My Happy Ending Part 1, page 18
But I was falling apart. I was shaking, feeling like I could vomit at any moment. My heart was hammering so fucking hard that I felt close to passing out, and...
“Talli?”
“Not now, Lisa,” I said as I knelt beside Jase’s car, the car that used to bring me comfort and joy whenever I saw it pull up. Now all I could see was Bree sitting in the passenger seat, waving as they drove off to the studio or wherever they were actually going, and...
“Listen, Talli, I’m not trying to dictate what you should do, and I know that you have had problems with this in the past.” She sat beside me on that garage floor, taking my hand in hers. “But right now, you are falling apart.”
“I’m not...” My voice faltered as I couldn’t even finish the lie.
“Today, you need help. Even if you don’t need help every other day, today... today, you do.”
That little voice in my head was screaming at me, telling me no... no, don’t do it... you don’t need help, you can do this without any help...
But could I make it through the rest of the day without it?
Could I walk back into that house, could I see him looking so happy when I was dying inside?
Could I?
“Just today,” Lisa said, her hand on my shoulder as she offered one of her prescription pills.
“WE’VE BEEN LOOKING for you,” Jaden said as I walked into the dining room a good fifteen minutes later.
“It’s a big house,” I replied, my voice soft and controlled. “It’s easy to get lost in.”
“Always the joker,” Eric laughed as he came up behind me, giving me a huge squeeze. I swear that mountain of a man could easily kill someone with his bare hands.
“Who’s joking?” I mumbled, pushing back a stray curl that had fallen into my eyes. I held my head up as I looked across that room, locking eyes with Jase for the first time since Bree had waltzed in. “People tend to lose themselves in this house all the time.”
Don’t you dare look sad at that comment, you asshole.
“Okay, Emily’s in her high chair ready for some cake... who’s singing with me?”
I don’t even know who asked that question.
I do know I didn’t sing, though. I was too fixated on my little girl, her red curls so similar to mine, her blue eyes looking adoringly up at her Daddy, whose voice carried across the room straight into my heart.
And I hated him for it.
I hated that he looked so happy, so... smug when Emily smiled at him. Seriously, where the hell did he get off? It wasn’t as if he’d been there this whole...
“Cake, Talli?”
I smiled and shook my head, declining the cake that someone was offering me, feeling stifled and a bit claustrophobic in that room. I quietly excused myself, walking out to the back porch once more, taking in a deep breath of fresh air, or as fresh as the air was going to get here.
Ah, there it was.
My sanctuary.
I kicked off my shoes, letting the grass tickle my feet as I crossed the lawn that I’d once shared with Jase. The fountain was still going, the water trickling and bubbling as I sank down beside it. This was where I’d gone whenever I needed to think, to reflect... and yet I hadn’t been out there since Emily was born.
I could still hear the giggling and talking, even though it seemed worlds away. It seemed just like yesterday that I’d been sitting out at this fountain, feeling lost and confused, wondering why I’d flown all this way to be with a man who was so out of my league. And now as I ran my fingers through the cold water, I wondered why I’d stayed.
“Mommy! Mommy, come see Em!”
Elizabeth’s voice brought me back to the present, reminding me why I’d stayed.
And why it hurt so badly to leave now.
Even with as sad and as selfish as I know it sounded, I didn’t want to go back in there. I didn’t want to see him looking so happy that his little Barbie had shown up, even if he escorted her out to...what? Save face with me and everyone else there? Please, too late.
“Mommy, hurry!”
With a heavy sigh, I forced myself back up, my legs feeling like they were weighted down and treading through sand. Time to paste the smile back on, time to be Mommy again, time to play...
No, there was no more playing the doting wife.
Wait... had I just... played the part?
I chewed on my bottom lip absentmindedly as I took in the surroundings, our friends and family each enjoying cake or a drink, smiling and laughing at my little Em.
“Oh, Em.”
Jase was shaking his head at her appearance, her entire face looking like it had been painted with chocolate frosting. Everyone around me was laughing, smiling, while my heart was racing in my chest...
“Talli, are you okay?”
Eric was beside me, I know he was... but I was so disoriented I merely grabbed at his arm, clinging helplessly as I plunged into darkness.
But the darkness, it wasn’t so bad.
In the darkness, I felt loved. I felt safe and secure. In the darkness, there were arms there to hold me, to comfort me. In the darkness, there were soft lips on my forehead, a kiss to take away the hurt.
In the darkness, he still loved me.
JASE
“MOVE...JUST...MOVE. Out of my way.”
I didn’t give a damn how much of an asshole I was being.
My heart was in my throat as I pushed my way into what I had long ago dubbed Talia’s room, my eyes resting on her as Eric laid her on the couch. She looked so pale, even against the cream-colored cushions.
Please, no... not again...
I was trembling uncontrollably as I passed Kaitlyn, who was giving Lisa ten tons of hell for not wanting to call the paramedics. “Have you lost your mind?” Kate was asking, and I didn’t bother telling her that Lisa’s mind had been gone for years.
I couldn’t.
Because right at that moment, all I could do was drop to my knees beside Talia. I leaned over, studying every feature of her face.
She couldn’t do this to me.
Not again.
“Please... open your eyes,” I whispered, gently pushing her curls back from her damp forehead. I placed a kiss there before burying my face in the side of her neck, my hands caressing her arms.
“Lees, maybe we should call someone,” I heard Eric say.
Yes... yes, call someone, she needs help, she needs...
“I love you, baby,” I murmured softly in Talia’s ear, praying she’d hear me. The memory of her lying so still in that hospital after Elizabeth was born was all that kept replaying in my mind, ripping me in two. It had only been maybe a couple of minutes since I’d seen the color drain from her face as she clutched to Eric, who only noticed when I’d called out her name... I know it had only been a couple of minutes.
I couldn’t help but panic.
“Wake up... please. Baby, just open your eyes, okay?”
I felt her slowly begin to stir, a tiny groan of protest escaping from her as she turned slightly. My eyelids slid shut from the pure ecstasy coursing through my veins as she nestled in, slightly nuzzling my neck.
Oh... God...
“I had the worst dream,” she mumbled sleepily, curling her arms up as if she were cold, her hands twisting in my shirtfront, pulling me closer. I knew I shouldn’t... but the memories of all the nights she’d curled into me, just like this, came crashing back. I cradled her upper body in my arms as I kneeled beside her, dropping soft kisses on her temple, her cheeks, everywhere but her lips, no matter how badly I wanted to. “Mmmm, come to bed.” I felt her smile against me, and I tried to stifle the sob, I swear I did, but this was my own personal hell that she was putting me through. I knew the moment she was coherent she’d be pushing me away.
I tightened my arms around her, biting my bottom lip as she placed an open-mouthed kiss on the most sensitive spot on my neck. God, baby, please don’t do that... I’ve been without you far too long... My breathing became more labored as she kissed up my jaw line, my heart skipping a beat as her lips settled over mine...
“Hey, is everything okay?” Eric asked rather loudly, and I felt Talia’s body go completely rigid.
Fuck.
I pulled back slightly, my arms still around her so I was unable to wipe the tears away before she saw them. Confusion was etched in her features as her eyes passed over my face, settling on my lips, then my neck, and then trailing down to my arms. Slowly, reluctantly I pulled away, our eyes locking once more as the chaos around us began creeping back in.
My mind kept screaming at me to say something, but I found myself stunned silent as the moment dragged on. She had to know... she had to...
“Talli, do you need to go to the hospital?” Kate asked, sounding exasperated from having to deal with Lisa.
I already knew Talia would decline.
“I... I’m fine,” she said, lowering her gaze, a blush crossing her cheeks. I was surprised when she didn’t add the ‘don’t worry about me,’ and I narrowed my gaze, drinking her appearance in.
She was pale... I’d already noticed that... and the curls that had come loose hanging in tendrils around her face were damp from the cold sweat she’d broken into. But there was something... else. See, I’d seen her in these jeans, in that top before, but today... I mean, she was beautiful, she’s always beautiful, but she’s just so... thin. Too thin.
When the hell did that happen?
Why the hell did that happen?
“I just...” she licked her lips nervously, averting her eyes from anyone’s gaze.
Talia, what’s going on?
She stood slowly, amidst the protests of nearly everyone but Lisa who piped up with, “All she needs it to get the hell out of this house.”
“Here,” Jaden said as she walked in, carrying a plate with a sandwich and some fruit. “Eat this before you do anything.”
“Thank you,” Talia and I said to her in unison as she accepted the plate, and Talia’s eyes darted back to me, still knelt beside the couch. I tried in vain to smile at her, but she quickly looked away and walked over to her papasan chair, flopping into it like she used to, one leg curled underneath as she picked at the food on her plate.
“Michael and Elizabeth are with Pete,” Jaden said, snapping me out of my daze.
The kids...
“Did they...”
“No, Little Bit, I got you out of there quick,” Eric interrupted Talia’s question.
Oh, thank God...
“Emily’s gonna need a bath, though,” Jaden added with a smile.
“I’ve got it,” I said quickly, and Talia looked over at me, her cheeks still too pale for my comfort. “You... you eat, okay?”
She looked down at her plate of food, a frown on her face as she continued pushing the plate’s contents around.
“The quicker you eat, the quicker we can get you the hell out of here,” Lisa added, and I couldn’t stop the glare I shot at her. As much as I would have enjoyed giving her a piece of my mind, I resisted the urge to do so.
Today had already taken its toll, on all of us.
“Jase,” Eric said, gaining my attention. He motioned for me to follow him as he walked out of the room, and with one glance back at Talia, I did. He spoke in hushed tones as we walked back towards the dining room. “Talli, she’s... she’s just not herself, Jase.”
“None of us are,” I reminded him.
“You know what I’m saying,” he added. “She’s... distant, she’s moody...”
I know she is, and it’s all my fault.
“...and now she’s... she’s losing weight and passing out. I mean...”
“You insinuated before that you thought she was using again, when your mother died,” I said, my eyebrow raised as I looked up at him. “And you were wrong.”
“Jase, look at her.”
“She’s... she wouldn’t, okay? She wouldn’t do that.” I said the words with such conviction, through clenched teeth. “Not with as far as she’s come, not with the kids, not with...”
“Not with what? You?”
We were stopped at the end of the hall, trying to keep others from listening to our disagreement, and I felt myself clenching and unclenching my fists at his words. “Damn it, Eric, I know...”
“Before you say you ‘know’ her, are you that oblivious to the fact that you’re practically strangers now?”
Fuck... are we? How... when... why did that happen?
His words were still resonating in my head as he continued. “When was the last time you really looked... and I mean really looked at your wife?”
“Daddy, are you gonna give Em a bubble bath?” Elizabeth interrupted us as she ran up to me, her big blue eyes sparkling.
“Yeah, of course I am,” I replied, lightly tousling her hair. “I’m coming to rescue Nana.”
“Jase,” Eric called out as I began to walk away, and I glanced over my shoulder at him. “Think about it.”
I merely nodded, then continued walking down the hall.
“YOU ARE GETTING WATER everywhere!” I couldn’t help but laugh as Emily splashed extra hard, sending bubbles and water spilling over onto me, splattering my already drenched shirt. She scrunched up her face as I continued gently washing away the chocolate frosting, her bottom lip sticking out when I had to hold her still. “Come on, Princess, I know you’re in there somewhere.”
She responded by bringing both hands down forcefully, squealing with delight as the bubbles splashed up onto my face. “Yeah, yeah. You think you’re funny, I know. Here... hands. Daddy needs to wash your... hands... don’t pull them away, Stinkerbell.” I knew she would fight me, fussing as I held her hands still, so her squawks of disapproval were no surprise.
“Everything okay in here?”
I jumped slightly at the sound of Chris’s voice, which caused Emily to giggle. Figures. Women.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. You taking off?”
“In just a minute. I know you’re occupied in here, but mind if I talk to you for a sec?”
“Nah, just... if you don’t want to get wet you may want to stay back.”
“That’s fine, that’s fine. Um... Jase, I know the timing sucks, and it’s an unpleasant subject.”
“Then must you bring it up now?”
“For the sake of your children, yes.”
“You haven’t been talking to Eric, have you?” I asked as I continued washing the frosting from every fold and hiding place Emily had gotten it into.
“No, I haven’t. He said he talked to you and that you would handle it.”
“Good. Let’s keep it that way.”
“Jase, in less than an hour your soon-to-be-ex-wife will be driving across this city with your children in that car, after she’d passed out, after she’d refused medical attention. Doesn’t that worry you in the least?”
I faltered for a moment as I was wringing out the washcloth.
I hadn’t thought about that.
With my silence, Chris continued on, stepping in and shutting the door in case of unwanted listeners. “Jase, this isn’t a personal attack against Talia, okay? This isn’t about she and I not getting along. This is about a mother who is expecting full custody, only granting you limited visitation, who can’t even handle the simple task of taking care of herself.”
“Stop it.”
“Jase, she’s always been absentminded, okay? I can give her that much leeway. But when she is the sole provider, the one person that these children have to depend on, she has to be physically and mentally capable of the job.”
“She’s a nurse practitioner, you can’t say she’s not capable...”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, Jase, and you know it.”
My jaw clenched as I continued washing Emily, who was now looking curiously up at Chris.
“Jase, is she...”
“Not another fucking word, Chris.”
“You can demand a drug test, Jase.”
I sat silent, contemplating his words as he continued on with is legal jargon. Something about demanding that she get checked out, bringing all of this up in court, or just having the lawyers handle it, and...
“If she refuses, you can demand temporary emergency custody of the children.”
“I can’t do that to her.”
“This isn’t about revenge, Jase. This isn’t about not wanting to upset her. This isn’t about trying to win her back. This is a health and safety issue, regarding your kids. You need... Jase, look at me.”
I kept my hand securely on Emily’s arm as I glanced over my shoulder at him.
“You need to answer her petition of divorce with one of your own.”
“I don’t want to...”
“I know.” He bent his knees, lowering himself closer to my level. “It’s written all over your face whenever she walks in the room, okay? I know. And if some day you two do work this out, I’m going to be the first one in line to congratulate you. I know you don’t want a divorce, and that’s... you’re not coming out and saying you do, you’re fighting her petition. At least in the end, if you can’t work this out, you can demand equal time with the kids.”
I looked back over at Emily, who’d bent down and proceeded to nibble on my fingers thinking maybe that would convince me to let her go.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t... I couldn’t let them go.
“Okay,” I said softly. “Okay, do it.”
I had to change clothes myself after Emily’s bath, she had me drenched from nearly head to toe. After she and I were both dried and dressed, I hoisted her up on my hip to take her back down the stairs where there were still a few stragglers left after the party. My little Princess was completely wiped out, her head resting on my shoulder as I walked into the great room where Talia and Jaden were packing the gifts in bags.
“Are you about ready to go?” Lisa asked.
“We’ve got this, it’s okay,” Jaden said softly to Lisa.
