Maybe It's Fate, page 26
The first time she let me touch her between her legs, I thought I was going to jizz in my pants. We’d been at her house in the basement family room. The upstairs door was open, but Eleni didn’t care. She straddled my legs and began rubbing against me. I was hard in seconds, but we both wanted more.
My friends always said you gotta risk it for the biscuit. I slipped my hand between her legs and felt her for the first time. It was like my body knew what to do even though my mind was nothing but a haze.
Ever since, we’d been waiting for more alone time so we could go further.
We stopped kissing when a car honked. Someone was always ruining our fun. I set Eleni down and picked up my bag.
“What are you doing here?”
“We had a cheer meeting, so I thought I’d wait until you were done with practice and walk home with you.”
“Oh. Coach is giving me a ride.”
Her face fell. I hated disappointing her.
“He can give you one too.”
Coach would insist whether she wanted one or not. He wouldn’t leave her at school or let her fend for herself.
“Did you hear about Malik and Janelle?” she asked as I sat down on the concrete bench to wait for Coach.
“Yeah, it’s pretty messed up.”
“I guess her parents are pretty pissed off at Malik,” Eleni said.
“It’s not just Malik’s fault,” I pointed out.
“No, but . . .”
“There are no buts, Eleni. They decided together to have sex. They’re both responsible.” Malik had already gotten a job to start saving money for the baby.
“I don’t want to fight,” she said as she leaned into me. “I’m not even friends with Janelle.”
That made two of us.
“Promise me when we do it, we’ll use condoms.”
“Of course we will,” I said. I had already bought a box when I was walking home from school a week or so ago. I wanted to be prepared the first chance we were alone, even if we didn’t go all the way. As long as I kept them in a cool, dry place, they’d be fine until the expiration date. The last thing I wanted was to be in Malik’s shoes. He’d confided in me about everything. He was scared and also not ready to be a dad.
Coach walked toward us, and we both stood. “Can we give Eleni a ride home?”
“Sure we can.”
We held hands and followed Coach to his truck. If I had to guess, I suspected he’d be over for dinner or he’d come by after Nova had gone to bed. I thought he and Toni were dating, but I couldn’t be sure. As many times as I had snuck around the house while Coach was there, I hadn’t caught them in any awkward embraces.
When I first started playing for Coach Schmidt, I sort of hoped he would fall for my mom. Coach had always treated me well and was a great role model, but my mom had never seemed interested. Neither had Coach.
I climbed in the back and let Eleni sit in front. This wasn’t ideal because I couldn’t shut the door for her. Maybe I was wrong and should’ve let her sit in the back? I guess I truly didn’t know what to do. My mom had taught me to open the door for people, reminding me it didn’t cost me anything to be kind to them. Still, I wasn’t sure if I should be in the back or not.
Being back here, though, gave me a chance to touch her hip. I slid my hand under her shirt and touched her skin. She shivered slightly and then turned enough for me to see her smile.
On the way to her house, she spoke to Coach. I listened, but they talked about cheer season and the competitions her team wanted to do over the summer. I wondered how much we’d be able to see each other once school was out. Between my summer league schedule and hers, we might not see each other much.
“This summer, you’ll have to come to Boston with us,” I said when there was a break in the conversation.
“Do you think your aunt will let me?”
I shrugged. I didn’t see why Toni wouldn’t let Eleni come with us one weekend. She could stay in the spare bedroom with Nova, and I could sleep on the couch. Although I’d like to crash out on the balcony under the harbor lights and sounds. No one would be able to get to me, that’s for sure.
We arrived at Eleni’s faster than I wanted. I couldn’t wait to drive her home, which wouldn’t be until late summer or the start of the school year. Either way, I was looking forward to it.
After she got out, I moved to the front. I couldn’t kiss her goodbye, not with her dad standing on the front porch. I watched her house as we pulled away and hoped she wouldn’t be in trouble for accepting a ride from Coach.
“Her parents are strict.”
“Sometimes that’s a good thing, but also a hindrance.”
Eleni stretched the rules as far as she could. I was usually the voice of reason because I was pretty miserable when she was grounded from her phone or from me.
I didn’t say anything the rest of the way home. Coach pulled into the driveway but didn’t shut his truck off. “You’re not coming in?”
He shook his head. “Scout’s at home.”
“Oh, right. Thanks for the ride.”
“Maybe I’ll see you later.”
I got out, gave him a wave, and made my way inside. “I’m home,” I yelled as I put my stuff down in the entryway. My mom called it a mudroom. It was far from muddy, especially since Toni made us keep our dirty shoes outside.
“Hello?”
Toni came out of the guest room, which was where she’d slept since my mom died. Before, she would sleep in my mom’s room, but no one had really gone in there since.
“Hi, how was practice?” she asked as she rubbed my pitching arm. “All good?”
I nodded and handed her a slip.
“What’s this?”
“Prom stuff,” I told her. We went into the kitchen. “Where’s Nova?”
“Girl Scouts with Mara,” she said without looking up from the slip. “So I sign this to give you permission?”
“It’s a code of conduct agreement,” I told her. “We both sign, and if I break any of the rules, the consequences are there.”
Her head moved up and down slowly. “Well, let’s talk prom. What color will Eleni wear? We’ll get your bow tie to match.”
I grimaced and ran my hand through my hair. “I didn’t ask her yet.”
Toni looked at me confusedly and held the paper up. “What gives?”
I shrugged slightly. “Can we do a promposal thing?”
“What’s that?”
I explained what they were, and, to my surprise, Toni seemed on board. “I was wondering if we could take her to Boston for the day and I can do it there. She really likes the penguins.”
“And you’re going to what, ask the aquarium if the penguins can hold a sign for you?”
Okay, so I hadn’t thought it out clearly. I shrugged. She sighed. We both stared awkwardly.
Toni signed the sheet, and then I did. “Put this in your bag so you don’t lose it. I’ll look some things up and we’ll figure out how to do something fun.”
“Thanks.”
She nodded and sat down at the table with her phone and a pad of paper. I sat across from her and started my homework.
Chapter 33
Antonia
Spring was bananas. Between baseball, Girl Scouts, and having to travel for work, I was exhausted. It’d been two months since Miri passed, and I’d like to say the kids and I were in a decent routine. There were days when I wanted to give up, say fuck it, and haul them back to Boston, where things could be easier.
On those days, I opened Miri’s bedroom door and stood in her room, absorbing her essence, smelling her perfume, and imagining her flittering around the room like she had at Christmastime. It was hard to look back at that time and see her sick, with cancer ravaging its way through her body.
Nova trailed behind me as we made our way to yet another baseball field. By now, everyone knew who I was: the loudmouth who screamed the loudest for her nephew and his team. I couldn’t help it. Cutter was that good, and I sort of had a crush on the coach.
Weston had given Nova a jersey to wear. It was the smallest one they had in inventory. She didn’t care that it went to her knees. She either wore it open and long, or I tied it in a knot for her.
I wore the same shirt as all the other moms. The team had held a fundraiser selling gear, and I may have gone a bit overboard, making sure everyone had something to support Cutter.
We reached the bleachers, and thankfully there was a spot for us on the bottom one. I was worried about Nova not paying attention and getting hit with a foul ball, and I liked to set her up behind me. I’d brought her a backpack full of things to do, most of which were workbooks and coloring books. In keeping with Miri’s antitechnology policy, I’d refused to give in and get Nova an iPad, despite the other moms offering her one.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who carried snacks and juice boxes everywhere I went. Half the time, we’d show up at a game and the concession stand would be a mile away or they wouldn’t have one. After one too many times of that happening, I’d started bringing the things Nova would need. I’d learned that seven-year-olds were needy, always hungry and bored.
Once I had Nova set up, I sat down and faced the field. I didn’t know how Miri did this, day in and day out. It wasn’t the games, travel, or time, but the parents from the other teams and what they said about Cutter. Every time one of them opened their mouths, I wanted to put my foot in it. Their nasty remarks about my nephew grated every last nerve I had, and with the number of daggers I’d thrown during games, I should’ve warned them all by now.
Weston and Cutter said I needed to grow thick skin, which was funny because I was considered fairly ruthless in my daily job. I was never a violent person, but this newly developed mama bear mentality had me seeing red.
The starting lineups were announced, and the opposing parents booed each one of our starters. To show them we were the better team, not only on the field but off, we clapped for each one of theirs. And each of us made sure they knew it. The stare-off was epic.
Today’s game was different. Weston had told me earlier to expect some major league scouts and college recruiters to be at the game. He’d reached out to his friends and former colleagues, who in turn had done whatever they needed to throw my nephew and the other boys a bone. According to Cutter and his friends, who had spent lots of time at the house, this was a huge deal, and it was important for them to play to the best of their ability.
I didn’t want to ask them why they weren’t playing this way all the time and just rolled with it. In the months since I’d become a full-time mom, I’d learned to roll with the punches when it came to teenage boys. Their logic was different and often confusing.
The announcer let everyone know Cutter Vaughn was up to bat with two men on base. I clasped my hands together and kept my eyes focused on Cutter, with the occasional look at Weston. He stood next to third base and did the whole “Here’s what I want you to do” secret coded message, which they’d both tried to explain to me, but it went over my head. I just wanted Cutter to smack the crap out of the ball.
He stepped up to bat, and the process started. Pitch after pitch, the ball sailed toward Cutter. Too high. Too low. Too outside.
Cutter lifted his front leg, and I held my breath, waiting to see if he’d swing the bat. The ball came in fast, and if it wasn’t for the crack of the bat, I wouldn’t have known where the ball was.
I stood as it sailed through the air, landing on the other side of the fence. Our parent section erupted in a loud chorus of cheers and applause as each boy crossed over home plate. I turned to the people behind me, and we all slapped hands, giving each other high fives. The inner child in me wanted to flip the other parents off and stick my tongue out.
By the end, Grove Hill was victorious by ten runs, six of which had come from Cutter. We packed up and waited for Cutter and Weston to join us.
“Great game,” I said as Cutter came toward me with a smile on his face. I gave him a high five, which had become a thing for us. At this point, I’d take any “thing” I could as long as it kept a smile on his face. The three of us had been going to therapy, mostly to learn how to deal with our grief. It seemed to be helping, and it gave Cutter and Nova someone to talk to who wasn’t me. Although Weston had said Cutter confided in him, which made me happy.
“Thanks,” he said as he ran his hand through his hair. It’d gotten longer and shaggier since his mom passed away. I’d asked him about cutting it, but he didn’t seem interested.
“What do you say we go out for pizza?” I asked.
“I was wondering if I could go out to dinner with Eleni and her parents?” Cutter asked.
“Yep, of course. Are her parents here?”
Cutter nodded and pointed. They waved, and I told Cutter I’d take his bag home. He dropped it by my feet and ran toward his girlfriend and her family.
“Nova!”
I turned to see Mara running toward us. The two girls hugged as if they hadn’t seen each other in weeks instead of hours. They had the cutest giggle, and watching them together reminded me so much of when Miri and I were that age.
A soft yet firm hand found my lower back. I eased into Weston, closing the small gap between us. His comfort was so welcome. It was like he knew when I needed him. I sighed as I watched the girls and smiled as Mara’s mom came toward us.
“Is Nova busy the rest of the day?”
I shook my head slowly. “We don’t have anything planned.”
“Do you mind if she comes over for a bit? We’re having some family over, and Mara won’t have anyone to play with.”
“Not at all. When should I pick her up?”
“We’ll bring her back after dinner.”
I gave Nova a kiss and told her to have fun, then turned to face Weston. “Please tell me you don’t have plans.”
He smiled softly. “Just with you and Scout.”
I took a deep inhale, thankful I had at least someone to spend the rest of my afternoon with. We started toward the parking lot with our arms full of bags. Weston put Cutter’s stuff in his truck and then surprised the hell out of me when he kissed me in the parking lot.
“Oh, wow, um . . .”
He giggled. “I’m going to run home and let Scout out. Then I’ll be over.”
“With pizza?”
Weston nodded, winked, and headed toward his truck. I climbed into my car and made the drive back to town by myself, listening to a self-help audiobook about moving past grief and growing positively. It had been easy to start with the hate when I’d found out Miri was sick, but after a while, the negativity of it all had weighed so heavily on me that I felt drained.
I followed Weston all the way back to town and to the road we lived on. He honked as he continued toward his house. I pulled into the driveway and stared at the house. Summer was approaching, and a decision needed to be made—not only about here but about my job. The company wasn’t going to continue to let me work remotely, even though there hadn’t been an interruption in how much business I was bringing in.
The thought of giving up Miri’s dream home hurt my heart, and I couldn’t imagine parting with the money pit. I got out of the car, took Nova’s bag into the house, went to the refrigerator, took out the bottle of wine I had chilling in there, and poured two glasses. I carried them both to the front porch, set one down for Weston, and then sat in the rocking chair.
I looked out over the yard at the blooming flowers Cutter, Nova, and I had planted, and the ones Miri had planted. The flower beds were colorful and full of life, exactly the way she would’ve wanted. Tomorrow, we’d go visit her at the cemetery and take Miri fresh flowers. Her marker had finally arrived, and the sexton said he’d have it installed today.
Weston’s truck turned into the driveway. He got out and sauntered over to the porch. I tilted my head back when he came near; he leaned down to kiss me fully.
“You taste sweet.”
“That’s a compliment I’ve never had before.”
He laughed and sat in the other rocker. “This for me?”
“No, it’s for my other boyfriend.” The word slipped through my lips, and I smiled at the sound of it.
“Is that what I am?”
I shrugged. “Do you always stick your tongue in your friends’ mouths when you see them?”
Weston cracked up. “No, just yours. I’m good with being your boyfriend.” He picked up the glass of wine and took a sip. “I ordered pizza for delivery.”
“Ah, I was going to ask where the food is.”
He shook his head. “You and your love of pizza.”
“It’s a talent. I know.” I took a sip.
“Boyfriend, huh?” he questioned after a minute.
“Is that okay?” I supposed we should talk about it.
“More than okay,” he said. “I know this isn’t the time for big declarations, but Antonia . . . when I look at you, I see the woman who dropped everything to fight for her best friend. I see someone who stepped up to raise two kids without hesitation. You don’t just love Cutter and Nova; you became their safe harbor. And for the first time in my life, I want to be someone’s safe harbor too. I want to be yours.”
“Weston . . .” I breathed, my voice barely audible. The words this man had spoken made my knees shake. “If you keep saying things like that, I’m going to fall so hard for you that there’s no coming back from it.”
“Good,” he said with a playful smirk dancing on his lips. “Because I’m already there.”
Weston stood with his glass of wine, took my hand in his, and led me into the house. Thankfully, I had the forethought to grab my glass before I was rushed inside.
“What are you doing?”
“This,” he said as he kicked the door closed and put our glasses down on the sideboard. His hands were warm against my face, his thumbs brushing over my cheekbones with a tenderness that made my breath hitch. His brown eyes burned into mine, filled with something raw, something fierce, something that sent a shiver racing down my spine.
Then his lips crashed into mine.
