My Happy Ending Part 1, page 9
“Cut the fucking umbilical cord so we can talk about this.” I didn’t mean to say it like that, I swear I didn’t. I just meant to tell her that we should drop the kids off somewhere and just... talk. Just talk, even if it involved yelling and screaming and crying because we needed it.
“Fuck you,” she muttered between clenched teeth, then she smirked hatefully. I knew what was coming. “Oh, wait... that’s Bree’s job, isn’t it?”
“Damn it, Talia, I didn’t...”
“Please!” Elizabeth was clinging to my leg, stopping me from spilling everything to Talia. Now wasn’t the time or the place, but it had to be done. I had to be honest with her. Let her call me a liar, at least my conscious would be clear. At least I could say I’d done everything I could. But not now... not now...
I stepped away from Talia and looked down at our daughter, whose tears broke my heart just a little more. “I’m sorry, Baby Girl. We’re both... sorry.” I looked back up at Talia, silently letting her know this wasn’t finished.
“Of course,” she said, doing her complete about-face and smiling at our children. Leave it to Talia to pretend like nothing was wrong.
“Let’s go,” I said to Elizabeth. “You and Michael help with the bags, okay?”
“Come here, Em,” I heard Talia say, but I stopped her abruptly.
“I’ve got this, Talia.” I picked up Emily, who looked back at her mother with her bottom lip quivering.
“Jase,”
“She’s my daughter too, Talia,” I snapped, and immediately felt guilty as Emily began to cry. Who the hell was Talia to say I couldn’t do this, though? Just watch me... just fucking watch me.
I turned around announcing to the kids it was time to go, and Elizabeth was the dutiful sister who ran to get Emily’s favorite stuffed animal. I stood there, holding the door open, avoiding looking at Talia, trying my best to not let Emily’s screams get to me as I held her with my other arm. Elizabeth and Michael were quick with their goodbyes, and Emily screamed just a little louder as we walked out into the hallway. I couldn’t look back; if I had seen her face as I walked away with our children, I would have crumbled. I know I would have, because I knew how it felt. And while part of me felt vindicated that now she knew what it was like to watch her children leave, the other part of me wanted to go right back to that door, beg her to come with us.
Just one last weekend.
One last shot at being a family.
Please.
But I didn’t do it; I don’t know if it was anger or my stubborn streak that kept me going, but I had those children secured in their seats and was on the road back to my house.
Twenty-two minutes. It was exactly twenty-two minutes from that parking lot to the garage of the house that no longer felt like a home to me.
And I cried the whole way.
CHAPTER 7
TALLI
I NEVER DREAMED IN a million years I would consider it too quiet to sleep. Apparently my body entered panic mode some time close to midnight when there were no diaper crinkles, no one else’s breathing.
And when I woke up to an empty condo, my heart hurt. It wasn’t entirely for the reasons I’d figured, either... it was painful to be by myself for the first time in years, sure. But right at that moment, of all the things I could have been thinking or feeling, instead I was wondering... was this what it felt like for Jase?
Was it this empty, this hollow in that house without our children running around?
I heard my cell phone ringing from its perch on the kitchen counter and I ran out to answer it, fearful that something had happened. I was short of breath when I picked up my phone, sighing as I saw Lisa’s name on the display. For one brief moment, I considered not answering... but I knew if the shoe was on the other foot, if it was my ex-husband that had passed away...
I shook my head to clear it as I answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Oh... um... I was figuring this was going to voicemail,” she said, and I had to laugh.
“Is that why you call at these ungodly hours?” I asked. “To get voicemail instead of talking to me?”
“No, I just... I couldn’t sleep.”
“Same here,” I muttered.
“And I was worried about you,” she added.
“Oh, I’m fine,” I said with a wave of my hand that she couldn’t see. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Talia, don’t shut me out.”
“No...no, Leesee, I just meant... I know you’re having a hard time right now, dealing with Jack’s death. You need to focus on you right now.”
“I wanted to thank you for coming out here,” she said softly. “I know you weren’t close with him, or overly fond of him.”
“Well, he was... no, no,” I stopped myself. “I’m not going to say it. But regardless of your divorce, he still was... well, you were hurting when he died. And you’re my sister, I’d do anything for you.”
“I wasn’t that distracted when you were here,” she commented. “I noticed a lot of what was going on, like how disappointed you were when Jase didn’t show.”
The memory hit me like a sucker punch. Of course he didn’t show. He’d taken the opportunity to play house—in my house... in OUR house—with that bleached blonde whore.
“And I feel so guilty,” Lisa continued. “I know you had plans with Jase, that you and the kids were flying to Texas. Elizabeth sure pouted enough about that.”
“Yeah... yeah she did,” I said with a short laugh.
“Oh, she acts so much like you, Talli.”
“I was never that dramatic,” I disagreed.
“Right, and I was a virgin when I got married.”
“I have enough of that visual burned into my brain by walking in on the two of you,” I muttered, covering my eyes as if I could still see it. She laughed at my comment, apparently finding it much more humorous than I did.
“Hey, Talli?” she said suddenly.
“Hmm?”
“If you don’t mind my prying... did he tell you why he didn’t show?”
My face burned as I remembered that bitch’s hands on my husband’s face as they played tonsil hockey, and...
“No. No, he didn’t,” I replied.
“It just... I mean, I was talking about this with Eric,”
“Ah, Jase’s biggest fan,” I mumbled.
“...and he was saying that it... it just didn’t seem like him. I mean, he said he’d be there, right?”
“No, I didn’t speak with him,” I answered as I absentmindedly played with a lighter on the counter. I really need to put this away.
“Did you check to see if he got his voicemail?”
“I didn’t leave a voicemail.”
“Well, if you didn’t...”
“I spoke with Hooker Barbie,” I cut her off.
“Who?”
“With... with Bree.” I couldn’t keep the disdain out of my voice when I said her name. “And once they knew I was gone, they took advantage of the situation.”
“That’s just... that’s awful. Talli, I am so sorry.”
“Why? You didn’t do it.” I was still messing with the lighter, flipping it over in my hand as I spoke.
“Talli... are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I repeated. “Don’t worry about me.”
“You just... you sound like...”
“Like what?” I demanded, perhaps a bit too forcefully.
“Like you’re dead inside.”
“Well you’ve been through a divorce. Were you Miss Mary Sunshine then?”
“Talia, I’m just trying to help,” she said. “Have you talked to anyone?”
“About what?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowing together.
“Talia, I saw all of the unfilled prescriptions in your purse.”
I grumbled to myself as I made a mental note to clean my purse out. “I don’t need any of them.”
“Anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, sleep aids...”
“Lisa, it really isn’t any of your concern.”
“...and the pamphlets on postpartum depression,” she finished as I began to rub my temple.
“I’m a Nurse Practitioner,” I reminded her. “Besides, Emily’s almost a year old. I’m fine.”
“Talia, postpartum depression is real... it’s a real problem... a real... a real disease, if you will.”
“Yeah, well, so is addiction,” I snapped, my mouth firmly shutting into a thin line afterwards. Fuck... now Lisa would think...
“Talia... are you...” Her voice trailed off, and then she stated, “I’m coming to see you.”
“Right,” I agreed. “In two weeks, for Emily’s party.”
“No...”
“Lisa, I live in a small condo, and I work nearly every day between now and then,” I cut her off. “I will see you in two weeks.”
“I am worried about you, you know,” she said softly. “You know that I love you, right?”
“Yeah... I know,” I replied. “I love you, too. Listen... I have rounds tomorrow, so I need to try and sleep.”
“Just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“That I can kick him in the balls at the party.” As I threw my head back in laughter, she added, “Okay, you’re laughing. That eases my mind a bit. Go get some sleep.”
“What about you?” I asked. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” she sing-songed. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Fuck you, Lisa,” I muttered.
I wish I could say I slept decently afterwards, but my mind wouldn’t shut off. Really... I was so bothered being reminded how Jase never showed up for Jack’s funeral. I mean, how could I have been any clearer? It was bad enough that Bree had answered his phone, which should have been my first clue that something was up. But he’d gotten every message I’d ever sent through her, and I was in such a hurry to pack and catch that plane, so I didn’t think twice about it.
I was unnerved that at the mention of Jack’s name, Bree knew it was Lisa’s ex-husband and that neither Jase nor I thought very fondly of him. Seriously, how the hell was that any of her business? I just pushed all of it aside, choosing to believe that my husband would never hurt me in that way. So, when I told her that I needed Jase there, by my side, and she said “Of course, I understand,” I took that to mean she’d let him know immediately. I have no reason to think she didn’t tell him, especially with what I walked in on.
The more I dwelled on it, when I allowed myself to dwell on it, it wasn’t just the fact that he was with someone else. It was... it was planned. It was set up to be romantic, not a... booty call, or whatever it is called these days. Not some fling. Not... not something spur of the moment. And it wasn’t some elaborate set up for my benefit, either; if it was meant for me, it would have happened two days later.
She... she meant something to him. Being with her meant something.
And that’s what hurt most of all.
JASE
“PRINCESS, PLEASE... please sleep,” I murmured in Emily’s ear as she continued to cry. “You’re so tired.” And so am I... I glanced at my watch, shaking my head.
Midnight.
She had been crying for over an hour. I was bound and determined to do this my way; I knew I was right. I’d gone in to soothe her twice, but the last time I’d tried letting her cry just a little bit longer.
“You don’t want to do that, Daddy,” Elizabeth had said as she sleepily wandered out into the hall.
“It’s okay, Baby Girl. I’ve got this,” I’d replied to her. “Just go back to bed.”
That was at eleven.
At fifteen after, Michael had whined that he couldn’t sleep, so I promised him I’d go upstairs to get his baby sister.
Forty-five minutes later, and Emily was still inconsolable. At least she was letting me hold her by then. The first fifteen minutes she was throwing herself backwards, keeping her body stiff as she screamed as loudly as she could. When she finally willingly went into my arms, I figured it was a matter of time.
Apparently I was wrong.
By twelve thirty, after walking the floors with her, I began humming softly to her, no rhyme or reason really to it. She stilled, as if she was listening between her tiny sobs and gasps from crying for so long, as I felt one of her tiny hands start playing with the back of my hair. I placed a soft kiss on her damp forehead continuing to hum softly.
“Da’s da song Mommy sings to her,” Michael’s voice behind me made me jump slightly.
“Little Man, what are you doing up?” I asked, trying to keep my voice low. Without saying a word, he pointed at Emily in my arms, who whined slightly until I started swaying from side to side. “Get back up to bed, Michael.” He stuck out his bottom lip and shook his head ‘no’, his breathing picking up as the tears filled his eyes. “Come on... Little Man... don’t cry, please...”
Michael turned slightly, burying his head in his arm that was resting on the table beside him as he began to cry.
Fuck me running.
That was enough to set Emily off again—where in the world she found the energy or tears left to cry, I have no idea. But I couldn’t console one and not the other, so I found myself with Emily on one arm and Michael on the other.
“Sing, Daddy,” Michael whined as she snuggled into my neck.
“What do you want me to sing?” I asked.
“Time Stands Still, duh,” Elizabeth said, incorrectly of course, as she walked into the room.
“Time Stands Still Duh, huh?” I teased, resigning myself that the kids were all up no matter what. “Never heard of it.”
“Daddy,” Elizabeth said in her exasperated tone, and I laughed softly. “We didn’t get to see you this tour,” she continued as she climbed into the papasan chair. “Cause Em was sick all the time.”
“Dey wanna take her ears out!” Michael exclaimed, lifting his head, his eyes wide.
“Nuh uh, dummy, they wanna give her new ears,” Elizabeth said.
“Baby Girl,” I said in my warning tone, “be nice to your little brother.”
“But he gets things wrong,” she mumbled, pouting in her chair.
“Really?” I asked her. “They can’t give her new ears, you know,” I added, assuming that Talia had said something passing that gave the kids the impression that Emily’s ears were really bad. I knew of a whole two ear infections that she’d had, and that hardly constituted needing tubes in her ears. I’d also had yet to hear her have problems breathing. Hell, I almost couldn’t wait to see what excuses she’d come up with now that I was back home.
“Daddy, you’re not singing,” Michael said, and I smiled at him.
It was after three before we all finally fell asleep.
THE SUN WAS PEERING through the curtains in Talli’s room, hitting right in my face where I slept on that large couch. I groaned, turning on my side and pulling that blue knitted blanket up over my eyes. I felt a tug as the blanket was pulled down and opened one eye to see what the hell was going on. I jumped slightly, not expecting to see Michael’s face less than an inch from mine.
“Dude, don’t do that,” I said with a slight laugh. He still stood there, staring up at me with wide eyes. “You’re up awfully early.”
“Cereal.” He looked completely serious, not even blinking as he said that one word.
“All right, all right. Give me a minute.” I stood and stretched, turning my neck side to side. I have no clue how he was up so early... nine. It was nine. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t early for him.
“Cereal,” he repeated, his little feet shuffling as he made his way to the kitchen. Who was I to say no? Besides, I could definitely sympathize; I was most definitely not a morning person either.
Michael was glassy eyed as he stared at the bowl of cereal, but at least he was eating, which is more than I could say for his baby sister the night before.
Wait... wait a minute...
She wasn’t crying. She’d slept for... for six hours without crying! Okay, so it was from three to nine, but progress is progress, so I decided to let her rest. Besides, I had an irate member of my management team demanding my attention.
“What’s up, Chris?” I asked as I answered my phone.
“You said you’d call last night.”
“You know you sound very girl-like when you pull that shit,” I teased.
“Damn it, Jase...”
“Hi, Daddy,” Elizabeth said as she walked into the kitchen. “Can I have some cereal too?”
“Of course, Baby Girl, just a minute,” I replied. “Sorry, Chris, my kids are here.”
“Ah... sorry for interrupting you, then,” he said, his tone sincere. “So, um...”
“Just the kids, nosy,” I cut him off. “But if it’s something I need to know, lay it on me.”
“Jase, I think you may want to sit in on the interview portion of Stella’s show.”
“Are you smoking crack?” I asked suddenly, my volume rising.
“Wha’s crack?” Michael piped up, and I held up a finger in an attempt to silence him as I walked out of the kitchen.
“Jase, she films the music first. You know that,” he continued.
“Right, and then I’m getting the hell out of there.”
“And leaving Bree to answer Stella’s questions?” he asked. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“Chris, she... there’s nothing to say.”
“That’s bullshit, and you and I both know it,” he snapped at me.
“Fine... fine, but with all the negative press right now, she’s not going to fan the flames.”
“Do you know that for certain?” he asked, sounding so much like that damned Victor Newman character that my heart ached. When I couldn’t answer, he added, “Jase, I think... I think if you don’t want to be there for the interview, then you should at least talk with Bree.”
“Chris...”
“In New York,” he added. “With other people around. As much as you may not want to... as much as I don’t want you to... I think you’re the one person who may be able to talk her out of making any derogatory statements or comments.”
