Long Time No Sea, page 21
‘Me too,’ he replies.
I wonder, if we hadn’t ended up here on this island, if Cam and I would be flirting like we are now. Perhaps if we had stayed at the villa, things would still be platonic, civilised.
Maybe Clarky was on to something, leading us here. Either way, suddenly I can’t wait for the end of the world…
28
THEN – 14 AUGUST 2008
I am officially going to York St John University in September because I absolutely smashed my A levels – I can’t quite believe it. You do all your coursework and you revise until you feel like you can’t possibly squash any more information into your tiny little brain but you never think you’re going to do very well, and yet here we are, your girl is going to York.
My mum and dad were over the moon, taking me out for a celebratory lunch afterwards, because they knew I have the party tonight. Well, they know I’m seeing my friends tonight to celebrate with them, they don’t know we’re having a house party.
Cam and I went to collect our results together and, while I might feel like I smashed it because I got the grades I needed, Cam has absolutely knocked it out of the park with As across the board. Honestly, when his mum and dad picked him up, I thought they were going to cry, they were so proud of him, and so they should be.
I haven’t heard from anyone else yet. I did text Maxi, to ask her how she did, but she said she would see me here at the party and we could chat. Obviously, DJ will be here, Clarky is coming, and even Mikey is going to show his face for the first time all summer. Cam is the one I’m looking forward to seeing the most, though. We’ve seriously upped our flirting game, since we both admitted that we like-like each other, but we’re taking things slowly, and we’re finally going to have our first date together next week, when the crazy golf place opens. I can’t wait. But right now, things between us are top secret – I haven’t even told Maxi. We want to make sure things are right, that we know what we want before the others find out.
DJ’s parents’ house – a massive old stone building – is in the middle of nowhere, making it the perfect location for a sneaky party. Not only are we surrounded by trees but with no neighbours anywhere near, there’s no one to hear the loud music.
Next to the main house is a large double garage, with DJ’s dad’s workshop joined on next door. Upstairs there is a lounge, a small kitchen, a bathroom, and DJ’s bedroom. It’s like he has his own house, perfect for parties – but with strict parents like his, we’ve never actually been able to use it until today.
Behind the building is a large decked area with fancy patio furniture which is already packed with partygoers. It sounds like there are lots of people inside too, because chatter and the sound of people having a good time drifts out of the open windows with along with the loud music. The party was late starting, because DJ’s parents didn’t leave until late, so it’s getting dark out, but the patio is well-lit and the building behind me is beaming light out of every window. It’s impossible for it to be creepy here, with so many people, so much noise, so much light.
Eventually I spot DJ and Clarky, over to one side on the decking, but it looks like they’re arguing.
‘Hi,’ I say cautiously, trying to work out what I’m interrupting.
‘Hey, Jas,’ DJ replies. ‘Have a word with him, will you? He’s brought drugs to the party.’
‘Clarky, what the hell?’ I blurt.
‘What? I brought a bag of skag, thought I’d liven things up a bit,’ he explains, his tone suggesting he finds me just as ungrateful as he’s finding DJ.
‘Who brings heroin to a house party?’ I ask him in a disbelieving, angry whisper.
‘Heroin?’ he repeats back to me. ‘Skag is weed, you loser.’
‘It’s definitely heroin,’ I say confidently.
Clarky pulls a clear plastic bag full of ground-up green stuff from his pocket.
‘What makes you the authority on drugs?’ he asks me.
DJ snatches it from him and examines it.
‘I don’t know, because I’ve watched The Bill?’ I quip, but that might actually be true. ‘Skag is not weed.’
‘Neither is this,’ DJ says, laughing so hard his eyes start to water.
‘What do you mean?’ Clarky asks. ‘Of course it is. I bought it off some lads at uni.’
‘Then you’ve been done,’ DJ informs him. ‘Jas, smell this.’
Curious, I sniff the contents of the bag.
‘It smells like pizza,’ I say, confused.
‘Mate, that’s a bag of oregano,’ DJ informs him.
‘Bollocks,’ Clarky replies. ‘Screw you two. I’m taking my weed and I’m going to join in the FIFA tournament, and I’m going to see if anyone fancies a smoke with me.’
Clarky snatches the bag and storms off.
‘I’d say don’t smoke it inside but I often cook with it in the kitchen,’ DJ calls after him mockingly. He turns to me, once it’s just the two of us. ‘That boy is a clown. Can you even imagine him at uni?’
‘I bet he drives everyone mad,’ I reply with a sigh. ‘I wonder if they put up with him like we do.’
‘Does selling him herbs and pretending they’re drugs sound like putting up with him?’ he says through a laugh.
‘Good point,’ I reply. ‘Anyway, come on, are you happy with your results?’
‘I am indeed,’ he says proudly. ‘Are you?’
‘I am too,’ I reply. ‘And Maxi? Where is she?’
‘She’s up in my bedroom, she just wanted a few minutes on her own,’ he says, lowering his voice, his expression suddenly much more serious. ‘To be honest, I don’t think she’s doing so good. I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it herself.’
‘Right, okay,’ I reply, springing to action. ‘Can I go up there now?’
‘Yeah, of course, but, Jas, before you go.’
DJ places a hand on my shoulder, which makes me think something bad must be coming.
‘Mikey is here,’ he tells me.
‘Thanks for the heads-up,’ I reply. ‘I guess I’ll have to face him sooner or later. Tonight is as good a night as any.’
‘That’s the thing, I don’t think it is,’ DJ says, and something about the look on his face worries me sick. ‘He messed up his exams, he’s not going to uni.’
‘Oh, God, that’s awful,’ I say honestly. ‘How is he taking it?’
‘Bad,’ DJ replies, his eyes widening for emphasis. ‘He turned up drunk, for one thing, but he was looking for you, saying he needed to talk to you. I felt like he was going to try to get you back but, I don’t know, you might want to avoid him. He wasn’t in a fit state for a sensible conversation.’
‘Thanks for the heads-up,’ I reply. ‘I guess I’ll go hide in your bedroom with Maxi.’
‘Tell her I’ll be up soon, I’m just making sure everything is okay out here.’
I nod before heading inside. Wow, the place really is packed – I don’t even recognise some of these people but I suppose that’s what it’s like with house parties, word spreads, people bring their friends, and you end up with a house full of randoms. I would never throw a party at my parents’ house, even if they were away for the night – no, especially if they were away for the night – because anything could happen. What if something gets broken or something bad happens? I know, that’s not exactly in the party spirit, I guess I’m in worrying mode now. I just can’t shake the feeling something bad is going to happen tonight.
I knock on DJ’s bedroom door.
‘Maxi? Max, it’s Jas, can I come in?’ I call out.
‘Jas, oh my God, am I glad to see you,’ Maxi says as she lets me in.
She sits down on the bed, so I sit next to her.
‘Wow, so this is DJ’s room?’ I say. ‘It’s… kind of what I expected?’
‘Yeah, me too, I guess,’ she replies, laughing quietly, but I can tell she’s upset about something. ‘I knew he was a nerd but this… yeah.’
In some ways, DJ’s room is exactly as you would expect a teenage boy’s bedroom to look – the colours, the way things have so blatantly been sort-of tidied by being kicked under various items of furniture, the smell of cheap deodorant like the boys’ changing rooms at school (but only in that small window after PE when they’re all blasting the various flavours of Lynx at the same time). His personality shines through, though, in all the retro games consoles, and the bits of random tech on his desk – gadgets I don’t recognise, things he’s been dismantling, random wires and plugs and all sorts.
‘The flowers are nice,’ I say, nodding towards the vase on the desk.
They’re a brightly coloured mixed bunch, the kind you get from the supermarket. ‘A bit out of place, though.’
‘They’re for me,’ she says with a slight smile. ‘Tonight is supposed to be the night.’
I think everyone and their mate somehow knows that this whole party is in honour of Maxi and DJ having sex for the first time, which is probably weird, but here we are.
‘I guess it’s sweet of him, to put flowers out, and that random candle over there,’ she continues.
Sure enough, on the chest of drawers by the window, there is a long, skinny white candle with a gold cross on it. I suppose it’s the thought that counts.
‘You know, it’s totally okay to change your mind,’ I reassure her. ‘DJ is a good guy, he’ll understand. He just wants to make you happy.’
‘I know,’ she replies. ‘Believe me, I know. I didn’t get into York.’
‘What? Really?’ I reply in disbelief. ‘Oh, Maxi, I’m so sorry.’
‘I didn’t get the English grade I needed,’ she says with a shrug, her eyes filling with tears. ‘It’s fine, I have my other options, but they’re all just so far away, and I was so looking forward to us all going to York. I don’t want the gang to break up. DJ is being amazing, though. We coordinated some of our backup unis, so he says wherever I go, he’ll go. But he’s so smart, he has such a bright future ahead of him, I don’t want to hold him back.’
‘DJ is smart,’ I agree. ‘And he’ll do what’s right for him, don’t worry about that. We just need to worry about you, and what’s right for you. But please, please don’t worry about us not all being in the same place – we survived when Clarky left.’
Maxi snorts.
‘But seriously,’ I continue. ‘We’re all going to be fine, no matter where we go to uni, we’ll be friends forever.’
‘Do you think?’ she sobs.
‘Of course,’ I insist. ‘I love you, Max. I’d miss you, if we went to different unis, but we would talk all the time and see each other in the holidays.’
Maxi wipes her eyes.
‘You’re right,’ she says. ‘As always. Thank you.’
‘Just don’t be so hard on yourself,’ I insist as I give her a squeeze. ‘Mikey didn’t get the grades to get in anywhere, apparently, and he’s taking it way worse than you.’
‘Wow, really?’ she replies. ‘But, wait, you know what that means, don’t you?’
I look at her, waiting for the answer.
‘That means it’s just you and Cam going to York,’ she points out.
My heart stops for a second.
‘Ah, yeah, you’re right,’ I reply casually.
‘Come on, you can’t tell me you’re not excited at the thought,’ she says. ‘It’s actually pretty perfect for you, if it’s just the two of you. You might be able to finally get together without worrying about what anyone else thinks. If I know you – and I do – I’ll bet you’ve been flirting up a storm with him all summer, but you’ll be worrying too much about Mikey’s feelings to do anything about it. Just promise me, if it is just the two of you, you’ll give it a real go. Swear it to me, because then at least all of this was for something.’
‘You’re such a sweetheart,’ I tell her, kissing her on the cheek. ‘Wherever you do go, I know you’re going to do something amazing.’
‘And you’re going to do Cam,’ she jokes. ‘Promise me.’
Before I get a chance to say anything, DJ joins us.
‘Is everything okay?’ he asks.
‘Yes,’ Maxi tells him. ‘Jas has really cheered me up.’
‘I’ll give you two some space,’ I suggest. ‘I’m going to try to find Cam.’
‘Remember what I said about Mikey,’ DJ warns me again. ‘He’s really not in a good place.’
I leave Maxi and DJ to do whatever they’re going to do and make my way back through the hallway to head downstairs. As I pass the lounge doorway, I notice Mikey in there, watching the FIFA tournament, but boy does he look in a bad way. Not just drunk, but tired, deflated, unhappy. It crosses my mind, for a second, that me breaking up with him could have been the reason he did so terribly in his exams. I know, that makes me sound like an egomaniac, I just mean that my timing wasn’t ideal, but if we’re being honest he clearly had something going on already, which is why I broke up with him. He turns his head so I dart out of the way and hurry back downstairs, and hover outside while I text Cam to find out where he is. He replies saying he won’t be long and sure enough he turns up shortly after. I’m so happy to see him when I spot him walking up the driveway. I feel weirdly relieved too.
‘Hey,’ I say brightly.
‘Hi,’ he replies with a smile. ‘How’s the party?’
‘Clarky bought a bag of herbs thinking they were weed,’ I say excitedly.
‘Of course he did,’ Cam says, laughing as he shakes his head.
‘And Maxi and DJ are up in his room.’
‘Tonight’s the night,’ Cam jokes.
‘That’s what everyone is saying,’ I reply with a roll of my eyes. ‘I could do with talking to you, actually.’
‘Yeah, it would be good to chat,’ he replies. ‘Is there a quiet spot in there?’
‘It’s a house party, what do you think?’ I joke. ‘Actually, I know where we can talk.’
I take Cam by the hand without really thinking about it, but the second my hand touches his, it’s almost as though my skin starts to tingle, like I’m having a reaction to him – a good one, though.
I lead him around the back of the building, past DJ’s dad’s workshop, to a small shed I noticed attached to the building. I try the door and it’s unlocked so we step inside. There’s an ancient-looking light on the wall so I turn it on, we don’t get much light from it, but it shows us where we are – in some kind of wood store, full of logs, cobwebs and various creepy-crawlies, but this place is so old with missing wooden panels that I’m not surprised it has its own ecosystem.
‘Interesting place for a chat,’ Cam jokes.
‘I didn’t know it was a knackered shed full of logs and bugs when I picked it out,’ I reply with a smile. ‘But it’s the only place we’re going to get any privacy.’
‘Then I guess I’ll take it,’ Cam replies. ‘Are you okay? You look a little… blah!’
Cam makes a sort of wild, excitable, stressed kind of sound which, yeah, to be honest, that’s pretty spot on.
‘Things are just… I don’t know,’ I reply, confusingly. ‘Mikey is here, drunk and looking for me to talk, but he didn’t get into uni.’
‘At all?’ Cam replies.
I shake my head.
‘And Maxi didn’t get into York,’ I continue. ‘And DJ doesn’t want to go if Maxi isn’t.’
‘Wow,’ Cam blurts, clearly speechless.
‘So, it’s looking like it’s going to be just me and you, and I’m gutted for everyone else, but…’
‘Jas.’
‘Wait a minute, let me finish, because if I don’t say this now, I’ll probably bottle it like I have every day since I met you,’ I tell him with a laugh, stalling for time as my confidence grows slowly.
I take a deep breath.
‘Cam, I like you, I’ve always liked you,’ I tell him. ‘I think you’re amazing. Just the smartest, funniest, cutest boy I’ve ever met. And I’ve felt that way pretty much since the day we met and if you don’t feel the same way as me, well, I’m still glad I told you. But if you do feel the same way, and it’s just the two of us going to York, then perhaps we can give things a proper go, start from scratch, get to know each other properly without our friends around and see where this goes.’
Wow, putting yourself out there is scary, and it feels like it’s taking him so long to reply. My confidence is slipping again, with every second it takes him to speak.
‘Of course I feel the same way,’ Cam replies. ‘And I’ve always felt that way too. You’re so witty, so intelligent – and so, so beautiful, but it’s almost as though you haven’t realised it yet, which only makes you seem even cuter. I’ve wanted to say this to you forever, and I’d finally talked myself into it when Mikey got there first. I didn’t know what to do, other than help him ask you – I just really hoped you’d say no.’
‘And I thought you weren’t interested in me, which is why I said yes to him, to try to get over you,’ I blurt. ‘But the whole time I was with him, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I couldn’t even kiss him, but all I wanted to do was kiss you.’
‘The jealousy was eating me alive,’ he admits. ‘I was almost relieved, when I heard the two of you hadn’t even kissed.’
‘Because I want my first kiss to matter,’ I reply. ‘And I only want it to be with you.’
Wow, when the time is right, something somewhere in your brain just switches on, and everything becomes clear. Chances are, if you’re wondering if the time is right, then it probably isn’t, because now that it is I can safely say I have never been more sure about anything, and with absolutely zero regard for the consequences, all I can think about doing is jumping in.
I practically throw myself at him. I’ve never leaned in for a kiss before but my lips are on his in a split second. Whatever I felt in my hand when I touched his – this is like that times a thousand. The most intense pins and needles I’ve ever felt, starting in my lips, surging to every inch of my body. I wrap my arms around his neck as Cam locks his around my waist. I have no idea what I’m doing so I just do what comes naturally. I run a hand up the back of his head, into his hair. Cam squeezes my hips. I’d always heard first kisses were supposed to be rubbish but perhaps when they’re with the right person, at the right time, they’re just right.
