Maybe It's Fate, page 27
The kiss was urgent, hungry—weeks of tension and unspoken desire finally unraveling between us. I fisted his shirt, pulling him closer, needing more, needing everything. His mouth moved over mine, teasing, tasting, taking, and I met him with the same desperation, opening for him, our tongues tangling, stroking, fueling the fire that had been simmering between us for far too long.
His hands slid from my face, one curling around the nape of my neck, the other gripping my waist, fingers pressing into my skin like he never wanted to let go.
One thing was certain: I didn’t want him to.
I moaned into his mouth as his hands moved lower, gripping my hips, tugging me flush against him. I felt every hard plane of his body, the undeniable evidence of his need pressing into me, and a pulse of heat shot through me.
I needed to feel more.
My hands slid under his shirt, fingertips skimming over his stomach, feeling the tense ridges of muscle, the heat of his skin. I pushed the fabric up, breaking the kiss just long enough to yank it over his head.
God.
My breath caught at the sight of him—broad shoulders, chiseled chest. This man had twelve years on me and looked better than men my age. He was beautiful, and he was mine. More importantly, he wanted to be mine.
Weston growled low in his throat as he reached for my T-shirt, pulling it up and over my head in one swift motion. His hands roamed over my bare skin, rough palms skimming over my stomach, up my ribs, making me shiver as he traced the curve of my breasts.
“You’re so damn gorgeous,” he murmured against my lips before his mouth trailed lower, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses along my jaw, down my throat.
I tilted my head back, giving him more access, my fingers threading into his hair as he kissed his way across my collarbone. His tongue flicked over the sensitive spot just below my ear, and I gasped, my nails digging into his shoulders.
He grinned against my skin, his hands working the clasp of my bra. The second it was free, he pulled it off, tossing it aside before his hands were on me again, mapping every inch of bare skin. His mouth followed, kissing, tasting, until his lips wrapped around one hardened peak, his tongue flicking, teasing, sending a bolt of pleasure straight between my legs.
I arched into him, my head falling back as heat coiled low in my stomach. “Weston . . .”
“Say it again,” he rasped, his voice thick with need.
“Weston.” I pulled his mouth back to mine, kissing him deep, hard, pouring every ounce of desire into it.
His hands slid to my jeans, unbuttoning them with practiced ease and pushing them down my hips. I kicked them away, barely aware of the cool air against my heated skin, before his hands were on me again, gripping my thighs, lifting me effortlessly into his arms.
I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms tightening around his shoulders as he carried me down the hall. His mouth never left mine, kissing me like he was starving for me, like he couldn’t get enough.
He nudged open my bedroom door with his foot and stepped inside, and then we were on the bed, his weight pressing me into the mattress, solid and warm and everything I’d been craving since the night he’d let me use him.
His hands traced down my body, slipping under the last scrap of lace between us, teasing me, making me tremble. I reached between us, pushing at his waistband, needing him bare, needing him now.
He groaned as I freed him, his body hot and hard against my palm. “Jesus, Antonia.”
Then he was kissing me again, swallowing my moans as his fingers teased me, stroked me, knowing exactly how to unravel me.
“I need you,” I gasped against his lips, my body arching, aching. “Please.”
His breath was ragged, his forehead resting against mine as he positioned himself, his hands framing my face, his gaze locking on to mine.
“I’ve got you,” he murmured. “I’m right here.”
Then he pushed inside me, slow and deep, stretching, filling, making me feel every inch of him. My breath caught, my fingers digging into his back, holding on as he moved, setting a rhythm that sent fire licking up my spine.
Weston wasn’t just taking me—he was claiming me, worshiping me with every thrust, every kiss, every whispered word against my skin. And I gave him everything, meeting him stroke for stroke, drowning in him, in us.
We moved together, a desperate, fevered dance, until the pleasure built to a breaking point, crashing over us like a tidal wave, pulling us under.
I clung to him as I shattered, my body trembling, my cries muffled against his shoulder. He followed moments later, a deep groan rumbling in his chest as he buried himself inside me, his body shuddering, his hands gripping me like he never wanted to let go.
And I didn’t want him to.
For a long moment, we lay tangled together, our breaths mingling, our hearts pounding in sync. Weston brushed damp hair from my face, pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on my back.
“You okay?” he murmured, his voice husky.
I nodded, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. “More than okay.”
His lips curved into a slow, satisfied smile. “Good. Not to ruin the moment, but I think I heard the doorbell, which means our dinner is sitting on the porch. Either that or I literally heard bells,” Weston laughed.
I sighed, pressing my cheek against his chest, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close, and for the first time in a long time, I felt . . . right.
Whole.
Home.
Chapter 34
Antonia
The next day, we were met with a blazing sun, warm temperatures, and hope. Nova ended up spending the night at her friend’s house, and when Cutter came home from Eleni’s, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. He put on a romantic comedy; we sat next to each other on the couch, shared popcorn, and laughed. It felt very cathartic to laugh, especially with Cutter.
Weston had left right before Cutter came home. After we shared a pizza in bed, Weston made love to me again. There was nothing rushed, no urgent need; we took things slow and worshipped each other. I hated saying goodbye to him. Even though he was down the street, it seemed like he was miles away.
I stood in the living room, looking out over Miri’s flower beds. The sun shone on them perfectly. It was like she was up there, directing its rays to us, knowing we’d need her today.
Nova came downstairs, home from Mara’s, wearing a pink-and-yellow dress, and handed me her hairbrush.
“Don’t you look beautiful.” I took the brush from her.
Nova twirled, and the frilly part of her dress fluttered. “This was Mommy’s favorite dress.”
“I can see why. It’s so pretty.” I tapped the tip of her nose with my fingertip. “What would you like to do with your hair?”
“I think pulled up here.” She pulled her sides up and showed me. We went into the bathroom, where I kept most of my things. I rummaged through my hair supplies and found two pins.
Nova handed me the spray bottle and stepped onto the stool so she could see herself in the mirror. I wet her hair and then ran the brush through it. Thankfully, Mara’s mom had brushed her hair last night before the girls had gone to bed.
“We didn’t talk about Mara’s. Did you have fun?”
She lifted her left shoulder. “I’m sad there sometimes.”
“How come?” I feared I already knew the answer but asked anyway.
“Because she has a mommy, but her mommy is really nice to me and gives me hugs when she thinks I’m sad.”
I finished pulling her hair back and then stood behind her, with my hands on the sides of her shoulders. “How’s this?”
Nova nodded and turned side to side. “I love it.” She looked at me through the mirror again.
“It’s okay to be sad, Nova. I’m sad all the time because I miss your mom, but then I remember I have you and Cutter. Being here with you both makes me feel so much better because you’re a part of her. I know I’m not the same as your mom, but when you’re feeling sad, know that I am too.”
Nova turned and wrapped her arms around me. I kissed the top of her head. “I miss her so much.”
“I know, sweetie. Me too.” There wasn’t anything else I could say. I certainly wasn’t going to tell her everything would be okay. I didn’t know if it would. There was a hole in my heart, a part of me missing, and no amount of therapy or time would fill it.
Nova looked up at me, her watery hazel eyes matching those of her mother. “Can Mommy see me?”
This was the one lie I would tell every single time. I nodded. “Yeah, she can. Even though her body isn’t here, her spirit is. She wouldn’t want to miss any part of you growing up.”
“I just want to hug her one more time.”
“Me too. I know I’m not the same, but I do give pretty good hugs.”
I waited a beat before holding my arms out. She fell into them, and I squeezed her lovingly with all my might. I thought Cutter would be the one who’d fall apart first. I never thought it would be Nova.
Cutter walked by and stopped at the door. “Lovefest?”
I held my arm out for him and brought him into our fold. “We’re having a moment.”
“I can use a moment too,” he said as his strong arm wrapped around my waist.
The three of us stayed like this for what felt like an hour. While we had somewhere important to be, Miri would be okay with us delaying our arrival.
We freshened up and then piled in the car, with Cutter driving.
“Do you know where you’re going?”
He nodded. I couldn’t wait for him to take his driver’s test. We’d worked hard on all the fundamentals, and he was turning out to be an excellent driver. Of course I worried. There were rules in place, but I was once a teenager and shunned rules. I used to think they didn’t apply to me and broke them all the time. Consequences be damned. I wasn’t naive in thinking Cutter wouldn’t break the rules. It was a rite of passage. I just had to be prepared for it.
There were quite a few cars at the cemetery. I directed Cutter on where to go and reminded him to keep the speed down. With people walking around, I didn’t want someone to dart out in front of him and him not be able to stop in time.
The cemetery was tranquil. The company that owned it had put a lot of thought into making it a peaceful place for family and friends to come visit. Tucked away from any traffic and shrouded by tall shrubs for privacy, the space had a welcoming feel. Death surrounded you there, but it was hard to be sad when there was a bubbling fountain, koi fish, ornamental flowers, and benches to sit on.
Cutter parked along the grassy edge. We held hands while we walked along the path until Miri’s resting space came into view. The kids had picked her marker and the wording.
We stood there, staring down at the bronze plaque covering Miri’s final resting spot. The design had been done flawlessly, and I couldn’t have been prouder.
“Wow, I never thought I’d see myself like this,” Cutter said as we looked at the raised etching of him, Miri, and Nova. It was one of the last photos of them all together. I had taken it at Christmas, long before we knew she was dying.
“We look funny,” Nova said.
“I think you guys look perfect.”
Next to the etching was Miri’s name, her date of birth, and the date her body had given out on her. The words under all of that were what choked me up the most: “Mommy and best friend.”
The craftsman who’d made the plaque was a bit surprised when we didn’t go with the standard “daughter,” “mother,” “aunt,” and whatever else others used. The two titles we chose were perfect for our Miri.
“What do we do with the flowers we brought last week?”
“We’re going to put them on someone else’s grave. Give them a little bit of our happy.”
Cutter didn’t hesitate. He took the flowers from the metal vase and carried them to two other markers, splitting them up. “Next week, we’ll have to remember who I gave them to, so I pick someone different next time.”
“I like that.” I linked my arm through his and rested my head on his shoulder.
Nova put the bouquet in the vase and fiddled with the flowers. She had picked this week’s arrangement of gerbera daisies, pink-and-white carnations, and three white roses to stand for her, Cutter, and Miri, with Cutter choosing last week. Nova finished and stepped back to where we were.
“It’s beautiful, just like Mommy,” Nova said.
“I think if she had picked this herself, she would agree,” Cutter added.
“I think so as well. Who wants to go first?” Ever since we’d put her ashes in the ground, we’d each taken a moment of privacy to speak to her.
“I’d like to,” Cutter said.
Nova and I walked toward the car, our joined hands swinging between us. I was surprised to find Cutter not far behind us.
“Everything okay?”
He nodded with a smile. “Yep. I’m good.”
“All right, then. Do you want to go next?” I asked Nova.
“Will you come with me?”
We told Cutter we’d be right back. Nova and I walked hand in hand back to Miri’s marker. I stepped off to the side but still within distance, so she’d know I was there just in case she needed me. I didn’t want to eavesdrop on something that should be private.
When Nova was finished, she hugged me and ran back to Cutter, who waited for her outside the car. He picked her up, spun her in a circle, much to her delight, and then helped her into the back seat.
I stared at the marker as tears welled, hating every second of this. A day would come when I could think of her and the tears would stay away, but I couldn’t imagine that day clearly. If ever.
“You were right,” I started. “I like him. ‘Him’ being Weston, in case you didn’t know, but something tells me you did know and suspected he’d be the person I needed right now. He’s so patient and calm, and the kids love him. But again, you knew this. Scout has been an amazing companion to Nova. I never realized the importance of a dog until now. I’m seriously considering getting them one, but something small so when we travel for sports it can go with us.”
I looked behind me to check on the kids and then back at the marker. “The kids are going to be okay, Miri. They’re so strong and willing to let me know when they need a little extra love. I never saw myself as a sports mom, but let me tell you, some of those other parents . . .” I shook my head.
“Anyway, Cutter and Nova did an amazing job on your marker. I hope you can see it from wherever you may be.”
I crouched down, kissed my fingers, and then placed them on her name. “I love you, Miri.” I wiped at my fallen tears, put a smile on my face, and walked back to my kids, who greeted me the same way. And wouldn’t you know it, the first thing out of Cutter’s mouth was him asking to drive.
I should’ve known.
The days began flying by. The nicer it was, the faster the day went. If we weren’t at baseball, Cutter had basketball practice, which meant we were going in every which direction. Thankfully, I had Weston by my side. Being Cutter’s coach helped in that aspect. Although it wasn’t until the basketball travel team started that I found out Weston wasn’t the coach during the summer; Jerome was. Not that it mattered. Weston would be there, regardless.
On top of me being knee deep in sports and work, the court appointed a guardian ad litem, or GAL, for the kids. I didn’t really like her, but she wasn’t there for me. It was her job to make sure the kids’ needs were being met. Still, I felt like I was under a microscope and really hated being scrutinized. I knew I was a good person who had a job that more than supported Cutter and Nova, but when I told the ad litem I couldn’t meet on Mondays or Fridays, I sensed a bit of discord from her. Any other days, except for games, I was home, and she was welcome.
After Miri passed, the attorney filed the paperwork for me to be appointed legal guardian of the kids, which was what we had agreed upon.
Until one rainy day when we were all sitting there, watching a movie. Cutter was in the oversize reading chair, while Nova snuggled next to me. Weston and Scout were also there, but Scout made sure he was next to Nova, pushing his owner to the corner of the couch.
A character on the screen mentioned adoption. I hadn’t thought anything of it until Cutter asked if I was going to adopt them. I figured being their guardian was enough.
With their permission, I changed my petition with the court from legal custody to adoption. They would be mine, and no one would be able to take them away. All their forms would have me listed as their parent and not guardian, and somehow knowing this made our bond stronger.
The kids would keep Miri’s last name, though, and I was more than okay with that.
As suspected, Miri’s parents petitioned the court for visitation. It was something I was against, but ultimately, I left the decision to Cutter. If he wanted a relationship with his other grandparents, I wouldn’t stand in the way. But I would also lay some ground rules for Miri’s parents. I refused to let Cutter and Nova grow up knowing a mistake could cost them their family, and there was no way in hell I would let them refer to Cutter or even Nova as a mistake.
Weston and I sat on the porch, each of us in a rocking chair, while Nova ran around the front yard trying to catch butterflies with the net Weston had bought her.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, thankful for a quiet moment, when I felt his hand on mine. Peering out of one eye, he leaned toward me.
“I’ve been thinking.”
My heart sank. “Oh?”
He smiled. It was crooked, cocky, and adorable, and not at all reassuring. Sometimes I wondered if we were at two different stages in life. He’d retired from his profession and taken up teaching and coaching because he wanted to give back. I was a mom of two, with two mortgages and a job that took me out of town at least once, if not twice, a month. On paper, I was a train wreck.
“Nothing bad,” he said as if he could see the worry in my eyes.
“Nothing bad where you’re concerned? Or me? Should I be concerned?”
