I'll Never Stop, page 7
“That easy, huh?” I asked sarcastically.
“Yeah, actually, that easy. Think about it. You bumped into a wall. Okay, so what? You got a little stain that can easily be removed with a run through the washing machine. Sure, the shoot might have gone on a little longer than others, but you didn’t see what I saw. You found yourself at the end, and I’m pretty sure those last few shots were golden.”
“You’re just saying that. Didn’t you see how frustrated the photographer and the crew were?” I asked.
“I can guarantee you that you’re not the first to need some extra time to get it right.”
“I didn’t get it right,” I muttered. “They just gave up.”
“You didn’t see the photographer light up at the end, did you? I might not know much about modeling, but I know a happy guy when I see one. And that dude was happy as shit. I’m telling you, Eliza, you more than made up for it at the end. You’re a trooper. Never quitting and getting the job done at all costs.”
“Thank you,” I told him, feeling slightly better knowing I hadn’t fucked things up too badly. And yeah, I guess Finn was right. I’d catch up on sleep tonight, that was for sure. I knew I was crashing the minute I got home. As long as the pictures were all right, the rest could be fixed. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand before Finn pulled a napkin out of his pocket and handed it to me.
“Thanks,” I told him for the second time in less than a minute. I’d spent the entire day in a funk and the past fifteen minutes crying my heart out, and Finn had somehow managed to make me feel marginally better in a matter of minutes. Finn, folks. I repeat, Finn had done that. If I hadn’t known any better, it was like he wasn’t the same guy from high school. Someone had managed to steal that Finn and replace him with this nicer, newer, hotter version.
“Why are you being nice to me?” I asked.
“Because it’s only fun getting a rise out of you when you dish it back,” he admitted. “I’m not really a believer of kicking someone when they’re already down.”
“So, everything you said was just to make me feel better?” I asked.
“No,” he answered with a shake of his head. “It was the truth. But you needed to hear it. And I was able to give you that. But I will say this. I was worried as hell when you didn’t come out of the dressing room. I was about to kick the door down when someone said they saw you walk out this way. Look, I get why you did it. You needed a moment alone, but that’s risky, and you’re not letting me do my job. So next time, a warning.”
“You would have come with me,” I argued.
“Damn right I would have. Would have let you cry on my shoulder too. Maybe even snapped you out of this sooner.”
I couldn’t help but smile. He returned the smile.
“Thank you, Finn. Really. Thank you. And next time I need to be alone, I’ll tell you.”
He nodded before getting up. He wiped his hands down his legs, and I followed the movement. It really wasn’t fair how built he was. “Alright, you good now?” I nodded. “Let’s get out of here. I’ll get you a shake on the way home, and you can drink it before you pass out, yeah?”
I smiled again. For a douchebag, Finn was being very sweet. If only he’d always have been that way. If only…too bad if only didn’t make a damn bit of difference. Real life did. And real life had taught me to be wary.
Finn
“WHAT THE HELL is that?” I said out loud to the empty car—or seemingly empty. I’d heard a buzzing sound and was confused for a few seconds. Then I realized it was a phone, but it wasn’t my phone. Mine was in my pocket, and I tended to feel it rather than hear it.
How the hell did a phone end up in my car? And one I couldn’t even see. In my line of work, that was some shady shit right there. I was almost home, but I was too curious to wait. I pulled over to the side, got out of the car, and went toward the passenger side, where I’d heard the initial buzzing.
It took longer to do all that than to find the cell phone in question between the seat and the door. One look and I knew it was Eliza’s. She must have dropped it on her way out.
I was almost home, it was late, I was tired as hell, and I didn’t feel like taking it back to her. She could survive without it until tomorrow, I figured. But then again, in this day and age, people couldn’t live without their phones. It was like our lifelines, right? Back in the day, if something happened, we all had home phones. Did Eliza have one? I wasn’t sure. What if something were to happen, and she’d be shit out of luck on how to get ahold of someone, of me. Now I was wavering on whether to go now and give her the phone.
I turned the phone over, and her screen lit up, and I saw who the cause of the buzzing had been. A missed call from “Mom” was on her screen.
“Well, shit,” I said out loud. I didn’t mess with a few things, no matter what, and family was one of them. As much of a pain as it was, I had to trek back to Eliza’s place and give her the damn phone.
Twenty minutes later, I stared at Eliza’s place, wondering why her street looked different. Then it hit me that the power was out. No streetlamps and no lights on anyone’s front porches. I walked up to Eliza’s dark front door, rang the doorbell, and waited, then waited some more. When there was no answer after my third time ringing the bell, I got worried. My first thought was that she got scared, headed out, and had no way to call me, so she was out there by herself somewhere. I had to check, though, first.
I walked around her place, trying to peek inside, but everything was dark. In the end, I picked her lock and walked into her home. I stopped short at the whimpering I heard.
“Eliza?” I called out. “Eliza, where are you?” I asked as I pulled out my phone, using the flashlight to see where I was going as I followed the noise.
I found her in her room, curled on her bed in a tightly wound ball, rocking back and forth, her head in her lap, crying into her knees.
“Eliza, shh, it’s alright,” I said as I got on the bed with her, but she clearly hadn’t heard me because the movement spooked her. She flung her arms out, effectively smacking me in the face and causing me to drop the phone on the bed.
“Shit, Eliza, it’s just me, Finn.”
“Finn?” she asked, looking at me, her face shadowed, but I could see the tearstains on her cheeks.
“Yeah, are you alright?” I asked, inching closer.
“No,” she said with a violent shake of her head. “I can’t breathe,” she told me. “Turn the lights on,” she added quickly.
“It’s a power outage on the whole block,” I told her cautiously.
“I can’t…I can’t…turn the lights on. Make it go away.”
“Shh,” I said, putting my hand on her arm. “I’ll go find some flashlights and candles.”
“No!” she screamed. “Don’t leave me. It’s too much. It’s too dark. It’s too small here.” She was rambling, but I’d gleaned enough to realize she was probably claustrophobic, and this was an extension of it. Being in a dark place meant you couldn’t tell how big your surroundings were. It made you feel like you were in a smaller place than you were. That was what was most likely happening to Eliza. But that was just my best guess. For all I know, she was literally terrified of the dark.
“Okay, okay, I’m here. What can I do?” I asked.
“Help me, please.”
“You need a distraction,” I told her.
“So distract me,” she urged.
“Let’s see. Okay, want to hear about how I broke my arm as a kid?”
She nodded.
“Okay, I was eight years old, and I was playing tag with Bethany. I guess you could say I was really more like chasing her. Started young.” I smiled and looked over at Eliza, waiting for a snarky comeback from her, but I realized she wasn’t even listening to me. Her eyes were wide, and she was still shaking. “This isn’t working,” I muttered to myself.
“Finn, please,” Eliza begged.
“One thing will definitely distract you, but I don’t think you’ll like it,” I told her.
“Anything,” she pleaded. “Anything. I don’t care. Just make it go away.”
“Okay then.” I grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly to me, capturing her lips with mine. She was just as stunned as I was by my actions for a moment, but then her lips moved with mine. It was quick, and our mouths stayed closed, but it was fucking amazing.
And just as quickly as it started, the light flicked on, but our mouths didn’t move for a few seconds after.
Eliza pulled away first.
“Uh…” She clearly didn’t know what to say, but she was no longer scared.
“You, uh, forgot your phone in the car,” I told her, pulling it out of my pocket. “Here you go.” I handed it to her. “Well, um, the lights are back on, so I’ll head out now.”
“Yeah,” she said with a stunned nod.
Even though it was what I had desired for a long time…well, let’s be real, I desired a lot more, but it was a first taste, and I was the one to initiate it, it still shocked the hell out of me. So much so that I’d tossed all my instincts and training out the window and turned into a shy kid. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, but when I did, I kept replaying the moment in my head. And it didn’t stop when I closed my eyes to dream…dreaming of Eliza’s lips.
“WE KISSED. OR rather, he kissed, then I kissed.” I was rambling.
“Shut the front door,” Anna said, her eyes going wide.
“Fuck that,” Sam said. “Use the real words. This deserves a good old-fashioned, ‘What the fuck, Lizzy?’”
I knew it was late, but about ten minutes after Finn had left and I had gotten my bearings back, I was in total shock. Shock didn’t even cover it, actually. I texted Anna and Sam, telling them I needed an emergency video session.
Luckily for me, they were both still up.
I hit them with my news the minute their faces were on the screen.
“It wasn’t my fault,” I whined.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam asked. “Did you slip, and his lips broke your fall?”
“No, no, nothing like that,” I told her.
“Shit, did the fucker force himself on you?” Anna asked.
“No!” I said a little too loudly. “Not exactly.”
“I’m going to kill him,” Anna responded.
“It’s just that the lights went out,” I started and then paused.
“This is starting to sound like a really bad porno,” Sam chimed in, causing Anna to snort.
“Can you guys be a little serious right now? I’m freaking out.”
“Clearly,” Sam responded. “Okay, why don’t you take a deep breath and start from the beginning?”
“Okay,” I said with a nod. “Okay,” I repeated. “My street had a power outage.”
“Oh shit, Lizzy,” Anna said.
At the same time, Sam asked, “Are you okay?”
Here was a little-known fact only my family and my close friends knew, and I guessed Finn to an extent. When I was about five years old, I went to visit my grandma for a weekend. I loved staying with her. She spoiled me and let me play with all the cool old things she had in the attic. Well, on that particular visit, she had gone to make dinner while I played in the living room. I wanted to get a dress from the attic to put on and didn’t want to bother my grandma, so I just went to the attic by myself—something I’d never done before.
Why is this story significant? Fast-forward a few minutes to when I was in the attic. The door closed behind me, and I couldn’t find the switch to turn on the light. I screamed for my grandma, but she was hard of hearing. It was dark, I was trapped, and I was only five years old. The door was unlocked, but I couldn’t open it in my panicked state. It had felt like I was there alone, scared for hours, but I found out later that a few minutes later, dinner was ready, and she came to the living room looking for me. When she couldn’t find me, she went on a hunt for me. In other words, I’d only been up there for about ten minutes, but it had felt like a lifetime.
It traumatized me enough that I hated the dark, pitch dark to be exact—mostly indoors. If it was dark outside, I at least knew I wasn’t trapped.
“I’m fine now,” I told my friends. “But I wasn’t when I was about to change in my room, and the lights went out.”
Naturally, when we’d shared random tidbits about ourselves throughout the years, I’d told Anna and Sam about this. Plus, they got to experience it with me in college in the dorms one night. Fun times. Yep, that was sarcasm.
“How does Finn play into all this? And get to the juicy part too, will you?” Anna asked impatiently.
“I flipped out,” I admitted. “One minute, I was about to change into comfortable loungewear, and the next, I was curled up into a ball on the bed. I don’t know how long I was like that, but at some point, Finn showed up.”
“What? Like some magic white knight to save the day?” Sam asked incredulously.
“No, I left my phone in the car, and he was bringing it back.”
“Well, that was oddly nice,” Anna said.
“Yeah,” I told them. “Anyway, I’m not sure how or why, but he was in my room. If I had to guess, he probably got worried when I didn’t open the door. His job, of course.”
“Of course,” Anna said with a nod.
“Probably was worried he’d get a slap on the wrist if you snuck out without him knowing,” Sam added.
“Either way, he was there. And I was a blubbering mess. I don’t even remember half of what I said, but I know I asked him to help me.”
“Okay, that’s fine. Understandable. What did he do?” Sam asked.
“He kissed me.”
“Wait, what?” Anna asked.
“Um, wait, back up. Weren’t you in a vulnerable state? What a douchebag! I’m going to murder him.”
“It wasn’t like that. I mean, it was, but it wasn’t. I panicked, and he tried to comfort me, but nothing helped. So then he tried to distract me with a story, but I wasn’t listening. The last thing I heard him say was something about knowing what would distract me but that I wouldn’t like it. And I’m pretty sure I told him to go for it. So…yeah, I guess I asked him to kiss me…but in my defense, I didn’t know he was going to do that.”
“Holy shit,” Sam said.
“Holy shit is right,” Anna repeated.
We stayed silent for a good minute, all of us still processing. And then Sam spoke again. “Did you kiss him back?” I didn’t reply. “Oh my God, you did!” she exclaimed. “You kissed Finn Bahan, your mortal enemy.”
“It wasn’t like that. I was still in shock. And his lips were warm and a little minty. And I needed the distraction.”
“Was it at least good?” Anna asked.
“It doesn’t matter. The point is that I’m freaking out.”
“That means it was good,” Anna said.
“You’re blushing,” Sam pointed out. “Aw, isn’t that sweet? Wait, does this mean you don’t hate him anymore? Do you like him?”
“No!” I yelled. “No,” I repeated. “He was just there when I needed someone. And his method worked. I was thoroughly distracted.”
“Okay, then I don’t see the problem. It was purely from a logistics standpoint to kiss you. And like you said, you were in shock. Just forget about it,” Sam said.
“Yeah, he probably did too,” Anna added.
“Probably,” I agreed, but that thought hurt my heart a little. No one wanted to be forgotten…especially not me with Finn. I’d had enough heartbreak from him. For once, I wanted to be memorable. But him forgetting was probably for the best anyway.
“Okay, so don’t sweat it. The lights are back on. You look like you need some sleep, so forget the asshole and go to bed.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I told Anna.
“Good, well, now that’s settled, I have to head to bed myself,” Sam said.
“Sorry for keeping you guys up.”
“Never say sorry for needing us,” Sam told me.
“Yeah, Lizzy, we love you. If you need us, we’re here for you,” Sam told me.
“Love you guys too.” We hung up, and I went to bed and tried to forget about Finn. The keyword was “tried.” I hadn’t forgotten about him since high school, so I doubted I’d forget him now…and definitely not after that kiss.
Finn
“SHOULD WE TALK about what happened yesterday?” I asked Eliza as soon as she walked out of her door. I tended to wait for her in the car. She was typically punctual, but I was always early. I usually listened to the morning news for an extra minute or two while waiting for Eliza, but not today. I’d come even earlier, got out, and waited patiently by her door.
“Shit, Finn, you scared me,” she said after gasping and putting her hand to her heart. My eyes naturally followed the movement, zeroing in on her voluptuous breasts since they were in the general vicinity. I looked back up to see her staring at me, her face anxious, nervous even.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to,” I said. I’d gotten very little sleep, thanks to my dreams. And what vivid dreams they were. They all started with the same kiss, but they ended in a very different way. Different positions, different scenes, but they all involved Eliza and me, both naked, both very much satisfied.
I clearly wanted her. And despite the circumstance for the kiss, she kissed me back…so she clearly wanted me. We were both two grown adults, so we could handle a little something on the side, right? At least I could.
We needed to talk about it to figure that out. Or if she shot me down, which I fully anticipated, we still needed to clear the air at the very least. Of course, I’d try to convince her otherwise, but no need to be awkward. And the way we left it the night before…yeah, fucking awkward.
“We should talk about last night,” I repeated.
“I’m afraid of the dark,” she blurted out. “There, I admitted it. Now you have some dirt on me.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
She sighed. “When I was five, I got stuck in my grandma’s attic for all of ten minutes, but it was dark, and I thought I’d be trapped there forever. To my five-year-old brain, it was traumatic. And it left a lasting impact. To this day, I can’t handle being in closed dark places.”
