My Happy Ending Part 1, page 24
“So make them understand,” Sherise said in clipped tones. “Or would you have preferred that you be sitting in his shoes? Do I need to remind you that you’re here because he was trying to do this to you?”
Of course not. Of course I didn’t want them to go with him, I didn’t want to lose them. But this... this just wasn’t right.
“Fix it,” I said through gritted teeth.
“That would not be in your or the children’s best interest. Now Talia...” She walked over to the door and opened it. “Your car is waiting.”
I stood, my jaw clenched as I kept eye contact with her, my gaze as unwavering as my voice. “There will be no more decisions made, no motions filed, nothing else done without my approval.”
“As you wish.”
As I wish. Fuck you, you arrogant bitch.
I made a mental note to thank Chris Webber if I ever got the chance, as I sincerely doubted I could have pulled it off without so many years of observing him.
Ah, hell. Paparazzi. Still. Like I fucking needed this. I clutched that blue folder to me, planting my sunglasses on my face as I stepped out to the blaring sun and popping camera shutters.
“Talia! Talli!”
Dick, you have no right to use my nickname.
“What’s the verdict?”
“Is it true you’ve retained full custody?”
“What are your thoughts on Jase’s relationship with Bree Hamilton?”
“Has he moved on now with Kate Evans?”
I’d never been more thankful to crawl in the back of a car in my life, which under any other circumstance would sound bad. As it was, I was slumped slightly down in the seat, pulling my sunglasses off and phone out, sighing as I stared at it.
I didn’t feel like talking with anyone.
I didn’t want to discuss what happened. There was nothing to be happy about, nothing to celebrate.
What was I supposed to say?
There were no messages, so everything must be going okay with Paul and the kids. Probably much better than things were going for me.
Forget about me.
What about Jase?
I stared down at that phone, wishing I could call him, tell him I was sorry, promise him that somehow, some way we could fix this. There must be a way to fix it.
I thought of the kids, and how they always talked about how much they missed him.
For them.
I have to fix this for them.
“MOMMY!” MICHAEL BOUNDED up to me, throwing his arms around my legs as I walked in the door. I dropped my purse and the folder on a table.
“Hi, Little Man.” I swung him up on my hip, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Have you been good?”
“They’ve been very good,” Paul said as he walked into the living room. Emily toddled behind him, holding her sippy cup, fresh tears clinging to her lashes.
“’Cept she’s been crying lots,” Michael added, pushing slightly against me until I set him back down. Emily kept walking towards me, giving me the evil eye of death.
“I take it you’re mad at me,” I said to her as she turned her nose up and walked away.
“She’ll get over it,” Paul commented, grinning at me. “Oh... oh, did today not go so good?”
“I... um...” I glanced to see that all of the kids were out of earshot. “I retained full custody.”
“Hey, that’s great!” he exclaimed, pulling me into his arms for a quick, friendly hug that I just wasn’t prepared for. My arms were by my sides still when the first sob broke free, followed quickly by another, and the tears... oh, the tears. I couldn’t stop them once they’d started. “Hey...” He held me closer as I gave in, holding on to his shirt and crying as if there were no tomorrow.
Crying for a love lost.
Crying for our children.
Crying for the way things should have been.
“What happened?” he asked, his voice soft and soothing.
“It was so... so awful.”
“Talli, what did he do?”
“That’s just it.” I pulled back, wiping my eyes. “Technically nothing, other than the whole starting this shit to begin with. I mean... I know he was trying to do this to me, but it doesn’t make it right.”
“I don’t understand.”
“They took...” I swallowed, taking in a deep breath. “Paul, they suspended his visitation.”
“They must have had good reason to.”
“Oh, they certainly came up with a good enough reason.” I kicked my shoes off, grabbing a tissue as I passed the end table. “He’s a good dad, Paul. He really is.”
“You’ve always said that... here. Come on, sit.”
“Thank you for inviting me to sit in my own home, Paul,” I muttered. “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry.”
“No, no... I apologize.” He sat down on the couch as I took my normal perch in the papasan chair, one foot tucked underneath me.
“You’re just being nice, and I’m getting off track, and...” I waved my arms around, trying to come up with the words. “Supervised visitation.”
“So at least they’ll get to see him.”
“Yeah, you try reasoning with them about that. You tell Elizabeth that she can’t curl up on her Daddy’s lap without someone scrutinizing it, or tell Michael that he can’t go back to what was his home and... and play football with him. Or... or you step in between Em and Jase now that she’s warming up to him. She hates strangers.”
“So I’ve noticed.”
“She’ll tweak the entire time.” I wiped away the tears that continued falling, unable to stop them. “And it’s for two hours every Saturday, and that’s it.”
“I know the drill,” he said softly. “So, was this not something you wanted?”
“No... no, I just... I thought that Sherise was just going in there to defend me, defend my actions, make them see that I’m capable of taking care of them. And then she comes up with this grandiose scheme to one-up them, and the next thing I know they won’t let Jase see the kids.”
“Welcome to the wonderful world of divorce lawyers,” Paul deadpanned. “I know that you mean well, but right now just... relax. Let this play out a little bit, and when he comes for an appeal, then just... you know, make it go away.”
“I can do that?” I asked, sniffling slightly.
“Absolutely. Your lawyer might have a problem or two with it, mind you.”
“Oh, fuck her. I’m so pissed at her right now I can’t even fucking see straight.”
Paul simply grinned at me and began to chuckle. He shook his head slightly and sighed. “I knew that you were in there somewhere, Talli.”
“Huh?” I asked, taking the box of tissues that he handed to me.
“It’s going to take some time, but you can bring yourself out of PPD.”
“I don’t have PP fucking D, Paul.”
His head dropped back as he laughed heartily. “Okay, I’ll play along. But in the meantime...”
“What do I do?” I asked, shrugging my shoulders. “How... how do I tell my kids they can’t see their Dad?”
“What did you do?” I’d never heard so much venom spewed forth as I heard in those four words as they were screamed at me by my five year old daughter.
“Baby girl...”
“What did you do?”
“Elizabeth, your Mom didn’t do anything,” Paul said, ignoring my hand that was trying to shush him.
“You’re not my Daddy!” she screamed at him, her face turning beet red as she began to shake. “You... tell me what you did.”
“Young lady, I am your mother and you will not speak to me that way.”
“I want my Daddy,” she said, her voice low as tears filled her eyes.
“Baby girl, please...”
“I want my Daddy!” The tears spilled down onto her cheeks as she stomped towards me with much more force than a five-year-old should have. “You promised me I could see him when I wanted.”
“Elizabeth,”
“You promised all of us before you took us away from him. You get my Daddy now!”
“Excuse us,” I mumbled to Paul, who merely nodded and smiled at me. Does he have to be so underfuckingstanding? I stood and took Elizabeth’s hand, and when she protested I picked her petite frame up in my arms and carried her back to her room, shutting the door before I placed her on her bed.
“I hate you,” she spit out at me. “I hate you for what you’ve done, and for taking us away, and for making us live here, and for not loving my Daddy...”
“I will always love your Daddy.” I stopped her tirade with those words, smoothing back her soft hair that had darkened to a light brown away from her face. “And I know you’re upset. I’m upset, too, okay? But that doesn’t excuse your behavior.”
“I... I want Daddy.” Her bottom lip quivered as she threw herself towards me, burying her head in my chest as the sobs racked her little body.
What was I supposed to say? I mean... I knew exactly how she felt, exactly how much she missed him, even if it was in a different way. I missed him too, so much that it hurt, so much that I was fighting the urge to pull out my cell phone and call him and tell him how sorry I was, and ask him if he’d ever find it in his heart to love me again.
But would that ever be enough?
I heard some commotion coming from the living area, and Elizabeth’s muffled voice carried up to me. “Your friend was ordering pizza for us.”
“Oh... OH. I better go pay for that then,” I said, wondering for a brief moment how the hell I was going to be able to afford to after all of the added expenses this month. “Are you okay?”
“Peachy,” she sniffed, her arms folded tight to her body. “Can I wait to come out?”
“Until you’re over your ’tude?” I asked, and she nodded. “Okay, but don’t take too long.”
“Sure.”
Hmm. She sounded a little too happy that I was leaving the room. This is never good. I’ll give her all of five minutes before I’m back in there telling her to get washed up for dinner, which by the time I made it out to the living room was paid for.
“How much do I owe?”
“Nonsense, this is on me.” He was cutting a piece into tiny Em sized bites and pulling out plates for everyone. “I do have to go after this, though.”
“I... I can’t thank you enough, for everything.”
“You know how you can thank me?”
“Don’t tell me to join your support group, please.” I actually smiled slightly. “I’d get torn to shreds.”
“Just... talk to someone about this, okay?”
“Like a shrink? I don’t need one.”
“Talli, in light of...”
“Mommy!” Michael shrieked from the top of his lungs. “Mommy, Lizbeth wont gimme the phone!”
I looked over at the counter, the receiver for the phone still firmly in place, then patted my pockets for...
Oh, that sneaky little... mini me! What was I going to do with her?
I started to walk towards her room, demanding she hand over the cell phone, berate her for being so deceiving, but hearing her words nearly brought me to my knees.
“What did I do wrong?”
I stifled back a sob, knowing exactly who she was talking to, exactly what she was thinking.
“But... but Daddy, I’ll be good.”
It’s not about that, Baby Girl... if it were only that simple...
“Don’t you want me anymore?”
I had to explain this to her, I had to tell her that’s not what was happening, that it was a bunch of stupid games that a bunch of monkeys in suits played that never should have went down, and...
“Then fix it, Daddy.”
...and I knew I had to talk to him, even if he wouldn’t listen right at that moment.
“I wanna talk, too,” Michael whined, holding onto my leg, and after wiping my eyes I motioned for him to go in to Elizabeth’s room. “Mommy said I could talk.”
“Talli?” Paul’s voice made me jump slightly. I turned towards him, embarrassed to be crying yet again, but he merely put his arms around me, holding me in a comforting embrace. I hesitated for a moment before my arms loosely went around him, returning the hug. “See? I don’t bite.” He stepped back and took my hands in his. “Now... let them have their time, okay? You. Eat.”
“I don’t do well having orders barked at me,” I mumbled, walking towards the kitchen.
“I somehow knew that about you.”
“Em... Em, baby, don’t get into that,” I said, walking quickly over to the end table that I’d left the blue folder on.
“Dase.”
“Oh, great. You, too?” I picked her up with one arm, quickly shuffling the papers back into the folder with the other.
“I put hers on her tray,” Paul said.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, setting her in her highchair, her protests ceasing when she saw what was on her tray. “Kids, dinner.”
I almost immediately regretted yelling that out.
I didn’t want to seem as if I was intruding.
“Where’s your plate?” I asked Paul, who was grabbing his things.
“I’ve intruded enough into your personal space.”
“But...”
“Talli... dinner is on me, okay? Some night we can sit down, but right now I think my kids are chomping at the bit.” He smiled again, and this one I returned.
“I’m sorry for...”
“Not another word.” He held up his hands and gestured towards the door. “I’ll just see myself out.”
After the door closed, I let out a long drawn out sigh, staring down at the pizza and the plates. I fixed Elizabeth and Michael’s plates, setting them at their usual spots before taking a deep breath and walking towards Elizabeth’s room.
“I love you too, Daddy,” I heard Elizabeth say.
“Me, too, Daddy!” Michael called out.
I opened the door slightly letting them know that dinner was on the table.
“Pizza!” Michael exclaimed, running from the room.
“Dinner time, Daddy. I love you.” Elizabeth was walking past me as she said this, then placed the phone in my hand, still on.
Still connected.
My heart was hammering as I looked at it perhaps a fraction too long before bringing it up to my ear.
Still connected.
“Jase?”
I could hear him breathing, I knew he was there.
“Jase, we need to...”
Click.
I knew I didn’t deserve any more than that, not at that moment.
With a resigned sigh, I placed the phone back in my pocket, promising myself I would try another day.
JASE
I CAN’T REMEMBER THE last time I felt this alone. I mean, even when Talia had packed everyone up and moved, I still had my visitation with the kids to look forward to. But today, when that judge made me feel like the lowest form of scum before taking my last shred of hope away... yeah. Today I truly learned the meaning of the word ’alone’.
And it sucks.
No, that doesn’t even describe it.
They were my lifeline, my heart, my soul. I would have given up anything... anything for them, but I’d been so blinded by my own stupidity, by my own pettiness, that it had cost me everything.
I sent everyone away, telling Chris I’d deal with his ass later, telling Kate I wasn’t in the mood for company, telling Jackie I appreciated his concern but I couldn’t talk about it. Hell, I didn’t even want to think about it. I couldn’t walk up those stairs and see their bedrooms, their toys, their belongings, without knowing how long it would be before they’d be here. I couldn’t stay in the great room or common room or what the fuck ever we were calling it that week, with all of our pictures smiling at me, taunting me, reminding me that I’d had it all and lost it.
And for what?
“Fuck you,” I muttered to my cell phone, its display flashing Bree’s name. Ignore button, you are my friend. Oh, and guess what else Bree... home number has been changed and your ass doesn’t have it.
“How fucking ignorant can one man be?”
Apparently ignorant enough to wander aimlessly room to room around an empty house talking out loud to himself. Yay me.
My breath caught in my throat as I entered Talli’s room, my heart constricting in my chest. How could I stay in here now? How could I sleep in here, on that couch, using her blanket after what she had done to me? What was it she had said when we discussed the children before, when she had announced she’d found a place for them?
”They’re our children, not weapons.”
Good one, Talli, Good one.
“Fuck.” I drew the word out as I sank into the recliner, holding my head in my hands. The one place in this house where I’d found sanctuary, where I could hold myself together, where I could pretend there was a tiny shard of hope, and now... now it was forever tainted because of this day.
Like I had room to bitch about it.
Hell, we were at that fucking courthouse because my lawyers thought this stunt would get me if not full custody, at least more visitation. Backfire indeed, Sherise Adler, you must be awfully fucking proud of yourself.
I need a beer.
What are you gonna do about it, Talli?
My first beer was gone in two long drinks, my second took about five minutes, and my third—which I really didn’t want but decided to have out of spite—was in my hand as I walked down the stairs to the basement.
What a fucking mess.
God, that’s what this all was. A fucking mess. And it had been, before I’d made that fatal mistake of getting too personal, too friendly, going too far with someone who would never be who or what I wanted them to be.
She’d never be Talia.
But Talia didn’t want me, she didn’t want this life.
Every place I went, every corner I turned, there was a piece of her, a piece of our life, memories that we held as we built our life together. This was our home to me, but to her it had been a prison, and here I sat weeks after she’d taken that final step to remove herself from here keeping everything the same, as if holding a piece of her... hostage, for lack of a better word. She was alive and kicking twenty-two minutes from my house, but her ghost was here haunting me at every turn.
