Maybe It's Fate, page 24
“Weston, I like you, too, but my thoughts and feelings are jumbled right now. I can’t tell if the tears I want to cry now are because of Miri or because, while I should have regrets about what we did—”
“Antonia—”
“No, let me finish. I want to get this out while I have an ounce of courage in me. I don’t even know you, not really. I thought I knew Brendan after four years, and I was completely wrong about who he was when things got tough. You’ve stepped up when you didn’t have to. I don’t have regrets about what we did, but at the same time, I don’t know if it’s because I’m broken or because I’m falling for you.”
“Definitely the latter,” he said, laughing softly, trying to lighten the mood. After a pause, he said, “You can trust that I’m not going anywhere. I’m not Brendan. When things get tough, I don’t run. I fix porches and drive kids to tournaments and sit in hospital waiting rooms. That’s who I am. I’m not going to pressure you into anything. That’s not the type of person I am. But I will be there, basking in your presence, because while you may not see it right now, being near you is the missing piece to my life.”
Honest to goodness, that was probably the best compliment I’d ever received from a person, especially a man.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, Antonia. They’re my words, and I mean every single one. From the moment I saw you, I knew you were going to be someone special in my life. By my side was how I saw you, us standing next to each other as we blaze a path through this world, and if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that when I set my mind to something, I usually achieve it.”
“You seem rather sure of yourself.”
Weston let out something that sounded like a cocky, self-assured chuckle.
“I’m sure of this,” he said. “The way we effortlessly connected. The way we fit together, how we didn’t fumble around each other. I’m patient. I’ll wait for you to catch up.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then you don’t, and I’m still your friend. I’m still the guy who will come fix porches and drive kids to tournaments and sit in hospital waiting rooms, because that’s what friends do.”
“I definitely need friends.”
“You have them. Think about what I said. You’re not alone in this. Good night, Antonia. Thank you for a very memorable evening.”
“Thank you for mine,” I said and hung up before I could add anything more embarrassing. I wasn’t used to having a man bare his feelings this way. Brendan never told me he liked me without me asking if he did. I told him I loved him first. We rarely compromised on anything. The more I thought about him and our relationship, the more it became clearer that I’d been with him for the wrong reasons, and he’d been with me for . . . who the hell knew.
The water turned cold, and my thoughts never wavered from Weston and our moment together. I finally rinsed off, got out, and, once dressed, I snuck to the kids’ rooms to check on them.
At Nova’s room, I carefully turned the knob to open her door. She lay in her bed, with my mom’s arms wrapped tightly around her. The first couple of nights after Miri’s death, Nova had woken up screaming in the middle of the night. While this sleeping situation worked for now, my mom would go home tomorrow. Something told me Nova would end up crawling into my bed.
I walked to Cutter’s door, pressed my ear to it, and heard noises coming from his phone. A phone that wasn’t allowed in his room. I knocked softly, and the sound muted as I heard him say, “Come in.”
“Hey,” I said as I motioned toward the phone on his bed. “That’s not supposed to be in here.”
Cutter stood and handed me his phone. “Do you think we can revisit some of the rules we have in place?”
“Sure, with the understanding I may keep and alter them to my liking, and possibly add my own.”
He plopped against his bed. “Okay.”
“Can I come in?”
He lifted his head and looked at me, then sat up. “Yeah.”
I pushed the door toward the doorjamb but didn’t close it. Cutter’s desk faced the mural of a baseball field he and Miri had painted on his wall. I pulled out the chair that was tucked under it, removed the pile of clothing, and sat.
“How are you doing?”
He nodded and then shrugged. “I keep telling myself she’s on vacation, that she’s coming home, but then I remember, she’s not.”
“I know what you mean. I wanted to talk to you about your grandparents.”
“What’s wrong with Grandma and Grandpa?” Cutter’s eyebrows rose.
“My bad,” I said with a heavy sigh. “Kenneth and Victoria.”
Cutter rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why they showed up.”
“Me neither.” Except if I had to guess, it was because they wanted to save face with their friends. We tried, was what they’d go back and say to their church friends. “But they did, and they’d like to get to know you and Nova.”
“What if I don’t want to know them?”
“I’m going to say some adult crap that may or may not make sense, but it needs to be said because I don’t want how I feel or how your mom felt about them to influence your decisions. If you don’t want to know them, then you don’t have to. And if you do or if you want Nova to, then we do it on your terms, but I want you to think about it. Right now, we’re raw. We’re broken, and we’re hurting. Sometimes decisions like this, made when we’re feeling our worst, aren’t made with a full heart.”
“What does that even mean?”
I don’t freaking know.
“It means, if at some point you or Nova decide you want to, you dictate the time, place, and how much of a relationship you want with them. If it’s nothing, then it’s nothing. I will support you one hundred percent. If it’s something where you want them to come for lunch one day, so be it; we’ll have lunch.” I leaned forward, closer to him. “What I’m saying is, you set the rules.”
“Will they try and take Nova away from us?”
This, I didn’t know, but I suspected they might try. “I hired a lawyer before your mom died. Her will states I’m the sole guardian of you and Nova. No one can take you away from me, except the judge, and he’s going to see how much we love each other and rule in our favor. He may ask you some questions.”
“If he asks if your feet stink, I’m going to say yes.”
I lifted my foot and wiggled my toes.
Cutter batted my foot away and laughed. Damn, it sounded nice.
“Can he take us away?”
Cutter didn’t have to elaborate on who “he” was. I knew. I shook my head. “I’d move heaven and earth for you and Nova. Remember that. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll take it easy because on Monday, you’re playing in a very important game.”
“I think basketball is the only thing keeping my head straight.”
“Well, it’s a good thing baseball starts right away; otherwise, someone might have to knock your melon straight.”
“Har, har,” he said.
“Good night, Cutter,” I said when I got to the door. “I know I’m not your mom, and shit’s going to get rough at times, but never for a second doubt that I love you as if you were my own.” I pulled the door open and stepped into the hallway.
“Toni?”
“Yeah?” I peeked my head in.
“It hurts, knowing my mom is never coming back, but I’m thankful for you, because I couldn’t imagine losing my mom and ending up in foster care or with grandparents who never cared to know us. So, thank you for being our person.”
Words escaped me. I went back into his room and pulled him into my arms. Before I left, I kissed the top of his head and told him I loved him, and then left before he could see me crying.
I closed Miri’s door for the night, not wanting to be in there without her, and made my way to the couch. I could’ve taken the guest room, but my parents were using it.
The last thought I had before I closed my eyes was about Weston and whether I’d see him in the morning for what had become our weekly walk to the Cozy Cup Café. I hoped I would.
Chapter 30
Weston
As soon as I hooked Scout’s leash to his collar, he pulled me toward the Vaughns’ house. Did I need to refer to the location differently? What an odd thought to have as I walked down the road. It was still Cutter’s residence, and he was a Vaughn. At least for right now.
This morning was a crapshoot. Every weekend since Antonia arrived, we’d ended up walking to the café at the same time. Although the purpose of my walk was to get some exercise, while hers was to eat one of Samira’s damn pastries. I couldn’t say I blamed her, though. I’d had my fair share and found it extremely hard to deny myself the luxury.
As we neared the house, I felt a little trepidation start to build. What if Antonia wasn’t outside? It wasn’t like we had a standing reservation to meet each other at the end of the driveway. But I was hoping.
It took a couple of yards before Scout finally fell in step beside me. It wouldn’t last long, though, as he’d grown accustomed to hanging out at Cutter and Nova’s. I liked that he’d taken on the role of protector and therapist for them—especially for Nova. I was a grown-ass adult, and my parents were still alive. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how Nova was feeling.
As we neared, I saw a figure at the end of the driveway, and without a single thought, a smile formed. Scout must’ve seen her as well because he began to pull on his leash more. I let him go and watched my dog sprint to the woman who had captivated me so easily just by being at the game.
I ran the rest of the way.
When I reached Antonia, she looked up at me and smiled before turning her attention back to Scout. Right then, I knew I would pursue this woman until she told me to back off. She could’ve stayed home, forgotten about our unspoken Sunday morning breakfast after what had happened, but she hadn’t. She was there, putting in the effort in her own way, to show me she wanted to spend the morning with me. The urge to kiss her was overwhelming. It felt like I had a high school crush all over again, with sweaty palms and a palpitating, out-of-control heart.
Still crouched and petting my dog, she looked up at me. “Would you be okay with Scout staying with Nova while we go to breakfast?”
It didn’t escape my notice that she considered our Sunday morning trip to the café a date. Although the word “date” probably wasn’t what this was called.
“Of course. Is she okay?”
Antonia stood, and as she did, she shrugged one shoulder. “The nights are rough, and my parents are leaving today. I thought if she had someone or something to focus on while they packed their car, she’d be okay.”
“I don’t think Scout minds as long as I bring him a doughnut.”
“We’ll bring him two,” she said to my dog as she made kissy faces at him. Antonia started toward the house, with Scout following behind. She looked over her shoulder at me.
“Are you coming?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t recall the last time I’d moved so damn fast. I was by her side instantly, holding the screen door open for her.
Inside, the house was the same, yet it wasn’t. I expected the house to be quiet, filled with mourning, but the television was on, there were voices in the kitchen, and a half-dressed teenage boy thundered down the stairs.
“Morning, Coach.”
“Good morning, Cutter.”
He walked into the living room and fell onto the sofa. Nova came in seconds later and crawled onto his lap. Behind her, a blanket dragged along the floor, and Scout, with his nose to the ground, looked for a morsel she might’ve dropped on her way to the couch.
Cutter enveloped her in his arms and brought her blanket up to his chest, tucking it under her head. To my horror, Scout jumped onto the couch and rooted his body right next to Cutter’s. Instantly, his arm went around my dog.
“Scout!”
“He can stay,” Antonia said as she came into the room. She kissed Nova’s forehead and said something to Cutter before turning toward me. “Scout’s okay on the couch, unless it’s something you don’t want him to do.”
“No, he gets on mine at home. I don’t know where his manners went.”
“Mr. Coach, Scout tooted in the kitchen. He doesn’t have any manners,” Nova said, giggling.
I laughed as well. “Nova, you can call me Weston.”
“Did you hear that?” she said as she looked at Cutter. “I get to call him Weston. Not you.”
Cutter shook his head. “It’s okay. That’ll be something special between you and Coach.”
His words made my eyes misty. Cutter was such a good boy with a steep hill to climb.
Antonia opened the front door, and I followed her out. We walked side by side, our arms brushing often as we made our way to the café. We made idle chitchat and paused to let the sun warm our faces.
Inside the café, Samira came around to hug Antonia as if she hadn’t seen her in months and not hours. “Breakfast is on the house today.”
“Absolutely not,” we said in unison.
Samira waved our words away. “My place, my rules.”
I shook my head as we stepped up to the counter. We ordered our usual, plus a bag of doughnuts to go. We took our coffees to the same table as before and sat down.
“How’d you sleep?”
Antonia blushed.
Was it because of me?
“Honestly, for sleeping on the couch, pretty well. I was oddly relaxed when I fell asleep.”
Was she relaxed because of me? I couldn’t keep the thought out of my head, even if I tried. I smirked but looked away, hoping she didn’t see me.
Suddenly, my coffee cup was really important. I lifted it, took a drink, and then asked, “Why are you sleeping on the couch?”
“My parents were in the guest room and . . .” She took a deep shuddering inhale. “I don’t know how I feel about sleeping in Miri’s room without her there. Granted, I did use her amazing tub, but that room was her sanctuary, and . . .” Antonia trailed off.
“I get it,” I said. “After Brianna left, I couldn’t sleep in the bed we’d shared. Everything smelled like her, which made the pain worse.”
Antonia’s eyes found mine. “Do you think keeping the house is a smart idea?”
I nodded but then wondered if I was being selfish. At first, I hated the thought of losing Cutter. Now, the idea of losing Antonia twisted my guts into a pretzel. She had a life in Boston, likely a much flashier and more entertaining one. The small-town life wasn’t for everyone, and I greedily wanted her to stay.
She gazed out the window and sighed. “That’s Miri’s house. It was her dream. Her blood, sweat, and tears. Not to mention, it’s a damn money pit, and I think it needs a new roof.” Antonia sighed. “Selling makes sense. It would put money in a college fund for the kids.”
“But . . .”
Antonia inhaled and sat up straighter. “But it’s their home and their connection to their mom. I have the finances to keep it, do the repairs, and make it into the home she thought it would be. I also have a penthouse in the city. I’m either going to have to sell or rent it out because paying for both seems like a bad financial decision.”
“Where’s your penthouse?”
“On the wharf. I have amazing views, but the tourists in the summer can be an issue.”
“And you live there by yourself?” I hadn’t asked much about her relationship—well, previous relationship.
Antonia smiled softly. “Yes, which is why the breakup was so easy. We weren’t moving in together anytime soon. I think at most, we have a toothbrush at each other’s places.”
Phew.
“I imagine you do well at your job, but without prying too much, are you able to afford both?”
She nodded. “I bought my place for a very good deal a few years back, and I went to school on a scholarship, so I was able to double up payments.” Antonia sighed. “Maybe I keep it and it’s a place for us to stay on the weekends or for vacations. As it is, I need to be in Boston for work at least twice a week and will need a place to stay.”
“That’ll save on hotel expenses for sure.”
“Yeah.” She picked her cup up and took a drink.
Samira brought our food over, along with two fresh cups of coffee. “Sorry about the delay. Where’s Scout?” she asked.
“He stayed with the kids this morning.”
“Well, I put a doughnut hole in the bag for him.”
“Thank you. He’ll be sure to stop by and thank you later.”
Samira left us, and we started eating, our conversation pausing.
“Do you still love your ex-wife?” Antonia asked mid-bite. I choked at her question.
I pounded on my chest with my fist, clearing the clog, and then drank some water to hopefully guide my food down the right pipe.
“Sorry,” she said as she took a bite of the applewood-smoked bacon. “I shouldn’t have blurted that out while you were eating.”
“No, it’s fine. It just caught me off guard.” I took another sip and cleared my throat. “The answer is yes.”
“Oh.”
I shook my head. “Not in the way you may think, though. Brianna and I were high school sweethearts, stayed together through college, and married after she graduated. Part of me thinks if I hadn’t been injured, we’d still be married. This life”—I spread my arms out—“wasn’t for her, but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving her. But I’m not in love with her, and I haven’t been for quite some time. We’re friends. Nothing more.”
“Well, that’s good to know.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Why’s that?”
Her right shoulder lifted as she picked at her food. She looked at me with a sneaky little grin on her lips. “I don’t make it a habit of spending time with men who are in love with other women.”
I held my hands up and shook my head. “I only have my eyes and intentions set on one person, Antonia.”
She ducked her head, but not before I saw her smile grow wider. When she finally looked up, she said, “You’ll be patient?”
“As a saint,” I said, winking.
