Long Time No Sea, page 12
‘Honestly, mate, I would kill you, cook you and eat you to stay alive but I’d be too worried it would make me dumber,’ Mike tells him.
‘Anyway, I’ll take Drea,’ Clarky concludes.
‘God, Maxi, this is just… you can sleep next to me, if you like,’ DJ babbles. He sounds stressed, exhausted, and apologetic even though none of this is his fault.
‘Thanks,’ she replies. ‘Honestly, I’m so cold. Is it only going to get worse?’
Clarky stands proudly with his hands on his hips. You can tell he feels like the big man.
‘The temperature always drops at night,’ he informs us.
Suddenly, it occurs to me, hitting me all of a sudden, giving me a mental jolt: Clarky is sleeping with Drea, DJ is sleeping with Maxi. That just leaves me, Mike and Cam. God, this couldn’t feel any more like the old days if we tried. What the hell am I supposed to do? It’s like the old, messy love triangle we were trapped in when we were teens only now it’s so, so much more awkward, and in such a stressful scenario. Whom do I sleep with? What is the least uncomfortable option for everyone? Perhaps I should just ask them to sandwich me between them, I’d certainly be warm then, and, oh, not uncomfortable wishing that a huge tidal wave would come and wash us all out to sea, putting us all out of our misery, no, not at all.
Now I’m losing my mind.
‘Go on then, I’ll be a gent,’ Mike says. ‘Jas, what do you reckon? I’m always boiling at night. Fill your boots.’
‘Thanks,’ I reply. ‘That would be really helpful.’
Maybe that’s the best way to play it, casually, gratefully, like it’s a necessity and I’ll take what I can get.
‘Cam, mate, don’t be on your own,’ DJ insists, noticing him standing alone, keeping quiet. ‘Sleep next to me. We’ve only got three blankets anyway.’
‘I’m sure I’ll be fine,’ Cam insists simply.
‘Honestly, mate, we’ve got to do what we’ve got to do, it’s all good,’ DJ persists.
‘Come on then,’ Clarky insists brightly. ‘Let’s get in bed, conserve body heat and energy, we’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.’
Maxi starts crying.
‘We’re going to die, we’re all going to die,’ she sobs.
DJ takes her face in his hands and looks into her eyes.
‘Listen to me, Max, I’m not going to let that happen, okay?’
Maxi sniffs hard and nods.
Mike takes one of the blankets and clears an area of sand of anything that might be uncomfortable to lie in.
‘Here, do you reckon?’ he asks me, nodding towards somewhere near the fire, but not too close.
I shrug.
‘I guess,’ I reply.
Honestly, however awkward you’re thinking this is, it’s so, so much worse. Mike lies down on the sand, pulling the blanket over him before peeling it back for me to ‘get in’.
I smile as I get down and roll onto my side and lie facing away from Mike. He spoons up behind me before covering me with the blanket.
Okay, so I am much warmer, for having someone close, but Mike and I were teenagers, still in school when we were briefly a couple. We never even really kissed, not properly, we didn’t get beyond holding hands, pecks on the lips, and standing hugs. This feels so intimate, so strange.
‘And I thought I’d never get you into bed,’ he jokes.
I laugh.
‘It’s just how I imagined it,’ I reply playfully.
‘The stars twinkling above us, the roaring of the ocean, the beautiful beach,’ he says with a sigh. ‘If you forget that our friends are only metres away, we don’t have enough food or drink, and we’re all going to die, it’s actually quite romantic.’
My laugh is interrupted by a blood-curdling scream. We both sit up and look around to see Drea freaking out.
‘What?’ Clarky asks. ‘What? What? Is it snakes?’
‘Snakes?’ Maxi cries. DJ hugs her tightly. ‘Oh God…’
Drea – who, up until now, has been listening to music, silently unbothered by everything that is going on – screams.
‘My AirPod batteries have died,’ Drea wails.
Oh, boy, now we really are in trouble.
14
I wake up with a start, my heart beating hard and fast in my chest. Oh, thank God, it was a nightmare. I dreamt that I was back at school, in one of the classrooms, crying for help because the place was on fire and I couldn’t find any of my friends. But it was just a dream. Just a horrible dream.
For a moment I’m disorientated, unsure of where I am, but as I shiver in the cold night air, I remember that I’m stranded on an island. You’ve almost got to laugh – somehow my nightmare seems less scary than my reality.
I glance at Mike, who is sound asleep beside me. He’s sleeping so peacefully and I’m so jealous. How on earth is he doing that?
I glance around. It’s hard to see much, beyond Mike, because the fire has gone out. Ah, and even though Clarky had the sense to bring a lighter, he unfortunately didn’t possess the required set of skills to not drop it into the fire, destroying our only source of light and heat. Oh, I can’t wait until tomorrow, to watch the clown rubbing two sticks together, trying to get a new fire going.
I tell myself that it was my bad dream, the low temperature or the extreme discomfort that woke me up with a start but then I hear it again: a noise from behind the trees. Rustling and, I don’t know, some kind of animal noise maybe. I slowly sit up, my eyes scanning the darkness, but there’s nothing I can make out. Oh God, what is it? Is it an animal? I wouldn’t even know what kind of animals they had and thanks to DJ I can’t stop thinking about Lost. I’ll allow myself to rule out smoke monsters, but boars maybe?
I grab my phone but the battery is flat. Fantastic. But as I’m feeling around in my bag, I find my camera. Perhaps I could sneak over there, stay out here on the beach but use my camera flash to take a picture of what is lurking beyond the trees. At least then we’ll know what we’re up against and, with a bit of luck, the flash might scare it away.
The thumping in my chest spreads to my ears as I creep across the dark beach, clutching my camera tightly in my sweaty hand. At the minute, my heartbeat and the water lapping against the shore is all I can hear.
I pause but then I hear it again. Grunting. Definitely some kind of boar. Well, Clarky wasn’t wrong about this being exciting, because while I do constantly feel like I’m about to die, I’m never quite sure from what. There are so many weird and wonderful options, although knowing my luck it will be something stupid.
As I get closer to the trees, I start to feel uneasy. I know I shouldn’t be out here by myself, there can’t be anything out there in the shadows that isn’t bad news, but I’m here now. I need to stick with the plan.
I can’t see anything in front of me, the darkness is practically suffocating. But I keep going, my gaze fixed on the spot where I heard the noise. Someone needs to protect the camp right now, even if it’s me. To be honest, I’m as qualified as anyone else here.
As I approach the trees, I raise my camera, ready to use the flash. I know it’s dangerous, and stupid, and that it could expose my position to any potential threats. Too scared to get too close, or reveal my exact location, I press my body up against a tree for camouflage and cover, I stick out my arm, my camera held tightly in my hand, and press the shutter.
Flash.
For a split second, the flash illuminates the darkness, then I hear a voice say, ‘Shit.’
My heart stops as I realise we might not be completely alone out here.
‘What was that?’ the voice says again. It’s female, familiar – it’s Maxi.
Oh, God, she must be going to the toilet behind the trees and here I am, freaking her out and potentially embarrassing her.
I dash back to bed, my feet slipping all over the sand as I run, not wanting to make an already strange situation any more awkward. I drop my camera on top of my bag and lie down next to Mike, tucking in close. He drapes his arm across my body in his sleep, almost like a reflex. I close my eyes tightly, my heartbeat as loud as it can be in my ears, and pretend to be asleep.
It’s a sorry state of affairs when you want to go back into your nightmare, isn’t it?
15
THEN – 14 FEBRUARY 2008
I’m last to arrive at the park where we often hang out – it’s not surprising that I’m the last here, not now that Clarky is away at uni in Leeds – but it’s unusual to see Maxi running over to greet me, waving frantically as she bounds over excitedly, cutting me off before I can get to the rest of the gang.
‘Jas! Oh, Jas, do I have some juicy gossip for you!’ she whispers, her eyes sparkling.
I raise an eyebrow curiously. It must be good, if she’s this excited.
‘Oh, really?’ I reply. ‘Go on then.’
It’s Valentine’s Day today, but, for some reason Maxi and DJ are still choosing to hang out with me, Mikey and Cam after sixth form. They’ve been together for years – for as long as I can remember, really – but they’ve not taken their relationship to the next level yet, and I think they’re finding it kind of awkward. I’m not surprised. We’re that sort of age where some of us are ready for sex and some of us aren’t – and even the ones who are ready don’t know how to actually initiate doing it for the first time. I know Maxi isn’t sure if she’s ready, but she says that half the problem is that it’s because they have nowhere to do it. She recently confided in me that they had discussed doing it for the first time on our ill-fated camping trip last year, when DJ couldn’t get his tent up (no pun intended), and we all know how that ended, so it never happened. But with Maxi’s dad being quite old-fashioned and DJ’s parents being super-religious, they never get a chance to give it a go, so they’re probably here to distract themselves from it on the most romantic day of the year, or avoid the concept altogether.
‘Mikey’s going to ask you to be his girlfriend!’ she blurts, a full beaming grin finally erupting across her face.
I feel my stomach drop.
‘What?’ I reply, gobsmacked. ‘That’s awful. I don’t want him to.’
Maxi looks confused.
‘Why on earth not?’ she replies. ‘He’s the most popular guy in our year – and, don’t tell DJ I said this, but he’s so fit!’
‘I know, but I don’t like him like that,’ I explain. ‘Wouldn’t it ruin our friendship group, if he asked and I said no, or if we gave things a go and they didn’t work out? And, anyway, I like someone else.’
I don’t say who, but Maxi looks at me as though she knows exactly who I like.
‘Ahh. Well, look at it this way, if this someone you like, this mystery person I couldn’t even guess the name of,’ she continues sarcastically, ‘if he liked you the way you liked him, wouldn’t he have asked you out by now? And if for some strange reason he was too scared to do so, then don’t you think another boy asking you out might be just the push he needed to make him do something about it?’
‘In what universe will me saying yes to boy number two make boy number one ask me out?’ I reply in disbelief.
‘I’m just saying, if he knows someone else is interested, maybe he’ll do something about it,’ she says. ‘But if Ca… I mean boy number one isn’t interested, don’t you think you should give things a go with Mikey? Your friendship could grow into something so much more, and you’ve been holding out for someone else all this time – I think you owe it to yourself to give something new a try.’
I sigh. Perhaps Maxi is right. If Cam doesn’t want to be more than friends, then maybe I do need to give other boys a chance. They’re not exactly knocking my door down – in fact, I can’t even believe Mikey is interested, I thought he only saw me as a friend. Do I see him as more than a friend? I’d never really given it any thought, until just now. Maxi is right, he’s fit, he’s funny, he’s definitely one of the coolest boys in our year. I would have to be crazy to turn him down – but the problem is that I’m crazy about Cam. I just wish I could know for sure if he was interested in me or not. Either way, what I need is time to figure this out.
‘Whatever you do, don’t leave me alone with him,’ I insist to Maxi, hooking my arm with hers as we go to join the boys at the swings.
‘Okay, whatever you say,’ she replies. ‘But you know I’m right.’
I nod, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves.
‘Yeah, I guess you are,’ I reply. ‘I just need to think about it.’
‘Finally,’ Mikey says. ‘I was beginning to think you girls were going to run off and leave me to spend my Valentine’s Day with these two muppets.’
‘In your dreams,’ DJ jokes, blowing him a kiss. Cam doesn’t say much, though.
‘Jas, can I have a word with you?’ Mikey asks me. ‘In private.’
Wow, he isn’t wasting any time in cutting to the chase.
I look to Maxi, my best friend, the one who is going to save me.
‘She’s all yours,’ she replies with a smile.
I subtly widen my eyes at her as she pulls me close for a hug.
‘No point overthinking it,’ she whispers into my ear.
I feel my heart rate pick up as I follow him in the direction of an old oak tree we sometimes shelter under when it’s raining. I appreciate Maxi giving me the heads-up, tipping me off to what Mikey is going to ask me (I don’t appreciate her not sticking to her promise of making sure I don’t wind up alone with him today, though) but it’s still difficult. What am I going to say to him? How am I not going to make this weird?
‘Sorry to be odd,’ he tells me. ‘It’s just, I really wanted to talk to you in private, to tell you… well… to tell you that I like you.’
‘Aw, I like you too,’ I reply. ‘I’m so lucky, to have such wonderful friends.’
I swear, this makes Mikey flinch.
‘Well, more than that, really,’ he continues. ‘I really like you, actually. We’ve been friends for years now and those feelings have only grown. I think you’re smart and you’re funny and you’re fun to be around. I’d love to spend more time with you, just me and you and, I suppose what I’m trying to say is…’
Mikey pauses for a second before shouting to the group over my shoulder.
‘Guys!’
I turn around and see that Maxi, DJ and Cam are holding up two pieces of paper – one in each hand – with a large letter drawn in permanent marker on each one. Maxi’s say ‘B’ and ‘E’. DJ’s say ‘M’ and ‘Y’ and Cam’s say ‘G’ and ‘F’. BE MY GF. Oh my God, ‘Be my girlfriend’.
‘So, Jasmine, what do you say?’ Mikey asks me. ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’
I feel a heavy sinking pain in my stomach.
‘Oh my gosh,’ I blurt, buying myself some time. ‘All of these guys were in on it?’
‘Yep, all three of them,’ he says. ‘Especially Cam, my best buddy. He’s been really supportive.’
Oh, so there it is. Cam isn’t interested in me, not like that. It hurts – of course it does – but what was I expecting? I think over what Maxi said, about how I need to move on with my life, and give other boys a chance. Maybe Mikey could be the right guy for me? Maybe our friendship will turn into more if I just give it a chance? And, if I say no, what will that do to the group? If I do say no, I need to be damn sure I mean it, and if I do say yes, it needs to be for the right reasons. Not just because I can’t have Cam, but because Mikey could be good for me. I already trust him, so that’s a good start. I know him well, I know we get on.
‘Come on, Jas, don’t leave me hanging,’ he says almost nervously.
‘Okay,’ I reply.
‘Okay?’ he says.
‘Yes,’ I say, more like I mean it this time.
‘She said yes,’ he calls out to the rest of our group. ‘Oh my God, I was so nervous, asking you, worried you might say no.’
It’s nice, seeing him let his cool guard down, it makes me smile.
Mikey leans in and gives me a very brief peck on the lips – my first ever kiss with a boy.
‘Let’s go join the others then,’ he says as he takes me by the hand.
‘Okay,’ I reply.
Wow, this feels so weird. Not bad weird, just unusual. I’ve never held hands with a boy before, never kissed a boy before – obviously never had a boyfriend before. I can’t believe it’s all finally happening. I just need to shake that feeling that I wish it was happening with someone else.
16
NOW
My eyes snap open as I hear a scream. Why do I feel like this is going to happen often while we’re on this island?
I allow them a second to adjust to the bright sunshine before I can take in my surroundings.
I realise I’m staring at the back of Mike’s head, meaning I’ve spooned up to him in my sleep. I’m terrible for that when I’m cold, my body gravitates towards the warm person next to me, it’s just usually whenever I’ve shared a bed with someone it’s been in the usual way – and in an actual bed, for that matter.
I feel Mike’s body tense up as he hears the scream. We both hurry to our feet, heading in the direction of the commotion.
‘Shit,’ Clarky shouts. ‘Shit!’
‘Mate, what’s wrong?’ Cam asks, pacing back and forth with him, trying to put a calming hand on his shoulder.
I notice Maxi, sitting on her blanket, hugging her knees. She doesn’t look good at all, like she’s hardly slept a wink. DJ is standing next to her.
‘Clarky, what’s wrong?’ I ask him calmly.
‘It’s Drea,’ he says. ‘She’s vanished. I woke up and she was gone.’
‘Gone where?’ Mike asks.
‘I don’t know, do I?’ Clarky replies. ‘She’s disappeared.’
Clarky drops to the floor, examining the sand. More than sounding panicked, he seems to be more excited about the opportunity to flaunt more of his dodgy survivalist skills.
‘No signs of her being dragged,’ he confirms. Then he thinks. ‘Unless she was carried away. Pirates?’
‘Anyway, I’ll take Drea,’ Clarky concludes.
‘God, Maxi, this is just… you can sleep next to me, if you like,’ DJ babbles. He sounds stressed, exhausted, and apologetic even though none of this is his fault.
‘Thanks,’ she replies. ‘Honestly, I’m so cold. Is it only going to get worse?’
Clarky stands proudly with his hands on his hips. You can tell he feels like the big man.
‘The temperature always drops at night,’ he informs us.
Suddenly, it occurs to me, hitting me all of a sudden, giving me a mental jolt: Clarky is sleeping with Drea, DJ is sleeping with Maxi. That just leaves me, Mike and Cam. God, this couldn’t feel any more like the old days if we tried. What the hell am I supposed to do? It’s like the old, messy love triangle we were trapped in when we were teens only now it’s so, so much more awkward, and in such a stressful scenario. Whom do I sleep with? What is the least uncomfortable option for everyone? Perhaps I should just ask them to sandwich me between them, I’d certainly be warm then, and, oh, not uncomfortable wishing that a huge tidal wave would come and wash us all out to sea, putting us all out of our misery, no, not at all.
Now I’m losing my mind.
‘Go on then, I’ll be a gent,’ Mike says. ‘Jas, what do you reckon? I’m always boiling at night. Fill your boots.’
‘Thanks,’ I reply. ‘That would be really helpful.’
Maybe that’s the best way to play it, casually, gratefully, like it’s a necessity and I’ll take what I can get.
‘Cam, mate, don’t be on your own,’ DJ insists, noticing him standing alone, keeping quiet. ‘Sleep next to me. We’ve only got three blankets anyway.’
‘I’m sure I’ll be fine,’ Cam insists simply.
‘Honestly, mate, we’ve got to do what we’ve got to do, it’s all good,’ DJ persists.
‘Come on then,’ Clarky insists brightly. ‘Let’s get in bed, conserve body heat and energy, we’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.’
Maxi starts crying.
‘We’re going to die, we’re all going to die,’ she sobs.
DJ takes her face in his hands and looks into her eyes.
‘Listen to me, Max, I’m not going to let that happen, okay?’
Maxi sniffs hard and nods.
Mike takes one of the blankets and clears an area of sand of anything that might be uncomfortable to lie in.
‘Here, do you reckon?’ he asks me, nodding towards somewhere near the fire, but not too close.
I shrug.
‘I guess,’ I reply.
Honestly, however awkward you’re thinking this is, it’s so, so much worse. Mike lies down on the sand, pulling the blanket over him before peeling it back for me to ‘get in’.
I smile as I get down and roll onto my side and lie facing away from Mike. He spoons up behind me before covering me with the blanket.
Okay, so I am much warmer, for having someone close, but Mike and I were teenagers, still in school when we were briefly a couple. We never even really kissed, not properly, we didn’t get beyond holding hands, pecks on the lips, and standing hugs. This feels so intimate, so strange.
‘And I thought I’d never get you into bed,’ he jokes.
I laugh.
‘It’s just how I imagined it,’ I reply playfully.
‘The stars twinkling above us, the roaring of the ocean, the beautiful beach,’ he says with a sigh. ‘If you forget that our friends are only metres away, we don’t have enough food or drink, and we’re all going to die, it’s actually quite romantic.’
My laugh is interrupted by a blood-curdling scream. We both sit up and look around to see Drea freaking out.
‘What?’ Clarky asks. ‘What? What? Is it snakes?’
‘Snakes?’ Maxi cries. DJ hugs her tightly. ‘Oh God…’
Drea – who, up until now, has been listening to music, silently unbothered by everything that is going on – screams.
‘My AirPod batteries have died,’ Drea wails.
Oh, boy, now we really are in trouble.
14
I wake up with a start, my heart beating hard and fast in my chest. Oh, thank God, it was a nightmare. I dreamt that I was back at school, in one of the classrooms, crying for help because the place was on fire and I couldn’t find any of my friends. But it was just a dream. Just a horrible dream.
For a moment I’m disorientated, unsure of where I am, but as I shiver in the cold night air, I remember that I’m stranded on an island. You’ve almost got to laugh – somehow my nightmare seems less scary than my reality.
I glance at Mike, who is sound asleep beside me. He’s sleeping so peacefully and I’m so jealous. How on earth is he doing that?
I glance around. It’s hard to see much, beyond Mike, because the fire has gone out. Ah, and even though Clarky had the sense to bring a lighter, he unfortunately didn’t possess the required set of skills to not drop it into the fire, destroying our only source of light and heat. Oh, I can’t wait until tomorrow, to watch the clown rubbing two sticks together, trying to get a new fire going.
I tell myself that it was my bad dream, the low temperature or the extreme discomfort that woke me up with a start but then I hear it again: a noise from behind the trees. Rustling and, I don’t know, some kind of animal noise maybe. I slowly sit up, my eyes scanning the darkness, but there’s nothing I can make out. Oh God, what is it? Is it an animal? I wouldn’t even know what kind of animals they had and thanks to DJ I can’t stop thinking about Lost. I’ll allow myself to rule out smoke monsters, but boars maybe?
I grab my phone but the battery is flat. Fantastic. But as I’m feeling around in my bag, I find my camera. Perhaps I could sneak over there, stay out here on the beach but use my camera flash to take a picture of what is lurking beyond the trees. At least then we’ll know what we’re up against and, with a bit of luck, the flash might scare it away.
The thumping in my chest spreads to my ears as I creep across the dark beach, clutching my camera tightly in my sweaty hand. At the minute, my heartbeat and the water lapping against the shore is all I can hear.
I pause but then I hear it again. Grunting. Definitely some kind of boar. Well, Clarky wasn’t wrong about this being exciting, because while I do constantly feel like I’m about to die, I’m never quite sure from what. There are so many weird and wonderful options, although knowing my luck it will be something stupid.
As I get closer to the trees, I start to feel uneasy. I know I shouldn’t be out here by myself, there can’t be anything out there in the shadows that isn’t bad news, but I’m here now. I need to stick with the plan.
I can’t see anything in front of me, the darkness is practically suffocating. But I keep going, my gaze fixed on the spot where I heard the noise. Someone needs to protect the camp right now, even if it’s me. To be honest, I’m as qualified as anyone else here.
As I approach the trees, I raise my camera, ready to use the flash. I know it’s dangerous, and stupid, and that it could expose my position to any potential threats. Too scared to get too close, or reveal my exact location, I press my body up against a tree for camouflage and cover, I stick out my arm, my camera held tightly in my hand, and press the shutter.
Flash.
For a split second, the flash illuminates the darkness, then I hear a voice say, ‘Shit.’
My heart stops as I realise we might not be completely alone out here.
‘What was that?’ the voice says again. It’s female, familiar – it’s Maxi.
Oh, God, she must be going to the toilet behind the trees and here I am, freaking her out and potentially embarrassing her.
I dash back to bed, my feet slipping all over the sand as I run, not wanting to make an already strange situation any more awkward. I drop my camera on top of my bag and lie down next to Mike, tucking in close. He drapes his arm across my body in his sleep, almost like a reflex. I close my eyes tightly, my heartbeat as loud as it can be in my ears, and pretend to be asleep.
It’s a sorry state of affairs when you want to go back into your nightmare, isn’t it?
15
THEN – 14 FEBRUARY 2008
I’m last to arrive at the park where we often hang out – it’s not surprising that I’m the last here, not now that Clarky is away at uni in Leeds – but it’s unusual to see Maxi running over to greet me, waving frantically as she bounds over excitedly, cutting me off before I can get to the rest of the gang.
‘Jas! Oh, Jas, do I have some juicy gossip for you!’ she whispers, her eyes sparkling.
I raise an eyebrow curiously. It must be good, if she’s this excited.
‘Oh, really?’ I reply. ‘Go on then.’
It’s Valentine’s Day today, but, for some reason Maxi and DJ are still choosing to hang out with me, Mikey and Cam after sixth form. They’ve been together for years – for as long as I can remember, really – but they’ve not taken their relationship to the next level yet, and I think they’re finding it kind of awkward. I’m not surprised. We’re that sort of age where some of us are ready for sex and some of us aren’t – and even the ones who are ready don’t know how to actually initiate doing it for the first time. I know Maxi isn’t sure if she’s ready, but she says that half the problem is that it’s because they have nowhere to do it. She recently confided in me that they had discussed doing it for the first time on our ill-fated camping trip last year, when DJ couldn’t get his tent up (no pun intended), and we all know how that ended, so it never happened. But with Maxi’s dad being quite old-fashioned and DJ’s parents being super-religious, they never get a chance to give it a go, so they’re probably here to distract themselves from it on the most romantic day of the year, or avoid the concept altogether.
‘Mikey’s going to ask you to be his girlfriend!’ she blurts, a full beaming grin finally erupting across her face.
I feel my stomach drop.
‘What?’ I reply, gobsmacked. ‘That’s awful. I don’t want him to.’
Maxi looks confused.
‘Why on earth not?’ she replies. ‘He’s the most popular guy in our year – and, don’t tell DJ I said this, but he’s so fit!’
‘I know, but I don’t like him like that,’ I explain. ‘Wouldn’t it ruin our friendship group, if he asked and I said no, or if we gave things a go and they didn’t work out? And, anyway, I like someone else.’
I don’t say who, but Maxi looks at me as though she knows exactly who I like.
‘Ahh. Well, look at it this way, if this someone you like, this mystery person I couldn’t even guess the name of,’ she continues sarcastically, ‘if he liked you the way you liked him, wouldn’t he have asked you out by now? And if for some strange reason he was too scared to do so, then don’t you think another boy asking you out might be just the push he needed to make him do something about it?’
‘In what universe will me saying yes to boy number two make boy number one ask me out?’ I reply in disbelief.
‘I’m just saying, if he knows someone else is interested, maybe he’ll do something about it,’ she says. ‘But if Ca… I mean boy number one isn’t interested, don’t you think you should give things a go with Mikey? Your friendship could grow into something so much more, and you’ve been holding out for someone else all this time – I think you owe it to yourself to give something new a try.’
I sigh. Perhaps Maxi is right. If Cam doesn’t want to be more than friends, then maybe I do need to give other boys a chance. They’re not exactly knocking my door down – in fact, I can’t even believe Mikey is interested, I thought he only saw me as a friend. Do I see him as more than a friend? I’d never really given it any thought, until just now. Maxi is right, he’s fit, he’s funny, he’s definitely one of the coolest boys in our year. I would have to be crazy to turn him down – but the problem is that I’m crazy about Cam. I just wish I could know for sure if he was interested in me or not. Either way, what I need is time to figure this out.
‘Whatever you do, don’t leave me alone with him,’ I insist to Maxi, hooking my arm with hers as we go to join the boys at the swings.
‘Okay, whatever you say,’ she replies. ‘But you know I’m right.’
I nod, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves.
‘Yeah, I guess you are,’ I reply. ‘I just need to think about it.’
‘Finally,’ Mikey says. ‘I was beginning to think you girls were going to run off and leave me to spend my Valentine’s Day with these two muppets.’
‘In your dreams,’ DJ jokes, blowing him a kiss. Cam doesn’t say much, though.
‘Jas, can I have a word with you?’ Mikey asks me. ‘In private.’
Wow, he isn’t wasting any time in cutting to the chase.
I look to Maxi, my best friend, the one who is going to save me.
‘She’s all yours,’ she replies with a smile.
I subtly widen my eyes at her as she pulls me close for a hug.
‘No point overthinking it,’ she whispers into my ear.
I feel my heart rate pick up as I follow him in the direction of an old oak tree we sometimes shelter under when it’s raining. I appreciate Maxi giving me the heads-up, tipping me off to what Mikey is going to ask me (I don’t appreciate her not sticking to her promise of making sure I don’t wind up alone with him today, though) but it’s still difficult. What am I going to say to him? How am I not going to make this weird?
‘Sorry to be odd,’ he tells me. ‘It’s just, I really wanted to talk to you in private, to tell you… well… to tell you that I like you.’
‘Aw, I like you too,’ I reply. ‘I’m so lucky, to have such wonderful friends.’
I swear, this makes Mikey flinch.
‘Well, more than that, really,’ he continues. ‘I really like you, actually. We’ve been friends for years now and those feelings have only grown. I think you’re smart and you’re funny and you’re fun to be around. I’d love to spend more time with you, just me and you and, I suppose what I’m trying to say is…’
Mikey pauses for a second before shouting to the group over my shoulder.
‘Guys!’
I turn around and see that Maxi, DJ and Cam are holding up two pieces of paper – one in each hand – with a large letter drawn in permanent marker on each one. Maxi’s say ‘B’ and ‘E’. DJ’s say ‘M’ and ‘Y’ and Cam’s say ‘G’ and ‘F’. BE MY GF. Oh my God, ‘Be my girlfriend’.
‘So, Jasmine, what do you say?’ Mikey asks me. ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’
I feel a heavy sinking pain in my stomach.
‘Oh my gosh,’ I blurt, buying myself some time. ‘All of these guys were in on it?’
‘Yep, all three of them,’ he says. ‘Especially Cam, my best buddy. He’s been really supportive.’
Oh, so there it is. Cam isn’t interested in me, not like that. It hurts – of course it does – but what was I expecting? I think over what Maxi said, about how I need to move on with my life, and give other boys a chance. Maybe Mikey could be the right guy for me? Maybe our friendship will turn into more if I just give it a chance? And, if I say no, what will that do to the group? If I do say no, I need to be damn sure I mean it, and if I do say yes, it needs to be for the right reasons. Not just because I can’t have Cam, but because Mikey could be good for me. I already trust him, so that’s a good start. I know him well, I know we get on.
‘Come on, Jas, don’t leave me hanging,’ he says almost nervously.
‘Okay,’ I reply.
‘Okay?’ he says.
‘Yes,’ I say, more like I mean it this time.
‘She said yes,’ he calls out to the rest of our group. ‘Oh my God, I was so nervous, asking you, worried you might say no.’
It’s nice, seeing him let his cool guard down, it makes me smile.
Mikey leans in and gives me a very brief peck on the lips – my first ever kiss with a boy.
‘Let’s go join the others then,’ he says as he takes me by the hand.
‘Okay,’ I reply.
Wow, this feels so weird. Not bad weird, just unusual. I’ve never held hands with a boy before, never kissed a boy before – obviously never had a boyfriend before. I can’t believe it’s all finally happening. I just need to shake that feeling that I wish it was happening with someone else.
16
NOW
My eyes snap open as I hear a scream. Why do I feel like this is going to happen often while we’re on this island?
I allow them a second to adjust to the bright sunshine before I can take in my surroundings.
I realise I’m staring at the back of Mike’s head, meaning I’ve spooned up to him in my sleep. I’m terrible for that when I’m cold, my body gravitates towards the warm person next to me, it’s just usually whenever I’ve shared a bed with someone it’s been in the usual way – and in an actual bed, for that matter.
I feel Mike’s body tense up as he hears the scream. We both hurry to our feet, heading in the direction of the commotion.
‘Shit,’ Clarky shouts. ‘Shit!’
‘Mate, what’s wrong?’ Cam asks, pacing back and forth with him, trying to put a calming hand on his shoulder.
I notice Maxi, sitting on her blanket, hugging her knees. She doesn’t look good at all, like she’s hardly slept a wink. DJ is standing next to her.
‘Clarky, what’s wrong?’ I ask him calmly.
‘It’s Drea,’ he says. ‘She’s vanished. I woke up and she was gone.’
‘Gone where?’ Mike asks.
‘I don’t know, do I?’ Clarky replies. ‘She’s disappeared.’
Clarky drops to the floor, examining the sand. More than sounding panicked, he seems to be more excited about the opportunity to flaunt more of his dodgy survivalist skills.
‘No signs of her being dragged,’ he confirms. Then he thinks. ‘Unless she was carried away. Pirates?’
