My Happy Ending Part 1, page 14
“Exactly, and I’m just... I’m not ready.”
“Was that it?” I asked. She sighed, pushing her dark brown hair back.
“Only a tiny piece.” She turned her head towards me and smiled softly. “I’m sorry, Jase, I’m sure this is the last thing you want to hear.”
“That’s what friends are for, right?” I asked, smiling softly.
“Right.” She settled back into the couch, her legs drawn up as she concentrated on the film. “I guess I’ve been... I don’t know.” She fidgeted slightly, like she always did when something bothered her. I could only imagine the asinine things Brooks would say to undermine her confidence.
There was no need for insecurity.
Kaitlyn is easily one of the most beautiful women I know. Time has been an even greater friend to her, the maturity in her features showing what a strikingly beautiful woman she’d become. Perhaps the best part of it was how she was so unassuming, so unaware of it.
“What?” she asked.
Busted.
“You look good, Kate,” I said, grinning slightly.
She smirked and said, “Being on the verge of divorce could do that for you. See? No loss.”
Wow... oh... wow.
I felt my face fall at the mention of that lovely ‘d’ word. Fuck. That just... that hurt. I turned towards the television, blinking back the tears that were threatening, feeling her eyes on me the entire time.
“God, you really love her don’t you?”
I chuckled softly at her question, glancing sideways at her. “Is it just hitting you now?”
She shrugged. “I always thought it was just the hair thing. Your brief obsession with redheads or something,” she said nonchalantly, and I had to grin.
“Nah, I think it was the, we have kids thing, and she changed my life thing. You know, the usual.”
Kate shook her head slowly. “Then why’d you let her go, dork?”
“I...” The tears spilled over once more, Kate’s face blurring in front of me. “I didn’t, Kate. I didn’t.”
I felt her take the bowl from my hands as I closed my eyes against the torrent of emotions. My hands were shaking as I brought them up to my face, rubbing it roughly.
“I don’t understand, Jase.”
“I... I didn’t let her go, Kate. She left me.” I couldn’t even bring myself to look at Kate, so I kept my eyes on my hands. “She took the kids, and...”
“Why?”
I swallowed, the guilt more overwhelming than anything. “I can’t blame her. I... I fucked up Kate.”
“No.”
“I did, I fucked up, and I have to live with it, live with myself, and...”
“I don’t... Jase, you didn’t. You... you wouldn’t do that.”
I was quiet as I sniffled slightly, shrugging as I continued looking at my hands. “I’ve done a lot of things that I thought I’d never do,” I finally said.
“You...” She sighed and I felt her hand run through my hair. “I didn’t think... I still don’t. Jase, you wouldn’t sleep with someone else.”
I looked over at her, brushing a tear away with the back of my hand as she continued.
“Even with everything that has gone wrong... ever... with... with anyone, with us, you don’t cheat. You’re not a cheater. You would never... never sleep with someone else, and...”
“I didn’t,” I interrupted her.
Oh, that felt so good to say that.
“Oh, thank god,” she said, placing her hand over her heart. “Because I was about to feel really stupid if you’d said that...”
“I may as well have, Kate. Just because I didn’t sleep with her doesn’t mean I didn’t cheat.”
“What happened?”
“I just... I know I was wrong, and... OW!”
“Stop beating around the bush and tell me!” Kate said, holding the pillow she’s hit me upside the head with.
“Bree.” I cringed saying that word, her name. “But... but it didn’t start with Bree.”
“What did it start with?”
I bit my bottom lip as I tried to come up with it. Was... was it when I left? Or was it before? I mean... I don’t want to blame anything on...
“When Em was born,” I finally said. “God, Kate, it started... way back... then.” My eyes were wide as I let it sink in. “I... I love that baby, and I’m not sorry that she’s here, and...”
“Okay... go back then, okay? What changed?”
“Everything,” I said, my voice soft. “But... but we still tried, not that we really talked about it, and then I went on the road, and...”
“And what?” Kate asked softly.
“And Talli... stopped trying. She just stopped, and it was like she was waiting for me to leave so she could push me away, and... and I was working with Bree, and... it didn’t just happen, I let it happen. OW!”
“What do you mean you let it happen?” she demanded.
“I thought you were supposed to be my friend.”
“I am being your friend.” She put the pillow behind her back. “I’m sorry. Continue.”
“There’s... not much else to say,” I replied. “Talia and I...” I sighed before continuing, my pride shredded to pieces already. “Kate, when I came back, Talli was sleeping in Emily’s room.”
“Why?”
“She said it was because Emily wasn’t sleeping well.”
“And you accepted that?”
“Kate...”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You gave up, then what happened.”
“What am I supposed to do, fight for someone that doesn’t want me anymore?” I sniffled again, wishing I had a better grip on my emotions.
“You say you didn’t let her go.”
“I didn’t.”
“So then why did she leave?”
My hands were shaking, my voice wavering as I began to tell her. My eyes stayed on my hands as I began with the plan, how Talli was going to bring the kids to Texas, and we were all going to be together in the hotel suite all weekend.
I told her about getting the message that Talli wasn’t coming.
I told her about going home, and Talli and the kids being gone, and the pain was every bit as fresh as the day it had happened.
And I kept going on, no matter how unbelievable it sounded, and I left it all out there on the table to the girl who had been my best friend, my first everything, who had always believed in me no matter what. And I waited for her to stop me, I waited for her to tell me that there was no way I was telling her the truth, even though I was, and... and...
“Okay, listen...” She reached out, placing her hand over mine.
Here it comes.
“Does Talli know you didn’t sleep with Bree?”
I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until that moment I let it go. “No,” I said softly.
“And she left after that?”
“Yeah, as soon... as soon as she could. Please, Kate, I don’t think I can talk about this anymore.”
“Okay, then don’t talk. Listen.” I felt her hand gently touch my face, turning it towards her, and I died a little more inside as it hit me that I didn’t know how long it had been since Talia had done that, just... touched me, or let me touch her. Even the simplest touch would mean the world to me...
“Jase?” Kate’s voice brought me back, and I raised my eyes to meet hers. “Okay, now... listen. I... I may be totally off base here, but what if... what if she was reacting, rather than just acting?”
“What?”
“She left after what she... saw, okay? You said you didn’t tell her, and yes you have a point that right then it may not have mattered.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m being honest with you. This is coming from someone essentially in your shoes, someone who has filed the divorce papers herself. When did those come?”
“Today,” I replied. “And...I ... I couldn’t take it anymore, I can’t take it anymore, Kate. I’m supposed to get on some damn plane tomorrow and perform on a stage with someone who I’d rather... I can’t even say it.”
“So, don’t go.”
“It’s not that simple,” I disagreed.
“The hell it isn’t. Listen to me... and I will pull out that pillow if you interrupt me again, got it?”
“Fine, Evans, please... go on.”
“I saw the interview.”
I cringed when she said that, knowing what it looked like, and...
“And I could smell the line of bullshit from a mile away.”
I know now why I love Kate so much.
“But I’m not emotionally invested in this, and let’s face it... Talli may know you’re a cuddler with her, but she probably doesn’t know that anyone within arms length when you fall asleep is fair game. I have almost an album full of evidence that I have taunted you with for years.”
“Not if I burn it first. OW! Damn, Evans, fine! I’m shutting up!”
“Thank you,” she muttered, placing the pillow on the floor beside her as I rubbed the side of my head. “Now... the papers. What did the papers say?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” she demanded.
“I... just handed them to Chris. OW! You asked that time!”
“That was for being a dumbass,” she said. “Okay... okay, we can fix this.”
“What do you mean fix, and what do you mean ‘we’?”
“First thing, you’re sick.”
“Thanks, I love you too.”
“No, no no... dork, you’re... ill. Deathly? No, not deathly... let’s avoid karma here. But... you’re sick, and you are unable to go on this trip.”
“I wish...”
“No, you will,” she cut me off. “And then, Mr. ‘Obligations’, you’re going to get your priorities straight, and take a... a... sabbatical.”
“What?”
“A break. You need a break, for personal reasons, and it’s not a lie. Tell Chris, tell Alison, tell Jackie...yes! Tell Jackie, and he’ll make it happen, okay?”
“What then?” I asked, shrugging.
“Well, that depends... first we look over those papers she had you served with.”
“Chris took them, though. I told him to give her whatever she asked for.”
“Have you lost your damn mind?” Kate asked. “Without looking at them?”
“I promised her I’d take care of her, and... and I’m going to.”
“And you’ve just essentially told her you don’t give a damn.”
“Would she have filed the papers if she did?” I asked, eyes narrowed. “She wants out.”
“Just read the... never mind. Let me read them.”
“Why? You think there’s something in there that you’ll understand that I won’t?” I asked, sinking back into the cough, my eyes back on the movie.
“Yes,” she answered matter-of-factly. “And when I prove it to you, you’re going to owe me.”
“What are you going to prove?” I asked, rolling my eyes back in her direction.
“That she still loves you,” she replied, looking a bit too confident in herself. I couldn’t hold back the scoff.
Love, huh?
If that’s what love is, if that is what it does to you, then I don’t think I can deal with it anymore.
“Yes, you can,” Kate said, and I looked over at her, confused.
“I can what?”
“I know that look on your face, Jase. You can deal with this, you will get through this, and it will all be okay, got it?” She handed me a frame that she’d pulled off her end table, and with one glance down I felt the corners of my mouth pull up in a smile.
My family.
The picture was taken the day Kate came to see us at the house just before I left on tour. Elizabeth had a big cheesy grin on her face, Michael was making a face at the camera, Emily was looking at Michael like he’d grown a second head...
And Talli was curled up next to me. Her head was on my shoulder, her nose crinkled up as she smiled... she was probably getting ready to laugh. I knew that look on her face. I missed that look.
I wanted to see it again.
“You’re going to see this again,” Kate said.
“Would you get out of my head?” I asked with a soft laugh.
“Never, Warner. Never.” She kissed my cheek, reaching for the frame that I held in my hand. I pulled it away slightly, and I shook my head.
“Can I?” I held it close to me, smiling down at it.
“Absolutely,” she said. “Hold on to it as long as you need.”
I am not entirely convinced that there was no double meaning to her words. Knowing Kate, I’m sure there were. But I did hold onto it, as I called Jackie and I told him to spread the word that I was sick and wouldn’t be going. I held onto it as I stuck to my story with Chris. I held onto it as we continued watching the movie we’d watched together so many times before.
And I believed.
CHAPTER 11
TALLI
I THINK I’M GOING TO throw up.
My hands are shaking, my stomach is in knots, I’m staring at myself in the mirror, and I... I don’t recognize me anymore. This is a stranger staring back at me.
“You don’t need to pack the dipie bag, Mommy. Daddy has all that stuff,” Elizabeth informed me as she whizzed past the washroom for about the millionth time in the past five minutes.
“I... still want to... to take it.”
Oh, yeah. I am definitely going to be ill.
We’re supposed to be there in a half an hour, and there’s going to be a house full of our families, our friends.
And Jase.
Jase, who I haven’t seen since he buzzed through here dropping the kids off, apparently on his way to the airport with ... her.
Jase, who had one of his assistants call to say he couldn’t get the kids because he had to go back to New York.
Jase, who didn’t go to New York because he was ‘sick’.
Jase, who finally read the divorce papers, and... and...
“Mommy, Em’s presents!” Michael squeaked as he ran into the bathroom. “Mommy, where’s the red top?”
“I... I can’t, baby.”
I was back in a brown business suit that I mostly wore to work. And the hair... the hair that I had taken the pains to make it look like I hadn’t taken pains to do it... the hair that was just... sassy, with loose tendrils around my face... no, it didn’t fit with my clothes at all. Nope, I needed to just take it down and pull it all back into a knot and...
“Mommy Christine, you get in there and change this instant!” Elizabeth was in the doorway, one hand on her hip, the other hand pointing towards my bedroom.
“Young lady...”
“Don’t take that tone with me, Mommy, we had a deal. If you don’t want me to have an attitude today, you’ll get back in there and change.”
Oh, great. My five-year-old has turned into a blackmail artist. Perfect.
“I just don’t feel comfortable in it,” I mumbled, not quite sure why I was arguing with my child over it. I was the adult, damn it! It was up to me how I dressed for Emily’s first birthday party. And why the hell would Jase care, anyhow? I mean, I’d gotten that call from Sherise Adler’s office telling me that he wouldn’t be contesting the divorce, so this was obviously what he wanted.
And would someone please explain to me why that hurt so badly?
But... but I’m not holding my breath, see. Because after I’d heard that lovely bit of news, I figured it would be safe to answer the phone when Jase called. But this last call was bad. So, so very bad.
“I didn’t see you in it, Mommy,” Elizabeth reminded me, her bottom lip sticking out. “Can I see you in it?”
“Me too?” Michael chimed in.
“Fine... fine, I’ll let you see me in it, then I’ll change back, okay?” I caved, pushing past them to change into that sleeveless red top and jeans. It just... I just... well, they fit. I can admit that they fit, but that was the problem. They fit. The jeans weren’t skintight, but they hugged my ass, which was not covered by the shirt that ended just below the waistline of my low-rise jeans. And the shirt was tailored just so, tight enough to show the swell of my breasts without gapping in between the buttons, and the sides of the shirt curved along my waist, tapering in around it before flaring out just slightly at the bottom to rest on the tops of my hips.
Oh, this just wasn’t going to do.
It was bad enough that he’s so pissed off, I don’t need him pissed off AND looking at me like... like...
Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about that now, do I?
My hands shook as I smoothed them over my blouse, recalling his words, his tone...
“Why?” he’d asked as soon as I answered the phone.
“I think it’s fairly clear why I would file...”
“Why are you doing this, Talia?”
“As I was trying to say...”
“They’re our kids. Ours. You know I would never do anything to hurt them, to harm them, damn it, you know that.”
“I... don’t know that anymore, Jase,” I’d replied, cringing at the lie.
This wasn’t about him, and I knew it.
“That was the one damned thing we could agree on, and it could work. It... it was working, or are so you so fucking bitter that you couldn’t see that?”
“Oh, bitter. Bitter... that’s...”
“The truth,” he cut me off.
“You know, I don’t have time for this.”
“Of course not, Talia. You never had the time for this, or us, or me. Of course.”
And my blood began to boil every bit as much as his was.
Where the fuck did he get off turning this around on me? I wasn’t the one running all over the country with someone else, flaunting my affair in his face, fucking someone else in our bed!
I told him to take it up with my lawyer if he didn’t like it, and even though I haven’t heard from Ms. Adler’s office I’m sure he will probably fight back now. Just like she said he would. Just like I feared he would. And that tiny part of me... no, that big part of me, that part that was drug through the mud when he and I first got together, the part that he promised would never be brought up again... I had a feeling that it would.
