Never Look Back, page 25
Fingertips barely brushed over the welts on his face that he’d almost forgotten existed.
He edged back so he could meet her gaze. “Because I’m here, with you. And with you is the only place I want to be.”
She cast him a soft smile that hit him like wonder. “That’s the only thing I want in my life, Logan, is to find a way to be with you. I’ll convince my father. Somehow, I will.”
She offered it like an oath.
He took her hand and pressed her knuckles to his lips, then he tucked their joined fingers against his heart that battered in his chest. “We’ll find a way, Aster. No matter what happens, I’ll always find my way to you, Little Star. There is nothing in this world that could keep me away from you.”
She cupped his cheek, her voice a low promise. “My North Star. My direction. My heart’s destination.”
He smiled down at her, then he gently resituated her clothing, glancing up at her when he did. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“You would never hurt me.”
He sat up, tucked himself back into his pants, and shifted so he could lean against the building. He situated her between his legs and pulled her back to his chest. Then he dug into his pocket and pulled out the necklace he’d had hidden there, not saying anything as he leaned forward and slipped the chain around her neck and fastened the hook at the back.
He glanced over her shoulder at the little star charm that rested just above her cleavage. It glinted and shined in the bare light that seeped through the leaves of the trees.
She touched it, her voice a thin strand of surprise. “Logan. What’s this?”
“Do you like it?” he whispered against her ear.
“I love it, but it’s your birthday.”
He pulled her closer, wrapped her up, and mumbled into the night, “And you, Aster Rose, are the only gift I want. My Little Star. Even if I can’t see you, I’ll know you’re there, and I’ll find my way to you.”
It was late when Logan pulled into the drive of the small house he shared with his brothers.
He was almost surprised to find both Trent and Jud’s bikes parked beneath the carport since they spent most nights at the clubhouse. Nathan’s bike sat on the other side of them in its normal spot.
He killed the engine and sat in the silence for a moment, gripping the steering wheel while a thousand emotions raged inside him.
Even with his face throbbing from the cuts and the blows, he couldn’t remember a day in his life when he’d felt better.
When he’d felt more alive.
Logan knew tonight, he’d found his true purpose. He had to believe he’d been set on this path for a reason—that he was bound to collide with a girl who’d become his hope just like he’d become hers.
Like the two of them had been called to meet at this very time and place.
Their soul’s destination.
Joy riding on his face, he climbed out of his car and strode up to the house.
He put his key into the lock of the side door and let himself into the kitchen. He almost stumbled when he walked in and found all three of his brothers sitting around the table drinking beers.
“Ah, there’s the birthday boy,” Jud said, lifting his bottle as Logan stepped farther into the kitchen and shut the door behind him.
Trent had been wearing what could have been construed as a smile until he focused in on Logan’s face. He was out of his chair and on his feet in a flash. “What the fuck happened to you? Who did this?”
Trent was already halfway to the door, booted feet thudding with retaliation.
Fuck.
Logan hadn’t anticipated an encounter with Trent. He’d figured he’d be able to slink into his room the way he did most nights, patch himself up, and no one would have been the wiser.
Jud got to his feet, too, hand in a fist around his bottle and murder written on his face. “Just need a name or two and Trent and I will be on our way.”
“It’s fine.” A war went down inside of Logan. He had to be careful. Like Aster had said. He couldn’t mess this up before he even figured out how he was going to get Aster out of there.
“It doesn’t look fine to me.” Concern moved through Nathan’s expression, unease billowing from him in waves as he slowly stood from where he’d sat. “Are you okay, man?”
It was funny that Nathan was Trent’s twin. They basically looked like replicas of the other in that kitchen, yet Nathan’s vibe was the opposite. Anyone could see Nathan was the softest of the Lawson Brothers. Quiet and reserved. Working at a local hardware store. One-hundred-percent outside the business.
Logan had heard their father tell another Iron Owl that Nathan couldn’t hack it.
That he was a pussy.
A weak link.
The way Logan saw it, Nathan was likely the bravest of them all.
Standing his ground. Living his life right.
Logan forced himself to crack a smirk like the altercation hadn’t been a big deal. “Yeah, stopped for gas on the way back. Couple of pricks thought they’d scored themselves an easy target.”
“Looks like they scored to me,” Trent spat.
“Nah, man. Fuckers got what was coming to them. Not to worry. It’s all taken care of.”
Logan silently swore one day that statement would be true.
Jud frowned, then laughed. “Well, shit, man, here we came to take you out. Show you the town for your birthday. Find you a sweet girl to sit on your lap. And you stroll in busted to shit.”
Unease stirred.
He hated keeping secrets from his brothers, but there was no chance in hell he could dish about what was going down with Aster. The mess he’d found himself in, a mess he wanted more than life, the truth that he didn’t want any other girl.
He only wanted her.
And if Trent found out he’d gone up against Jarek Urso?
Dude would lose his ever-lovin’ mind.
“Honestly, a beer or two here with you guys sounds about right tonight.”
“Hell, yeah.” Jud squeezed his shoulder, strolled to the refrigerator, and pulled out another round. He passed one to each of them. Everyone twisted their caps and lifted them to the center of the kitchen.
“To our baby brother who’s sure as hell not a baby anymore.” Jud gave the toast.
Everyone tapped their bottles together. “To Logan. Happy birthday, man.”
Logan smiled, joy seeping all the way through because this was the only thing that mattered.
His brothers.
Their devotion.
And his girl.
It was on him to make sure all of them were safe.
The four of them sat around drinking through the night. Talking shit. Reminiscing.
And Logan thought for the first time in a long, long time, since they’d all suffered the most brutal blow, witnessing their mom go down in cold blood, that maybe, just maybe, things might turn out right.
The dull haze of morning appeared at the windows when they finally called it. Trent hugged him tight and whispered, “Proud of you, Logan. So fuckin’ proud. Stay smart, brother. Stay safe. Want the world for you.”
Jud hugged him just as tight. “Happy birthday, little brother. You amaze me, you know. So damned smart. You’re gonna own this whole fucking place. Can’t wait to watch you do it.”
Logan nodded. Emotion clotted in his throat, close to overflowing. “Thanks, man.”
Jud stepped back and squeezed his shoulder. “Mean it.”
The two of them rambled off to their rooms, and Nathan remained there, watching Logan from where he was leaned against the wall.
Logan roughed a hand through his hair. “Well, think I’m gonna hit it, too. It’s late.”
Nathan hesitated, then quietly said, “Know you’re in deep, man.”
Logan froze before he swiveled back to look at Trent’s twin. “What are you talking about?”
Logan attempted to play it cool, to play it off, like he didn’t have a clue. Like his limbs weren’t shaking so hard the bones clanked.
“You think I don’t see you come in here every night with that look on your face? You’re fucking flyin’, man. And you know I want that for you. For you to find that happiness. To get that love I see blazing in your eyes. But you can’t do it with a Costa. You’re gonna end up in the ground and put the rest of the family there, too.”
Agitation gathered as sweat at the nape of his neck.
How the fuck did he know?
“I’m not.” It tremored from his mouth.
Nathan sighed without any anger. “You are, man. I know you are. You can’t wait to get there every day and you come home later and later every night. Not sure how Trent and Jud bought that bullshit you fed us when you walked through the door, but you and I both know it’s exactly that—bullshit.”
“Nathan…” He drew it out like a plea.
Nathan pushed from the wall and came toward Logan. He set a hand on his shoulder, looked him straight. “I’m just scared for you, Logan. I mean, I’m fucking terrified every day for all three of you. But what you’re doing? An Owl moving in on a Costa? One who’s already pledged to another? You’re signing over your life, man.”
A heavy sigh pilfered from Logan’s lungs.
“You’re right, Nathan. I’m signing over my life. Because that’s exactly what she is. My life.”
TWENTY-FIVE
ASTER
It was surreal waking in the arms of a man you were supposed to despise and know you’d never felt safer.
Knowing you’d never felt more alive than you did with the steady thrum of his heart beating against your ear.
The blankets were down around his waist, and every inch of him was bare except for his underwear. His skin was warm and smooth, glowing like bronze beneath the streams of early winter light that bloomed at the base of the window in a show of brilliant golds and blazing oranges.
His breaths were long and deep, even and sure, as sure as his arms that still held me the way they’d held me the entire night—as if they were created for me.
For security.
For surety.
A promise to see me through the night where he would continue to love me in the light.
I knew it.
I felt it in the way his pulse sped at my touch. In the way his chest expanded each time he looked at me. In the oaths that fell from his tongue. The way even in his sleep, he seemed aware, as if his body gravitated to each movement of mine.
Every shift, tucking me closer.
Each breath, drawing me nearer.
It terrified me. Terrified me because I couldn’t fathom ripping myself away. Couldn’t imagine having to leave this sanctuary that had come to feel like a home.
It was getting harder and harder to deny that I hadn’t stumbled into where I belonged.
I knew I was falling.
Sinking.
Going under.
And I wasn’t sure I’d ever break the surface again.
Just thinking it felt like a risk. For both of us. For our hearts and our minds and our physical safety.
It wasn’t just our hearts on the line.
Jarek was a monster, and my father was the overlord of it all. But I’d seen his compassion before. Both times it had been given to me out of the love he held for me, as twisted as it was.
Hope sparked in that secret place I’d kept like a dream.
What if…what if my papa could understand? What if he really saw? In his harsh, traditional eyes, could love ever count?
I angled so I could peer up at Logan’s face—so perfect I had to wonder if he were real. Wonder if I’d gotten so lost in the loneliness—in the vacancy—that I’d conjured it all.
That game.
The bet.
My plea.
This man, who through it all, through all the pain I had caused him, still promised to stand by me.
Fight for me.
As if he felt every question ripple beneath my skin, those stony green eyes blinked open in the rays of sunlight that streaked into his room. It was the gold flecks that glinted and flamed.
Severe and without shame.
He didn’t hesitate. He pulled me on top of him until my chest was pressed to his. That was all it took for my breaths to jolt. For my heart to hammer and the blood to pound like chaos through my veins.
One touch from this man and I lit.
A needy rasp flooded from my mouth when I straddled him. The slip I wore bunched up high on my hips, and on instinct, I rubbed myself against him, his dick hard and huge where it was pressed against the thin fabric of my underwear.
Tiny pinpricks of bliss flickered. They spread like the splay of fingers around my waist and pooled low in my belly.
I whimpered a needy sound. Rocked over him again. I needed more because when it came to him, it would never be enough.
Logan curled a hand in my hair as he met me, his hips barely lifting from the mattress. He spread his other palm out over my bottom to guide me in the slow, seductive rhythm.
In the hazy, iridescent light, our bodies rolled.
Hitched and bucked. The sounds that wheezed from our mouths was close to silent, bated in the thickened, dense air.
It felt as if another chink had come loose somewhere. The reservations holding me together were steadily, quickly, resolutely breaking apart.
Soon, there would be no foundation.
Just a freefall with no chance of survival when we struck the bottom.
We’d hit it, I knew we would. But the falling felt so good.
The pleasure that built and buzzed.
The whooshing of the blood in my veins.
Logan held me by the back of the neck, our noses close to touching, though he didn’t bring me any closer. He just rocked against me again and again while he watched me with this look that I knew would do both of us in.
“Logan,” I finally whimpered. Needing more.
“What do you need, Little Star?”
“I need you.”
He shifted us so his cock was no longer against where I needed him most, but his fingers were there instead, slipping beneath the edge of my underwear.
My walls clenched around his fingers when he drove them deep.
I moaned.
Whimpered.
Rode his hand.
Harder.
Rising up on my knees and grinding back down.
His hold tightened on the back of my neck. “Do you like it when I fuck you with my fingers, Aster? Wait until it’s my cock. Do you remember what that was like? How I fit you?”
This time the moan that rolled up my throat was desperation.
“Please.” My nails scratched at his chest, clawing for a way inside, while my mind raced with all the inevitabilities.
We were going to end up a broken pile of rubble.
Toppled stones. A house of ruin.
Logan flipped me onto my back.
I gasped when he shoved his underwear down and freed himself.
He fisted his shaft and ran his hand up his long, thick length.
My entire body arched from the bed. “Please.”
He dropped down closer, and he rested on one forearm while he continued to stroke himself with the other. His mouth was at my ear. “I’ve wanted to hear you beg for so long.”
“Is that what you want? To punish me?” I asked him the same thing I’d asked last night.
Because this was torture.
“No, Aster. I want to touch you. Please you. Make you feel the way only I can. I want to worship this body the way it deserves to be worshipped. Take you hard and soft and every way in between. Give you the pleasure only I can give.” He gritted the words between clenched teeth.
“I’m going to send you to the stars, and then I’m going to keep you there because when I finally have you, I’m going to make you come again and again. And you’ll beg me, Aster, I promise you, you’ll beg me…but I will be more than happy to oblige. But not until you know. Until you understand. You are mine, Aster. Mine.”
A needy whine rolled from my tongue.
Logan pulled the crotch of my underwear aside and pressed himself against my center.
I cried out at the tiniest flare of relief.
At the heated, hard, velvety flesh of his dick where he rubbed himself through my lips.
It was pure sensation overload.
I was slick and wet, and he slipped through me like a perfect, miraculous tease.
Friction and torture.
Friction and torture.
Because I wanted all of him. To let go.
The tip of his head was engorged, fat and throbbing, driving me mad where it hit me each time he rubbed it over my clit.
I met him, rocking and grasping and pitching in a bid to get closer.
“Logan.” My nails scraped down his bare back. Pleasure raced and gathered. Tingles that swelled and spread.
Rising.
Lifting.
Taunting.
Ragged grunts tore up his throat, and he dropped his forehead against mine as his hips snapped in a frenzied play of pleasure.
Rutting and jerking.
Giving in his restraint.
“Aster, what you do to me. Do you understand? Do you have any idea what you mean?”
His thrusts became rigid, faster and harder.
Bliss built.
Built and built, until I broke.
Euphoria.
It scattered and blew as the orgasm ripped through my being. A shockwave that rushed like wildfire. Consuming. Destroying.
And still, it was not enough.
This man who was too much.
Overpowering.
Everything I’d ever wanted.
He thrust twice more before every muscle in his body bowed in ecstasy, and he was quick to push up the slip I wore.
He came on my lower belly, my name a low, searching moan.
“Aster.”
I writhed below it, aftershocks rocking me through, my hips still pleading.
My eyes grew wide when he swirled his fingers through the spill of his body then he pushed them back inside me. He drove them in slow and deep three times, then his mouth was at my ear, “Soon.”
I was gasping when he withdrew then pushed off the bed. “Wait right there.”
