Maybe It's Fate, page 12
“I’m going to lose her.”
“I’m sorry,” he said as he held me tighter. “I wish there was something I could do.”
I relaxed a bit and leaned back enough to look at him. “There has to be someone you know,” I said. “Or some experimental study going on?”
He shook his head slowly. “None that I know of.”
A sudden rush of anger came over me. I stood and began pacing his office. “Are you kidding me right now? You have so many friends, and not even one of them is working in the medical field or doing some lifesaving experiment?”
“It’s not something we talk about, Toni.”
“Call them,” I said, pointing to the phone. “Pick it up and fucking call them. You know someone who can fix all of this.”
Brendan came toward me, catching me before I collapsed onto the ground. His office door opened, and he barked out, “Not now.”
He picked me up and carried me to the brown leather sofa he kept in his office for entertaining, although he took naps on it often, and preferred any entertaining to happen in the boardroom.
I curled into him and continued to sob while he held me, stroked his hand up and down my back, and whispered that everything was going to be okay. The last part was nothing more than a coping mechanism, because nothing was going to be okay. It wasn’t now and it would never be.
He held me until my tears stopped and my breathing leveled out. I finally extricated myself from his hold and excused myself to use his en suite bathroom.
The person who stared back was not me. Until last week, I was this put-together businesswoman, dressed in designer clothes and shoes, with not a hair out of place—no nonsense, looking like I’d stepped out of a magazine spread.
Now, I looked haggard. Tired beyond recognition. My hair had dulled, my eyes were constantly bloodshot, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d washed my face properly. I’d never done a one-eighty so fast in my life.
I didn’t like the person in the mirror. That wasn’t me, and whoever it was wouldn’t be strong enough to help Miri through what seemed impossible.
If I needed her, then she needed me one hundred times over. I needed to get my shit together and be strong for her.
I turned on the cold water, cupped my hands, filled the bowl I’d made, and then bent over to cover my face. The coldness stung at first but quickly became refreshing. I did this a few times before I felt refreshed enough to face Brendan as my boss and not my lover.
Patting my face dry, I glanced at myself in the mirror. I was somewhat better, but not quite there. After finger-combing my hair, I pulled it back into a ponytail, bringing some of my sides down to give myself a semidecent polished look.
With my hand on the doorknob, I twisted and walked out with my shoulders square and an expression meant for business.
“Better?”
His question or statement caught me off guard. He didn’t ask if I was better or how I was feeling; he stated the word as if I’d had some momentary issue.
“Unlikely,” I told him with petulance. The lack of thoughtfulness in his question irritated me.
Clearly unfazed, Brendan handed me a stack of folders. I didn’t reach for them, instead staring at the tricolor stack with contempt and confusion.
“What’s this?” I hesitantly took the folders from him.
“The projects I’ve been working on, on your behalf.” Brendan sat down and swiveled toward his computer. “I’ve taken the liberty of setting up the necessary client meetings. When you sit down to go through them, you’ll see which ones I’ve marked as priority. Those are the ones that need your utmost attention.”
As much as I wanted to devote every waking second to Miri and the kids, I had to work. My job paid extremely well, and it wasn’t something I could give up. But it was something I could do from home if necessary.
“I’ll look at the schedule,” I told him. “And adjust as necessary.”
“No need. I looked at your calendar.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and worked to keep my breathing level. “Thank you, but I need to have some flexibility right now, Brendan. Miri needs my full attention. I’m going to take my files with me and set up an office at her house.”
“I need you here,” he said. And while I wished he meant it in a romantic way, he didn’t. Business first.
“Everything I need to do can be done via video conference. If I must fly to a location, I’ll work those details out later, but for right now I need to work remotely or come into the office twice a week.”
Brendan sighed and leaned back in his chair. He steepled his fingers and pretended to be in deep contemplation. This was his go-to business move, and it was meant to keep his clients on edge, wondering which way he was going to go.
Normally, I agreed with his pensive nature, but right now it pissed me off.
“Here at Caldwell & Crest, we’re not big proponents of work from home. We offer our staff state-of-the-art facilities, a gym, cafeteria, and top-of-the-line computers. I’m not—”
“Stop,” I said forcefully. “Whatever you’re doing, just stop. I don’t need this bullshit right now. If you don’t want me working from home, fine. I won’t.”
He smiled, and it made me want to punch him.
“So, I’ll be taking a sabbatical. I don’t know when I’ll be back.” I turned to leave, to take myself down to human resources to see what needed to be done to make this happen, because I wouldn’t be treated like a low-level employee who didn’t want to come to work every day.
“Antonia, wait.”
I refrained from turning around, giving him my back to speak to.
“If I didn’t do the spiel, someone would complain.”
“Who? The bookshelf? Your bottle of scotch?” I finally turned to face him.
Brendan stood and came toward me, enveloping me in his arms when I was within reach. “I love you, and I’m sorry I had to go into boss mode.”
“You almost went home single,” I told him.
His deep chuckle reverberated against my chest. “That would not be favorable.” Brendan stood tall and cupped my cheeks with his hands. “I’m sorry. I was being unreasonable. The last thing I want is for you to leave, and while I don’t like the idea of you working remotely, I understand it needs to be done until things level out and are under control.”
What in the hell did that even mean? I thought about asking, but frankly, I was too exhausted to care.
Brendan’s hands went to my shoulders, and he started massaging. I rolled my neck and melted into the kneading.
“This feels amazing.”
“I’m sure you’re not sleeping well.”
I shook my head. “‘Well’ doesn’t exist in my vocabulary right now.”
“I’m sorry,” he said as he continued to push his fingers into my flesh. “What can I do?”
As much as I wanted to think he could fix everything, he couldn’t. I couldn’t. “Give me grace,” I said. “I need to be there for Miri and the kids.”
Brendan nodded.
“Come up this weekend? Cutter has a game on Saturday, and he’d like to see you.”
“I have a tee time in Miami on Saturday.”
I stared.
Hard.
And narrowed my eyes at him. Did he really put his stupid golf game in front of being there for a sixteen-year-old boy who was losing his mom?
I stepped back and shrugged his hands off my shoulders. “I have to go.”
“Wait,” he said as he reached for my hand. “I can let them know I won’t be there.”
“Oh, you can?” My tone was laced with sarcasm.
He nodded, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “I’ll book us the bed-and-breakfast we like in town.”
I didn’t like it. He did.
“I’m staying with Miri, Brendan. You can’t expect me to leave her.”
It took a moment for my words to sink in. He nodded and blinked a couple of times. “No, you’re right.”
I closed my eyes and rolled my neck; the long-standing tension had built to an almost unbearable throb. “I gotta go.” I stepped forward to kiss him but pulled up short. Giving him affection felt off. A sensation was gnawing, telling me now was not the time.
“I’ll be there for Cutter’s game.”
“Thanks.” I left his office and went to mine with the folders Brendan had so kindly given me. I grabbed what I needed and made my way to my car without stopping to talk to anyone else. An email to the staff would suffice, letting them know I would be working remotely for the foreseeable future. The only time I could see myself leaving Miri’s side would be to go see a client’s facility and observe how they operated. Other than that, everything could be done via email or video conference.
At my apartment, I met with the property manager and told him I would be gone for a bit and that my apartment would be empty. We made an agreement: He would go in once a week and make sure everything was in working order. The last thing I needed was for a pipe to burst.
I packed more clothes, cleaned out the refrigerator, and grabbed all my essentials. After a quick trip to the garbage bin, I headed to my car and made my way north.
At this time of the day, traffic in the city was minimal. The highlight of this drive was the snowcapped mountains in the distance. They looked beautiful with the way the sun bounced off them. They were nice to look at while driving, but you’d never catch me on one. Snow wasn’t my thing. Despite Boston being in New England, its annual snow accumulation wasn’t as much as people thought it was, and while it did snow, it melted quickly.
As I drove, my mind drifted to the conversation Miri and I had had about me taking the kids. It was what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure how they were going to react to moving. Nova would be fine, but Cutter . . . he was a whole different story. I couldn’t even pretend to understand what it was like to move during the teen years because my parents had lived in the same house since they’d gotten married.
How do you sit a teen down and say, “Sorry your mom died, but now you have to move”? It didn’t matter how I tried to form the statement in my head; it felt wrong and hurtful.
I couldn’t conceivably take Cutter away from his last two years of high school, but I also couldn’t stay in Grove Hill. Not if I wanted to keep my job, and I was going to need my job if I was to take on two children and raise them as their mother had.
I banged my hand on the steering wheel, and my tears returned. Everything was so fucked up, and there wasn’t one easy solution to fixing any of this.
Chapter 16
Antonia
By Saturday, everyone knew Miri had cancer. It didn’t take long for word to spread, and it took even less time for people to start showing up at her door or saying something to me in the local grocery store. I found out quickly why so many people loved living in a small town. It was the closeness, the camaraderie, and the overall feeling that everyone was family.
The parents of Nova’s best friend, Mara Blanchard, had volunteered for anything and everything one could think of. One of my biggest concerns was being there when Nova got off the bus. The driver wasn’t allowed to let children off the bus unless a parent or guardian was available, and with my mom not able to uproot her entire life, we needed another plan. Thankfully, Miri could call in, instead of having to go into the school, to add Mara’s parents to the approved-pickup list.
Cutter was a bit easier. Most of the time, I would pick him up from school, and I talked to Miri about teaching him how to drive. While I hadn’t figured most of anything out, one thing I did know was I wouldn’t take the kids out of school until the end of the school year. Their mother was dying, and the last thing they needed was to lose their friends. But, I knew if I needed anything, Flinn Langston’s parents would step up, or Weston.
While Miri slept, I snuck out for a walk. My plan was to walk the mile into town and grab coffee from the Cozy Cup Café, which was owned by one of Miri’s friends, Samira. I’d get some doughnuts and take them back for Miri and Nova. Cutter had a game today and preferred not to load up on sugary snacks.
At the end of the driveway, I started at the sound of movement. Looking to my left, I saw Scout running toward me. Crouching, I braced myself for the lick attack that was about to happen. I’d never been a huge fan of dogs, but this guy oddly brought me a sense of calm, and I needed as much of that as I could get right now.
“Good morning,” Weston said as he ran toward us. He grinned, and my heart raced a smidge. My heart shouldn’t have been doing anything.
“Sorry, we were working on commands, and he saw you.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” I gave Scout a few more pets and then stood. “How was Cutter this week?”
“He was good,” Weston said, nodding. “I think he has a good support system around him.”
“Did he tell his friends?” I asked.
“I think kids just found out.” Weston shrugged. “I haven’t heard anyone come out and ask him, so I think they’re just in the know and hanging out like normal.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess.” I looked down the road and motioned. “I’m heading into town to get breakfast. I need the exercise, so I thought I’d walk.”
Weston tilted his head slightly, and if I wasn’t mistaken, there was a slight smirk playing on his lips, making me wonder what he was thinking.
“Mind if Scout and I come with you?”
I shook my head. “Not at all.”
Weston hooked Scout’s leash to his collar, and we started down the road. I regretted saying yes because I wasn’t sure there was anything for us to talk about, but I didn’t want to be rude. He was free to walk up and down the road whenever he wanted and didn’t need my permission to go into town.
We walked for a few minutes in silence until Weston cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, although I may not have the answer.”
He huffed a little and smiled. “What happens to the kids when Miriam . . . you know,” he asked sheepishly.
“I’ll take them. Long before Cutter was born, she asked me to take care of her baby if she couldn’t. I promised.” I shrugged. “I’ve known them since before they were born. I was there when she had them and was the second one to hold them. It makes sense for them to go to me, and if it wasn’t me, it’d be my parents.”
“That’ll be nice for the kids. To be with someone they know.”
I let out a small groan. “Remind me of this when Cutter wants to yell and scream at me.”
“He’s going to go through a lot,” Weston said. “Not only are his hormones all over the place, but he’s losing his mom, and his dad—”
“Doesn’t exist,” I said, interrupting him. “Their dad isn’t in the picture. Never has been. I’m not even sure he knows he has a daughter.”
“Wait, so he left when Miriam was pregnant? Just up and left his son?”
I grimaced. “Sort of. He wasn’t around for Cutter until he showed up randomly. It was like he had an oat to sow, did, and bailed when Miri told him they were having another child.”
“Bastard.”
The one-word statement made me chuckle. “Among other things. I don’t want to say he ruined Miri’s life, but . . .”
“No, I get it.”
“Yeah . . .”
“What about Miriam’s family? Will they fight you for the kids?”
This time I let out something that sounded like a half cough, half laugh. “She’s an only child, and her parents disowned her when she wouldn’t give Cutter up.”
Weston opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. I half grinned and continued walking toward the crosswalk.
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“It’s something that doesn’t come up, ya know? People don’t ask at games where the grandparents are. My parents show up. They fill the holes left by Miriam’s family.”
“I like your mom,” he said as we crossed the street. He held the door for the Cozy Cup Café and waited for me to enter.
“Is Scout allowed inside?”
“Yeah, Samira loves all dogs.”
The Cozy Cup Café was a vibrant place. As soon as you walked in, the yellow walls welcomed you. Small tables lined one wall, with booths along the other. In the center, round tables were available for bigger parties. Toward the back, where patrons placed their orders, was a large display case with fresh pastries, cakes, and muffins. I wanted to buy the whole lot and eat it all in one sitting.
We walked to the counter and waited in line, which moved fairly fast for a Saturday morning. I placed my order and motioned for Weston to place his, as I intended to buy his breakfast since he’d repaired the porch.
He had his phone on the tap-to-pay before I could maneuver around him and Scout.
“I was going to pay,” I told him as we walked to one of the empty tables.
“I figured, but that wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me.”
“Well, thank you. Next weekend is on me.”
His eyebrows popped up. “Are we doing this again next weekend?”
I shrugged. “I’m going to need friends. I know I can count on my mom, but she has her own life. Nova has a friend whose parents will help with pickup if I’m stuck in a meeting or at the hospital.”
“I’ll be your friend,” he said.
“Me too,” Samira said as she approached with our coffees and the order of doughnuts I’d placed for Nova and Miri. “You just have to let us know what you need.”
“Us?”
Samira smiled. “I know you’re not here a lot, but Miriam has a nice little friend group. Usually, we get together once a week to gossip. It’s our ‘book club,’” she said, using air quotes around “book club.”
“Do you actually read?” Weston asked.
Samira shook her head, smiled brightly, and placed her hand on his shoulder. “We bring books, but we also bring wine, and let me tell you, loose lips sink ships.”
“Oh, lovely,” I said, trying not to laugh. “So what time is book club next week?”
Samira paled. “It was Miriam’s turn to host.”
