The Liverpool Nightingales, page 14
Maud was shocked by the direct way he spoke to her and even more so that he had taken the time to find out her name. What with all the excitement of the theatre and not having had any breakfast and now this – this ridiculous man with his twinkling eyes looking straight at her – she started to feel a bit swimmy in the head and she had to take a firm grip of herself there and then.
She took a deep breath and said briskly, ‘Thank you, Mr Donahue. Just doing my job.’ She made to move away but he grabbed her hand. She looked wildly around, expecting Sister Law or Nancy to come by at any moment and find him holding on to her hand in the middle of the ward. Such inappropriate behaviour. She tried to pull away.
‘Now just a minute, Nurse Linklater,’ Harry said, ‘I want to say, you might just be doing your job, but I’ve seen how you do your job: your dedication to that man over there and the way you try not to show your feelings on your face but they come out through your eyes.’ He was staring into her face now. ‘Your eyes are like deep, warm pools.’
‘Now that’s enough,’ Maud said, pulling her hand free and walking away before he could see the red flush on her cheeks.
‘I’ll be seeing you again, no doubt,’ he said to her back as she retreated up the ward.
Maud continued to walk and pretended not to hear him. She continued to walk with her heart pounding and her face bright red. When she got to the sluice door she made a humph sound, saying to herself that she knew his type and that was how a man like him was with all women, even the plain ones like her. I can’t let myself fall for the tricks of such a man, she thought, too handsome for his own good and with the gift of the gab. Then, shaking her head, she thought, well, anyway, I wouldn’t stand a chance with someone like him, ever.
9
‘Ward training is but half the training … The other half consists in women being trained in habits of order, cleanliness, regularity and moral discipline.’
Florence Nightingale
Miss Merryweather had shown Maud where the pigeonholes for nurses’ mail were on the first day and she had checked dutifully every day, just in case there was a letter. Only once had she had a note from Miss Fairchild and nothing since, but she still checked each morning and evening. She shared a pigeonhole for the letter L with a Miss Lord and a Miss Langtry. At least, theirs was the only mail that she had seen. Miss Langtry seemed to get a great many letters and sometimes a postcard, whereas there had been only one for Miss Lord, the same as for Maud. No surprise really: who else but Miss Fairchild would send her mail? With her mother and grandmother both dead and gone, there was no one else.
So when she saw a letter that day in the same cream vellum envelope she knew at once who it was from and she was right. It was a letter from Miss Fairchild and, as before, it was about Alfred.
Dear Maud,
Alfred is settled at the school and he has started his lessons. He is enjoying them. I have bought him some new clothes and he looks very smart. I told him that you would be visiting when you can. I know that you are very busy and I hope that the nursing is going well. Just to let you know there is no need to worry, I will keep an eye on things.
Kind Regards,
Constance Fairchild
Maud couldn’t help but smile when she saw the name. Even after all the years that she had worked with Miss Fairchild she had never known or thought to ask what her Christian name was, but seeing the name now, she thought how ‘Constance’ sounded just right for Miss Fairchild. In the same way, she had always thought that ‘Maud’ was just right for her. She was Maud and that was that.
It was good to hear news of Alfred and she was planning to go up there to see him as soon as she could. She felt a niggle of guilt in the pit of her stomach that she hadn’t been able to go yet, but at least Miss Fairchild – Constance – was keeping an eye on him. She was just trying to work out when would be the best time for her to take a trip up to the school when she saw Alice come in through the door of the Nurses’ Home, looking tearful and in a terrible rush.
Maud stuffed the letter in her pocket and headed after her, just catching up as she was about to climb the stone stairs to the first-floor gallery.
‘What’s wrong?’ she said, slightly out of breath.
Then Alice grabbed her and clung to her like a child, sobbing on her shoulder.
‘Alice, Alice,’ said Maud, ‘look, just try to calm down and tell me what’s wrong.’
But still Alice couldn’t speak.
‘I know you’ve been working all day with Nancy so I’m thinking that she’s been saying something else to you,’ said Maud quietly.
Alice nodded and continued to cry, her nose running. Maud produced a neatly folded linen handkerchief from her pocket and Alice took it to wipe her eyes and then her nose. Then she was able to speak but only in a whisper.
‘I wanted to come down the ward to help you when we finished – it wasn’t all that busy at the top end of the ward – but she started ranting on at me, saying that I preferred to work with you, saying that I wasn’t a good friend and then she said that it was probably time that she told Sister Law about me, told her about the baby … Oh, Maud, I’ve been so worried all day and I couldn’t come to you on the ward; she was watching. I don’t know where she is now. Where is she?’
‘Right,’ said Maud, suddenly feeling absolutely furious, ‘I don’t know where she is but if she’s up there in that room I will deal with her.’
‘No, no,’ Alice almost shouted, ‘it will make things worse. Please, please, Maud, don’t say anything to her,’ she begged, bringing her voice right back to a whisper.
Seeing her fraught face, Maud took a deep breath and got a hold of herself, saying in a quieter voice, ‘It’s all right, I won’t say anything. I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to do,’ but all the time her heart was pounding and her right hand was balled into a fist. ‘Come up to my room,’ she said. ‘We can’t talk here.’
Alice nodded and then Maud led the way up the stairs. As she reached the top she couldn’t be sure but she thought she saw the door to Nancy’s room click shut ever so quietly and when she looked at the door she sensed the too-heavy silence that lay behind it. She didn’t say anything to Alice; she didn’t want to lay even more worry on her.
‘No, let’s go to my room,’ said Alice, also glancing at Nancy’s door.
Once they were behind the closed door of the room Alice collapsed on to the bed, lying flat on her back and staring up at the ceiling. Maud sat herself down at the bottom of the bed and waited, not saying anything, just giving Alice some time.
After a few minutes Alice sat up, swung her legs over the edge of the bed and said, ‘I’ll have to get this uniform off. It’s getting so tight, I can’t breathe.’
‘All right,’ said Maud, ‘just do what you need to do.’
So Alice pulled the bodice of her uniform off and let it drop to the floor, unfastening the stays that held her tight before undoing the skirt of her uniform and slipping out of it, handing it to Maud, who got up to hang it straight so that it would be respectable for the next day.
Then Alice stood by the bed, just in her shift and her undergarments, running her hands over her belly and having a scratch under her breasts.
‘Sorry,’ she said, remembering how Maud was about seeing naked flesh, ‘I always do this as soon as I get back from the wards. I just feel so confined in that uniform and it’s getting so tight. This belly of mine is really starting to grow now,’ she added, lifting up her shift to show Maud the full extent of it.
And then she started crying uncontrollably again. ‘Look at it, Maud, just look at it. It’s growing so fast, soon everybody is going to know. Everybody.’
‘There, there,’ said Maud, holding on to her friend’s hand, a bit shocked herself to suddenly see a full expanse of bare belly and to see how big it was. ‘But it looks beautiful. Yes, it’s big and you know there’s nothing in the world anyone can do to stop it growing, but, Alice, you look so fine.’
‘It doesn’t feel fine,’ wailed Alice. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘Hush now,’ said Maud, gently pulling Alice’s shift back over her belly, ‘Sit down on the bed and let’s both have a think about things.’
So Alice sat on the bed and Maud snuggled up next to her, soothing her and stroking her arm until her friend had got back some control.
‘I bet it’s a relief to get those stays off,’ said Maud at last.
‘It is,’ hiccuped Alice, and then she cradled her breasts one in each hand and said, ‘These are so tight and sore all the time, honestly, they feel like they might just explode.’
‘Poor you,’ said Maud, putting an arm around her shoulders. ‘Are you still being sick?’
‘Only once a day now, so that’s much better … but I don’t know how much longer I can carry on like this. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what there is that I might be able to do. I sometimes think I want to find out if I can do anything about the baby, if there is some way that I can make it all go away. But at other times I can’t even think of that as a possibility. I’m in the middle of it all and if it wasn’t for you I’d be on my own, absolutely all alone, with everything. What can I do?’
Maud sat thinking with her arm around her friend’s shoulders, determined to sit there until she made the beginnings of an idea start to form in her head.
‘We could go and see Stella,’ she said at last.
‘Stella?’ said Alice, turning her face to Maud.
‘The woman who visited that army veteran, do you remember? He was in the next bed to Alfred. You know, Stella: she was – she is – well, she works in a brothel.’
‘Oh, that Stella,’ said Alice. ‘Does she? Oh, I didn’t realize. I thought she just liked to dress in bright colours. Yes, she was nice, I liked her.’
‘Well, she told me that I could go and see her if I needed to, about anything.’
‘Really?’ said Alice. ‘Well, I don’t think we have any other choice, do we? I’m completely stumped and there’s nobody else that I can talk to. How can we find her?’
‘She told me she lives on Lime Street, near the station. She said to ask anyone round there for Stella and Marie’s place.’
‘Mmm,’ said Alice, lost in thought for a few moments. ‘I don’t fancy trailing round the streets of Liverpool looking for a brothel, but there might be another way. Why don’t we tell Eddy about the baby and ask her for help? She knows all parts of the city, and I mean all. She could find Stella’s place for us, I’m sure she could.’
‘Yes,’ said Maud, ‘good idea.’
That evening the door of the Nurses’ Home opened and Maud, Alice and Eddy filed out wearing their own clothes. All were dressed in sober colours. They could almost have been mistaken for a party of Sunday school teachers or young women heading for the convent if it hadn’t been for the bright-red silk flower pinned to the large hat that Eddy was wearing. But Eddy had insisted that she wear the hat to lead the way, so they wouldn’t lose her in the crowd, and it did make sense. However, both Maud and Alice knew that she always wore that hat anyway, a particular favourite, on her ‘goings-out’ into the city.
‘Right,’ said Eddy, ‘follow me and try to keep up. I know, I know, I do walk fast but try not to lose me. Lime Street is busy. I’ve already made enquiries about the place we need to find and it might be difficult if you don’t know exactly where it is. So stick with me and you can’t go wrong.’
Maud and Alice followed that red silk flower on Eddy’s hat through streets, past shops and carts and horses and stray dogs, threading their way through the people of Liverpool crowded into groups or walking alone: talking, shouting, laughing and sometimes crying. They followed along behind their friend, steadfast in her mission, dodging past all obstacles. Sometimes Maud had to push her way through so that they didn’t get lost, and other times she was at risk of being distracted by a child in ragged clothes holding a hand out to beg. But they kept going.
Then, abruptly, the red flower stopped moving and Maud and Alice almost ploughed into the back of Eddy.
‘I just need to get my bearings,’ she said, raising her chin in an attempt to see over the heads of other pedestrians and almost sniffing the air.
Maud stood quietly looking around and checking for herself on their position in the city. It was easy: they were right outside the entrance to Lime Street Station and she could feel the buzz of excitement around her as people headed into the station. She almost wished that she was going there as well, with the prospect of travel to some unknown destination, and then she nearly got her wish as a clump of people moving together and in a rush to catch a train almost swept her along with them. Disentangling herself just in time, Maud straightened her skirt and stood ready for further instruction but Eddy was still looking around, her eyes narrowed; she looked like she was on the brink of a decision.
Then, as the sounds of the clanking of metal wheels and the hoot of a train came out of the station, and a huge cloud of steam rose up into the air above Liverpool, Eddy gestured for them to move, shouting over her shoulder, ‘Right, you two, this is the tricky bit. Stay close.’ Then, walking at speed straight past the front of the station and a little way beyond, she turned right abruptly down a narrow alley.
Alice followed with Maud behind, and as Maud entered the alley she was surprised at how quiet it was. They were still so close to the main thoroughfare, but here was almost a secret passage, nestling up to the high walls of the railway station on one side and some red-brick buildings on the other. She would have liked to have taken a moment just to stand and listen to the muffled sounds of the station but Eddy was unrelenting as she kept up the pace. Already she and Alice were taking another turn into an even narrower alley and disappearing out of sight. Maud picked up her pace a little so that she wouldn’t lose them, but as she turned the corner herself she saw that they had already stopped in front of a house. When she drew level Maud could see that the house had a newly painted blue door with an impressive letter box and a stone step scrubbed so clean that it was almost white. This wasn’t what she had been expecting at all and she wondered if they had got the wrong property. But Eddy stood firm on the step and rapped confidently on the door as Maud joined Alice standing in the alley.
In moments the door was opened by an older woman with dark-grey hair tied back with a ribbon. She appeared familiar in some way but Maud couldn’t be sure. The woman looked at them without smiling, her bosoms filling out the top of a bright-blue gown. In that moment Eddy seemed to become transfixed and although she opened her mouth to speak no words came out.
‘Yes?’ said the woman, starting to scowl.
Maud stepped up beside Eddy at the door. ‘Is this Stella and Marie’s place? We’re here to see Stella.’
The woman gave Maud a good going-over with her eyes and then said, ‘Who should I say is asking?’
‘Tell her it’s Maud, the nurse from the Infirmary. She’ll know who you mean.’
Then the woman turned her head and shouted over her shoulder, ‘Stella, you have some visitors.’
‘Thanks, Ma,’ shouted Stella from the back somewhere, and then she was there at the door. ‘Maud, you have come! Did you change your mind about that job after all?’
Maud felt that familiar flush on her neck but she completely ignored Stella’s jokey remark and said, ‘We need some advice.’
‘Is it about Alfred, the boy on the ward?’
‘No, no, Alfred’s fine. He’s settled now up at the school. It’s something else.’
‘Come in, come in,’ said Stella, sensing that the matter was of a delicate nature. ‘Let’s get a brew of tea on and then see what we can do for you.’
Maud turned to Alice, who was still in the alley, looking down at her feet. ‘Come on, Alice. It will be all right, I promise.’
Stella showed them into the first room off the hall as they came through the door. It was quite a large room with some women sitting on chairs or sprawling on settees. ‘Just wait a minute in here,’ said Stella, ‘and I’ll find us a private room.’
Instantly Maud felt uncomfortable and she chose to stand with Alice at the door.
‘Sit down, sit down,’ said the women, all of whom seemed to Maud to be in various states of undress.
‘No, thank you,’ said Maud, trying to smile and then pursing her lips.
‘We’re fine here,’ said Alice, ‘thank you.’
‘Cheers,’ said Eddy, who had quickly regained her composure and was now throwing herself down on to a purple velvet settee next to a woman wearing nothing but a loose-fitting shift.
‘So …’ said Eddy, removing her hat and placing it on her lap and then turning to the woman next to her, ‘hello. I’m Eddy. Pleased to meet you.’
‘Pleased to meet you too,’ said the woman, stretching out a slim arm to stroke one of the flowers on Eddy’s hat. ‘Nice hat.’
‘Thank you,’ said Eddy, clearly pleased that someone at last was able to appreciate her fashion sense. Maud stood stiffly by the door, envious of Eddy’s easy way with people but also intrigued by the woman who sat next to her. Maud had never seen any woman who had so much paint and powder on her face. It was like a work of art.
‘How are you girls doing at the moment?’ said Eddy, looking around the room and then running a hand over the soft, purple velvet of the settee.
‘Oh, we’re doing all right,’ said one of them. ‘We’re lucky to have this place with Stella and Marie. They run a good, clean house and the work is very steady. So we’re doing well, thanks for asking. Where are you lot from?’
‘Oh, we’re all nurses at the hospital – well, we’re probationer nurses. We will be trained by next year.’
‘Crikey,’ said a woman with red hair, ‘I wouldn’t like your job. You must see all sorts.’
‘We do, don’t we?’ Eddy said, turning to Maud and Alice, who were still standing straight-backed by the door. ‘But we like that, don’t we?’
