the tears bubbling up in my eyes. I’m not sad; I’m furious. And when I’m angry, I cry.
I raise my knee and hit him right in the junk. He doubles over in pain, and I smile.
“I told you to let go of me,” I growl.
At this point we have lots of attention, but I don’t give a shit. I make my way to the front, get my coat, and head outside.
While I’m waiting for my ride, I text Rayna.
Me: Worst date ever.
Rayna: What happened?
Me: He was a pig, and worst of all, I bumped into Johnny. I’ll tell you about it later.
Rayna: Wow. That sounds like a wine night story for sure.
Me: Yes. Girls’ night at my place tomorrow night.
Rayna: Deal.
“Are you okay?” Johnny asks.
I didn’t even hear him approaching.
I turn to him and smile. “I’m fine. I can take care of myself.”
“Why were you on a date with that loser anyway?”
I don’t want to be having this conversation with Johnny. He’s probably here on a date of his own, so why is he chastising me?
I don’t want to be having any conversation with him. Because right now all I want to do is bury my face in his chest and let him hold me.
Thankfully, my ride shows up just in the nick of time.
“That’s my ride. I have to go. You look good, Johnny. Take care.”
I get into the car and close the door. We drive away, and I feel like I’ve left my heart behind with Johnny. I guess a relationship isn’t in the cards for me.
“Is my little princess ready for some peas?” Tia coos at CeCe.
CeCe scrunches up her face, and it’s so cute.
“You are one smart kid,” I tell her. “Peas are yucky.”
Tia glares at me while CeCe giggles, batting the spoon out of Tia’s hand.
“Thanks for that,” Tia says, but I can hear the smile in her voice.
“What are aunties for?” I ask.
Tia shakes her head, the smile on her face growing.
“I’m going to miss you,” she sighs.
Mikey is going on tour next week and Tia is going with him. They don’t come back until December, and I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to live without my best friend for over three months?
Tia grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.
“Maybe you can take some vacation time and join me for a little bit,” she suggests.
“As much as I would love that, I’m saving up my vacation time for Christmas. I want to spend all the time with you when you get back. We are doing your birthday right this year.”
She giggles. “Yeah, last year’s birthday was a bit crazy.”
“Last year in general was a bit crazy,” I correct her.
Tia nods her head in agreement. “I’m just glad my life is finally happy. No more drama, just my love and our perfect angel.” She picks up CeCe and heads toward the bedrooms. “I’ll be right back. Just let me put CeCe down and then we can have some girl time.”
No drama. I’m glad she doesn’t know about my time with Johnny. Then her no-drama life would be turned upside down.
It’s been around two months since I saw Johnny at the restaurant. Three months, three weeks, and four days since I ended it. But who’s counting?
I finally stopped torturing myself and removed him from my social media. I don’t cry every night anymore, and life is pretty much back to normal. I work more than I used to, and honestly, I just feel numb. But this is how it has to be.
