My Happy Ending Part 1, page 15
And when he said in that ominous tone of his that we would talk at Emily’s party, I could feel every single skeleton from that graveyard in my closet come creeping back, reaching out for me, taunting me.
He... wouldn’t.
Please, god, tell me he wouldn’t.
“Mommy, let us see!” Elizabeth’s voice filtered through the door.
I pasted a smile on my face as I opened the door. “See?” I said. “It’s...”
“Awesome!” she exclaimed.
“Mommy, you look so pretty!” Michael added, reaching out and taking my hand, and I fought against the tears stinging my eyes.
“Guys, I have to change back.”
“No! No, Mommy, don’t!” Michael said, holding my hand just a little tighter.
“We hafta go, Mommy,” Elizabeth said, her expression completely serious. “Come on, we’re gonna be late.”
“Baby girl...”
“Mommy, everyone’s waiting!” she continued, her arms outstretched in pure drama queen fashion. “Jaden’s even there! And Jaden will tell you that you look... spet... septatcul... she’ll tell you that you look great.” By this time, Michael had drug me to the living room, where Elizabeth was holding up my keys and my purse.
“I need the diaper bag,” I caved, reaching for it.
“Em! Time to go!” Michael called after his baby sister, who came toddling out carrying one of his Transformer toys.
“Transformers? Seriously?” I deadpanned as I looked at my beautiful one year old daughter, who merely crinkled up her nose and grinned at me.
“Her puppy is at... at Daddy’s house... and...”
“Slow down,” I advised Elizabeth, who sometimes would speak so fast her brain couldn’t keep up.
“Mommy, your boots! Your shitkickers!” Michael exclaimed, running over to me with them.
“Young man!”
“He’s only repeating what he hears,” Elizabeth reminded me, pulling that whole five-going-on-thirty routine perfectly.
“Whatever, mother,” I said as I took my boots from Michael’s hands, and Elizabeth had the nerve to laugh at me.
Did I have to give birth to someone who acted just like me? Seriously?
“Good call on the boots, though,” Elizabeth added as she slipped her sandals on. “You never know who’s poop you might need to kick today.”
“Ew!” Michael said. “Tha’s gross!”
I shook my head, adjusting my boots as the older children continued their discussion on literal and figurative speaking, and I turned to Emily when I was done. “You ready, Princess?” I asked, and she held up her hands to me.
Here goes nothing.
I HADN’T SEEN THE HOUSE since I’d driven away from it. I don’t know if I was expecting some kind of creepy vibe to it, or for it to take on some Munsters quality or something, but no. It was still that house, and it still had the nerve to look warm. Welcoming. Inviting.
Such a shame I knew better.
“Jackie!” Elizabeth exclaimed as soon as I had unhooked her booster seat, and she ran straight up to the big, burly man who had come out to the front lawn to greet us. Michael soon followed suit, and he had them each hoisted up in his arms, squeezing them close. My heart constricted in my chest, and I turned back to my task of unhooking Emily from her carseat.
Nostalgia.
She’s a real bitch.
Emily clung to me as I walked up the front lawn, a tight smile on my face as Jackie sat Elizabeth and Michael down. They scampered towards the front door, announcing as loudly as they could that they were there and looking for their Daddy.
Just like they used to whenever we’d come back from the store, or from one of Emily’s appointments.
“Well, well, well,” Jackie said as he stopped in front of me. “Look at you, Spunky.”
“Let’s not and say we did,” I replied, a blush crossing my cheeks. Jackie put his big, strong arms around me, rubbing my back slightly.
“You are missed around here, T,” he said softly.
Perhaps everyone else did, but the one I wanted to miss me I’m sure couldn’t care less.
I swear my whole body was shaking as I stepped through the door into the entry way of that house. It had been my home for years. So much had happened under this roof, within these walls. So many happy times, as well as the sadness that had enveloped us, especially so shortly after I’d moved in.
Nan’s voice could be heard from the great room as she gushed over Elizabeth and Michael, how big they were how they looked just like their Daddy. Except Elizabeth’s eyes...
“I see Talia right there, in those eyes.”
Oh fuck...
That was Jase...
And his voice, his tone... it was the same tone he always reserved for the kids. So loving, so sweet. If only he used that tone for me.
At the sound of his voice, Emily was pushing against my chest, prompting me to set her down. Her diaper crinkled as she ran towards the voices, which immediately became louder at the birthday girl’s presence.
“Oh, look at you!” Nan exclaimed. I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes, my hand over my heart as I continued to listen.
“Hello birthday girl!” That was Lisa. I’m so glad she made it, she needs this, even though it’s so soon after Jack’s death.
“There’s Mini-Talli.” Chris? Chris was here? Huh.
But I didn’t hear Jase.
I didn’t hear what he had to say about our youngest child, all dressed in an outfit he’d bought for her when he was on the road, her curls pulled up on top of her head in a puff-ball of a ponytail. I clenched my eyes shut as the ‘awww’s filtered through, trying my hardest to calm my nerves.
Jaden... where was Jaden? I didn’t hear her among the squeals and laughter and conversation.
But I could feel a pair of eyes on me.
And even before I finally opened mine, I knew who was standing there.
Damn it, did he have to look so... so... good?
Did his hair have to be tousled just so? And... and did he have to have just the tiniest bit of scruff on his face, maybe one days’ growth at the most? Did he have to be in those jeans that had the tear right... there where I had been yanking at the button in haste to get them off of him? And that damned white button down shirt, opened enough to expose his neck and a tiny part of his chest... oh, he had nerve.
He had a lot of nerve.
And where did he get off raking his eyes up and down me like I was...
Like I was...
His wife?
Just as quickly, as soon as our eyes met, that look was gone. His jaw was set, twitching just slightly as his eyes turned stormy, dark, narrowing as he looked at me.
“Are you going to just stand there?” he asked, his tone harsh and sharp. Emily, who he was holding easily in his left arm, squirmed and fussed slightly, as if she could sense the tension in the air.
Oh, what an asshole.
“While it beats the alternative, I wouldn’t miss the party that I planned for my daughter,” I snapped back.
“Oh, your daughter, is it?”
“Okay, kids, let’s keep this civilized,” Pete said as he walked into the entryway. “Hey, T.” He came straight up to me, giving me a big hug that I wasn’t quite expecting. “Jaden’s in the kitchen, and she has some questions for you.”
“Good,” I said, smiling at my brother-in-law. I walked with him, past Jase, involuntarily cringing and moving back as Jase reached out for me.
“Some things never fucking change,” he muttered, pushing past us and going back to the great room, Emily still on his arm.
But he was wrong. He was so, so wrong.
If things had never changed, it wouldn’t have to be this way.
JASE
WHY?
That one word has been circling in my head for days now, going on just under two weeks. Ever since per Kate’s insistence, I retrieved those papers back from Chris and read them.
And I mean really read them.
After my initial shock and all the tears I cried on Kate’s shoulder, the anger began to sink in. She and I had agreed on this, damn it! These kids needed us—both of us—and we knew that it was imperative that we show them that no matter what was happening with us, they weren’t to blame and they wouldn’t be punished or kept from either one of us.
And now... now here I was waiting for Talia to bring our children to Emily’s birthday party, even though the kids should have been here last night. I had a house full of people that I had to avoid the questions of... seriously, why would they ask anyhow? Weren’t the details discussed on Celebrity Gossip or in some rag mag? Fuck, I should have read them, I should have watched the show. Maybe then it wouldn’t have taken me by such surprise.
“She’s late.” I said those words through clenched teeth to the only person who hadn’t turned on me in the least.
“She’ll be here,” Kate replied, walking up behind me and running her fingers through my hair. “Go change your clothes.”
I pulled at the hem of my t-shirt and asked, “What’s wrong with this?”
“Go put on your white button down shirt, and that pair of jeans that you were talking about earlier.”
My face flared crimson as I berated myself from ever telling Kate the story of how that rip occurred. “No,” I protested, scowling. “Not those jeans.”
“Yes, those jeans. And no shaving. It’s perfect, just like when you got married.”
“Kate...”
“Besides, you have a house full of guests that you’re attempting to avoid like the plague.”
“Good point,” I mumbled, scowling once more when she messed with my hair again. “Quit!”
“I see you used the cucumbers on your eyes, though,” she said, ignoring my protests. She placed her hands on both sides of my face, her knowing look striking another nerve with me. “That’s what I use after a good cry.”
“Great, go ahead. Rub it in. I’m a pussy who can’t handle...”
“Jase, stop it, okay?” She continued caressing the sides of my face as she added, “You’ve been going through hell, and I know you’re a mess knowing she’s going to be here today.”
“And I’m going to give her a piece my fucking mind when she does.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Try and stop me, Kate! She’s keeping my kids from me.”
“She’s upset, and she’s hurt, and she’s fighting back.”
“You’re squishing my face,” I said, pulling back and rubbing my cheeks absentmindedly.
“There you are,” Lisa said as she huffed her way around the corner.
“I’m going to get changed,” I mumbled, turning and taking those stairs as quickly as I could. I had a house full of people, all right. The majority of them had some sort of condescending remark to make about how the layout wasn’t how Talli would do it, or the house just wasn’t the same without Talli and the kids there. Well, no shit. You’re preaching to the fucking choir here. You think I don’t know how different this house is, how empty?
How lonely?
And Lisa, of course, had to go on and on and on about how devastating her and Jack’s divorce had been, like I need to hear that. You know what, Lisa? You and Jack didn’t have any kids. You had clearly stated that when you divorced Jack you didn’t feel the same way that you had when you married him.
I don’t feel the same way about Talli either.
I love her more now than the day I had stood before family and friends, more than when I had danced with her in Lisa’s back yard.
And all she wanted from me was to keep me the hell away from her kids and, according to Chris, about half of the child support she could easily get. No alimony. No parts of this house, or its contents, or... me.
We were a house divided.
Even here, this day, Emily’s birthday... a house divided.
Talia’s family, or those from her family that had shown up, were in one area of the house, congregated and gossiping away. Her friends and co-workers stayed with them also, I’m sure going on and on about what a lousy son of a bitch I am.
My family, for the most part, stayed in the great room, commenting on the pictures that still lined the walls, waiting for the birthday girl to arrive. None of them said one ill word towards Talia. None of them dared, and not because of her family and friends being present.
Because of me.
Because I had asked them not to.
Because no matter how angry I am at her, no matter how much I wish I could scream at her at the top of my lungs, no matter how much it hurts, I still love her.
So I’m standing here, looking at this stranger in the mirror, wondering how the hell I’m going to make it through today. And I have changed into those stupid jeans with that little rip in them from when Talli and I had barely made it into the house before the clothes were flying... only a few short days before I left on that stupid fucking tour. I had that white button down shirt on that she always loved, cursing myself for putting us in this situation, wishing that she would look at me—really look at me—when she finally got here.
Or just let me touch her.
Hell, why not go for broke and wish for both, right?
“She’s still late,” I said from my seat in the great room. My knee was bouncing up and down as I tried in vain to calm my nerves.
“She’ll be here,” Kate continued trying to reassure me, placing her hand on my bouncing knee.
“She...”
“You know, if you weren’t gallivanting all over this country with Dial-A-Whore, maybe my sister would be here,” Lisa said as she walked into the great room. “Maybe she...”
“Maybe you have about two seconds to shut the hell up,” Jaden snapped on her way through to the kitchen. “And I dare anyone to start once those kids are here.”
Pete grinned sheepishly as he got up to follow his wife. “Hormones,” he said with a shrug before following her to the kitchen.
“You know...”
“They’re here,” Jackie cut off whatever Lisa was about to say. My heart began to race as Jackie made his way out the front door, and I instantly reached for Kate’s hand, which I squeezed as hard as I could.
They’re here.
My kids are finally here, the way they should have been all along.
And Talia...
She’s here.
Here.
For the first time since she left, she’s going to walk through those doors. And as angry as I am, as hurt as I am, I’m half-tempted to lock her in a room somewhere and never let her leave again, just so I can have her near me.
I miss her so badly...
I...
“Daddy! Where’s Daddy?” Elizabeth’s voice echoed as she and Michael came into the house, no doubt running through that front entryway. I felt Kate’s hand on the side of my face, and only then did I realize that a tear had fallen down my cheek.
Fuck, what’s wrong with me?
I have to pull it together, not just for everyone else here, but for...
“Daddy!”
Elizabeth and Michael came running into the room, past everyone else, straight into my arms.
I wanted to hold onto them forever.
“Nana!” Elizabeth squealed as she saw Nan, and she ran over to her. Nan was gushing over how much they’d grown, how beautiful they both were, how they both looked just like me.
“Minus those big blue eyes,” she added, her hand firmly on Elizabeth’s chin as she grinned down at her.
I was knelt down beside Baby Girl, holding onto her hand, speaking to no one in general as I said, “I see Talia right there, in those eyes.”
Elizabeth is always so proud to have anyone tell her that any part of her reminds them of her mother. I tell her every chance I get the littlest things that remind me of Talli that she has—from her mannerisms, to the way she crinkles up her nose when she smiles, to those eyes.
“Oh, look at you!” I heard Nan exclaim, and my attention turned back to my little Princess who had entered the room.
I think it was Chris who called her Mini-Talli.
And he was right.
She looked so damn cute, running up to me with her little tiny ponytail... no, not even a ponytail, just a little cotton ball of curls on top of her head. And she was dressed in the cutest little yellow outfit... oh... oh, I bought this. I brought this home for Emily when I came home from tour. And Talia had... well, she’d made some remark about how I didn’t even know what size Emily wore, and then I’d snarked back about how if she’d brought them around maybe I’d know.
Ah. Hindsight.
But here she was at her first birthday party, clinging to me and looking around at everyone, not the least bit happy about so many people being around. And I knew she was nervous, I knew she was looking for Talia, so I made my way through everyone who were fawning all over Elizabeth and Michael to look for their mother.
I didn’t have to go far.
My breath caught in my throat as I saw her standing there, her eyes shut tightly, her hand on her chest.
She looked so different.
No... no, not different.
She looked like my Talli. My Talli, the one who had all but disappeared. She was wearing jeans, for fuck’s sake. I hadn’t seen her in jeans in forever. And oh hell, did they look good, and her ... her boots? Holy shit, she was wearing the boots she wore in Cleveland. My stomach took a dive as I remembered that game of... what was it, strip drink guessing? We hadn’t gotten very far, but I remembered especially when she took off the second boot, the way she’d wiggled those cute little toes of hers...
And today... today she was in red. Red. Not brown, not tan, not beige... red. And this shirt, the way it clings to her in all the right places was making my mouth water. Her hair... and... and her makeup and...
Oh, God.
What was it Kate had said?
”Being on the verge of divorce could do that to you. See? No loss.”
Of course she was moving on, and taking my kids with her, and doing whatever she could to cut me out of all of their lives.
