The Liverpool Nightingales, page 23
‘We don’t know that yet,’ said Maud, her blood boiling when she heard what Nancy had said about her and Alice. She could feel her heart beating faster and a flush on her neck but she needed to stay calm for Alice, who still had tears streaming down her face. She fished in her pocket for another handkerchief and passed it to her friend, removing the sodden one from her hand. Then she took a deep breath and said, ‘Look Alice, I trust Miss Houston … and it doesn’t matter now anyway, does it? The fact is that Miss Houston knows and she has said that all they want is to do the best for you and the baby.’
‘I know what that means,’ howled Alice. ‘It means she will definitely tell me to leave straight away and I will be disgraced.’
Maud put her arm around her friend’s shoulders.
‘Look,’ said Maud gently, ‘just look down at your belly. How much longer did you think that you could keep that secret? Even when you were working with me on Male Surgical you were having trouble bending down – how much worse must that be now?’
Alice went quiet, apart from gentle sobs, and she ran a protective hand over the curve of her belly. ‘I know, you are right, Maud. This thing is huge now. I even had to ask for a bigger uniform. I told them the food is so good in the dining room that I can’t stop eating it and I’ve put such a lot of weight on since I started my training.’
Maud couldn’t help giggling. ‘They would never have believed that, Alice, not with some of the stuff that we get served up.’
‘I know,’ said Alice. ‘I just couldn’t think of anything else to say.’
‘Alice, let’s face it, this baby is only going to get bigger. Now is as good a time as any for everybody to know and for you to stop having to make up stories. You know what Stella said that day, that you could go there when the time came, and if the time has come, if Miss Houston says you must stop work straight away, then so be it. But first we need to go and see Miss Houston and make things straight.’
‘You’re right, Maud, and I am sick of telling lies and keeping secrets, but you know what?’ said Alice, looking around her room with more tears in her eyes. ‘I am going to miss this place … and you and Eddy … so much.’
Maud put her arm around her friend’s shoulders again. ‘Well, you won’t be getting rid of me or Eddy just yet. We will still be seeing you wherever you go, Alice, I promise. Now dry your eyes, get your boots back on and come with me to see Miss Houston. I am right by your side, Alice Sampson, and I will stay by your side every single step of the way.’
16
‘Poetry and imagination begin life.’
Florence Nightingale
Maud held on to Alice’s hand as they stood outside Miss Houston’s door and then she knocked gently on the polished wood. They heard a soft rustling sound and a light step as someone came to the door and Maud squeezed her friend’s hand a bit tighter as the door opened and Miss Houston stood there with a smile and a real welcome on her face.
‘Come in,’ she said.
Maud felt Alice relax her grip a little and they both walked through, still holding hands. As Miss Houston was closing the door, Maud glanced at Alice’s face. She looked very worried and her head was down. Maud wanted to try to ease her friend in any way she could and, seeing the little dog lying on the bottom of Miss Houston’s bed, she guided her over in that direction.
‘Alice, you like dogs, don’t you?’ she said as they stood, still holding hands, by the side of the bed where Bob lay sleeping.
Maud hadn’t realized just how worried Alice must have been. All the time since she had found out about the baby she must have been dreading this moment, and now it had come. She must feel like the world’s falling in on her, thought Maud as they both stood by the bed and Maud stretched out a hand to stroke the little dog. He just raised his head and put it straight back down, seeming to go back to sleep instantly.
Miss Houston came over and stood next to Alice and spoke softly to the dog. Then she said, ‘Bob seems to have been very tired indeed these last few days. He can’t even get himself off the bed.’ Maud saw the dog lift his head once more at the sound of Miss Houston’s voice, and then he gave a weary sigh, almost as if the effort had been too much for him.
‘Poor old thing,’ said Alice, reaching out to give the dog a stroke. ‘He does look tired.’
‘Are you used to dogs?’ asked Miss Houston.
‘Yes, we’ve always kept a dog at home, small ones like this, terrier types … He looks like he’s a good age.’
‘He is,’ said Miss Houston wistfully. ‘He was out in the Crimea with us. He belonged to a friend of mine.’
Alice stood by the bed still stroking the dog as Miss Houston bustled over to the fire to pour hot water into the teapot. ‘Right, anyway, you two sit there, either side of the fire, and I’ll pour us a cup of tea.’
Maud had been right. She had known that Miss Houston was absolutely the best person in the whole of the hospital to handle Alice’s situation. She soon had them both sitting by the fire and Alice looking far less stricken and almost even starting to relax as she rested back in the armchair. Miss Houston insisted that they call her Ada, but only whilst they were visiting her quarters, not of course when they were out in the hospital.
‘Now, Alice,’ said Ada, ‘is there anyone out there in the city who you can turn to?’
‘Well,’ said Alice, looking at Maud, ‘there is one person who has offered help but it is all a bit unusual.’
‘Can you tell me?’ said Ada.
‘The thing is …’ said Alice, clearly struggling to say that she’d had an offer of help from a brothel.
‘The thing is,’ said Maud, ‘you already know her.’
‘Do I?’ said Ada. ‘Who is it?’
‘It’s Stella.’
Ada looked stunned for a moment and then instantly she pieced it all together.
‘Of course, she was there on the ward visiting that man, that army veteran, and she was there after I helped you get him back into bed. That was when I first saw you, I think, wasn’t it, Maud?’
‘It was,’ said Maud, pleased that Ada had remembered everything.
‘But I still don’t understand, how has all this come about?’
‘I got to know Stella a bit and she said that if me or the boy ever needed anything that we should go and find her at her place near Lime Street Station. Well, Alice here needed some advice about the baby, so we went to see her and she said that if Alice wanted she could go there until the baby comes. She said they always need help with the cooking and cleaning and they’ve delivered many a baby there in the house as well.’
‘And is that all right with you, Alice?’ asked Ada. ‘You do know what kind of establishment Stella runs?’
‘Yes, yes,’ said Alice. ‘I mean, it might take a bit of getting used to but when I met Stella, well, I really liked her and she seems to be an honest and genuine person.’
‘Yes, yes, she does, I’ll give her that,’ said Ada, again a little wistful.
‘She told me that she is your half-sister,’ said Maud, jumping in, not wanting anything to be left unsaid.
‘She is,’ said Ada. ‘I never knew her until I came back from the Crimea and then, well, we haven’t exactly been all that well acquainted until very recently. And that hasn’t been Stella’s fault. It has all been me, on my side. I have taken a long time to want to get to know her … From what I know of Stella, though, this seems like a good offer. I mean, it’s probably your only offer so there isn’t much of a choice, but I feel that you will be well looked after there and I will fully support that as a plan. In fact, Miss Merryweather told me to make sure that we gave you some money to help try to ease your situation.’
‘Miss Merryweather knows as well?’ said Alice, her voice sounding small.
‘Yes, she does. Miss Merryweather knows everything,’ said Ada, getting up from her chair and walking over to a tall polished wood cupboard. ‘That’s the way it goes around here.’ She took a small key out of her pocket. ‘There is no need to worry, Alice. Miss Merryweather is full of sympathy and concern for all of the nurses here and she is very aware of most issues that can affect us women.’
Then Ada unlocked the cupboard and pulled out a wooden box that she brought over to where they were sitting and laid it on the table. She opened the lid of the box to reveal a number of banknotes and a small collection of items, including a mother-of-pearl brooch, a yellowed piece of paper and a lock of hair that looked soft and fine. Having counted out some of the banknotes, she closed the box lid and took it straight back to the cupboard, locking it away carefully where it belonged.
‘No, really,’ said Alice as Ada stood over her with the notes in her hand.
‘I insist,’ said Ada. ‘This is money that we senior staff at the hospital put aside for times like these. We only give to chosen ones: probationers like you with good conduct, who find themselves in circumstances beyond their control. Nurses who leave for other issues like drunkenness or stealing or bad behaviour, well, they don’t get anything from the fund, but you are going to have a baby, Alice, and this is for you. Please, please take it.’
Alice was still shaking her head so Maud stood up and took the money for her. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘We will make sure that it is used properly.’
‘And another thing,’ said Ada, ‘when you come through everything, there will be more decisions to make, but you will be welcome back here at the hospital to finish your training and continue your work if that’s what you want to do.’
‘Thank you so much,’ said Alice, almost in tears again. ‘It makes such a difference to know that might still be possible.’
‘It is possible. And once you have your qualification then there are no end of opportunities. Maud here has even been thinking about work in New York.’
‘Have you?’ said Alice as she started to haul herself out of the chair.
‘I have, but only if and when Alfred comes back,’ replied Maud, helping her friend to stand up.
‘Mmm, it is about time you finished work, I think,’ said Ada, smiling.
Then Alice got her balance and stood a bit awkwardly for a moment and Maud had a fleeting impression that her friend was going to curtsy to Miss Houston or something, but in the end she just bowed her head and went over to give the dog, still sleeping soundly on the bed, one last stroke.
‘Thank you so much,’ said Maud. ‘This has made such a difference …’
‘The dog’s breathing doesn’t seem quite right, Ada,’ said Alice, turning from the bed with concern on her face. ‘He seems to be struggling to breathe.’
Ada was straight there, checking him. Alice was right, the little dog was panting.
‘What’s the matter then, old lad?’ said Ada, gently stroking Bob’s head.
The dog didn’t even lift his head, and Maud and Alice could see that his mouth was open, he was panting, and his eyes were wide open but unseeing. Ada continued to stroke the dog’s head and then she ran her hand down along his body, speaking softly to him all the time. Then the dog started to tremble. Soon every bit of his body was trembling.
Ada took a sharp breath. ‘This doesn’t look good,’ she said, turning to the probationers with tears shining in her eyes.
‘Is there anything we can do?’ asked Maud.
‘Not really,’ said Ada, her voice sounding small. ‘He’s been failing for weeks now. He is so old, I think he’s just dying of old age.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ said Maud, not really able to understand, never having owned a dog. Having seen how close Harry was with his, though, she realized that people must grow to have very strong feelings for the creatures.
‘It’s sad to see them go,’ said Alice, reaching out a hand to stroke the dog again.
‘Yes,’ said Ada, sounding forlorn, ‘Yes, it is … particularly when you’ve had them so long. And you know what dogs are like: they are so straightforward, they try to please no matter what. He has kept wagging his tail at me every time I’ve come close to the bed and he’s so weak now I have to lift him off and stand him up, but then he wags his tail again. It breaks my heart.’
Maud and Alice could see that Ada now had tears streaming down her face and a hand across her mouth, reaching her other hand out to give Bob another stroke as he tried to lift his head. ‘It’s all right now, it’s all right,’ she said. ‘You get some rest … you rest … You can’t go yet, you need to stay a bit longer. John will be back in a few months.’
Maud and Alice exchanged glances, both of them understanding in that moment that they had glimpsed something from Miss Houston’s past, something very private. As Ada continued to gently soothe and stroke the little dog he closed his eyes and seemed to slip into a deep sleep. Then they could see his legs going, as if he was running, and he kept trying to bark but the sound wouldn’t come out properly.
‘He must be dreaming,’ said Alice.
‘Yes, he does have this dream sometimes,’ said Ada quietly, and then she turned to them with tears still streaming down her face.
‘Do you want us to stay?’ said Alice.
‘No, no, that’s all right, girls,’ said Ada, wiping her eyes with the flat of her hand and then squaring her shoulders. ‘I will be all right. I’ll just sit with him.’
‘Are you sure?’ said Maud.
‘Yes, yes, you two go. Go and see Stella. Tell her that I will support the move to her place and, both of you, take the day off tomorrow so you can get everything sorted out. I have cleared it with Miss Merryweather. We both agreed that there was no need for you to go back to the ward, Nurse Sampson. Sister Cleary is fully aware, and we have also spoken to Sister Pritchard for you, Maud, as well, so that you can take the time.’
‘But I’ve only just been off after—’
‘It is absolutely fine, Maud. Sister Pritchard is very pleased with your conduct and your hard work and she will look forward to having you back on the ward, but tomorrow you need to assist Alice with the move and make sure that she gets settled at Stella’s place.’
Maud nodded. It felt so good to have the reassurance and the support of all these senior staff. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I will work extra hard when I get back on the ward.’
‘I know you will, Maud,’ said Ada firmly, and then she turned back to the little dog. But as they moved away towards the door she called, ‘I’ll look forward to hearing news of you, Alice.’
‘Thank you, Miss Houston,’ said Alice, smiling. Then the two girls opened the door quietly, almost holding their breath, and stepped out of the room. Once they had clicked the door shut they looked at each other. Maud saw the relief on Alice’s face and she knew that everything was going to be all right.
‘That is so sad, though,’ said Alice as they walked back to the Nurses’ Home. ‘Poor little dog, poor Bob.’
‘Yes,’ said Maud forlornly, ‘but I suppose he has had a good life and a very long one as well for a dog.’
‘True,’ said Alice. ‘It’s just that you wish that a dog – your own dog – could live the same length of time as a human so that you could always have it around.’
‘I see what you mean,’ said Maud, ‘but it’s time for him to go. I mean, if he was out there in the Crimean War with Miss Houston that was, what, fifteen years ago? He must be at least sixteen years old, probably more.’
‘Mmm,’ said Alice, thinking things through. ‘I heard from some of the nurses that Miss Houston’s dog had got blown up in the war and she saved its life. Or did it save her? I can’t remember which way round it was now … and somebody else said that the dog, Bob, had belonged to a soldier, her one true love, and he had been in the Charge of the Light Brigade. I wonder if that was the John she was talking about?’
‘I don’t know. I think that just slipped out,’ said Maud. ‘I have no idea who that is. He might be somebody else, and I wouldn’t believe any of those stories if I were you. You know what this place is like for stories: there’s always any number of different accounts about one thing. People just make things up the whole time.’
Seeing Maud’s serious face, Alice smiled. ‘There’s nothing wrong with a bit of imagination though, Maud, is there? Or a bit of romance.’
‘Yes, but let’s not go telling any stories about Miss Houston. What she said to us was private, so it goes no further.’
‘Of course,’ said Alice, taking her friend’s hand.
‘Right then,’ said Maud, ‘so that’s straight. Now, about tomorrow: I’ll go over to Stella’s place in the morning after breakfast to check with her that it is still all right for you to go and stay there. While I’m away you get everything packed. And let’s put our uniforms on in the morning and go to the dining room as usual so that Nancy doesn’t cotton on. We’ll tell Eddy tonight, of course, and I’m sure that the rest will soon find out, but let’s keep it to ourselves for the time being.’
In the end Maud decided to help Alice sort out her room after breakfast. They had told Eddy that evening, as planned, as soon as she got back from her outing into the city. She had gone quiet for a bit, not worrying about the baby, she said – she was excited about that; she was excited about the whole thing – but she was sad to see Alice leave. She had got used to her being in the next room and she knew that once she was living at Stella’s place, then it would feel different and they would all miss her. That set Alice off crying again, and then Maud started until they were all crying together and there was nothing else to do except start to laugh.
‘We’ll be all right, though, us three,’ said Eddy. ‘We’ll always stick together.’
‘We will,’ said Maud and Alice together.
So come the next morning Eddy went in after breakfast to say goodbye to Alice. They had to try to keep quiet as they didn’t want Nancy to come sniffing round. She was out every evening. They often saw her go, all dressed up, but they never saw her come back. Did she even come back? She just turned up each morning in her uniform like she had been tapped out of a mould, all perfect and ready to go to the ward. Eddy thought that she wasn’t a real person, she was some kind of machine and if you tapped on Nancy’s head there’d be a hollow sound as if it was an empty copper pot.
