My Happy Ending Part 1, page 17
Does she care? Is that what this all means? Can... does... oh, God...
“Hey,” Kate’s voice was soft as she sat on my desk, lightly running her fingers through my hair. I took a deep breath before I lowered my hands, and Kate took one of mine in hers. “I’m not really the type of person to say ‘I told you so’,”
“Liar,” I said, feeling a grin tug at the corners of my mouth.
“She still loves you,” Kate continued, ignoring my comment.
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I disagreed with her, squeezing her hand as if it could make me stop shaking. “How much did you hear?”
“Pretty much everything that was yelled at each other,” she replied. “Along with the crashes, and the glass breaking. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, thanks for asking,” I said with a slight laugh. “Oh... God, Kate, is she hurt? Did she get...”
“Jase, did you physically hurt her?” Kate asked, her eyes narrowed.
“No... no, there was just... stuff.” I was waving my free hand trying to come up with a word, any word.
“You threw stuff at her?” Kate asked, smacking me hard on my shoulder.
“No! Damn! Let me finish, would you?”
“So, she threw stuff. Okay, that makes sense.”
“Thanks,” I deadpanned, pulling my hand back as I stood up and began pacing back and forth in front of the desk. “Fuck... fuck, what do I do now? What do I say to her? Is she... no, she wouldn’t leave, would she? Not in the middle of Emily’s party, right?”
“Are these rhetorical questions?”
I turned to Kate, shaking my head slightly before I resumed pacing. “I don’t know what to do now, Kate.”
“Talk to her civilly?”
I let out a short laugh, running my hand through my hair. “Yeah, I wasn’t very civil,” I admitted.
“But you’re hurt, too.”
I felt my resolve break, the tears threatening at Kate’s words.
Because they were true.
So, so very true.
“No, don’t you dare. You are not shutting down, got it?” Kate’s hands were on my shoulders and I opened my eyes to find her big brown eyes staring at me. “You get out there, you paste a smile on your face if you have to, and you give your daughter a wonderful birthday. And that smile that you’re pasting on? You make sure you use it for Talli, too. And if you get the chance, if you feel you need to, you apologize...”
“She won’t listen...”
“Apologize about today. Don’t bring Bree’s name into it again, not today, okay? Apologize for losing your temper.”
“But...”
“And don’t expect an apology from her.”
“Ouch, way to tell me I was in the wrong, Kate,” I said, grinning at her.
“I think you both were, for the record.” She smoothed my shirt front, reached up and messed with my hair, then returned her hands to my shoulders. “Come on, Daddy, your little girl has presents and a cake on the way.”
“The cake’s not...”
“The cake is here, you know what I’m talking about. Come on already.” She tugged on my hand, leading me towards the door. I faltered slightly as she opened it, my nerves getting the best of me.
“I can’t.” I stepped back, shaking my head, chewing on my thumbnail.
“Jase...”
“She hates me, Kate.” My voice was so small, like a child, and I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. Kate shook her head slightly, her smile attempting to reassure me.
“You, sir, are mistaken. Now come on.”
Time to face the music...
I DIDN’T KNOW WHETHER to be happy or disturbed.
From the moment I went back downstairs, with the party in full swing, every single adult there was acting as if nothing was wrong. Eric was handing me a beer, a huge smile on his face as he brought his hand down on my shoulder, and if he was an actor, I’d swear that smile was fake and he meant to nearly knock me over.
Lisa walked in the kitchen about that time, and instead of some lecture about alcohol and violence, she said, “Boys,” in a mom-like tone before laughing and walking out.
Had I stepped into Bizzarro World?
The great room was more of the same.
Emily sat on my nan’s lap making silly faces, giggling when Nan made them back. Pete was hoisting Michael up on his shoulder, having my boy hang half upside down, as he ran towards the back door, both of them laughing and carrying on as if they didn’t have a care in the world. My cousin Tom had finally made it, and he walked up to me, pulling me in a huge bear hug, along with that slap on the back that would have choked me if I hadn’t swallowed my beer.
“Got another one of those?” he asked, pointing at my hand.
“Right here,” Jackie said from behind me. He was handing a beer to Tom, who smiled and nodded in his direction.
Jaden was sitting in one of the big, comfy chairs, with Elizabeth leaned over her. Baby Girl had her head resting on Jaden’s belly and was laughing saying that the baby was kicking her. I turned away quickly, remembering her doing the same thing with Talia when she was pregnant with Emily.
I missed that so badly.
“I can’t believe she’s in college!”
My head turned sharply to the far corner of the room, Talia’s voice echoing in my soul. She was huddled up on the tiny loveseat with Tish and Cass looking at something on the computer that sat on Tish’s lap.
“Is she enjoying it?” Cass asked.
“She’s eating it up with a spoon,” Tish replied. I felt a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, knowing they were talking about Moira who was studying at the University of Toronto.
“Why Canada, though?” Talia asked, her lips going down into a pout that set off the butterflies in my stomach. “That’s too far away.”
“It’s closer to me than California,” Tish replied, raising an eyebrow in her direction.
“Oh, well, you’re just gonna have to get over that,” Talia said, her eyes still on the computer.
“Mommy, Daddy, are we gonna do Em’s presents?” Elizabeth asked, and Talia’s eyes came up, wide with surprise as if she didn’t know I was in the room.
Of course she didn’t.
When those big blue eyes rested on me, she immediately looked away, pushing herself to a standing position and walking around the sea of people towards our oldest daughter. She was intentionally avoiding eye contact with me, I’m sure of it... but there was no avoiding contact when the crowd of people shifted slightly causing Talia to lose her footing, sending her straight against me. I swear it was an accident, or instinct maybe, that had my arms circling her, preventing her from falling.
It was heaven.
That brief moment where her body was up against my chest before she giggled... actually giggled, pushing herself away to reach Elizabeth. And then... then she looked over her shoulder at me, her grin and shrug her only communication, but I understood it completely, just like I used to.
What was my opinion? Did I think it was time for Emily’s presents?
This day was going to be the death of me before it was over.
All I could do was smile and nod, and I suppose it was a good thing she comprehended and started gathering the troops because I could have easily just placed my hand over my heart and melted to the floor.
“What’d you get her, Daddy?” Elizabeth asked me as she grabbed my hand, tugging me towards the dining room.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” Talia answered for me before briefly closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I’m sorry... habit.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I said softly—so softly I didn’t know whether or not she heard me. The only indication that she may have heard me was the way she blinked her eyes quickly as she turned away.
Way to go, Warner. Way to ruin the moment by...
“Sorry I’m late, babies!”
The room fell silent minus the music playing in the background as all eyes turned to look at the one person who had no business being there.
“It was a little difficult to read the start time on these hand written invitations,” Bree continued as she walked into the room, her hips swaying from side to side. “But I must admit, they are rather... quaint? Is that the word I’m looking for?”
“Ms. Hamilton, you need to come with me,” Chris said as he stepped forward.
“Oh, no... I’m so here for the birthday girl. Hi, Princess, how are you?” Bree leaned over as she waved at my little girl, her breasts nearly falling out of her halter top.
“You’re right, Mommy, those shirts aren’t ‘porpriate for Em’s party,” Elizabeth said as she looked up at Talia, and I couldn’t help but smile. Several others heard Elizabeth’s comment and began laughing, closing the circle around Talia and the kids as Chris began to pull on Bree’s arm.
“I’m not leaving,” she was protesting.
She was bound and determined to cause a scene, make things more uncomfortable, rip my family even further apart than we already were.
I couldn’t let her.
I wouldn’t.
I turned towards the doorway, motioning for her to follow me. She smirked back at the rest of the guests, not bothering to notice that Chris had followed us, and I will be forever grateful for that.
“Well, hello stranger,” she said as we stopped in between the entryway and the staircase.
The list of things I could have said to her at that moment was longer than said staircase, I’m sure. I opted for the nicest thing I could come up with. Pointing at the door, I said the one word I could conjure up.
“Leave.”
She sighed, holding her invitation out in front of her. “I was invited here by the birthday girl’s mother, you know.”
I yanked the invitation out of her hand, ripping it in little pieces as I said, “I told you I didn’t want you here. I told you that you were not welcome here. I told you that you were to stay the hell away from my wi...”
“You’re still calling her your wife even though she’s divorcing your ass?” she cut me off, her voice raising.
“Ms. Hamilton, you were told to only be here in a professional capacity, and since Mr. Warner has cancelled all appearances in the foreseeable future, it’s time for you to leave.”
“You don’t look sick to me,” she said, ignoring Chris’s statement.
“Do not engage in a conversation or argument with her, Jase,” Chris intervened, his hand on my arm. “And Ms. Hamilton, you were instructed to leave.”
“Is everything okay here?” Nan asked as she walked towards the entryway.
“Well, hello Nan!” Bree exclaimed, extending her hand. “I’m...”
“Not welcome in this house,” Nan cut her off. “And just so we’re clear, you’re lucky it wasn’t my house you pulled this stunt in. I would physically throw you out.”
“Daddy?”
Michael was wandering into the entryway, his voice conveying his concern over the sudden change in the atmosphere of the party. I turned towards him, lifting him effortlessly and placing a protective kiss on his cheek. “It’s okay, Little Man,” I said. “Let’s get back to the party, okay?”
“Aren’t you going to say hello to me?” Bree asked, presumably in Michael’s direction, and I felt my blood begin to boil. My eyes narrowed as I glared at her, and just as another reminder that this bitch was NOT Talia, she began to cower away.
That’s what I thought.
“We can’t do Em’s presents without you, Daddy,” Michael said in a scolding tone, his expression so serious that I had to smile.
“Is that so?” I asked as I turned my back on Bree and her antics, the way I should have months before, and walked back to the dining room.
But the faces there were no longer friendly.
There was no more pretending that this was a happy family, that there was nothing wrong. That aura had been sucked out the minute that bitch walked into this room. And I had no one to blame but myself, and I know that. I’m the one who wasn’t completely honest from the beginning. I’m the one who knew what Bree wanted, the one who kept lying to myself that so long as nothing happened it didn’t matter. I was the one who let her into our lives, I was the one who turned to her. It was all my fault.
I looked at Talia, who was now intentionally avoiding my gaze, her back turned to me as she gathered Emily’s presents for her to open.
In that one moment I knew that the words ‘I’m sorry’ would never be enough.
CHAPTER 13
TALLI
“SORRY I’M LATE, BABIES.”
With those four words the illusion that everything was going to be okay came crashing down around me
I tried my hardest to not look, to keep her out of my line of vision. But when Elizabeth made the comment about how those shirts weren’t appropriate, I couldn’t help but glance over.
Why... why did I do that?
Why did I have to see that perfect little Barbie in her perfect size zero clothes with her perfect small breasts right where God intended them to be? Did she have to be so beautiful? Did she have to look belong here?
I tried swallowing over that lump in my throat as that moment stretched into eternity, where Chris was telling her she needed to leave.
But it shouldn’t be Chris telling her.
Jase... please. Please just once, tell her to leave, tell her to go away. Right here, right in front of me—who gives a damn about everyone else—but in front of me, show me that she doesn’t mean anything to you. Tell her...
Oh... God.
My heart shattered into a million pieces, every tiny shard of hope that I’d felt from the moment he placed his hand over my heart... all of it, gone as Jase walked out of the room with that whore right on his heels.
I should have known better.
I handed Emily to Lisa, ignoring Em’s protests as I quickly made my way out of that room, and I kept going until I was out the back door of the house. Standing on that back patio, right by the furniture we’d relaxed in so many times over the years, I felt the first tear fall, my hand clamped over my mouth to keep as quiet as I could.
I can’t believe that I had come up those stairs, demanding everyone put their happy faces back on.
I can’t believe I had dared anyone... dared them to say one cross word to Jase.
I can’t believe I had thought that we’d be able to talk, we could make progress, he cared about me.
About us.
I’m such a fool.
“Talli, please come inside.” Jaden was standing beside me, the curve of her baby bump touching me slightly. I shook my head slightly, choking back a sob. “Talli...”
“I can’t breathe.”
Did those words just come from me?
“God, T...” She put her arms around me as the tears fell freely down my face.
“I can’t stay here, Jaden. I just can’t... all I... all I see is her... her face, in this house... every room... this is... she belongs here, I don’t.”
“That’s not true, Talli.”
But I knew better. I knew it was true. I wasn’t the glamorous Hollywood type; I never had been. And she’d been completely at ease, completely comfortable in this house, with his management team, with his friends, with...
“Talli, let’s... let’s just get you inside, and ignore him, and just get through this party, okay? If you think you can’t talk with him now...”
“I can’t see him right now, I can’t look at him right now.”
All I could see was him with her.
“Presents and cake, Talli... then you can leave.”
And that was my intentions.
Presents and cake.
And avoid Jase like the plague until it was time to go.
My oh my how the mood had changed. Michael was clinging to Jase like glue, which he normally did when he was upset about something. Emily was more than happy to stick with me, opening up her gifts that Elizabeth was helping hand to her.
What a spoiled little girl she is.
The adults were completely focused on the children, which helped tremendously. I don’t think I could have handled a single ‘how are you’ because I probably would have fallen apart, and I can’t do that. Not now, not in front of him.
“Wait, wait... one more.” Jase, with Michael on his hip, walked over to our youngest daughter, who was eating all of the attention up with a spoon. He handed a package to her, which she proceeded to beat on with brute force.
“I told you, she’s a drummer!” Pete exclaimed from his spot across the table, his hands massaging Jaden’s shoulders.
Did they have to look so happy?
I tried to avoid looking at Jase as he kneeled in front of Emily, helping her rip the paper, laughing with her as her bottom lip quivered at the sound of it. “It’s okay, Princess,” he said softly. Did he just sniffle? No... no, he didn’t... “Here, let’s pull it back... this way.”
“New bath toys!” Elizabeth said excitedly, jumping up and down. My eyes traveled down to Elizabeth and Michael, who were now laughing at Emily’s reaction to her treasure by clapping her hands.
Over bath toys?
Emily lunged forward, reaching for Jase who scooped her up into his arms, holding her close to him. Why did that hurt so much? Aren’t I supposed to be happy that Emily has finally warmed up to her father? Just because he was replacing me obviously didn’t mean he was replacing them, and...
And I couldn’t watch.
I busied myself with cleaning up the paper and trash as Beth brought the cake in from the kitchen. “Where are the candles?” she asked.
FUCK.
Fuck me, I forgot...
“There’s one in the drawer by the fridge,” Jase answered his mother, and I cringed as I waited for it.
Come on, rock star. Go ahead. Berate me, belittle me for forgetting something like a candle for our daughter’s cake. Why would having everyone around matter? It hasn’t before.
“Got it,” I heard Nan say as she walked back in. I continued on my task, taking the trash out to the large bins in the garage, my hands shaking uncontrollably.
I thought I could handle this. I really thought I could. How hard was it supposed to be to be surrounded by friends and family, celebrating Emily’s birthday? There are so many others here that his presence shouldn’t make me fall apart, right?
