Maybe It's Fate, page 10
I felt bad for telling him to stay home, because I knew he wanted to help, but with my mom here, things were crowded. Plus, Brendan preferred for us to stay in a hotel or a bed-and-breakfast, and there was no way I’d leave Miri.
I typed back: Things are . . . sad.
I looked at my words and fought back my tears before I sent the message.
Brendan responded right away: Will you be in the office on Monday?
The question gave me pause. I glanced at Miri, who held a book in her hand, but I couldn’t tell if she was reading or not. Could I leave her? Could I go back to my life and leave my mom to take care of her?
No, I couldn’t.
I typed back: No. I’ll call you later to discuss.
“Brendan’s going to want to come visit,” I told Miri as I put my phone down. “He’s already tried, and I told him to wait.”
“Do you love him?”
Her question caught me off guard. “Yes,” I said after a brief pause. “Why?”
Miri shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes, I see you, I see him, and then I see the two of you together, and you’re different when he’s around. On edge.”
I’d been with Brendan for years, and she had never mentioned anything.
“Do you not like him?”
I don’t know why I asked. It wasn’t like I could change the situation now.
Miri looked at me. Her eyes were wet and shimmering with tears. Ever since she’d been given the news, she’d done nothing but cry. Not that I blamed her. In private, it was all I was doing as well. The shower took the brunt of my anger, sadness, and frustration.
“He’s not who I would’ve chosen for you,” she said as she reached for my hand. “But I see why you’re with him.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because he’s in your world.”
I pondered her answer and had to agree with her. If I didn’t work at Caldwell & Crest or did what I did for a job, Brendan wouldn’t have been my first choice. He was what others referred to as a bro. His boys came first, after the dollars in his billfold. Yes, he said he loved me, and we spent quality time together. He was generous, flirtatious, and a catch. But if one of his frat brothers called with a tee time in Miami, Brendan was on the next plane out of Logan.
Although, I’d done the same thing for Miriam.
Friendships were important, but so were relationships, and Brendan had never done me wrong. So, yes, he was in my world, and we fit.
“He’s a great guy, Miri.”
She smiled softly and turned toward the window. Outside, Nova laughed, and my mom rocked in the chair. Every so often, we heard the power saw, followed by hammering and the nail gun.
“How come you never pursued things with Weston?”
Miri chuckled. “Never even gave him a thought.”
“Really? Why the hell not? Have you looked at him? Clearly, he likes you.”
“Because it’s not me he’s interested in,” she said as she gave me a pointed look. I shook my head slightly, and she nodded. “I can see it in the way he looks at you.”
There was no way he liked me. We’d just met.
As if on cue, Weston stood in the front window with his back to us. I had to admit, he had a nice backside and was ruggedly handsome.
“I was shocked to find out he used to be a professional baseball player. You never told me.”
Miri lifted one shoulder. “I didn’t think it mattered. He rarely talks about it, and no one in town really bothers him about it. Unless it’s during baseball season, and then everyone will go on and on about how Wes played in the majors.”
“Wes?”
She nodded. “That’s what he goes by.”
“Huh, he introduced himself to me as Weston.” I stood and went to the window. As soon as Nova saw me, she waved and motioned for me to come outside.
“Sort of how you didn’t tell him to call you Toni.” Miri smirked.
Hadn’t I? I kind of liked how Weston called me Antonia.
“Do you want to go outside?” I asked Miri, needing to change the subject, although going outside to where Weston was working was exactly the way to accomplish the task.
She shook her head no. “I’m comfortable and enjoying the quiet.”
I laughed because things definitely weren’t quiet. Not with the table saw and hammering. “All right. I’ll be back in a minute.” I opened the door and carefully stepped outside. If my mom and Nova were still on the porch, it must have been safe.
I glanced toward Cutter and Weston (or Wes, whatever he preferred to be called), who had their heads together, and Weston pointed to something on the wood. He’d taken off his long-sleeved flannel, and each time his arm moved, his bicep flexed. I should’ve looked away and put everything Miri said out of my mind because it seemed like nonsense.
“He’s teaching him the basics,” Mom said as she motioned toward them when I glanced her way. Had she caught me staring? “What he’s learning now, he’ll be able to use in the future. This was very kind of Wes to come do this.”
So, he’d introduced himself as Wes to my mom as well. I wasn’t sure why this bothered me, but for some reason, it did. Unless there was a more intimate meaning behind it?
I sat down next to my mom, and Nova switched laps. She leaned back against me and rested her head on my collarbone.
“Do you have to go home tomorrow?” she asked, used to me leaving on Sundays whenever I came to visit.
“No, I’m not going home for a bit.”
“Because Mommy is sick?”
Hearing Miri’s daughter say those words made my throat seize. I nodded, unable to find my voice.
“Are you going to live with us?”
With what little voice I had, I said, “I don’t know.”
My mom reached for my hand and squeezed it. I didn’t have the courage to bring this up to Miri, to ask her what would happen to her kids when she was gone. To her house? Her possessions? I would rather die than let her babies go into foster care, but what say would I even have? We weren’t related, and the last time I’d checked, the best friend didn’t have any rights.
“Does Miriam have a will?” my mom asked as we rocked there.
I glanced at my mom, needing her now more than ever, and so thankful she’d dropped everything to come to Miri’s. “I don’t know. I know it’s something we need to talk about and get taken care of. The conversation probably should’ve happened today, but I’m afraid to put it out there, where the universe can run with it.”
“It has to be done,” Mom said. “I can do it if you’d like.”
“No, it needs to be me, I think.” Even though it was the last thing I wanted. Doing so made it feel like Miri’s death was inevitable, that it would be here sooner than anticipated. I didn’t want that. I wasn’t ready and never would be. One, five, or ten years wouldn’t be long enough. I needed her in my life forever.
My arms tightened around Nova as she snuggled deeper into me. My mom got up, disappeared into the house, and then came back with a blanket. She draped it over us and tucked Nova in.
“I thought you were a big girl who didn’t nap?”
“Sometimes, I’m tired,” she said into the crook of my neck. It amazed me that she could fall asleep anywhere. As much as I wanted to keep her for myself, Miri shouldn’t miss out on these moments.
“Come on, let’s go find your mom. I bet she needs some snuggles.” I carried Nova into the house and found Miri where I’d left her. She brightened at the sight of her daughter. “I think this lug belongs to you.”
Nova laughed as I set her down.
“She’s ready for a nap.”
“Me too,” Miri said as Nova rested her head on Miri’s leg.
Instead of watching them, and burning the image into my mind, I stepped back and took a picture of them. Nova would need it for later.
Back outside, I sat next to my mom again and held her hand while we watched Weston and Cutter work. When they needed us to move, we did, and set the rockers up in the yard.
“I’ll stay as long as you and Miri need me.”
“Thanks. I will have to run back to Boston sometime this week and get some things. Maybe I’ll take Miri with me, just so she can get away for the day.”
“Your dad will be up next weekend. I told him about Wes rebuilding the porch, and now he’s concerned with whatever else might be wrong.”
“Everything,” I muttered. “This house is a money pit.”
“We’ll get it fixed up.”
“Yep, just in time for her to die and not enjoy the house she loved so much. Just in time for us to sell. What a fucked-up situation.”
“Indeed, it is.”
In between cutting and hammering, Cutter came over to me. “Eleni said she can come for dinner.”
“That’s great. Do I need to go pick her up?”
Cutter shook his head. “Her mom will bring her, and then maybe we can take her home.”
“That works.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t tell her about my mom yet.”
“No one says you have to tell anyone anything,” I told him. “It’s your news to share when you feel comfortable.”
He nodded. “I also invited Coach for dinner since he’s doing all this work.”
I glanced at his coach. His arms flexed each time he lifted a board. He met my gaze and smiled, which normally I would have appreciated. Except what Miri had said earlier echoed through my mind, and I couldn’t get past it. Was he here because he liked me or because of Miri? Was it a little of both?
Cutter cleared his throat, and I looked at him. “I’ll make sure to get enough pizza for everyone.”
“Thanks, Toni.”
“You’re welcome.”
Cutter went back to work, and once he was out of earshot, my mom leaned over. “He’s going to take it the hardest, and he’s going to take it out on you because you’re the closest person to his mom.”
“Yep.” Fun times ahead. I sat back and sighed. Maybe I could get Miri to say something to Cutter, like some deathbed promise, anything to save mine and Cutter’s relationship.
Chapter 13
Weston
When I’d set out to fix the porch, I had no idea it would be with Cutter. Until I saw him walking toward me, asking him to help had never crossed my mind.
I was glad it had.
“I’ve never built anything,” he said after he’d gone in and changed his clothes. “I’m not sure what to do.”
“I’ll teach you.” I handed him the measuring tape and laughed. We were both in for a treat. This was how my dad had taught me to build. Our first build was a birdhouse. I had won a kit at some fundraiser and wanted to give it to my mom for Mother’s Day. Only, I’d never used a hammer, so my dad taught me. Our next project was a doghouse. From there, I would do odds and ends around the house, but nothing major.
We walked to the porch, where his grandma and sister sat in the rocking chair.
“Hi, Coach,” Nova said happily.
“Hey, Nova.”
“Cutter, can I play with that thing?” she asked, pointing to the tape measure.
“Later,” he said. “I’ll measure you and write your height on the wall.”
Nova beamed.
“Do you need us to move?” Carmela asked.
“No, ma’am. For right now, you’ll be okay.”
Carmela had introduced herself as soon as I came back from the hardware store. I learned she was Antonia’s mom, but the kids referred to her as their grandma. There was a story there, I was sure, but it was none of my business.
Facing the porch, I pointed to the boards that needed to be replaced. Some were rotted, while others had split down the middle.
“What we’re going to do is replace the damaged ones to prevent any injuries or further deterioration.”
“Where did you learn how to do this?”
I pointed to the first board we were going to replace and had Cutter put the tape measure down. We stretched it across the board and wrote the measurements on a sheet of paper.
“My dad,” I told him. “He was in construction and taught me how to repair most things. I’m not sure I could build anything substantial, but repairs I can do.”
“Huh, I figured you played baseball every day.”
“I did.” I huffed. “After. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything my dad did for me,” I said as we walked toward the makeshift workstation I’d set up. “But he was strict and rode my ass. I didn’t have a lot of freedom as a teen. Work and baseball, on top of keeping straight A’s because my parents couldn’t afford to send me to college without a scholarship.”
“But you were drafted right out of high school?”
I nodded and showed Cutter the rumpled sheet of paper with the measurements and then demonstrated how to measure the numbers out on the new board. Once it was marked, we went over how to properly use the saw.
“Being drafted out of high school isn’t always the best or smartest thing for a naive eighteen-year-old.”
“Really? Isn’t that like a dream come true?”
“Sure is, and the money is nice, until it’s all broken down for you, and you realize how much you have to pay an agent, taxes, rent, and living expenses. Then you see that your mid-six-figure deal isn’t a lot when it comes down to it.”
I added, “And on the other end, you have a scholarship to a top-notch college, which means a guaranteed education and some life skills, all for the price of playing the game you love.”
“You chose college?”
“I did, for the first three years. At the end of my junior year, I was drafted again. This time around, I went higher in the draft and had a much better contract.”
“So you won regardless.”
I nodded again. “I did. My parents were happy, and so was my wife.”
Cutter’s mouth dropped open. “You’re married? How come Mrs. Schmidt isn’t at our games?”
This was what happened when I got carried away in a conversation. I’d never had any intention of telling him about my wife or that part of my life. People tended to define you by your marriage and subsequent divorce, which was something I didn’t want to happen.
“My ex-wife lives in New York.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Don’t be. Here, put these on.” I handed Cutter a pair of safety glasses and asked him to recite the safety rules on the saw. He did so effectively.
“Okay, are you ready to cut?”
He nodded but looked apprehensive.
“Do you want me to show you?”
“No, I think I got it.”
I put my safety glasses on and nodded for him to continue. Step by step, he followed the instructions I’d taught him. When the saw went effortlessly through the wood, I applauded.
“Nice cut.”
“Thanks. That was sort of fun.”
I patted him on the back. “Now for the really fun part. We need to pull up the old one and pray the brackets underneath are stable and don’t need to be replaced.”
“Because that would be hard?”
“And time-consuming.” I didn’t want to tell him I was concerned about his mom’s mobility. While she could walk today, with her diagnosis, which Carmela had filled me in on, who knew how long it would be until her legs gave out on her?
“Now, we’re going to lift that board,” I said as I picked up the crowbar. “Normally, we’d dismantle everything.”
“But not today.”
“Nope.” I held the crowbar up. “Do you want to do this part?” If I were in his shoes, I would absolutely want to do some damage to whatever I could.
“Yeah, for sure.”
“Don’t break the window, Cutter,” Nova said from her perch on Carmela’s lap.
“Ha ha,” he said as he stuck his tongue out at her. I gave him a short lesson and let him go to work on getting the board up while I measured a few more. Once he had it up, we pulled old nails, and I checked the bracket for any wood rot. With everything looking and feeling solid, we hammered the new board in place.
“It doesn’t match,” Nova pointed out.
“Nope, we’ll stain it to match in a few days.”
“Grandma, you like to paint. Are you going to do it?” Nova asked Carmela.
“Yes, of course,” Carmela said. “You can help me.”
I looked up in time to see Nova nod excitedly.
Board by board, Cutter and I cut and replaced the damaged boards. At least no one would fall through any rotted boards, which I was proud of, but mostly, being able to teach Cutter how to measure, use the table saw, and build something with his hands made me feel like I had a different purpose in his life.
Antonia had asked me to be there for him, and if this was one of the ways I could, then so be it. I’d rebuild the entire house if that was what it took.
At some point, she’d come outside and sat next to her mom, with Nova now on her lap. I tried not to watch her, especially knowing she had a boyfriend. Any attraction I felt needed to subside because nothing would ever come from it, except the pang in my heart at knowing she wasn’t available.
When it came time for us to work where the rockers were, I was relieved when Cutter asked Antonia and Carmela to move. For some reason, the thought of having to talk to Antonia put a lump in my throat. Pretty asinine when I thought about it. We’d spoken before without any issues.
“Do you want to have dinner with us tonight?” Cutter’s question pulled me from my thoughts. “Toni is getting us pizza.”
“Um . . .”
“I know my mom can’t pay you for this work, so this would be like a payment.”
I nodded and accepted his invitation. The last thing I wanted was for Cutter or Miriam to think they owed me anything. As soon as I said I would join his family for dinner, he went over to Toni. He looked excited while talking to her, even though I tried not to stare.
“Everything okay?” I asked when he came back.
“Yep. Eleni is coming for dinner, too, so I was just giving Toni an update.”
