My Happy Ending Part 1, page 31
Oh, God. Here it comes.
“...when it comes to resolving the matter of custody and visitation, my client requests that the two parties meet with a mediator and come up with a solution that is in the best interest of the children.”
“Ms. St. John,” Sherise Adler started up, and I felt my insides turn to ice, “there is no need for mediation when your client has no visitation.”
“That’s going to change, Ms. Adler, and my client feels the best people to come up with an amicable decision, one that benefits all parties involved, are the two people who care the most about the welfare of these children.”
Please... please, Talli... give this a shot...
“Why, so he can play on my client’s sympathy?”
Fuck you, Sherise Adler.
“I can hardly see how...”
“Yes.”
My breath caught in my throat at that one word, so very strong, overpowering.
And it came from...
“Yes, I... I agree.”
Talli.
I stole a sideways glance at her, where she stood in a navy blue suit, her red hair straightened, pushed back behind one ear. Gone was the smile she had in those pictures and in its place was a stoic, calm expression that was so very familiar with her. But the words from her...
“I am willing to meet with a mediator, for a new visitation agreement. As soon as possible.”
My eyes slid shut at her words and I prayed for the strength to keep the tears away. And even though the first meeting wouldn’t be set for at least two weeks, it was still something.
Hope.
That’s what it is.
Hope.
Even if it wasn’t for us, even if it wasn’t for what should have been, it was still hope.
It was more than I’d ever dreamed I’d have again.
CHAPTER 22
TALLI
I OFFICIALLY DUBBED that Thursday after the hearing as “Blast from the Past” day.
The day started off odd to begin with. I could literally count on one hand the number of times that my children had all gotten up early, not given me any hassles, and behaved like absolute angels towards each other. I even checked Elizabeth’s temperature before we left the condo that morning. She and Michael hadn’t argued one single time, and I couldn’t think of the last time that had happened quite honestly. He was so laid back and compared to her impatience the two just didn’t mix. But somehow, Michael had actually gotten ready on time, even putting his clothes on correctly, and Elizabeth was just sleepy enough to not be in a rush.
Emily... I was so sure I was going to have to deal with her screaming, or crying, or fussing when I got her ready. Again, she was rather subdued, so I checked her temperature as well. Thankfully she wasn’t running one either, but she was quite the sneaky little thief. She’d decided that picture of Jase and me was hers, and there was no convincing her otherwise. Michael and Elizabeth were rather patiently trying to teach her to call him ‘Daddy’ instead of her usual ‘Dase’ but I think at least for the time being it’s a battle they are not going to win.
I had to change clothes twice to find something that wasn’t completely hanging on me, so my diet was working. And the counseling or whatever they were going to call it for my so-called depression must have been working too, because I was in no mood to have drab colored clothes just hanging off of me. I ended up in light colored pants that were tailored to fit just right and a pastel green colored top, which the kids were eating up with a spoon.
“You’re so bright today, Mommy!” Michael exclaimed as I grabbed my comfortable shoes, and I had to smile at him.
“Why thank you, Little Man, I’m feeling rather bright today.”
“Bright has more than one meaning, too,” Elizabeth added, and instead of arguing with her, Michael asked her what she meant, which led to a rather lively, yet oddly intelligent, conversation between the two of them. It didn’t take long for me to come to the conclusion they both had their father’s intelligence. Okay, maybe a little bit of mine—I was in the medical field and had graduated with honors—but it was their style of speaking that so reminded me of Jase.
And, speak of the devil, the radio station was playing, of all things, Hard to Believe as I started up the vehicle. The children were so very excited, so for their sake I didn’t change it, no matter how the lyrics alone got to me. Add his voice on top of that? I was automatically wishing I could call him, talk to him. I knew that he was going to act as if I wasn’t in the room when I dropped the kids off; he’d done that since the one time he’d snapped at me. But maybe... just maybe...
I looked down at the stack of birthday invitations that I had to mail out that day. I was so very late getting these out, and most everyone had already been called with the invite anyhow. Jase, however, had made it very clear that he didn’t want to speak with me, and that if anyone called from my number it had better be one of the kids. And I just didn’t want to leave it to any of them to ask, risk them having their heart broken if he refused.
But he wouldn’t... would he?
Michael was getting ready to turn three, and all he wanted was to go bowling. He didn’t want a huge party with a bunch of people. He’d been very specific about who he wanted there. The only other children he’d asked to come were Paul’s two kids; he didn’t even ask for anyone from his daycare. He also wanted his grandparents, his great-grandmother, and Pete and Jaden there, even if Jaden had a ‘screaming baby’ with her, but he was relieved to hear that Jaden’s baby wasn’t due for about six weeks after that.
But there was one thing that Michael wanted, above everything else. Above his handheld game that he was asking for, above the movies, above the toys.
Michael wanted Jase there.
As the kids sang along to their father’s voice on the radio, I remembered how Michael had said that’s all he wanted for his birthday, was for his Daddy to come to his party, without the court liaison there, without having to be under lock and key, without having to go to that building to see him.
Who was I to say no?
I’d printed out address labels for everyone, since I could type much faster than write, and although they didn’t have return addresses on there (I’d forgotten those in true Talia fashion), they were all stamped and ready to go. Inside each and every one, I’d put in the directions to the bowling alley along with directions to the condo for pizza afterwards, just in case it got too hectic out in public, and so I could put Emily down for her nap. Inside one, though, right on the invitation itself, I’d written two simple words.
Please come.
I didn’t want to beg or plead; I shouldn’t have to, it’s his son. But at the same time, I knew that with the court order he may think it was some kind of a ploy, something to get him in trouble, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. He needed to be there, and not just because Michael wanted him to be.
I wanted him there, too.
And it was killing me, because every time I’d get there, to that point where I would start to miss him so terribly and wonder why I’d left, I’d be reminded why.
Like when Bree’s latest song came on right after Jase’s.
“Change it, Mommy,” Elizabeth said tiredly. I’d tried to shield them from everything, but I knew above all others she could sense my mood swings.
“You got it, Baby Girl,” I replied.
So what was on the next station? Faithfully, by Journey. The song that Jase had sung softly in my ear, the one that was on the radio when he’d proposed to me. I took a deep breath, sucking it up, the memories bittersweet, but I could deal with it today.
I wouldn’t be able to see Jase the next two Saturdays as I had to work, but Paul’s sister would be bringing the kids to the center for his visitation. Next Sunday was Michael’s birthday party, and three days after that, on that Wednesday afternoon, Jase and I would be sitting in front of a mediator, just the three of us in that room, with Jase and I actually having to speak to one another, come up with a visitation plan that was suitable for everyone. I didn’t want to walk in there absolutely cold, not knowing what he wanted out of this, so I easily justified my strong desire, for lack of a better word, to have Jase there.
It was important, for the kids’ sake.
Right?
Dropping the children off at daycare was just as uneventful as getting them ready that morning had been, which I took as a positive step. The only thing that could possibly go wrong was...
Damn it.
There it went.
My heart began racing again, with no warning, and this time no trigger. Hell, it hadn’t needed a trigger the past couple of days, it simply had a mind of its own, speeding up, slowing down, making me nauseous, causing me to break out in a sweat. I made my way to a bench along the walls by one of the offices and lowered myself slowly, closing my eyes and taking several deep breaths.
“Talli?”
I looked up towards where the familiar voice was coming from, spotting none other than Mr. Dimples himself walking up.
“John! How the hell are you?” I stood, against my better judgment, and gave him a warm hug.
“Um... better than you, and I’m not talking about the tabloid shit. Sit,” he commanded. I raised my eyebrow at him, which he countered with one of his own. “Sit,” he repeated, pointing at the bench.
“I’m fine, I really am,” I lied as I took a seat. “I’ve just been under a lot of stress, that’s all. But you! I haven’t seen you in ages! How the hell are you?”
“Wonderful, wonderful,” he replied, taking my hand in his, like I couldn’t tell he was checking my pulse. “Sara and I just found out we’re having another baby.” His smile was radiant, genuine as he said this, and I couldn’t help but smile myself.
“Who woulda thought that Dr. John Craig would be such a family man?” I teased.
“Not I, not I,” he said softly, his smile fading. “Talli, I need you to sit still for a moment, don’t talk, okay?”
“Okay,” I said with a resigned smile. “But what brings you out to California?”
“Talli...”
“If you tell me, I’ll quit talking.” I grinned again, just needing the distraction, something to focus on, to wrap my mind around.
“Fine, if you must, I’m here visiting Brooks. Shut it now, young lady,” he added quickly when I opened my mouth. “Just taking a breather before the conference next week. Sara’s visiting her mother, so I came out here to see how Brooks’s holding up, which turns out quite well before you ask so you can stop. He and Kate have agreed to everything, and they don’t have any kids.”
Yeah, and Kate has my husband to find solace in.
“Don’t think anything of it, Talli,” John said, as if he could read my mind. “When was your last EKG?”
“You are on vacation, stop worrying about me,” I said, pulling my hand out of his reach.
“Your pulse is 128, now if you’re not going to tell me as a friend then tell me as someone who once was your cardiologist. Is it like this all the time?”
I sighed before saying, “No, it’s not.”
“When did this start?”
“I... well, I had a few dizzy spells, but... nothing big until Em’s party. I... I thought it was just a fluke.” I shrugged slightly. “But I was checked out, and they didn’t find anything.”
“You said your last EKG was a while ago, Emily’s party wasn’t.”
“Oh, potato, potahto. I had everything but the EKG.” I threw my hands up. “Like I said, I thought it was a fluke. You can relax, though, and save playing ‘Daddy’ for your kids. I see my new cardiologist this afternoon.”
“Who is it?”
“I’m so not telling you,” I said, raising my hand. “You are on vacation, and...”
“Talli...”
“And I’m not your patient anymore, okay?”
“Fine. I’ll just ask Jase,” he said, pulling out his cellphone.
“Damn it, all right. It’s Dr. Mendez, now put that phone away.”
John pushed the cellphone back down into his pocket, but his features showed just how serious he was. “In all fairness, this is something he needs to know. It could end up affecting him, too.”
“Let me find out what it is first, if anything. Damn, no need to jump to any conclusions! Besides... who says I wouldn’t tell him?”
John didn’t say a word, he merely raised an eyebrow and stared at me.
Damn, was I that transparent?
But I wasn’t lying; I did have an appointment with Dr. Mendez, scheduled right after my lunch with Paul at the deli down on the corner. I was so tired of hospital food and gossip, and it since that was all our hospital had to offer, I just wanted to be elsewhere. Due to the gossip, though, I told him I’d just meet him there, so that we didn’t have to listen to it walking down the street. After mailing out the invitations to Michael’s birthday bowl-a-rama, I was sitting at a table inside enjoying my sandwich and writing in my little agenda where John and Sara would be dropping by to see the kids before they headed back to Ohio, minding my own business as I normally do.
“Talli?”
Although in Los Angeles, sometimes that’s easier said than done. I sighed, glancing up from my agenda to see who would interrupt my lunch.
“Well... huh,” was all I could say.
If I thought that seeing Dr. John Craig was something out of the ordinary, imagine my surprise when Keith Anderson stood by my table.
“I thought that was you,” he said, a soft smile on his face. If I didn’t know better, I’d almost swear he was happy.
“Yeah, it’s... what are you doing in California?” I asked quickly, all at once thinking wow this was I and remembering the rumor mill talking about how he’d settled down with Stella Black.
“Um, Stella’s doing some remote shows from out here... may I?” he asked, motioning to the empty seat in front of me.
Fuck it. What the hell.
“Sure, go ahead,” I said with a tight smile. “But nothing here is on the record, okay?”
“No... no, I’m not here for... “ He stared at me for a moment, his eyes almost sad. “I’m sorry, Talli. I really am. Divorce sucks, I know firsthand, but... no one deserves to go through what you are right now.”
“Some people seem to think I deserve it,” I said, eyeing him suspiciously. “As if it was karma paying me back for all those years ago.”
“You and I both know I wasn’t honest with you back then. And again, I’m sorry.”
“My situation today doesn’t concern you,” I said softly. “I know that sounds mean, but...”
“I... meant I’m sorry for then,” he explained. “I’m sorry about lying to you about my marriage, and I’m sorry that I sold you out to gain a quick buck.”
“Looks like you gained more than a buck out of it,” I said nonchalantly, and he actually blushed.
“Yeah... I’m actually getting married again.”
“To Stella?” I asked, grinning at him when he nodded. “Um... well, I could say something really snarky, but I won’t.”
“What, like we deserve each other?” he asked.
“Pretty much, yeah, but that’s mean and... apology accepted anyhow. Life’s too short...”
“If you can’t forgive?” he finished for me, but it was more like a question.
I sighed, looking down at my sandwich. “That’s... one... “ I looked up at Keith, someone who’d known me at one time better than anyone else, someone who’d seen me at the lowest of my lows. For as bad as things seemed now, at least I had my sanity, and my sobriety, and my children. I had something to hold onto, even if it wasn’t what I wished it was.
That’s why I wasn’t with Jase.
Because I just didn’t know if I could ever forgive him.
“Think about it, okay?” was all Keith said as he stood, nodding at Paul as he walked up. “It was good to see you.”
“It was...” I hesitated only for a moment before saying, “It was good to see you, too.”
“Now see?” he asked with a wink. “Was it that hard?”
Yes it was, Keith. It was harder than you could possibly know.
“Are you okay?” Paul asked as he sat down, his eyes darting over to Keith, who was exiting the deli rather quickly.
“Relatively speaking,” I replied. “Don’t be surprised if that ends up all over the tabloids, by the way. Or, this. Us being here together.”
“I’m okay with that,” he said, and I smiled at him. “Is he a friend of Jase’s?”
“Oh no,” I said with a laugh as I remembered their ‘meeting’ on Stella’s show. I also remembered, ever so briefly, Jase’s reaction to seeing him on the red carpet.
And then I remembered later that night, in the hotel elevator...
“Wow, you’re really flushed,” Paul commented, which only resulted in me actually blushing more.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, rubbing my temple slightly.
But even as I sat there smiling at Paul during lunch or arguing with my new cardiologist that I didn’t have six weeks to take off work, I knew I wasn’t fine. And it wasn’t the physical ailment that Dr. Mendez said he wanted to correct with Cardiac Ablation. No, it was my head... no... no...
It was my heart.
But in a different way.
It was that stupid, wistful, wishful thinking, wondering if he ever thought of me that way anymore, wondering what would happen if I just showed up out of the blue and asked him to hold me, asked him to take this hurt away.
But it wouldn’t be fair.
Because I knew... I knew even if he thought of me, thought of us that way... when I closed my eyes, all I could see was him with her.
And I just wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t a big enough person to forgive him.
Which I’d said about Keith as well, although now I know I truly could and had forgiven him.
But not Jase.
Not yet.
JASE
I WAS AT THAT POINT, the point of conceding, the point of accepting that this separation, this divorce was what she wanted. Did I agree with it? No. Could I change it? No. How did that saying, that prayer go? Oh, right. I just needed the strength to accept the things I could not change.
