Never Look Back, page 20
I felt it to my soul when a chorus of voices went up with a loud, “Happy birthday!”
I grinned, pulled my girl up to my side, and slung my arm over her shoulder. “That’s right, the one you’ve all been waiting for is here. Let’s get this party started, baby.”
By the streak of excitement that impaled me right then?
I was sure I was stepping into the best night of my life.
I grinned back at Aster, then I pulled her in with me.
TWENTY-ONE
ASTER
If it had been chaotic back at Logan’s apartment earlier, it was madness inside Eden and Trent’s home.
A home filled with smiling faces, warm welcomes, and genuine embraces.
People were crammed into the small space, although no one seemed to mind the close quarters.
The entry room was a tiny square with a couch and a loveseat in the middle facing a TV against one wall. Bookshelves filled with pictures and trinkets and at least a gazillion pieces of artwork that clearly had come from Gage’s precious little hands were proudly displayed on every other flat surface.
An archway on the left opened to a kitchen with a breakfast nook where a ton of people were hanging out, and there was a hall on the opposite far side of the room that I assumed led to the bedrooms.
It was simple and modest and felt like falling into my favorite dream. A dream I’d cached away, where I’d buried it beneath my family name and my father’s expectations. A dream I craved to slip into but was terrified to take the first step.
Logan did it for me.
He grabbed my hand again and, with a gentle tug, he pulled me deeper into the fray.
Juni and Gage came streaking through the crowd. “You’re here! You’re here! You’re here!”
Gage got there first, and Logan picked him up the way he had earlier, his smile so free as he hugged the child to his chest. He scooped up Juni in his other arm. His joy became profound, all the rigid hardness that seeped from his pores giving way to an easiness I’d almost forgotten existed.
Close to how it was that first night at the recital.
But different.
Not so reserved. The man turning over the top as he tussled with Gage and Juni, swinging them around like rag dolls.
“Now who’s your strongest uncle?” he demanded to know, his tone playful.
“Uncle Jud!” Gage cackled when he said it, clearly knowing he’d given the wrong answer, and Juni giggled adorably when she shouted, “Uncle Trent!” at the same time.
Logan feigned the biggest gasp.
“What? How dare you? And it’s my birthday? What is this madness? You know I’m the strongest of the Lawson brothers. Trent and Jud just look big. But your uncle Logan is pure muscle.”
He squeezed them tighter as if to prove it.
In it was care. Every movement done with caution so neither of them would be hurt.
“You’d better watch it, or Uncle Jud is gonna take you down!” Gage shouted as he scrambled around, trying to get his little arms around Logan.
From where Jud was leaned against the back of the couch next to his wife halfway across the room, the giant man lifted a beer in the air and shouted over the din of voices and the music that played at a low volume. “That’s right, Gage in the Cage. You pin him for me, then I’ll be over to take care of the rest.”
“Wow. Just wow. Why do you always gotta be so violent?” Logan taunted just as Gage was climbing over his shoulder and jumping onto his back.
Jud cracked a grin and tucked Salem closer. “Someone has to take care of punks like you.”
Horrified offense took over every line of Logan’s face, clearly faked, all while he was being climbed like he was a jungle gym in the middle of a playground.
“I’m wounded.”
Jud scoffed with a smile. “I’ll show you wounded.”
I tried to hold a laugh, not to get too comfortable, but it was really hard to do when it felt as if I’d stumbled into a safe space. Where it was joy and light and life. Different than anything I’d ever experienced. Better than anything I’d ever imagined.
Logan tossed a soft smile my way and slowly set the kids onto their feet. “All right, all right, everyone off, Uncle Logan needs to make the rounds.”
“I’ll destroy you later.” Gage giggled the words as Logan flipped him around onto his feet.
“I’m sure you will.” Logan laughed, ruffling his fingers through the child’s hair before he turned to me and stretched out his hand. “Come on. Let me introduce you to everyone.”
Uneasiness climbed through my consciousness, that reminder that I didn’t belong, that I shouldn’t get too comfortable, that this was absolutely reckless, coming here like this. But it felt too good to let Logan slip his fingers through mine, to act as if I were his and he were mine.
Casually, he led me to Jud who stood and gave me a bear hug the second we approached.
Welcome.
Salem, whose blue eyes twinkled and danced with this mischief that was still somehow kind, pushed up from where she had been leaned against the couch. She reached for my hand and squeezed. She was different than Eden, a little harder around the edges, I guessed, as if she’d been through more than any one person should be expected to.
Her hair was black and pin-straight where it brushed around her shoulders, and she gave off a naturally sexy vibe that somehow came off sweet.
“So, you’re still hanging out with this guy, huh?” It was a tease of affection.
Logan gave her a giant hug. “Yeah, yeah, you know you love me the most. Just keep pretending.”
Stepping back, he pointed at her belly. “Tell me I’m getting another niece because the last thing we need around here is another Lawson boy to bust my balls.”
“Hey, I bust your balls, Uncle Logan.” Juni was clearly offended.
Her mom covered her ears, but not nearly in time. Laughing under her breath and shooting daggers at Logan, she glanced at her daughter. “Don’t listen to anything that comes out of your uncle Logan’s mouth, Juni Bee. He’s a terrible influence.”
Logan stretched out his arms. “What are you talking about? I’m a great influence.”
“Hardly,” Jud grunted before he took a swig from his bottle of beer.
Chuckling, Logan reached over and ran his hand over the back of Juniper’s head. “Fine. That was a bad word, Juni, I’m sorry. You probably shouldn’t say it again even though it was completely valid.”
The last he tossed out with a grin at Salem.
She scowled at him, though I was pretty sure it was riddled with affection.
“It’s okay. You’re forgiven. But you still gotta put some dollars in the swears jar. My mimi already gots it half full.” Juni’s tone was pure disappointment.
Logan dug into his wallet and pulled out a five-dollar bill. “How about you do it for me the next time you go to your mimi’s?”
Juni snatched it. “Or I might keep it. Payback.”
Logan’s mouth dropped open. “For what?”
“For your birthday.” She gave him a look that said, obviously.
“I have to pay you for my birthday?”
“It was a lot of hards work, Uncle.”
Amusement pressed at my chest.
Logan laughed. “Little swindler.”
“Seems she learned from the best.” Jud winked at me when he said it.
Redness flashed.
Clearly, they’d heard how Logan and I had run into each other.
Logan slipped his arm around my waist, his heat so sweet, his mouth so tempting. “Come on.”
“It was nice to see you both again,” I murmured, overcome, swept away, unable to keep the smile from taking to my face.
A real one.
Not forced or faked.
Because I wanted this. To celebrate Logan’s birthday with him. With his friends and his family. To experience what it would have been like if life weren’t so cruel.
If it didn’t steal our hearts and souls.
Crush every part of us that was good.
If it didn’t make us choose.
Logan introduced me to a few people around the room. His office manager. A couple friends he golfed with. A mechanic named Brock from the custom bike shop, Iron Ride, that Jud owned.
He led me to three intimidating men drinking beers in the corner. They had their massive, tattooed arms crossed over their chests and gave off the vibe any one of them could be currently standing outside guarding Jarek’s house.
Logan fist bumped each of them. “I can’t believe you’re here and my brother actually thought to give you the night off. It’s a Christmas miracle.”
“Birthday miracle,” the first one said. A gleam lit in his eyes when he looked at me. “Guess there are a ton of birthday miracles going around considering you walked in with a woman that looks like this. I’m Sage, beautiful.”
A blush hit my cheeks. “Aster.”
Logan curled his arm around me, and I thought he was going to pop off a razzing insult, but he tucked me close and muttered, “You’re right, Sage, it’s a fucking miracle.”
My heart thrashed.
Then he gestured at Sage with a smile. “Sage is Absolution’s general manager, the poor bastard who is tasked with keeping Trent in line.”
“You know it.” The man was all easy grins. “Place would go down if I wasn’t there to make sure that shit didn’t go sideways.”
“And these two monsters are Kult and Milo.” Logan tilted his chin at the other two men. “Head bouncers at the club.”
“I could have guessed that,” I said with a soft smile as I shook their hands. “Nice to meet you all.”
I startled when a little hand threaded into mine, interrupting the introductions. I looked down to Juni bouncing at my side. “Oh my gosh, I almost forgot the most important thing, Miss Aster, I gotta do the introducing to my mimi.”
She jerked at my hand. I glanced at Logan. He smiled.
Smiled this smile that sailed through me with the force of a knife. Impaling me deep.
Tenderness.
So much of it I didn’t know how to stand.
“You’d better go then,” he said.
Flustered, I fumbled away from him, somehow feeling attached, like a band was stretched taut between us and it only tightened with each step I took. It wasn’t as if it was all that far because Juni hauled me around to the other side of the couch.
Gretchen sat on the right with a giant margarita in her hand. She’d ridden over with Eden to help her get set up and to give her an extra hand with the kids.
Next to her was an older woman, close to her 80s, I would say, her aged face filled with mischief and warmth.
Juni hopped the rest of the way over to her.
“Well, who do we have here?” the woman asked.
“Mimi, this is Uncle Logan’s old favorite friend but not his favorite anymore, and her name is Miss Aster, but she had to come because we likes her so very much and she helped us get the party ready.”
“Huh,” was what the woman said as she eyed me up and down. Then her smile turned sly. “Sure looks like you’re Logan’s favorite friend to me.”
Gretchen smacked her knee. “Oh, Maria, you should see it, this one has that boy wrapped around her little finger. I keep having to tiptoe around the apartment before I come across something I don’t want to see.”
She actually waggled her brows all while tipping half of her margarita out onto her lap. “Ooops.”
She giggled.
“Don’t want to get a look?” Mimi was aghast. “Now that is one hiney I wouldn’t mind getting my peepers on.”
She knocked her shoulder into Gretchen’s, giggling, too.
My lips pressed together.
These two were drunk.
“Well, now there’s our double trouble.” Logan’s voice came over me from behind.
I swore Mimi blushed while a shiver raced down my spine. “There you are, you sly dog.”
Logan chuckled low, then he bent over and kissed her cheek. “Good to see you, Mimi.”
“That’s Maria, to you.” She winked at him as she patted his cheek.
Oh my god.
I felt the giggle threaten at the base of my throat. I tried to cover it with my hand.
Logan peeked back at me. My brows lifted. He grinned.
Mimi’s expression turned soft. “Happy birthday, Logan.”
“Thank you.”
“Oh, I think it’s gonna be good, alright.” Gretchen lifted her margarita. It sloshed over the side and onto her hand.
“Sheesh, for someone who doesn’t like the messes, you sure is makin’ plenty of ’em, Nonie G.” Juni shook her head.
I laughed.
Logan stood, pushing to his full, towering height.
The man took the one step it required to erase the space between us, then he was slipping his arm around my waist, tugging me right to his chest. He leaned down so close I was almost scared and really excited that he was swooping down to kiss me, but he came up short, his breath mine. “Oh, it’s definitely going to be good.”
Stepping back, I tried to straighten myself out. To thwart this new energy that buzzed between us.
Logan introduced me to more guests, always calling me, His Aster.
He leaned down and kissed me on the temple.
I tried to keep it together.
To remember.
But tonight, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from slipping into his fantasy.
From tripping his direction.
Thirty days.
Thirty days.
I tried to chant it.
Claim it.
I needed to remember it because I was setting myself up to get ripped apart.
This was so much more dangerous than any deal I had made that fateful morning when I’d come crawling back to Logan’s office.
This?
This was real.
“Oh my god, you’re here!” A screech came from somewhere within the kitchen as Logan stepped through the archway.
A red head bobbed through the crowd, the woman literally jumping so she could see over the heads. She came winding through, wielding a bottle of champagne.
Logan leaned toward my ear. “You’re in trouble now.”
Oh, I was already there, but I felt it coming like a hurricane when the woman I remembered as a snowflake from the recital was suddenly throwing her arms around me like I was her oldest friend.
She squeezed me and shook me around. “I’m so happy you’re here! I wasn’t sure if you’d be since this guy over here usually has his big head shoved so far up his ass he doesn’t know up from down. I mean, I’ve seen his horrible decisions, but for once, I can see he has his head on straight.”
“Um…” I stammered.
Logan gave her a light punch on the shoulder. “It is my birthday, Tessa. Think you could cut a guy a break?”
“Nope, she’s bustin’ your balls, too.” Juni blazed by as she shouted it.
My hand pressed to my mouth.
Chaos, I tell you.
Logan blinked. “Wow. Some party this is. Even my adorable niece has turned against me. And here I am, the smartest, best looking, richest guy around.”
I cringed at the last.
Tessa cocked her head. “Well, if you actually tacked nice and humble onto that list, you might be worthy of the celebration.”
“Ouch.” Logan touched his chest.
“I’ll ouch you.”
“But I just want you to love me.” Logan stuck out his bottom lip.
Amusement pulled through the atmosphere.
Giggling, she sidled up to him and slid her arm around his side, hugging him tight as she looked back at me. “Okay, fine. This one right here is pretty amazing, and he’s smokin’ hot if I don’t say so myself. Like catch the house on fire hot, if you know what I mean.”
She puffed that out of the side of her mouth toward me like it was a secret.
“Now we’re talking.” Logan bobbed his head in encouragement.
“I’ve heard it’s all due to the fact he has a really big…” She paused, her blue eyes wide and emphatic. “Ego. A really big ego.”
She cracked up like it was hysterical.
He kissed the top of her head, though he growled like I couldn’t hear, “Keep it up, Tessa, and I’m putting you in the shower under cold water. I’m trying to impress the prettiest girl here, can’t you see?”
“You wouldn’t dare,” she gasped. “She is really pretty, though. I think we should keep her.”
Rattled, I shifted my feet.
She lifted that bottle. “Champagne?”
“Oh, most definitely,” I said.
She moved in, wrapped her arm around my waist, and led me deeper into the kitchen. “Don’t worry, Aster, we’re going to be the best of friends. I know these things.” She knocked her hip into mine. “Mad love. Mad, mad love. Just wait and see.”
So it turned out Tessa was kind of insane. Crazy and fun and impossible not to like.
Because it was all genuine. The care she showed for everyone around her. Even if she didn’t know someone, she made them feel like she did.
Especially me.
I sipped at my flute of champagne while she danced in the kitchen with Eden in some kind of horrible ballet/break dancing routine to the beat of “SexyBack”.
Nothing like a little JT.
Tessa scattered the crowd crushed in the space and did the worm across the floor.
I didn’t think I’d ever laughed so hard in my life.
Didn’t think I’d ever felt so perfectly right when she popped back up and took my hand and spun me around.
Didn’t think I’d ever felt so free than when she slung her arm around my shoulders like we were a pair, the woman talking to Salem who’d joined us on the other side, Eden in front of us, this whole thing so casual, no pretenses.
As if I could be a part of them.
Jud, Salem, and Juni were ushered into the middle of the mayhem and were presented with a bouquet of black helium balloons.
Jud helped Juni pop one.
