Never Look Back, page 30
My brave girl who’d only needed someone to remind her of who she was.
Of what she deserved.
“I do. Anything that could possibly be of use.”
“Jarek Urso has a pseudo…found the connection a few days ago. Jack Werner. It didn’t look like there was much associated with it. A checking account and a couple rental properties.”
I didn’t realize my teeth were grinding in restraint until Aster started running her fingers down my spine to soothe me.
“And?” I pressed.
“I dug deeper into it and found some flight records from this last summer. At least four trips to Russia. It might be nothing, but it seemed worth mentioning.”
Blood thickened and stormed.
“It’s definitely worth mentioning. Do you know who he visited while there?”
“That I haven’t been able to uncover.”
“Keep digging,” I told him.
Ending the call, I tossed my phone to the mattress.
I edged back so I could look at Aster, my hands vises that curled around her waist like I could keep her from floating away. “Does your father have business in Russia?”
I only knew what I’d known then—there were no alliances.
Only enemies.
Worry crept across her face. She blinked as she processed.
“No. I don’t think so.”
“Would he send Jarek there for any reason?”
Disconcerted, she swallowed. “I can’t believe that he would. I think I would at least know that. This last summer, Jarek was supposed to be traveling to New York. As far as I knew, he was in charge of facilitating a new shipment route.”
But her father hadn’t exactly been forthright with her over the years, either.
Acting like he was protecting her from his bullshit when she’d merely been a bartering chip.
Hope blazed like a beacon in her eyes. “I need to tell my father.”
“I know you’re anxious, Aster. I am, too. The thing I want most in this world is to set you free of his power. But we need to wait until we have more. Until we have something solid and substantial to prove Jarek’s disloyalty. If we do it too soon, it’s only going to give Jarek time to cover his tracks.”
Aster deflated, resignation thick. Then she nodded and blew out a strained breath. “I know…I just want this to be over.”
“Soon, Aster.”
“What happened earlier today when you called? Did you know he was coming for me? I can’t believe he went against a direct order from my father.”
“I left my office for about an hour. When I got back, it’d been ransacked. Place destroyed. They took my laptop.”
That was what unsettled me most.
It’d felt…purposed.
Like they were searching.
The piece of shit would have to search for the rest of his life.
Aster choked. Fear echoed from her depths. From the dark places I wondered if she’d ever fully allow me to go. “He’s coming to his end, Logan. He thinks we’re playing him a fool, and there is nothing that he cares about more than his pride.”
“That’s exactly what we’re doing, Aster. We’re playing him the fool because that is what he is.”
And if the fucker came anywhere near her again? He would meet his end.
My palm splayed over the side of her head, and my fingers weaved into her hair. “We almost have him, Aster. I can feel it. We just need a little time. And during then, I don’t want you out anywhere without me. Do you understand?”
“Logan—”
I cut her off with an anguished kiss.
Praying she would get it. What she meant to me. The terror I possessed at the thought of her being harmed.
Slowing it, I dropped my forehead to hers. “Please, Aster, I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.”
Desperation fueled her voice. “I can’t remain a prisoner to him any longer, Logan. I won’t.”
My thumb stroked her chin. “No, Little Star, you are no prisoner. You are free in me.”
THIRTY-ONE
ASTER
Recklessly in love…
My sweet, wonderful secret.
My defender.
My lover.
My North Star.
My beautiful boy who crash-landed in a foreign land where he didn’t belong.
Maybe it was a rescue mission. Your descent into enemy lines to rescue a prisoner who was being held against her will.
But was I really an outlander if I had been born within the confines of those walls? If that tainted blood was what supplied my life?
But somewhere along the way, it was you who became the supplier. The lifebeat that pounded within me.
You stood for me. Fought for me. Then you loved me beneath the expanse of hidden stars.
The very next day, I crept into my papa’s office, my knees knocking but my chin lifted high. “I won’t marry Jarek, Papa, I won’t,” I’d said.
Papa scoffed, barely glancing my way as he studied the paper in his hand. “Do not start, Aster. You know your purpose. Your role in this family. You will honor it.”
“He’s a bad man.” It came like supplication.
Papa’s brow furled. “We are all bad men, mia vita, but Jarek Urso will respect you. Care for you. Protect you and this family. And one day, when your uncle Antonio and I are gone from this world, he will take the place as the head of this family, and you will sit at his side.”
I took a frantic step forward. “No, Papa, not all are bad.”
The air had shivered as he paused, and he turned to look at me with a face made of stone but with eyes that understood. “Your head has always been full of whimsy, Aster, but Jarek Urso is your fate. I pray you do not act so foolishly that I will have to do something that you and I will both regret.”
That regret was already written in the lines of his expression.
Telling.
A warning.
He told no lies.
I ran from him then.
I should have run away, but instead, I ran to you.
I hid with you.
I wrote you a thousand stars and loved you a million times.
In secret.
In the shadows.
In the rain and in the office.
You gave me your mouth in the library, and I gave you mine beneath your desk.
You took me on the counter in the bathroom and against the wall on the side of the house.
Reckless.
Reckless.
We didn’t care.
Not when it was the only thing that mattered.
But it was in our sacred spot when I told you.
“I’m pregnant.” I was terrified saying it would make it true.
But I’d known it was true. I hadn’t bled in three months.
You froze for a moment before you had me pinned against the grass.
You smiled this brilliant smile that shattered the sky and sent the stars soaring higher than where they hung.
Our own constellation.
“Are you sure?” you’d urged.
I gulped and nodded. “I took two tests.”
“Aster.” It was a rasp of awe, and you pulled me into your arms, so tight I didn’t know how either of us could breathe.
“Aren’t you angry?”
“How could I be angry?”
Manic laughter had bubbled from my mouth. “Because this is going to cause more trouble than either of us have the ability to deal with, Logan. Because I’m a Costa princess and you’re an Iron Owl. Because I’m not even supposed to talk to you. Because I am pledged to another man.”
Because my father will kill you.
That was the one I couldn’t speak.
“We’ll find a way,” you’d promised. “We’ll find a way. I’m going to get you out of this place, Aster, if it’s the last thing I do.”
And that was the promise I was terrified of coming true…
THIRTY-TWO
ASTER
The next two weeks passed in a blur.
It was easy to do when I’d been living in Logan, and he’d been living in me.
He’d go into the office during the day, and I’d stay in because he was right—it wasn’t worth risking it—not until we had proof and we could finally bring this to an end.
Plus, it’d given me time to plot out what I would say to my father. How I would free myself of the chains he’d kept locked around my wrists. I’d written for days, filled journals full of every thought and shaped them into stars.
I’d poured out every dream and every fear. I’d built my courage with each word and my case with each point.
One way or another, I would make my father understand.
He would see me.
See me as a person.
A human being.
As his daughter.
As someone who was going to stand for herself.
In the evening, Logan would come striding through the door.
A vision.
Fierce and perfect and the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen.
He’d be wearing that smile that promised I was in trouble, then he’d toss off his jacket, and it was on.
The two of us were nothing but desperate hands, pleading bodies, and unrelenting need.
Insatiable.
I loved it. I loved the way he loved me.
As if I was precious.
As if I was a treasure.
But oh god was he ruthless while he was doing it.
The man wasn’t shy to take what he wanted.
Rough and hard and demanding.
“Girl, you should see your face right now. Red as a tomato. I know what you’re over there dreaming about. Mmhmm.”
Gretchen’s voice snapped me out of the daydream I’d gotten lost in while I was wrapping Christmas gifts at the island.
Christmas was only four days away. It was the first time since I was a child that I was excited for it. There was a buzz in my blood that whispered of love and grace and faith.
That I was a part of something that mattered.
I sent her a soft scowl. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Gretchen scuttled into the kitchen. “Oh, I think you do. That man has been eating you alive for weeks. I don’t know how you’re walking.”
Yeah, I really didn’t know how I was walking, either.
“He does no such thing.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure he does all the things.” She waggled her brows as she filled a watering can at the sink.
“Gretchen.” It was an affectionate sigh that squeezed my chest.
God, how much I loved this woman.
She smiled. Pure Cheshire grin. “Just enjoy it, sweetheart. It seems the two of you had a little catching up to do.”
I looked out the window where the last of the day sank toward the horizon, winter holding fast to the air.
“I guess we did, didn’t we?” I admitted when I looked back at her.
Her expression softened. “It’s good you’re here, Aster.”
A war went down inside me. The part that kept worrying what I was doing was wrong. That it was selfish, staying here, dragging this family into my mess. The danger I was bringing to his door. I’d done it before, and look where that had gotten us.
Was I nothing but a fool for pressing it again? For getting us back into the very position we’d been in then?
“At what point is loving someone selfish? At what point is the cost too great?” I finally asked her.
Gretchen glanced at me in speculation. “For which of you?”
I huffed a perplexed sound, my attention focused on winding ribbon around the package I’d wrapped for Juniper, this little family that wasn’t mine yet felt like my own. My voice was a tremor when I admitted, “For Logan because I’m pretty sure I’d sacrifice anything for him.”
Gretchen hummed and went to watering the plants in the living room. Her back was to me when she spoke, “Well, from my perspective, that man is about as over-the-top as they come. Filling up the space like a blinding star every time he walks into a room.”
I felt that truth to my soul.
“Livin’ life to the extreme, but I’m pretty sure it was gonna burn out. You can’t keep shining when you only shine to cover the darkness you hold onto.”
Emotion climbed to my throat.
Thick and sticky.
She glanced at me. “I’ve cleaned house for Logan for the last five years. He was always a goof…joking, coming in and making a scene every chance he got, but there was always something beneath the surface. Couldn’t put my finger on it. Not until my Jonnie passed about a year ago.”
Grief curled through her expression, and an ache lit in my spirit. “I’m so sorry.”
“Well, I am, too, but we had quite the life together.” She went back to tending to the plants, musing as she did, “I lost him about the same time Logan was moving into this place. He told me he couldn’t handle things without me, but I knew him asking me to stay here didn’t have a thing to do with him needing the help.”
Pausing, she fiddled with a leaf before she continued to speak, “That’s a good man, you know, as wild and rough as he can be, bringing me in to live with him because he was worried about me being alone.”
She hesitated, the tease normally held in her tone waning to soft affection. “I’d been living here for about two weeks when I heard it one night. Probably should have minded my business, but you know I’m not so good at that, so I let myself into his room when I heard him whimpering in pain and he didn’t respond to my knocking.”
Soft laughter rolled from her. “The man was fool drunk, tuckered out on a bottle of whiskey, laying on his back on the floor staring up at the ceiling like it was the sky. He told me about a star he’d caught once, one that’d burned him so bad that he’d had to let it go.”
Everything squeezed, and my breath locked in my throat when she looked at me. “Every so often after that, I would hear him calling out for that star in his sleep. Aster.”
Moisture bleared my sight, joy and sorrow clutching my chest. “He haunted my dreams, too.”
She moved across the room so she could reach out and touch my cheek. “It’s only a nightmare if it ends bad. You just make sure that doesn’t happen.”
We both jumped when the door suddenly banged open and a disorder spilled in.
“Pivot!” Jud shouted, the man cracking up as if it were the funniest thing he’d ever said as he and Logan attempted to wrangle an enormous tree through the door.
“Idiot.” Logan shook his head, but he was wearing the biggest grin I’d ever seen as he struggled to squeeze the giant fir through.
Joy poured from it.
Real, true joy.
“That’s my line, man, my line,” Jud grunted. “And you are the one who begged for your big brother to come and do the heavy lifting. You’d better watch yourself or I’ll knock you flat. You don’t want to go and embarrass yourself in front of your lady now, do you?”
It was all a razzing.
Logan rolled his eyes. “Dude, I just helped you get your tree into your place half an hour ago. Who was begging who?”
I took the chaos in, and the air hitched in my throat when Logan’s gaze turned to tangle with mine.
As his smile turned slow.
Sweet.
“Merry Christmas, baby. I got us a tree.”
He and Jud propped it up near the fireplace.
I nearly dropped to my knees.
“Of course, this asshole right here had to have the biggest one. Surprised it fits.” Jud gestured at Logan, but it was pure affection.
“What do you think?” Logan stretched out his arms.
My heart swelled.
So big.
An outpouring of devotion.
“I think you’re the best thing I’ve ever seen.” I couldn’t keep it in. This feeling that swept through me like a warm, spring breeze. Something that promised better things were to come.
Jud chuckled a rough sound, and he tossed an aimless punch in Logan’s direction as he passed. “Last thing this guy needs is any more ammo for his ego. Head’s already bigger than that tree. Puff him up any more, and he’s the one who’s not gonna fit through the doorway.”
Jud was all burly stride and easy smiles as he came our way. He acted like my presence was normal.
Required.
He dipped in and pressed a kiss to Gretchen’s cheek before he reached out and wrapped his massive arms around me.
A gush of surprise left me when he hugged me tight.
He lifted me off the floor and whispered in my ear so no one else could hear, “Love him. Love him right. Love him whole. Because he fucking loves you with everything he’s got, and he’s willing to give it all.”
Then Jud set me back on my feet, turned, and walked out.
THIRTY-THREE
LOGAN
It was crazy, what life did. The way you could be moving along with the day to day, living each one because that’s really all you could do. Your lot had already been cast, for good or bad or whatever it was worth. Mistakes had already been made that you had to live with, and you did the best with what you’d been given.
Even when it sucked.
I glanced at Aster where she sat in the passenger seat of my car as I drove in the direction of Eden and Trent’s place. I squeezed her hand, and she sent me this adoring smile that sailed through my spirit like eternity.
And I knew, sometimes fate took favor on you, scooped up the dice you’d rolled, and tossed you a pair of snake eyes for the fucking win.
Contentment lapped in the bare space between us, peace and joy wrapping us in a blanket of comfort as we drove into the quaint neighborhood to celebrate Christmas Eve with my family.
Night had fallen, and the houses were decked out in lights, decorations glowing from porches, families tucked inside the warmth of the walls.
And I wanted to keep it. Wanted it with every part of me. To make it ours.
I pulled to a stop at the curb in front of Eden’s house and killed the engine. Silence descended. The only sound was our deep, rasping breaths as our attention hooked on the huge window that fronted the house.
