Finding Jessica Lambert, page 36
She could have stayed there all day, savouring Anna’s flavour and luxuriating in the abandoned rapture of her lover. Jess groaned again, her lips against Anna’s slick tenderness and feeling her building excitement pert beneath her tongue.
Jess relented a little but didn’t pull far away. “Sorry.” It took great effort to sound at all serious. “I got distracted. Should I get back to the interview?”
“Don’t you dare,” Anna moaned, gently cupping Jess's head and encouraging her to stay exactly where she was.
Jess didn’t hold back and dipped her face into Anna’s desire until Anna tensed into her silent thrall of oblivion and collapsed gasping into convulsions of delicious aftershocks.
Jess rolled away to sit on her feet, licking her lips and stroking gently where Anna was most sensitive. Anna looked divine, elegantly lounging on the chair, shirt undone and breasts bare, one leg hooked over the arm so that Jess's view of her glistening satiated thighs was unhindered. Jess sighed. She wished she had a painting of this view.
“So?” she grinned. “How’s my interview technique?”
“I don’t think Graham Norton would be impressed.”
But the ravaged and blushing Anna clearly was.
–
A shower and a seduction later where Anna turned the tables spectacularly on Jess, they left the flat and walked towards the coffee shop. They didn’t seem to be able to keep apart or their hands from touching for more than a second. Jess wore one of the beanie hats she’d got into the habit of wearing around town and she grinned with the sunshine on her face and Anna’s hand swinging in hers at her side. She was filled with elation and high on love and happiness, so much that she decided to bring up a prospect she’d been delaying.
“It’s the TV awards soon,” she said.
Anna murmured a response, a satisfied beam on her face lingering from their erotic shower.
“I wondered,” Jess said, “I mean, I know you’re a guest already, and you’re definitely going, and that you have a dress organised for you.”
“Uh huh,” Anna said nonchalantly.
“But. Well I hardly ever do this. And I suppose we’d look like co-stars arriving together anyway, but…” She took a deep breath. “Would you like to come with me? Like be with me? As in, each other’s dates?”
There, she’d said it.
Anna slowed their pace and they came to a stop. Jess's heart pounded in her chest. She knew Anna still worried about stepping back into the limelight as an actor herself and her exposure would be tenfold at Jess's side.
Anna turned to her, gaze fondly casting around Jess's face. “Is this our coming out to the world as a couple?”
Jess stuttered and checked her shoes, “Well, people might not assume, and like I say we’re co-stars anyway, and I have attended awards and premieres with other co-stars, and…” she peered up at Anna’s face, her eyes sparkling, her mouth curled in amusement and what Jess recognised as adoration – something so miraculous to see on the face of the woman she was besotted by.
“I want to go with you,” Jess said. “I love you and I don’t want anyone to think I’m with anyone else.” She looked Anna directly in the eye. “I don’t want rumours to start about me and other co-stars. They always do. But most of all I want to be with you.”
Anna reached up and lightly stroked her cheek.
“I’m not one to announce things like this,” Jess continued. “I don’t like the attention really. But I like things to be honest.”
“Are you sure you want to appear with a lesser-known actor?” Anna replied. “Would Femi approve? Will it detract from your hot-young thing and available status?”
Jess could see she wasn’t being serious.
“Actually, Femi approves of you no end. You keep me happy and sane.”
Anna leant forward and placed a delicate kiss on her lips that conveyed a deep sense of regard.
“I would love to,” Anna whispered.
Jess grinned, but was jittery with nerves. “It might mean you start to get more attention from the media.”
“I know,” Anna sighed.
Jess held Anna’s hands and squeezed them, unable to hide her concern and empathy for Anna’s anxieties.
“You might need to be more careful about how you travel,” Jess said.
Anna nodded, a frown crinkling her forehead.
“We don’t have to if you’re not ready.” Jess wondered if she was pushing too quickly, but Anna looked up with a face full of beguiled wonder again.
“I want to and especially for what it means to you. But,” Anna hesitated with a frown, “I think it’s time I told my mother a few things.”
“Oh?” Jess tried to keep it light. She’d heard a little about Anna’s family, most of it neutral and polite, and it was obvious there was discord.
“I haven’t seen her for a while,” Anna clarified, and she stroked Jess's cheek perhaps to reassure her. “I had to cancel the last couple of lunches because of shooting schedules.” Anna pursed her lips together. “I haven’t told her about putting the coaching on hold and taking this role for a start.”
“Oh.” Jess nodded.
“But I will,” Anna said softly. She took Jess's arm and faced down the hill. “Let’s get back to living,” Anna said, as they walked to the café. And Jess couldn’t take her eyes from her, hair flowing in the breeze, cheeks flushed from their love making and face euphoric.
They ducked into the café, blinking with the change of light. A couple of customers did a double take, but with her ordinary clothes and hat guarding against most second looks and regulars now accustomed to seeing the young star in their café, Jess's presence went unremarked.
Penny and Bibs were in their habitual booth by the window. Penny glanced up then rolled her eyes and did nothing to suppress her smirk. She scuttled out of the booth and enveloped them both with a hug, her head buried in their bosoms.
“You two,” she said pulling back, “look appallingly loved up. No need to ask why you’re running late.”
“Actually,” Jess said. She couldn’t help the stutter, “It was my fault. I needed to chat, to Anna, about something.”
Penny sniggered. “You’re such a shit liar.”
“It’s true,” Jess squealed.
“Whatever it was,” Penny said, pointing at Anna, “it didn’t put that smile on my best friend’s face,” and she spun on her heel and shot a grin over her shoulder.
Anna shook her head and they both slid into the booth seat.
“Jess!” Bibs exclaimed. The little toddler’s arms shot in the air when she saw her. “Knee!”
Jess was something of a favourite with Bibs at the moment. After Anna and Pen had claimed she was getting too big to carry all the way from the playground in the park, Jess's young fit physique had come to the rescue, and perched upon Jess's shoulders was now Bibs’s favourite mode of transport.
“Hey kiddo,” Jess said. She extracted the child from the high chair and plonked her on her lap. She was rewarded with sticky hands holding her cheeks and a slobbery nuzzle that smelled of strawberries.
Anna gave her a smile and squeezed her hand and Zehra came over promptly, clucking around her favourite customers like a mother hen. And Jess sat back in the warmth of the sunshine through the window and this bubble of affection.
This was the life.
Chapter 55.
Anna smoothed down her dress, again, and gazed into the mirror by the flat door. Her hair was pinned high and her face had a light touch of makeup. She would glam up for the awards night later, but this was to present to her mother. It was more coverage than she’d applied in recent years and would invite comment, but Anna appreciated the armour today.
She looked down at her crease-free dress that had been stroked relentlessly by her jittery hands. It reminded her of the time she prepared to inform her parents that she would be going to drama school at eighteen. She almost wished for her young bravado, obstinate teenage belief and resilience in front of the world. Age brought competence and confidence but also nuance and doubt, and of course vulnerability from failures.
Anna was suddenly aware of the stillness of the flat. She peeked up to see Jess regarding her from the foot of the bed, her hands curled over the edge of the mattress.
“Is there anything wrong?” Anna murmured, trying not to be defensive.
Jess looked away as she so often did when she needed to think through her answer and Anna waited. When Jess caught her eye there was sadness in her beautiful face.
“I might not always be the quickest at understanding people and duplicity confuses and unnerves me, but honest feelings I empathise with more than many.” She looked at Anna. “And you’re wavering. I can see your confidence slipping away,” Jess hesitated, “and I don’t know what to do about it.”
The honesty of it and its pin-point accuracy was crushing. Anna could see the mirror of her dejection in Jess.
The impending lunch had weighed on Anna for days – the prospect of telling her mother about her tentative return to acting and embarking on a new life with Jess. She was terrified of the scorn her mother could pour on it all. It wouldn’t change Anna’s mind, but it added to pressures that made life challenging.
“Walk you there?” Jess offered, quietly.
Anna nodded.
The late spring air and Jess's presence on her arm was invigorating and Anna was once again thankful for her company.
“I could have done it on my own,” Anna said gently, as they walked together along Kensington Road.
“I know,” Jess replied. “But I like hanging out with you and I’m trying to keep you relaxed.”
“Thank you.”
Jess shrugged. “This is how it works. You help me. I help you.”
The world seemed so simple when Jess said it like that.
“Do you want me to come in and say hello?” Jess asked.
Anna didn’t answer straight away.
“I’m guessing,” Jess started, “by the way you’re gripping my arm like a vice that you’re not keen.”
“Oh,” Anna exclaimed. She relaxed her fingers which were indeed embedded in Jess's bicep. “Sorry.” Her whole body had tensed right up to her neck. She stopped and blew out a frustrated sigh.
She sought Jess's eyes with a heavy apologetic smile. “To be blunt, she’s unlikely to warm to you or any girlfriend of mine. She has enough difficulty liking her own daughter. I wouldn’t wish her upon you, but perhaps you should see the person who’s compulsory in my life.”
Jess stepped closer. “Would you like to get this meeting over and done with?”
Anna nodded.
“Then I accept your challenge.”
Anna laughed. She lifted a hand to stroke Jess's cheek. “I love you.”
Jess clutched Anna’s fingers to her face. “I am so in love with you.”
“Come and meet my gorgon of a mother then.”
Jess giggled. “Great.”
They turned into a side street of well-heeled residential Knightsbridge and towards the exclusive restaurant in a four-storey town house.
“It’s almost empty,” Jess said as they walked past the windows. “There’s a group of businessmen and a smartly dressed woman with ash-blonde hair.”
“That’s probably her.”
“Oh, she’s spotted us. Make that a smartly dressed woman, with ash-blonde hair and a pissed off look on her face.”
“Definitely her.”
A waitress led them through a deceptively modest room with white walls, white table cloths and darker floor.
“Morning Mother,” Anna said cheerfully. She was determined to stay in charge of her temper today despite every needling insinuation and outright attack her mother might throw at her.
Her mother didn’t rise to meet them. “I wasn’t expecting company,” she said, her voice and face tight.
“This is Jess,” Anna replied. “She accompanied me here. I’ve mentioned her before, do you remember, and we’ve been seeing a lot of each other. I thought you should meet.”
“Pleasure to see you, Mrs Mayhew,” Jess said. She offered a hand, but Anna's mother didn’t take it.
“Perhaps another time might have been better,” her mother said, replying to Anna and seeming to ignore Jess. “We haven’t seen each other for a while and I imagine there’s lots to catch up on.”
“I’m not staying,” Jess said. Anna marvelled at her equanimity in the face of outright hostility. “I’ll see you tonight,” she murmured by Anna’s ear, then her soft lips pressed a kiss onto her cheek and Anna couldn’t help but close her eyes and enjoy the welcome comfort. “Have a good lunch both,” Jess said more loudly.
Anna had to steel herself and resist the urge to chase after Jess and abandon her mother. She heard the front door to the restaurant close and she sighed at Jess's absence.
She slid off her coat into the hands of the waitress and took her seat opposite her mother, gently leaning her elbows on the table cloth and interlinking her fingers in a graceful pose.
“Was that really necessary?” Her mother tutted.
“Was what necessary?” Anna smiled, innocently.
“The kiss? In front of everyone?”
Anna peeked round the quiet restaurant, the businessmen in the corner engrossed in conversation, and Anna was certain that no-one would have noticed.
“It was a farewell kiss,” Anna said lightly. “Hardly controversial. I’d expect Dad to do the same with you.”
That silenced her at least.
“Well,” her mother said, recovering. “Good to see you at last, darling. We haven’t seen each other for weeks have we. What on earth have you been up to? Well anyway,” she moved on quickly perhaps not wanting to hear the answer, “I’ve lots to tell you.”
And that apparently was the last her mother wanted to hear about Jess or the rest of Anna’s life.
Her mother ordered for them both, Anna accepting her suggestions without quarrel, letting the irritation wash over her today.
“Has your sister caught up with you yet?” her mother said. “Celeste’s been trying to talk to you for days.”
“I’m hoping to catch up with her this weekend. I said I’d ring.” Guilt pinched at Anna who’d been wrapped up in work and Jess and unable to take her sister’s calls.
“Well, I’ll tell you her news anyway,” her mother said with obvious excitement in her voice and leaning forward. “She’s expecting again. Isn’t that marvellous?”
“Oh,” Anna said, a genuine smile lifting her mood. “Good for her.”
“She’s had such trouble since little Toby. I thought she’d never have another at this rate. I said,” and her mother leaned in further, “she should try with help from the clinic now she’s getting on.”
“She’s only thirty-five?” Anna said, puzzled.
“Ancient for a mother. I had you all before I turned thirty, thank god. But with these clinics and procedures you could be a new mother well into your forties.”
Anna decided to be generous and assume her mother referred to the impersonal ‘you’ rather than being so very personal.
“Which is what I always point out when Cameron asks after you.”
Anna stared. So that assumption was wrong.
“I imagine,” Anna ventured, “that’s of little interest to him.”
“On the contrary. It’ll be a consideration even if he doesn’t realise it.”
“Mother,” Anna said sharply. “That isn’t appropriate.” Then she composed herself. “Mum,” she said more gently. “I’m in love with Jess and we’re living together.” There didn’t seem to be any other way to break it to her other than starkly, given her mother’s lack of interest. “Please don’t imply to anyone that I’m available.”
Silence.
“Well,” her mother muttered. “As long as you’re happy.” Then a second later the words “for now,” crawled out.
Her mother sniffed and dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “Anyway, Sebastian sends his love. I saw him last night…”
So another change of subject. Anna found herself trying to unpick her mother’s motivations today. What did she want? What was her strategy? How exhausting it all was. And she suddenly smiled at how she didn’t have to do that with Jess. She’d been clear about what she wanted from the start. Jess wasn’t without fault and she certainly messed up from time to time and had her own difficulties. But Anna would take those any day of the week compared with unrelenting games.
“Don’t you want to know anything about Jess?” Anna interrupted.
Her mother was unresponsive.
“Is this because Jess is a woman?”
Her mother tutted. “Good god, you’re not playing the gay card again are you. Nobody cares, Anna. Your father and I aren’t bothered about whether you see a man or woman. I just don’t see why you have to go on about it. Your sort have got equal marriage. What else do you want?”
It was funny how, for someone who was unconcerned about gender, it was always Anna’s male partners who were considered suitable and there was only ever a list of objections for anyone else. She wondered at her mother’s prejudice against Jess. The depth and breadth of her mother’s bigotry was plain and Anna had no compulsion to subject Jess to this woman again.
“Well go on then,” her mother said, dropping her napkin and leaning back, arms crossed. “Tell me about this Jess.”
“She’s an actress,” Anna began.
“I thought you said she worked in publicity,” her mother parried.
How annoying that her mother had been paying attention and Anna winced at her spotting the incongruity.
“Promoting the Atlassia films is part of her job,” Anna recovered. “You may have heard of them. She’s the lead character? Perhaps you’ve caught her full name, Jessica Lambert?”
“An actress,” her mother sighed. “Yes, the name’s familiar, although I wouldn’t have recognised her.”
“We’ve known each other for a few months–”
“How old is she? She seems very young,” her mother interrupted.
