I'll Never Stop, page 6
As I said, my schedule was busy, so I guess it was easy for the time to fly by. For the most part, Finn wasn’t so bad. But he hadn’t seemed that bad during high school either. I never expected him to do what he did. I guess you could say that even while the last month wasn’t horrible, I still wanted him gone.
Could you blame me? Forget the fact that he was a walking, talking reminder of a time in my life I wanted to forget. Forget the fact that it was his actions that changed my life. Forget the fact that he turned me into a vulnerable, insecure woman—even now. He was still a douche.
Unless it was work-related—and even then, sometimes, when he actually had time to talk, all we did was argue. I swear if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he enjoyed it. Like it was some sick foreplay for him. On the other hand, I wanted to punch the smug smile off his face more often than not. It was just a reminder of why he sucked and why I hated him. The guy freaking got off on arguing with me.
Back to the point at hand. Anna, Sam, and I were bad at scheming. Our one and only idea had backfired on us, and we’d yet to think of something better. And yes, we’d discussed it several times. We were stumped.
But wouldn’t you know it…the perfect opportunity fell into my lap all on its own.
We’d had a rare free hour after lunchtime. It wasn’t enough time to go home and relax, and both Finn and I were hungry.
“Come on, princess. I know of a place you’ll like.”
“Alright, asshole. I’ll bite.”
“I bet you do,” he said with a raised eyebrow and a tone full of innuendo.
“Ugh,” I grunted. See? It was like second nature to him. “I changed my mind,” I announced.
“Alright, alright, don’t get your panties in a twist,” he said. Then he opened his mouth to say something else, and I just knew he was going to make a comment about my panties.
“Nope, nuh-uh, don’t even go there. Let’s just drop this and go eat already. I’m conceding to trying whatever food place you’re suggesting because I’m hungry. Take it as a win and shut up.”
He laughed in response, but ten minutes later, we had gotten food at a food truck that had some Asian-inspired burgers. They were incredible. And I wasn’t saying that because I was starving. They really were something else.
“My God, this is good,” I said as I moaned after my third bite.
“Right?” Finn asked.
“For once, you were.”
“You mean I’m always right, and for once, you finally acknowledged it,” he said.
“Just take the damn compliment without asking for more,” I told him.
“I’ll admit I wasn’t sure you’d like this since it’s not anything fancy, but I’ve also seen the places we get food from, so I figured you’d be okay with it.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t care if it’s fancy or not.”
“I noticed,” he answered, and for a split second, I thought I heard a bit of approval in his voice.
“Shit,” Finn said as some sauce dripped on his shirt. The only downside of getting food from the food truck was there really wasn’t a place to sit. We’d managed to find a ledge on the side where I barely fit. I ended up sitting, and he ate his burger standing opposite me.
Now that I looked at Finn, I realized his shirt wasn’t the only place that had sauce. His face had smudges, his fingers too, and he looked hilarious trying to hold his burger while cleaning his shirt because his fingers stained other spots.
I started laughing, and then it hit me. I could embarrass him this time in front of the whole world. Maybe then he’d finally tell me to take a hike. And voilà, Finn would be gone. It would be poetic justice, and it would be technically on him since he didn’t have to leave just because he was humiliated.
I put the rest of my burger on the ledge beside me, grabbed my phone, snapped a pic of him while still laughing—it might have sounded like evil cackling—and pulled up my Instagram. I was in the middle of figuring out the perfect caption to post with it when I heard Finn say, “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I said as I instinctively put my phone down by my side, but by doing so, I exposed the screen to him partially, where he could see at least a bit of his own body. I realized the minute he realized what I was doing, his eyes following my phone and then getting a bit bigger.
“Give me that,” he said, putting his hand out, indicating for me to give him my phone.
“No.”
“Eliza, give me that or delete it right now.” His tone was calm, but I could tell how serious he was.
“Nuh-uh.” I shook my head, holding my phone closer to me. He took a step toward me, and that was when I took off.
“Goddammit,” he said as I spared a glance to see him set his own burger down beside mine before he took off after me.
“Eliza, stop,” he said as I ran around the small courtyard of the building we were next to. “You know I’ll catch you.”
He was right. I knew he’d get me, but adrenaline and the desire to get a moment to post the picture made me at least try to outrun him.
I managed to evade him for an entire three minutes because the courtyard had some maze-like properties. When I ended up on one side of a hedge and he on the other, I heard him mutter, “Fuck it,” before he leaped over it. I repeat, leaped. Like a damn cat. Over a freaking hedge.
I was stunned silent as he landed a little off-kilter beside me, grabbing me to steady himself, resulting in a cliché movie moment when…dun, dun, dun….you guessed it, we fell to the ground with me on top.
“Oomph,” I said—very gracefully, I might add—as I felt his hard body under mine. And damn…what a hard body it was—in a good way. Why did assholes have to be so freaking hot? It wasn’t fair. And my own body was a traitor because for a few seconds as I lay on top of him, our chests heaving in sync from our running, shocked smiles on our face—both from the bit of fun that little scene had been and from the closeness we suddenly found ourselves in—my body was reacting to him.
Though my mind told me to stand, my body didn’t obey. It wanted to remain close to Finn and continue to feel his hard ridges against mine.
He stared at me, his eyes portraying the same thoughts as I was.
And then he smiled a little wider, and then worse, he spoke. “If you wanted to get me on my back, princess, all you had to do was ask.”
And the spell broke. I jumped off him—my phone, his picture, and my scheme all but forgotten.
“I won’t post it,” I told him as I turned and walked back to my burger. No longer hungry, I tossed the rest in the trash and walked to his car, waiting for him to join me.
A few minutes later, we were headed to my next stop and back to work mode. And I had given up.
Whatever I tried backfired. Not only did it backfire, but it also ended up with Finn and me somehow closer than close. So yeah, I gave up. Finn wasn’t going anywhere, and I’d just have to learn to live with him as my bodyguard.
Finn
I HAD THINGS I needed to take care of, things on my agenda that didn’t have to do with Eliza. Of course, during the day, I was with her, watching her, going with her, protecting her. It was harder to get things done in the morning and at night, I argued with myself. But truth be told, that was just an excuse. I didn’t expect to enjoy my time with Eliza. She was just a means to an end—a job, essentially—but I found myself drawn to her. She was beautiful, sure, but in a city like this, beautiful people were a dime a dozen. She didn’t become a famous model simply based on looks. It was her charisma that really drew people to her. A walking contradiction—at least when it came to me.
She was truly a gem with others, but a real piece of work with me. She was a puzzle I couldn’t solve, and I was trained to solve puzzles. I truly didn’t understand what I was witnessing. Why the hell did it seem like I was the only one she directed her snark at? Or was she fake with everyone else, and for some reason, I got to be the bearer of her lovely attitude? As much as I had initially believed she was a nice person to only those who benefited her, I knew it was too hard to keep that kind of ruse up twenty-four seven. Not to mention I’d witnessed her being friendly to plenty of people she didn’t have to suck up to. So, I highly doubted that was the case.
That left only two possibilities. The first was something about me, something she had taken personally. And if that was the case, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what. Unless she was upset about needing a bodyguard and took it out on me. A good prospect, but I wasn’t sure that was the case. And the other option was that she saw me as a threat. A sexual one, of course. I knew I was good looking. What? That didn’t make me cocky, just confident. I couldn’t help it if women threw themselves at me. It had been that way since before I even hit puberty. If enough people told you that you were hot shit, it had to be true. And I definitely had enough people telling me so. My only guess was that she was a hard worker and didn’t like having any distractions. And one look at me had her realizing I could be a very good distraction. She couldn’t have that, so she had to hate me ’cause she wouldn’t want me. Too bad hate had no effect on desire. Between her digs at me, I saw the way her eyes lingered a little longer or how her lips parted on their own sometimes. She didn’t even realize it, but I did. It was my job to see all these little tics a person had.
And that smart mouth of hers…damn, what a fucking turn-on. She gave as good as she got, and she served it flaming hot. Did it make me a douche to get a stiffy every time she narrowed those fire eyes at me? Possibly. Did I care? Not one damn bit.
I egged her on sometimes just because. It wasn’t just foreplay; it was fun too.
“You’re late, princess,” I told her one of the days she’d graced me with her presence.
“And you’re an asshole, but you don’t hear me calling you out on that,” she countered.
“True or false. Your nickname for me is, well, let’s see…asshole.”
“Oh, shut it,” she muttered.
“Buzz, wrong. I believe the answer you’re looking for is, ‘Sorry, Finn, for being a hypocrite, and also for being late and making you wait.’”
“You’ll be waiting a long time to hear that answer, asshole.”
“I rest my case.”
“If only,” she said with an eye roll.
“Well, princess, thanks to you, I’ll have to break some traffic laws to make it to the studio on time.”
“I’m sure you’re well versed in breaking the law.”
“As a matter of fact, I’m not.”
“I find that hard to believe,” she said.
“And why’s that?”
“Because you’re a bad boy.”
“Bad boy, huh? And how would you know that?” I asked.
“Er, I mean, you scream bad boy. All broody and vulgar.”
“Broody. Vulgar. Those are new ones. Keep having a lot of firsts with you,” I said. “Sounds like you’ve been paying special attention to me, princess.”
“In your dreams, asshole.”
“You’re definitely in my dreams, princess. But I don’t think your innocent ears could handle hearing about them.”
“Ugh,” she said, throwing her arms in the air. Whenever she did that, I knew the conversation was about to be over. I was always torn between being a little thrilled she conceded to me and disappointed our razzing was over. “Fine, whatever. I was late because my mom called me.”
“Everything okay?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“Yeah, it was nothing. Just calling to check in and see how I am. We talk quite often, but this week was especially busy, so we haven’t had more than a few minutes at a time. She figured she’d catch me before the day started. We got carried away, and I lost track of time. Sorry.” That last word was muttered with reluctance, but hey, I took it as a win.
“When it comes to family, never apologize. They come first.”
“Huh,” she said.
“What?”
“Nothing. Nothing,” she repeated with a shake of her head. “Let’s just focus on the road so we get there in time without crashing.” I wanted to know what that “huh” had meant, but I knew she wasn’t going to say anymore. I dropped it and did what she said, focusing on the road. But you can bet she’d added another layer to her puzzle. And all that did was make me want to figure her out more.
Eliza
I WAS ESSENTIALLY a workaholic. Like I’d said before, it was just the road I’d ended up taking, plus it helped pass the time.
“Eliza, you need to slow down,” Dorian would tell me often. “You’re going to burn out one of these days, and then what will I do?” he teased. “You’re my income, babe.” He’d always say that with a giant smile, so I knew he was joking. Well, sort of. His words were true, but I knew he cared about my well-being too.
When I first met Dorian, he’d seemed much older to me, a wise old gentleman. If I’d paid attention to his looks, I would have seen he was only about ten years older than I was, but he was smooth. Very smooth. I’d seen him handle people, twisting them into wanting what he wanted and thinking it was their idea. I wondered how often he had done that with me. I’d like to think we had a different relationship. After all, I was his big break, so we’d grown in this industry together. He’d taken it upon himself to come with me to many interviews, shoots, and even meetings more often than not, especially in the first couple of years. Which was also why I hadn’t felt I needed a bodyguard.
But Dorian’s schedule was getting fuller by the day, and he had started coming with me less and less. We still talked plenty. After all, he was my manager and agent in one. We just didn’t see each other as much, which I was sure was another reason the agency pushed for a bodyguard. And how I’d ended up here with Finn. Fantastic.
Well, Dorian’s words finally rang true. I’d taken too much on.
The schedule wasn’t particularly bad. In fact, it wasn’t any worse than any other day. On a scale of light days to busy, it actually fell somewhere in the middle. Definitely not a day worth crying over.
But feelings didn’t care about logic. And my feelings were no exception.
And I couldn’t even blame Finn for this one. Well, maybe indirectly I could. Having him around was definitely stressful and distracting too. You could say he was the reason I was feeling extra emotional, which caused my little meltdown. And maybe you’d be right, but at the time, Finn hadn’t even crossed my mind.
It started with a shitty night’s sleep. No particular reason either. I just couldn’t fall asleep. I tossed and turned, counted sheep, read—you name it, but nothing helped. I’d finally drifted off to sleep when my alarm rang. I was so surprised by the sound that I knocked over a glass of water I’d put on my nightstand. I might add I never left glasses on my nightstand for that very reason, but no sleep meant my mind wasn’t functioning one hundred percent.
I jumped out of bed and started moving things off my nightstand so they wouldn’t get wet before I cleaned it all up.
I was so out of it that I didn’t even have it in me to argue with Finn when he looked at me funny.
“Are you alright?” he’d even asked.
“Yeah,” I said, not having enough energy to make a snide comment like, “What’s it to you?” And even that was lame. Guess my mind still wasn’t one hundred percent there.
I zoned out in my first meeting and ended up feeling like an asshole when I had to make the guy repeat himself. I wasn’t paying attention and ran right into the doorway at the studio where I was doing an interview. I dropped ketchup from my hot dog on my shirt, and last, I was horrible at my photo shoot. You’d think I was an amateur rather than a professional model, but I couldn’t strike a pose to save my life. The poor photographer and crew had to stay later just to get the right shot, and even then, I think they just gave up and settled on something.
Needless to say, I’d snuck out the back after the shoot and found myself alone on a bench by the studio. Luckily, no one was nearby.
And that was when the tears came.
And they wouldn’t stop.
All the little things by themselves didn’t bother me so much. So I didn’t sleep well? It wasn’t the first time. So I’d been a bit clumsy? I’d done that before too. Like Dorian had warned, I was just always in go-go-go mode. At some point, my body would force me to press stop. Guess that was today. And it culminated in tears.
I sat there for a good fifteen minutes before I heard footsteps approach. “What the hell, Eliza?” Finn said, coming up closer to me before I heard his sharp intake of breath. I hadn’t looked up into his face.
A part of me didn’t want to show him I was crying, but even with my head down, it was obvious. And I knew he’d realized it because for once, he didn’t have a follow-up comment or a smart-ass remark. I felt him sit down beside me.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked. I shook my head instead of answering. “I’m going to take a wild guess and say you’ve had a shitty day.”
I snorted in response. He’d been witness to just about everything that had happened to me today.
“Shit happens, Eliza. You’re human,” he told me. “No one expects you to be perfect.”
“I do,” I countered. Looking up into his face, I saw the pity in his eyes. I think that killed me a little more. To his credit, he didn’t flinch or look at me like I was a disappointment. “I expect me to be perfect. To handle everything thrown my way. To be able to get things done without making a mess of things like I have today.”
“You had a few hiccups,” he told me with a shrug. “It happens to the best of us. You just have to take it easy, get some sleep tonight, and wake up in the morning telling yourself tomorrow will be a better day.”
