I'll Never Stop, page 18
And that was how I ended up at the after-wedding brunch with a post-sex glow and Sam calling me out on it.
It really was a shame I was leaving tonight.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
But such was life.
Anna
“I’D ASK HOW the sex was last night, but your face says it all,” Lizzy said, sidling up to me after spotting Sam and I.
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Aside from the fact that you raved it was the best sex you’d ever had on Friday, then proceeded to turn him down that night, which made you look like someone kicked your puppy, by the way—”
“I don’t have a puppy,” I interrupted.
Lizzy just rolled her eyes and continued. “You two were all over each other yesterday. But even with all that, just look at you, and look at you trying not to look at him, and him blatantly staring at you with a smile that says he’s the luckiest bastard, and a look that says he wants to do it all over again. Plus, I know you.”
With that, all three of us turned to stare at Clark, who was, in fact, staring at me with that exact smile and look.
“What are you waiting for?” Lizzy asked. “Go over there and make him yours.”
“Aw, she’s in newlywed bliss. Isn’t that sweet?” I asked Sam a little sarcastically, a little teasingly, and a lot happy for Lizzy. Sam laughed in response.
“I’m not saying you have to marry the guy, Anna, but come on, he’s clearly into you,” Lizzy said.
“He’s into my pussy,” I replied.
Sam might have spit out the drink she’d just taken to her lips. And Lizzy might have roared in laughter, which drew some extra attention, namely from Clark.
“That too,” Lizzy said. “But Clark isn’t the player type,” she added just as Finn found us, wrapping his arm around her, and planting a light kiss on her temple.
“What’s all the fun about?” he asked.
“Clark and Anna had sex. And now Anna is trying to hide,” she blurted out blatantly.
I threw her a dirty look.
“What?” she asked innocently. “It’s true. And Finn will have insight into Clark. I’m trying to explain that he’s not a ‘hit it and quit it’ kind of guy, right?”
“She’s right,” Finn said with a shrug. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s no saint, but he’d never get with one of Lizzy’s friends for the fun of it, too awkward, know what I mean?”
“Well…” Sam chimed in. “He didn’t actually know it was her when it first happened. Don’t you already know this?”
“No,” Finn scoffed. “Guys don’t talk about this shit. But wait, hold up, what the hell does that mean. He didn’t know when it first happened?”
“They didn’t know each other on Thursday. But they sure as hell did last night,” Sam explained with a smile.
“How the hell did you guys not know each other?” he asked. “Wait, fuck it, I don’t want to know. But yeah, he’s into you, Anna. He’d have never touched you again if he wasn’t knowing it could be drama. And with that…I’m out. Too much girly shit for one day. Love you,” he said to Lizzy, planting another kiss on her temple and walking away.
“See,” Lizzy said. “He’s into you.”
“How the hell does that help me?” I retorted. “He lives here. I live four states away.”
“Long distance?”
“Long distance is for people who are dating, not fucking.”
“So date him,” she said.
“Again…how the hell do I date a guy I physically can’t date. What? We’re going to FaceTime each other and go sit at a restaurant and pretend we’re next to each other?”
“She has a point,” Sam said.
“Oh, hush you,” Lizzy told her.
“Sorry, Lizzy, I love you to pieces. I’m insanely happy for you. But you’re on cloud nine right now, and you want your friends to be too. And we will be, but this…this is just not happening, yeah?”
“Ugh, you’re ruining my love high,” she whined.
“Just go kiss your husband, and poof, love high back.”
“Husband,” she repeated dreamily. “I’m married, bitches!” she added a little too loudly, and we laughed.
“Yeah, Lizzy, you deserve all the happiness in the world.”
“You absolutely do,” said Sam.
We chatted a little longer before Lizzy went off to do her rounds and thank her guests for coming this weekend to celebrate them. Sam and I mingled with Lizzy’s family and some of our other friends, all the while with me managing to basically run to another group each time Clark approached.
That lasted a whole, uh, hour maybe, before he finally caught me.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he pointed out.
“You’re perceptible,” I replied.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I’m leaving in a few hours back to my life, and while this weekend was great, truly, it was an escape from my reality, but now it’s time to go back.”
“Or we could escape from here instead and spend some more time in my room before you have to go.”
“Tempting,” I said, and I meant it wholeheartedly. “But that’ll just make it harder to leave.”
“You know, Anna, you’re pretty damn good for a guy’s ego.”
“Yeah, well, I tell the truth. And you, Clark, have been the best sex I’ve had…so far,” I added with a wink.
“Challenge accepted.”
“How the heck is that a challenge?”
“Well, now I have to beat my own damn self.”
“Pretty sure that’s not how it works,” I told him.
“Then how does it work?”
“It works by us parting ways amicably. This was fun. But we’re both friends by association. And I live way too far away for us to continue this anyway. So let’s just call it what it was.”
“And that is?”
“A fantasy weekend,” I told him, replaying it in my head, the stuff of book-boyfriends and rom-coms.
He chuckled. “Alright, then, Anna. I don’t say I agree, but I can understand. To fantasy weekends, and friends by association,” he said as he grabbed two drinks from a tray being passed right by us. Perfect damn timing.
I sipped my wine. Mama didn’t raise no fool.
Alcohol once, shame on me. Alcohol twice…well, shit, I’d already done it twice. Okay, fine, alcohol three times…I got nothing. I guess Mama did raise a fool. Or, you know, smart girl gone stupid because of Clark. Yeah, let’s go with that.
And then a couple of hours later, I boarded a plane, and my fantasy weekend was over. Goodbye, Clark. Hello, reality.
Two years later…
Clark
“FANCY SEEING YOU here,” I whispered into Anna’s ear, noticing the shiver that went through her body at the sound of my voice and the warmth of my touch, my hand on her hip.
I’d watched Anna walk away from me after Finn’s wedding, and I cried myself to sleep. Ha, gotcha. Come on, I barely knew her. I knew of her. I’d heard enough about Eliza’s two friends to know they were real gems.
I felt like I knew her a bit. But as if I’d watched a documentary or some shit.
Did I like her? Of course, I did.
She was sexy as fuck. Long black hair. Piercing jade eyes. Killer body, killer legs. Any guy would kill to claim her.
And I did…for a weekend, at least.
I also liked her spunk, her flirting, her carefree attitude.
I probably would have asked her on a date if that had been an option. But it wasn’t.
So she left. I sighed.
And then I moved on.
Did I rub my cock to images of her bent over the chair in my hotel room? Hell yeah. Who wouldn’t. But that was about it.
Except she came back a few months later to visit Eliza. And what do you know, we both found ourselves at dinner with the happy couple.
I got to know her better over dinner. And I liked what I got to know.
She was smart, which made her sexier.
She was funny, which made her hotter.
She was sweet, which made her humble.
Anna was a damn nice package. She had the personality and the looks.
After dinner, Eliza and Finn left. Anna and I stayed. But not long after, we found ourselves at my place, tearing off our clothes.
The sex was better than I’d even remembered.
She was a vixen.
She wanted more. Harder. Faster.
And it made me want more.
When morning came, I didn’t want her to leave.
“I need to get my things from Lizzy’s place, spend a little more time with her, and then I have to head back home. Back to reality…again,” she said with a sigh. I felt the same way. “I guess I’ll be seeing you.”
“Yeah, babe. Until next time,” I told her, and I meant it.
She and Sam came back a few months later. And what do you know? She found herself in my bed once more.
“This is becoming a tradition,” she joked after we’d finished round one.
“Good. I like this tradition.”
“You like the sex,” she said with a snort.
“That too, but I like you too.”
“Sure, buddy.”
“Go on a date with me,” I demanded in response.
“And how exactly would that work? I leave tomorrow.”
“Okay, so date tonight.”
“And then what?” she asked.
“And then we’ll see where it goes.”
“I can’t,” she said with a sad smile, shaking her head. “I just started seeing someone. It’s nothing serious, just a couple of dates, but he’s back home. He’s where I live, where my job is, where my life is. This,” she said pointing between us, “goes nowhere. I…I think I should go.”
I didn’t see her for the rest of the weekend.
And I guess things got serious with the guy. She came back once more since then, but I avoided her. There was no point torturing either of us with sexual tension…because let’s face it, there would be some serious sexual tension if we were in the room together.
But now? Now, Eliza had informed me that Anna and her boyfriend were no more. And she was back in town again…this time for a week.
I’d take every opportunity to spend as much time with her during that week as possible.
“Clark,” she said, turning to me, her smile disarming.
I couldn’t help it. I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her to me, kissing her.
“Oh…uh…that was new,” she said after we’d pulled apart, breathless.
“No, babe, it’s a long time coming.”
“Usually, the kissing comes after we’ve downed too much alcohol to think straight.”
“I’m always sober. And don’t use alcohol as an excuse. You want me.”
“That I do,” she admitted.
“Then one date.”
“I can’t.”
“Didn’t you once call us a fantasy? Let me give you a real fantasy.”
“And what happens when I have to go back to reality?”
“Not sure yet, but at least you’ll have one hell of a fantasy to dream about.”
“I’ll think about it,” she replied.
I don’t know if she really did. I didn’t take her on an “official” date, but we sure as hell spent almost that entire week together, between time with Eliza and Finn, of course.
It felt like dating.
We laughed. We learned.
I found out about her childhood, about her career, and about college. I found out all and more. I told her the same about me.
And in the end, I wanted her. More than just sex.
And she wanted me the same way, but she’d never admit it.
But I wasn’t going to give up.
“We’ll make this work,” I told her at the end of the week.
“Are you going to quit your job, leave your life behind and come move to me so we can see if this will possibly work out?” she asked. “And let’s not forget the fact that if we do try, and it blows up in our faces, shit is going to be beyond awkward for Lizzy and Finn.”
“Who says things will blow up in our faces?”
“You never know, Clark,” she said with a sad shake of her head. “You never know. And I’m willing to risk it on a maybe.”
“I’ll change your mind,” I told her.
“You might,” she admitted. “But not today. Today is over, and I have to head to the airport.”
I let her walk away, yet again.
Two years later…
Anna
“I HATE YOU,” I told Clark. I was teasing him, but I half meant it. I’d known him now for four years. And in that four years, he’d become the best non-boyfriend anyone could ask for.
What the hell did that mean?
It meant fate was a cruel and fickle bitch that liked to play with people.
He had his job, his friends, his life…and I had the same…thousands of miles apart.
Could he have moved? Could I?
Sure, I guess…but moving for someone was a commitment.
And we weren’t committed.
We were fuck buddies. An unspoken rule that whenever I was in town visiting Lizzy and Finn, we’d find ourselves in bed together.
Barring just a couple of times when either I or he were seeing someone, that was basically the gist.
It was the perfect arrangement for someone like me who didn’t particularly like to sleep around. Sex with no strings attached with the same guy continuously sounded ideal, right?
But I didn’t want no strings attached, period.
And I didn’t want no strings attached with Clark.
How could I not? He was fucking perfect.
Hot and sexy. Smart and clever. Funny and serious. Kind and generous.
I could keep going. I could tell you about how he looked at me like he couldn’t believe he was spending time with me. I could tell you about how he made it a point to be out of work whenever I was in town. I could tell you about how he stepped into a fight surprisingly a couple of times and handled it in seconds without bloodshed. I could tell you about how he treated everyone around him with respect and decency. I could tell you how he treated me…like I was everything.
So yeah…we were the non-couple-couple.
And I hated him for it. Because I wanted him…as more. And that wasn’t happening.
“You don’t sound very convincing,” he replied as he nuzzled my ear.
“Okay, how about this? Stop teasing, and start fucking. Is that more convincing?” I asked cheekily.
“Your wish is my command.”
And what a wish fulfilled.
I’d joke before that he’d ruined me for other men. We laughed it off, but I was dead serious. As sad as it was to say, whenever I found myself dating someone, I compared them to him. And no, not just in the bedroom.
Clark was…strong. My God, was he strong. And not just physically. There was an aura about him. One that said don’t fuck with me. I never felt unsure of myself or felt even an ounce of doubt when I was with him. I knew he’d handle any danger.
Yet somehow, he was so gentle with me.
Let’s not forget romantic either.
I’d never admit it out loud, but we were also doing the non-dating-dating thing. Which meant that we went on full-blown dates whenever I was in town. Just the two of us. Movies and dinners, strolling in the park, takeout at his place. We even did a boat ride on the marina one time. You get the point.
“Can you guys just make it official already?” Sam asked right before I’d come to visit Lizzy this time around. She was coming too, and the three of us were on a group FaceTime chat.
“Where did that come from?” I asked, genuinely curious since we hadn’t brought up Clark, not that neither she nor Lizzy hadn’t tried to tell me we were perfect together more times than I could count over the last few years.
“Who are you packing the sexy lingerie for?” she asked.
“Shit,” I muttered, realizing I had been holding it up, admiring it right in front of my iPad camera.
“Uh, uh,” she said with a smug smile.
“I didn’t realize fuck buddies had to make anything official. But I’ll be sure to tell him we’re officially that.”
“Come on, Anna,” Lizzy chimed in. “You guys stopped being fuck buddies a long time ago.”
“Then what are we?” I countered.
“I don’t know how to label it, but you’re definitely more than that. I’ve never seen Clark the way he is with you with anyone else. Ever. One of you guys needs to get your shit together already and fucking move. Then you can make it official, get married, and spit out a few babies.”
“Shouldn’t you be the one spitting out babies first?” I replied.
“We want to,” she replied.
“Holy shit, babe, are you serious?” me and Sam basically replied as one voice.
“Not yet, but soon. I haven’t said anything, but I’m starting to want to have a little piece of both of us. I’m just waiting for Finn to be on the same page. I don’t want to say anything, though, because I don’t want to pressure him.”
“Lizzy, if you told him to fly to the moon, he’d do it in a heartbeat,” Sam told her.
“Exactly. I don’t want him to want a kid because I do. I want him to want one because he wants to start a family with me.”
“Okay, fine, I can respect that,” Sam said.
“Me too,” I told her. “It’ll be any day, though, I’m sure.”
“I hope so.”
That effectively derailed them from talks of me and Clark, but I’d be lying if I didn’t agree with them.
But how the heck could I uproot my life for a guy who hadn’t asked me to…if I even wanted to do that?
And why didn’t he try to do the same? He could have offered. Not that I’d asked him to either.
And that’s why I hated him. But really…I didn’t.
I didn’t hate Clark…at all. And that was the problem. A very big problem.
Six months later…
“SHE LEFT,” SOMEONE said from behind me.
“What?” I asked, turning around to find a kindly older woman staring at me with pity.
