Never Look Back, page 6
Without giving her a warning, I dragged her to her feet, spun her around, and pressed her back to the desk.
I pinned her to the hard, unforgiving metal.
Shock filled her gasp, and those fire-agate eyes flashed with flames that could sear me through.
She’d ruin me.
She’d ruin me.
I already felt myself coming apart.
I couldn’t let her go there. Couldn’t let her get under my skin.
Still, the words wheezed from my lungs when I bit them out. “How can I trust you?”
She stared up at me, dark chocolate hair spread out on my desk. Her face so goddamn pretty she made my chest feel like it was going to cave.
Her heart ran at an erratic, frenzied rhythm. Her spirit a wail. “I give you my word.”
My eyes squeezed tight.
Her word? She’d given me a million of them.
Promises that had slayed.
I needed to toss her lying ass out onto the street. Let her fend for herself because there was no time in history when she’d actually needed me. Still, the question gritted out, “What do I get out of it?”
“Anything you want. Everything I have.” I saw the flash of grief before she squeezed her eyes closed, as if she were searching around in herself for resolve. For a way to take it back.
Because I think we both knew this wasn’t going to end well for either of us.
Then her lids fluttered open, and I had to stop myself from falling all the way down into their hidden depths.
I shifted to plant my hands on either side of her head, and I angled down, so close our lips nearly touched. The words were quiet threats. “And what if I don’t want anything you have?”
Her hand curled in my shirt, a plea, poison, I didn’t know, I just knew I could feel her sinking her nails right back into my soul. She lifted herself an inch and brought us chest to chest.
“You said you loved me once. If it was true? If it was real? Then do this one thing for me. Let Jarek’s debt become mine, and I will be the one who makes him pay.”
Like a fool, I eased lower, let my fingers toy with the necklace around her throat as the flames lapped and leapt and consumed. The demand was out before I could stop myself. “My rules, Aster.”
She stalled for a moment before she offered me a wary nod. “Okay.”
SEVEN
ASTER
“My rules, Aster.”
My chest was tight as the powerful engine roared down Main Street as what I’d agreed to ran through my mind on a circuit.
“My rules.”
Every cell on my body was edged in agitation.
What had I done?
What had I agreed to?
Could I really pull this off?
And at what cost?
Because if I couldn’t convince my father...
It was an endless cycle of dread and hope.
Dread and hope.
I glanced at the ferocity that vibrated Logan’s profile.
Hope.
It was such a reckless, heedless emotion. One I’d long since given up fighting for, succumbing to the reality of what my life would be.
But there it was, blooming like a poppy.
Quickly.
Rising up through rocky soil to become something beautiful.
The thought itself was something I should fear. It wasn’t like Logan was sweeping in to rescue me, not that I wanted a hero. But I guessed I’d always wanted a partner.
A friend.
A lover.
A home.
And that’s exactly where we were headed—Logan’s home, when it could never be home at all.
Knowing he hated me, and I hated what he’d done, the choice he’d forced me to make. I hated that every plan and promise we’d made to each other had been squashed.
I needed to remember nothing remained but tragedy and debris.
My desire for freedom and Logan’s thirst for revenge.
I peeked his way again, unable to stop myself. At the strength in his jaw. At the sharpness of his nose and the shrewdness of his eyes.
My fingers itched with the urge to reach out and trace the shape.
To restore.
To remember.
To renew.
If he was beautiful then, he was devastating now.
Every line of him was hard and severe. Wide shoulders and defined chest that led to a trim waist. Tall and almost thin, though from the feel of him earlier, I knew the muscle hidden beneath his clothes was rigid and packed.
Rippling with strength and intimidation.
The fitted suit he wore over his chiseled form only amplified that truth.
He glanced at me.
Energy cracked in the dense air.
Those green eyes sharpened with a threat. “You’re doing it again.”
My brow furled in question.
He released a cruel chuckle that skated over my skin, a harsh, seductive caress. “Looking at me like you have the right to know.”
“And you act like I’m not going to wonder.”
Pushing out a sigh, he let the words fall as if they were trivial. “It was a long time ago.”
“Yet it feels like yesterday.”
Only an eternity had been woven in between.
He shrugged a nonchalant shoulder that weighed a million pounds. “Yesterday…a lifetime ago…it doesn’t matter, does it, Aster? Not when it can’t be undone.”
“But you haven’t forgotten.” I didn’t know if it was a question or a plea.
He came to a quick stop at a red light, and he whirled on me. A gasp rocked from my lungs when his hand curled into my upper thigh. The flesh burned hot when he dug his fingers in and squeezed. “Do not toy with me, Aster.”
My mouth went dry, and I gulped on the scorching air. On his anger. On his hurt. “I’m not.”
His hand moved to my face, his thumb on my jaw, far too gentle for the darkness that reigned in his eyes. “Such a sweet little liar.”
The light turned green, and he skewered me with that gaze for the barest flash that felt like he could see through to the marrow. Penetrate and cut me down to nothing.
Then he turned and accelerated through the intersection, that powerful body slung back so confidently, but there wasn’t anything casual about it.
Fierceness radiated from his pores, spilling free like brutality.
Suffocating.
Compelling.
I didn’t know if I felt hollow, wrecked and ravaged and laid to waste by that single glance, or if for the first time in seven years, there was a part of me that felt alive.
That blooming of what I shouldn’t allow to take root.
I forced my attention out the window. I had to be careful. Guard myself, or I wasn’t going to come out of this better on the other side.
This was my chance. I had to use it right. I couldn’t allow myself to be crushed any more than I already had been.
I’d been caged for so long. Held in chains of torment and pain.
If I was going to stretch my wings, then I was going to fly.
We crawled along the busy stretch. The silence that rained between us was heavier than stones.
The street was filled with tourists, the snow on the ground and coating the rooftops a draw for those who had flocked here for a winter escape.
We traveled only a short distance before Logan made a quick left into the side drive of a large building that sat close to the street.
It was seven or eight stories, I would guess, modern, yet it still exuded a warm, cabin-esque vibe. Dark woods and even darker panes of glass that glinted against the frosty rays of sunlight that blazed from the clear, blue sky.
The first floor housed a steakhouse and a couple boutique shops, and I could only assume there were apartments on the floors above.
We followed along the drive lined by snow-covered shrubs before Logan pushed a button on his visor and a gate opened for us to enter a parking garage in the basement. He whipped down the short slope. The sun faded behind us, dimming the atmosphere to a hazy glow of yellowed lights that illuminated the dank space.
In an instant, it felt as if the walls had closed in.
As if I had been sentenced and was being led into punishment.
But that’s what this was, wasn’t it?
Punishment?
Because there were few things that hurt as badly as looking at the man I loved with all of me and never being able to admit it. Few things that hurt as badly as the loss that had eclipsed my heart in vacant shadows.
My heart throbbed.
I thought maybe he was being punished, too.
He pulled into a spot reserved for L7E, put it into park, and killed the engine. For a second, I stared ahead, fidgeting because I wasn’t sure where to go from there. I hadn’t planned beyond this, but I refused to believe it was a mistake.
“That’s your cue to get out.” Logan’s voice was hard.
Fumbling, I rushed to unlatch the door and stepped out into the frigid cold. Goosebumps crawled up my legs and burrowed beneath the dress. Thank God for the jacket, but it did little to shield from the cold that seeped all the way to the bone.
Logan was already there by the time I shut the door. He reached out and grabbed both sides of my coat, drawing the lapels up close to my chin.
My eyes widened in shock, and my stupid, frozen heart thawed at the gesture. At the energy that whispered and called.
A swift, unspoken claim.
“We need to get you inside and get you warm.”
My eyes flicked all over his face, searching for an answer.
The man heard the silent question for what it was.
“I take care of what’s mine.” He repeated what he’d said last night, the words a seductive threat that would ruin me if I let them.
The man was luring me into a gulf of contradiction.
No right, and no wrong.
No up, and no down.
I was subject to this division that would cut me in two.
He set his palm on the small of my back. “This way.”
The murmur was a crack of incongruity.
Whiplash.
My head spun with the push and pull as he guided me toward the elevator and punched in a code. The doors swept open, and a bluster of heat radiated out.
A sigh got free as I stepped inside, and I stuffed my hands into the coat pockets. I made to move away, to put as much space between us in the confined space as possible.
God knew we were already too close, balancing on a quickly fraying rope that would hang us both.
But no, Logan looped his arm around my waist and drew me closer.
It swamped me in his aura.
Clove and cinnamon and corruption.
My throat tightened and my stomach flipped, and I wondered if I’d willingly set myself a trap. If it really were a mistake after all because I was pretty sure the only thing I was doing was providing him with the ammunition to destroy.
Placing myself in Logan’s massive, manipulative hands.
I had been there before, hadn’t I?
He punched in another code, and the elevator lifted us upward. It came to a stop on the top floor.
The doors whooshed open to an elegant foyer. There was one double door to the left and another set to the right.
He nudged me toward the left, his voice a controlled rumble. “This way.”
I gulped for clarity. For surety. Praying this was right.
I hoped I hadn’t just traded one horrible situation for another.
But I’d already made this bed. Had given this man my word.
I wouldn’t go back on it.
So I sucked it up and followed along beside him. He slipped a key into the lock and swung open the door to his apartment.
“This is it.”
I came to a standstill just inside.
Logan released me, clicked the door shut behind us, and strolled deeper into his home.
So callously.
So arrogantly.
Energy buzzed.
A hum in the air.
He peeled himself from his suit jacket and tossed it to the back of a chair. He eyed me the entire time, watching me as if I were a new piece of the décor.
I tore myself from the trap of his gaze and busied myself with taking in what he had become.
I was used to pretentious things. To riches and wealth. They’d always meant little to me, and they were supposed to mean even less to us, but I guessed I should have recognized his weakness all along.
It was in his blood.
Inevitable.
And nothing else mattered but his rise to the top.
Not even me.
Here, the proof of that greed was exuded in this pretension that was purely masculine. Everything was both rugged and sleek.
Rough and dark.
As if a high-rise loft in New York had been juxtaposed with the presidential suite at a ski resort.
To the left was a bank of floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the quaint city that rambled on below and the mountain peaks in the distance. To the right was a massive fireplace that roared of overpowering warmth, the lapping of flames heating the smooth, black-stone floors.
The living room was filled with oversized suede furniture with a plush rug in the middle. It was fitted with comfy blankets and pillows intermixed with abstract statues and artwork.
The kitchen ran the opposite wall from the entry. Everything was chunky wood, frosted glass, and thick cuts of stone. A large island separated the two spaces, and six short stools sat facing the kitchen area. There was a small nook with a round table set that overlooked the forest at the back.
There was a hall that ran the wall on the right and another set of double doors that sat on the far left on the other side of the kitchen.
“Welcome home, Aster.” He cracked a grin. It wasn’t nice.
It was strange, looking at him then, at this cruel, harsh, bitter man up against who I’d witnessed earlier. The easy playfulness with which he’d interacted with his nephew.
I wondered which side of him was real.
Or maybe they both were, and I just brought out the worst in him.
“So, what now?” I threaded my fingers together.
His expression shifted to something unreadable. “That’s up to you, isn’t it? You’re the one who came to me. It’s on you to figure out what you want. What you’re willing to fight for. If you’re brave enough to see it through.”
His head cocked at that. His words seemed both an encouragement and a challenge.
A question.
As if he were daring me to prove there was anything left of who I used to be.
I wanted to demand the same.
Beg him to show me.
To answer…why.
Why did he have to do it? He’d promised me. Promised. And here we were, seven years later, shells of who we’d hoped to be.
“It might end badly.”
He moved for me.
Dark energy vibrated out ahead of him, wrapping me in a greedy warmth I shouldn’t take comfort in. He touched my chin. The gentlest caress. The deepest wound. “It already did.”
For a moment, he gazed at me as if I were the light before he stepped away, breaking the connection.
The distance amplified the emptiness that would forever live on in me.
“This way,” he grunted as if he were suddenly ambushed in annoyance.
His shoes echoed on the floors as his lithe body moved. He headed for the hall on the right. There were three doors that ran along the left side.
He opened the first. “This will be you.”
Warily, I peeked through the doorway into the guest bedroom. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected when he’d brought me here. If he’d hide me away in some high tower or make me sleep like a dog on the floor.
Or maybe…maybe chain me to his bed.
I shoved that morbidly appealing thought out as quickly as it’d come, my teeth clamping down on my bottom lip as I eased around him and into the room.
Severity blistered from his body, shocking through me when I barely brushed his arm as I passed.
“Make yourself at home.” It sounded like a lie.
I swiveled back to face him, the man so gorgeous where he held the knob and looked at me like I was poison from the doorway.
“You’re going to make me regret this, aren’t you?”
“It seems fair since I’ll be regretting you for the rest of my life.”
Hurt pierced me through, and I sucked in a shattered breath.
A stake of regret moved through his devil smile.
“Logan—”
He blinked long. The stark pain in his expression was enough to cut me off. When he opened back up, his features had turned stoic.
“I have some things I need to take care of. Do try and not get into any trouble while I’m gone?”
The last tweaked with something that sounded close to a tease.
It pinched my heart in old memories that spun.
His carefree smile. The soft mischief in his eyes as he’d look down at me beneath the comfort of the night.
“You are nothing but trouble, aren’t you, Aster Rose?”
A giggle got free, my chest so tight with love I thought I would burst. “Am I worth it?”
Adoration filled his gaze. “You’re worth everything. Anything.”
I wondered if he saw it play out in my mind because his jaw clenched before he shut the door without saying anything else.
I blew out the strain toward the high ceiling before I turned to study the room.
The bedroom was decorated the same as the main area, all dark woods and heavy linens and masculine lines. There was a big window with a reading nook on the far side, overlooking the forest in the back, pines covered in snow that reached for the icy sky.
It was beautiful.
A clash of comfort that beat against the frigid cold.
It reminded me of the man.
Ice and fire.
Comfort and torment.
Everything I shouldn’t want and everything I wished I still had.
Warily, I picked up my clutch and forced myself to dig out my phone that I’d set to silent before I’d gone in search of Logan.
My nerves rattled so intensely I couldn’t keep my hands from trembling.
Spindly pricks of dread scraped my flesh and panged my chest in a clench of fear.
