The Liverpool Nightingales, page 20
Maud shook her head and she started to say, ‘No, no, don’t—’ but then she saw the woman smile.
‘No, it is all right. I mean, I’ve had me three score year and ten, and then some more, and that husband of mine – he went thirty years ago. No, I’ve lived longer than anybody in my family has ever, so I’m content with that. I’ve still got three of my six children. Two got caught by the diphtheria when they were little and another drowned at sea – he left five children of his own. So I’m lucky I’ve still got three of my children and they’re in work; they’ll look after me. And now that I’ve told you about the baby, it’s like I said, a weight seems to have lifted off me.’
Maud smiled. ‘I’m glad that you told me. Thank you for that,’ she said.
‘No, thank you,’ said the woman. ‘Thank you, Nurse. I know it’s your first day on the ward – I’ve been here two weeks and I’ve never seen you before – but with your lovely face and your kind eyes you have really helped me today. Some people think that old women like me have lived so long we don’t feel anything any more. But they’re wrong. We feel all the sorrows of the world, and we have all got so many of our own to bear as well. So I thank you, Nurse, for listening to me today. What is your name? Then I can remember you.’
‘Nurse Linklater,’ said Maud.
‘Well, I’m Martha,’ said the woman, ‘and I can see Sister Pritchard coming back down the ward, and I know that she is one of the kindest people on God’s earth but she is a real stickler, so you’d best get moving and get on with the work.’
‘Thank you,’ said Maud, with a conspiratorial gleam in her eye. ‘I’ll come back and see you later.’
Martha smiled at her and then Maud saw her rest her head back on the pillow and close her eyes.
‘Nurse Linklater,’ said Sister Pritchard, ‘is Nurse Pacey still with Lil?’
‘Yes, she is,’ said Maud. ‘Do you want me to—’
‘No, no,’ said Sister, ‘leave her for as long as the patient needs.’
And in fact it was an hour or more before Eddy emerged from behind the screen to say that Lil was ready for them to take the baby away. Sister Pritchard had given strict instructions to Maud that they must let the woman hand over the baby to them, not to take it from her, and that’s exactly what they did – well, what Eddy did.
‘She called the baby Florence, after Florence Nightingale,’ said Eddy.
‘Really?’ said Maud, looking at her friend with raised eyebrows. ‘Is that a good idea, to name her? Will that not make it harder for her to forget?’
‘I don’t think so, Maud,’ said Eddy straight out. ‘The thing is, she won’t ever forget what happened here today. It’s important to remember these things, and having a name for the baby will make it easier for her to remember, that’s all. She will be glad that she at least gave her a name and was able to spend some time with her.’
Maud understood instantly what Eddy was saying and, in that moment, as she looked at her friend standing there in the sluice with her nurse’s cap skew-whiff on her head and that look of wonder that she always seemed to have on her face, she knew that Eddy was very probably one of the wisest women on earth.
‘Well, you’ve both had quite an introduction to Female Surgical,’ said Sister Pritchard later that day. ‘You did well. Something like that is not easy to deal with and it isn’t something that every nurse can manage. But, Nurse Pacey, the way you were with that woman, I think that you managed it all very well. I’ll see if you can spend some time on the lying-in ward. Is that all right?’
‘Yes,’ said Eddy, breaking into a smile. ‘Yes, indeed.’
‘And Sister Law has already told me about you,’ said Sister Pritchard, turning to Maud. ‘We will make sure that you are given the opportunity to work in theatre as often as you can.’
‘Thank you,’ said Maud, grateful that she was not going to be sent to the lying-in ward. She wouldn’t relish witnessing something like today’s birth again.
As they walked back at the end of the shift Eddy was all excited and full of what had happened that day but Maud just felt numb. She wished that she could be more like Eddy, who seemed to be able to feel for people –really to feel for them – but then get herself back to normal as well afterwards. Maud had been thinking about that baby all day long and then she’d been worrying that Alice’s might be about the same size by now, and what if something happened to her baby? What if it, too, was born too early? And so she told Eddy that she wouldn’t be coming for tea, she wasn’t all that hungry.
‘Come on,’ said Eddy. ‘At least try.’
Maud shook her head but then seeing the look on Eddy’s face, with her big eyes pleading like a puppy, she couldn’t say no to her.
Even though she knew that she should eat something she could manage only a nibble of bread and couldn’t even face a sip of beer. She had to give it all to Eddy. She sat through the whole meal, listening to Eddy chatter on while the stuff from the ward was still playing in her head and she knew that she would need to do something to shift it or she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. She realized, although she tried to resist even thinking about it, that there was only one thing that she could do that might distract her: something that had kept coming and going in her head all day long, something that she knew for a fact was absolutely the wrong thing to do, but she was desperate for distraction. Desperate.
So after Eddy had put on her hat with the red silk flowers and gone into the city that evening, Maud got herself changed and set out on her own mission. She knew exactly where she was going, even though it wasn’t anywhere near the right thing to do. She was going along to the park to find Harry and watch him fight. As she walked she kept trying to talk herself out of it. Why would she want to see two men battering each other, especially since one of them was someone who, despite herself, she was starting to have feelings for? But it seemed like the more she tried to talk herself out of it, the more determined her feet were to keep walking in that direction. She could not stop. But when she reached her destination, the place was deserted. Just empty grass with some patches worn to bare earth and some handbills blowing around in the gentle breeze.
She picked up one of the handbills and there was the answer. Scrawled writing on the piece of paper read, ‘TONIGHT’S EVENT CANCELLED. WILL TAKE PLACE ON …’ and the date was the following day. Maud couldn’t be totally sure the event referred to was the one that she’d been hoping to attend, but she’d heard that these fights weren’t really meant to take place, and might even be illegal, so it was very likely. Well, that just shows you, Maud, she thought. It was not meant to be and you have been saved from yourself so that is that. Promising herself there and then that come the next evening she wouldn’t even be thinking about Harry Donahue or his dog, she wandered back to the Nurses’ Home at something of a loose end. On a whim, having not checked her pigeonhole for mail for a few days, she walked over to have a look as soon as she was back through the door. It was stuffed full of things for Miss Langtry as usual, but sticking out from all of that was a cream vellum envelope for her. A letter from Miss Fairchild.
Maud pulled it out with excitement, she was desperate for news of Alfred, anything that would distract her, so she tore at the envelope to get at it as quickly as possible. But as she read, she felt her legs buckling underneath her.
Dear Maud,
I called to see you, only to be told that you had gone out. I am so sorry to tell you this news by letter and not in person but I needed you to know straight away. Our dear Alfred has gone missing from the school. When I went up there today I was told that he had disappeared without trace yesterday. No one saw him go, no one has any idea where the poor boy is. I am so sorry.
All I can suggest is that you and I make enquiries where we can. Please would you ask anyone that you know to be on the lookout in the city? I hate to say it but I fear the hand of Mr Greer in all of this. I have been down there today to see him and he denies all knowledge. He said that he has been ill recently and in hospital and he had seen you, so I wondered if you had any thoughts. I don’t trust him one little bit.
I am in despair, Maud. Please come and see me as soon as you can.
Ever yours,
Constance Fairchild
Maud crumpled the letter in her hand and leant forward with a hand against the wall, supporting herself. She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her by a single blow. Thoughts spun through her head. Where could he be? Who has done this? And all the time a feeling of crushing anxiety bore down on her until she almost cried out in pain.
‘Maud,’ said a voice behind her, and then Alice was there, cradling her. ‘What is it? Please tell me.’
Maud couldn’t speak. She just turned to face Alice and then clung to her friend with tears streaming down her face. Then, after a few minutes, knowing that she had to take control of herself, she stood back from Alice and handed her the crumpled letter to let her read for herself.
‘Oh, Maud,’ said Alice, a hand coming up over her mouth, ‘whatever are we going to do?’
Maud wanted to go to see Miss Fairchild there and then, and she was heading for the door before she heard Alice pleading with her to wait: it was far too late now, she would never be back in time before the door was locked and she didn’t need a strong reprimand to deal with alongside all the anxiety over Alfred.
‘Besides, look at the state of you. You’re not fit to go off walking through the city at this time of night,’ said Alice. ‘You need to stay here for now. Go and see Miss Fairchild tomorrow.’
Maud reluctantly turned back from the door. Of course Alice was right. So she climbed the stone stairs to the gallery with her legs feeling heavy and her head bowed. Alice wanted to take her arm to help her along but she insisted that she could manage and was even able to go along to Alice’s room and sit on the bed with her for a while before being forced to admit that she needed to get to bed and try to get some rest.
Meticulous as always, Maud removed her nurse’s cap and placed it square on the chest of drawers. Then she took off the uniform and hung it straight, before at last sliding into bed and burying her face into her pillow so that she could have a silent cry. She could almost sense that Nancy was listening to her every move from across the corridor. There was no way on earth that she wanted to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was in absolute despair over the disappearance of Alfred.
14
‘People often say to me you don’t know what a wife and mother feels. No, I say, I don’t and I’m very glad I don’t.’
Florence Nightingale
Alice must have spoken to Eddy because she bounded straight into Maud’s room the next morning telling her that she was sorry to hear the news, and she would help her to get dressed and take her to the ward.
As soon as they got there, however, Sister Pritchard took one look at Maud’s face and demanded to know what was wrong. Sister listened carefully and then said she had an idea. She wanted Maud to go to see Miss Houston, not in her office, but in her quarters, which was where she would be at this time of day.
Afterwards Maud would not even remember finding her way there, but somehow she presented herself in front of Miss Houston, whose companion was a little white dog with a brown patch over one eye, wagging its tail and making a fuss.
‘Go on, Bob, go on,’ said Miss Houston, shooing the dog back into her room and then walking over to the bed and patting the bottom of it for the dog to jump up and lie down.
‘Sorry about that, Nurse Linklater,’ she said. ‘He’s getting very old, but he still likes to make a fuss.’
Maud asked why Miss Houston had a little dog in her room and the superintendent told her about it belonging to a friend that she’d had out in the Crimea. Something like that – Maud couldn’t quite remember all the details afterwards.
She did remember Miss Houston taking her hand and leading her over to an armchair next to the fire and giving her a cup of hot tea, placing it on a small table next to the chair. And then she was telling Miss Houston everything, before falling completely silent.
Maud wasn’t sure how long she sat but eventually she looked up at Miss Houston and said, ‘I had a dream that I could find work at the Infirmary for Women in New York, and I’d planned to take Alfred with me.’
‘I can understand just how worried you must be,’ said Miss Houston, ‘but hold on to that dream. It’s a good one and it might still be possible. Alfred could have wandered off somewhere. It is much more likely that he is safe than not. We just have to work out how to find him. There are many places that a boy could be in this huge city. What you need is a plan.’
Maud lifted her head but, despite Miss Houston’s attempts at reassurance, she remained desperately anxious. She knew Alfred: she knew that he loved his lessons at the school and she knew that he wouldn’t just wander off into the city. There was someone responsible for all of this. It was too much of a coincidence that Greer had been admitted to the ward and he had confronted her about the boy. Someone had told him where the boy was, and she knew almost certainly that person was Nancy.
Miss Houston listened very carefully to everything else that Maud had to say and in the end she agreed that Mr Greer probably had a hand in Alfred’s disappearance and he may well have asked about the boy and enquired if anyone knew where he had gone. Maud didn’t mention Nancy’s name. She knew that she would have to deal with that issue on her own for now. Nurse Sellers always presented as someone completely beyond reproach and as far as most of the senior staff were concerned she could do no wrong. Maud didn’t want to be seen to be making unfounded accusations.
‘What you need is some time to go up and see your friend, this Miss Fairchild, and then take it from there,’ said Miss Houston. ‘Take the rest of the day off. I will clear it with Sister Pritchard.’
Maud opened her mouth to protest but Miss Houston insisted and in the end Maud had to accept. She needed time to start the search for Alfred.
Maud was very grateful for Miss Houston’s understanding and, not wanting to take any more of her precious time, she stood up to leave. The little dog lifted his head and she went over to the bed to give him a quick scratch behind the ears and then she thanked Miss Houston before leaving, clicking the door shut behind her. As soon as Maud heard that click it was as if something snapped inside of her and she knew that there was no way that she would be able to stop herself from seeing one more person before she made her way to Devonshire Square.
None of the nurses batted an eyelid as Maud marched on to Female Medical. It was common for probationers to be sent with messages or to pick up equipment. She walked straight in and down the centre of the ward and luckily she spied Nancy heading into the sluice. Maud followed her in without hesitating.
Nancy turned around instantly and Maud registered the shock on her face and then the glint in her eyes.
Maud held her gaze and there was silence for a few moments. Then she saw that Nancy was about to speak so she cut her short. ‘You know exactly why I’m here, don’t you?’ she said, still holding Nancy’s gaze.
‘I have no idea what you are talking about,’ said Nancy, starting to smirk.
‘Oh, yes you do,’ said Maud. ‘You know full well that Alfred has gone missing from the Blue Coat School. I can see it in your face.’
‘Tut tut, Nurse Linklater, it sounds like you might be losing your very small mind. I know nothing of the sort. Why would I know anything about that rag-tag boy? I do, however, remember telling you that the likes of him would do no good at a place like that.’
‘Well, we’ll see about that,’ said Maud, not deterred in the slightest by Nancy’s outright lies.
Nancy glanced down to the floor and then looked up with another smile. ‘Oh, there is one more thing. A patient who was on Male Surgical recently – a man I know you are acquainted with, a Mr Greer – has made a complaint to Sister Law that some money of his went missing when he was on the ward and I am about to tell Sister that I saw what happened that day … I saw you take that money, Maud, and Sister will believe me. I can make sure that she believes me and—’
Maud stepped forward and grabbed Nancy, pushing her back against the sink and then ruthlessly patting her down to find the pocket in her uniform. She was right: she felt the hard outline of the flask straight away and she was so quick and Nancy was so shocked that Maud had it in her grasp and pulled out of that pocket and she was stepping back before Nancy knew what had hit her.
Maud unscrewed the lid and there was no need to even take a sniff. The smell of the liquor hit her nostrils straight away.
Nancy growled at her and tried to grab the flask and they were locked close together again, so close that Maud could see Nancy’s dilated pupils and smell the remains of her floral scent from the night before, but Maud had the flask held fast and there was no way that she was letting go.
‘Make one more move, Nancy Sellers, and I will yell for Sister Fox to come in here right now. There may even be some traces of that paint you put on your lips on the neck of this flask as well.’
Maud could see with some satisfaction that Nancy’s breathing was rapid and her face was flushed. For once she had lost her composure.
‘Right,’ said Maud, ‘now I have your attention I will ask you a question. Did you tell Greer where Alfred was going when he was discharged?’
