Maybe It's Fate, page 15
On my way home, I stopped at the Ridgeview Diner, one of our most popular places and the bar I liked to hang out at. I walked in and headed to the left where the bar was, then sat down at the first empty stool.
“Coach, what can I get for ya?” Lee Waters, the owner, said.
“Working tonight, huh?”
“Yep, short staffed,” he huffed.
“Sorry to hear that. I’ll get the fish and chips dinner and a water.”
“Sounds good.” He walked away, only to return a minute later with a tall glass of ice water.
“Thanks.” I drank most of it down, wishing it were something stronger, but that would have to wait until I was home. When I started teaching, I vowed not to drink in town where my students could see me. A lot of the parents and some of the kids, when they were younger, used to watch me play, and they saw me as a role model. To me, role models didn’t drink and drive, even if it was just one. Sometimes, that was all it took.
My dinner came, and I ate in relative peace. A few people I knew came in, said hi, and congratulated me on the win before moving on to their table.
While I ate, I watched a college game on one of the TVs in the bar and chatted with Lee whenever he refilled my water. I paid my tab and drove home, taking the long way around so I wouldn’t have to drive by the Vaughns’ house. It was petty, but for my own good.
As soon as I got home, I let Scout out in the back. Normally, I’d take him for a walk, but it wasn’t in me tonight. He deserved better from me, and I would have to make it up to him tomorrow. I stayed out with him, mostly out of fear of coyotes or bears. Regardless of my backyard being fenced, hungry wildlife would find a way to a food source.
After changing into some shorts, Scout and I went into the garage. I turned on some music and began working the heavy bag. With each punch, I told myself my feelings for Antonia were ridiculous. I knew love at first sight didn’t exist, and anything I’d imagined was nothing more than seeing a beautiful woman across the court after being alone for so long.
Maybe that was a sign I needed to put myself out there, join a dating app or two, or finally let the ladies in town set me up with someone. The problem there was I knew everyone in town, and none of them ever sparked any type of response from me. Not like Antonia had. That had to be something.
The side door to my garage opened in a burst, startling the shit out of me. I purposely kept it unlocked so my friends could use my gym whenever they wanted. I was startled to find Cutter standing there, his face red and his chest heaving.
I went to the counter and pressed pause on my phone, silencing the music. “You okay?” I asked as I put my T-shirt on.
He shook his head slowly.
“Come on in.” I unwrapped my hands and grabbed two bottles of water, handing him one.
“Wanna talk?”
Cutter didn’t say anything as he held the bottle. I had hoped he’d come to me when it finally hit him that his mom was dying. Since he’d gotten the news, he’d been resigned. I didn’t want to push him into having to talk to me or Jerome, but I also didn’t want him to lose his shit in the middle of a game because his emotional cup had tipped over.
“We’re moving,” he said dully.
I sighed and ran my hand over my damp hair. This was something I had expected, and I immediately wished I had gone over there tonight to discuss Cutter’s summer plans. The basketball team could manage without him, but not the baseball team. He was an integral part of the rotation.
“When I spoke to Antonia this morning, she said she hadn’t made a decision on where you’d live.”
Cutter looked at me. “You knew?”
I nodded. “We had breakfast this morning and talked about it.”
“How did she seem?”
I tilted my head and looked at him oddly. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
Cutter huffed and began pacing. “Did she seem like she wants us, or did she act like we’re nothing but a fucking burden to her?”
I held my hand up but then dropped it quickly. Cutter had earned the right to cuss. His life was imploding, and a little colorful language wasn’t going to change that.
How had Antonia seemed?
Resigned?
Accepting?
It wasn’t going to matter what I said, because Cutter was going to take whatever I said the wrong way.
“Why don’t you tell me what happened, and I’ll see what I can do to help?” I motioned for Cutter to sit on the bench, but he shook his head and continued pacing.
“I came downstairs to get something to drink. Toni and Brendan were in the kitchen. I could tell they were arguing, so I sort of just waited for a moment to interrupt them.”
In other words, he was eavesdropping like any other teenager would do.
“I heard Brendan say he’s sending us to boarding school, that it’ll help me get into Harvard.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t want to go to Harvard, Coach. And he said Nova will go to one, too, but she’s just a little kid and . . .” He looked at me with tears streaming down his face. “Do you think we could go to the same boarding school so she can stay with me? Who’s going to protect her if I’m not there?”
My heart broke for Cutter.
“Like, my mom’s dying, and now I gotta leave my friends and team . . . and my sister because my mom’s dying . . .”
I went to him and pulled him into my arms. He sobbed against my chest, his fists gripping my T-shirt. Cutter’s knees gave out, and I managed to get him to the bench before he crumpled to the ground. There were no words to comfort him, because nothing was going to be okay in his world. It was one thing to move—moving happened all the time; it was a fact of life—but losing your only parent wasn’t part of the deal.
Scout came over and rested his head on Cutter’s leg, knowing he needed a bit more attention. He hiccupped as his sobs eased, and angrily wiped at his wet cheeks.
“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Cutter. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now.”
“I hope my mom makes it through the summer.”
“Me too.” I did, but not for the reason Cutter wanted her to. He knew how important the travel season was when it came to recruiting, especially this summer and next.
I put my arm around his shoulders and gave him a little shake. “I’ll talk to Antonia and see if we can work something out for the summer.”
“I thought Brendan liked me,” Cutter said quietly. “Guess not.”
“I’m sure Antonia’s husband likes you. This was probably just a shock to him, that’s all.”
Cutter shook his head. “They’re not married, and according to my mom, he needs to shit or get off the pot. Whatever that means,” he said, mumbling the last part.
She had said “boyfriend,” hadn’t she? Why did I say “husband”?
“Eavesdropping again?”
He shrugged, which was all the admittance I needed.
“Does your mom or Antonia know you’re here?”
Cutter shook his head. “I ran out when I heard what Brendan said.”
“Understandable.” I stood and made my way to the counter to grab my phone. “I’m going to go change, and then I’ll take you home. It’s too dark for you to walk on the road.”
“Coach?” Cutter called as I reached the door leading into my house. I glanced at him. “If Toni says we have to move, can I live with you? At least until I graduate and go to college.”
His question gave me pause, and I found myself nodding before I could stop myself. “If it comes to that, yes, we’ll figure something out.”
“Thanks.”
“Anytime, Cutter.” I left him and Scout in my gym and ran inside to put some sweats on. While we didn’t have any snow on the pavement, the nighttime temperatures were still dipping into the twenties.
I’d never disliked someone I hadn’t met before, but I really couldn’t stand Brendan. At first, it was because he was with Antonia, and I stupidly thought I stood a chance. But now it was more. How does one arbitrarily decide a kid is going to boarding school without even talking to the child? In my book, that was just wrong.
Back in the garage, Cutter and Scout were involved in a rousing game of tug-of-war. Scout would win eventually because he cheated.
“Are you ready?”
At the sound of my voice, Scout dropped the toy and came over to sit by me. I stroked his head and waited for Cutter. At the door, I patted Cutter’s shoulder.
The drive to his house was quick and quiet. He got out of the truck after thanking me. I followed, determined to give Brendan a piece of my mind or at least request a sit-down with Miriam. As Cutter’s coach, I had his best interests at heart.
The door flew open, and Antonia came storming out of the house. She flung herself at Cutter, clinging to him.
When she let him go, she cupped his cheek. “Please don’t ever leave like that again, and if you do, answer your phone. You scared the shit out of me. Got it?”
Cutter nodded.
“Go inside. I need to speak to your coach and let my emotions settle. We’ll talk about you leaving like this in the morning. You should probably call everyone on your contact list because I’ve spoken to all of them, been to their houses, and they probably think I’m weird.”
“You are,” he said, smiling. “Sort of.”
“Go,” she said, pushing him toward the door. She watched him walk toward the house and didn’t turn to face me until he was inside and the door was shut.
“I don’t get it.”
“Get what?” she asked.
“You seem to care so much for him, and yet you’re sending him to boarding school? Did you even think to ask him?”
Antonia sighed and muttered something unintelligible under her breath. She pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned. “Cutter isn’t going to boarding school.”
“But he is next year?”
“Not at all, and if he had stayed, he would’ve heard the rest of the conversation.”
“Well . . .” I was at a loss for words. The last handful of hours could’ve been avoided if I had picked up the phone, but I was bitter over losing something I’d never had.
I pointed toward the house. “That boy is losing his mind, thinking you and your boyfriend are shipping him off to boarding school. He’s hurt, angry, and—”
“I get it,” she said, interrupting me. “I don’t need a lecture. What Brendan said isn’t how I feel. I’m already losing my best friend; I’m not voluntarily sending her kids away. Regardless of what you might think of me, I’m not cruel. I love Cutter and Nova as if they were my own children. I would never do that to them.”
Her words sank in. I’d never thought of her as cruel, and I wasn’t sure where she would’ve come up with such a notion.
I stepped forward, intent on wiping a tear from her cheek, but Antonia beat me to it, reminding me that she, in fact, was not single, and I needed to keep my distance.
“Tomorrow,” I said, clearing my throat. “I’ll stop by after practice, and we can talk about the travel teams.”
“Maybe it’s just easier if we do it at school since I have to pick Cutter up?”
“I’ll bring him home. If that’s okay?”
Antonia nodded. “Thanks. I’ll make sure he knows.” She turned to walk into the house. At her porch, she glanced toward me. “Thank you for being there when he needed someone to talk to.”
“You’re welcome.”
Antonia gave me a small wave, which I returned. I waited for her to go inside and shut the door, wishing like hell I could do more.
Chapter 20
Antonia
Sunday morning, I woke, got dressed, and made my way downstairs. No one was up yet, which was a little reprieve from everything.
As I stood at the kitchen window, I looked out over the backyard. There was a rickety fence that didn’t connect to anything else. Miri had planned to replace it and fence in the backyard so the kids could get a dog.
The backyard also had an old dilapidated chicken coop with no chickens, which had been given to Miri at some point. She’d wanted to raise Rhode Island Reds so she’d always have fresh eggs and could offer some to her neighbors. On one particular visit, Miri had taken me to a feed store to look at the chicks. They were cute, but I wasn’t on board. I had never given much thought to having pets. My hours didn’t really allow for it, and I lived in a penthouse where the outside access was the harbor.
Now, I could visualize some chickens running around out there, picking up bugs and worms from the ground. Having them might be a learning experience for Nova. She could join 4-H and maybe find some solace in having something to do. I had already decided I would sign her up for dance or gymnastics—anything to give her something to look forward to.
“And a dog might comfort them,” I said into the empty kitchen.
I heard the creak of the stairs and turned to see who would be coming into the kitchen. Cutter appeared, looking worse for wear. His eyes were red, and he had so much luggage under them, he could’ve taken a trip around the world. My heart broke for him.
“Morning,” I said in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake Nova and Miri.
Cutter shuffled over to me and pulled me into his arms. He held me tightly. “I’m sorry.”
My arms wrapped around him, and we stayed like that for a long moment. I didn’t want to let him go as a flood of memories surfaced from when he was a little boy, from his kindergarten graduation, when we went to Myrtle Beach and he found a shark tooth, to when I took him to work with me a couple of years back. I didn’t know how Brendan couldn’t see how much this boy meant to me. I’d never hidden my feelings for Miri and her children. His attitude made zero sense to me, and I felt like his outburst about not wanting children had been his way of saying he didn’t want me.
Oddly, I was okay with it.
Cutter stepped back and pressed his fingers into his eyes. He sniffed hard and then let out a low groan. “I hate crying.”
“It’s supposed to be cathartic, but yeah, I’m with you there. I think there’s a permanent tearstain on my pillow.”
“Can you promise me something?”
“Promises are something I’m very good at,” I told him as I leaned against the counter. “What’s up?”
“If the doctor tells her she’s out of time, you’ll let us know, right? So we can be with her as much as possible?”
My heart twisted, and I felt like I’d been punched in the gut by a heavyweight boxer. I nodded, unable to find my voice.
“Thanks.” He turned and started walking out of the kitchen.
“Are you going back to bed?”
“Nah, I thought I’d walk over to the school and shoot some hoops. I’d do it outside, but I don’t want to wake my mom.”
“Do you mind if I go with you?”
“I don’t mind.”
“Great. Go get dressed. We’ll leave in five. I’ll drive us over, and then we’ll stop and get everyone breakfast on the way back.”
Cutter nodded and stepped out of the kitchen, only to return right away. “I’m glad it’s you.”
“What do you mean?”
“That Nova and I will live with. I’m glad it’s you because we’ll be together, and you know us. I was worried we’d have to go into foster care.”
I gave him a soft smile. “I’d never let that happen, and neither would Grandma or Grandpa. If it’s not going to be me, it’ll be them. You’ll be with family.”
Cutter smiled and left again. I waited until he was upstairs before I turned on the water to drown out the onslaught of emotions coming from me.
Dealing with my own grief would be hard enough, but dealing with Cutter’s and Nova’s was going to be unbearable. The three of us were going to need an outlet—one as a family and then an activity of our own.
When I heard Cutter coming down the stairs, I grabbed my purse and met him at the door. I put on my parka and saw that he was wearing a sweatshirt. I figured he’d work up a sweat and wouldn’t need a coat since we were driving over.
“Crap, I forgot to start my car,” I said as we got outside. Thankfully, the sun was shining, and the temperature felt halfway decent.
“Can I drive?”
My automatic response to his asking before had been no, but he needed to learn, and I was going to be the one to teach him.
“Have you driven your mom’s car at all?”
Cutter nodded. “Around town. Mostly to and from school.”
“All right.” I unlocked the doors, and Cutter got in, tossing his basketball into the back seat. I sat in the passenger seat and mentally ran through the basics.
“Press the brake and push the start button.”
He did as instructed after he’d put his seat belt on and then kindly reminded me to put mine on. Then he surprised me by checking and adjusting the mirrors and seat to accommodate his height.
I may not have taught him that, but I was proud and couldn’t hold back a smile.
Cutter backed out of the driveway slowly, using the rear reverse camera.
“Do you know if you’ll be allowed to have the camera on during your test?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I think Coach will know. I’ll ask him.”
“Okay.” At the mention of his coach, I thought about last night and how he’d brought a very distraught Cutter home. He was so protective of him, being his ally, which was exactly what I wanted Cutter to have. He needed to have someone, besides me, fighting for him.
At the end of the driveway, he pulled out onto the quiet road, put the car into drive, and slowly pressed the gas pedal. By the time the stop sign came into view, he was going over fifty in a posted thirty-five.
“Cutter, please slow down.”
“Oh crap,” he said as he looked at the speedometer. “I’m sorry, it didn’t feel like I was going that fast.”
“Yeah, this car has some go to it.”
He slowed and came to a full stop, then looked right and left. “I think I need to lighten up on the gas pedal.” Cutter looked a bit scared, and I welcomed it. It’d be best for him to put the fear of God in himself versus me being the bad guy.
