Long Time No Sea, page 14
‘No, I wanted a wild holiday,’ he replies. ‘Look at this place – it’s a party resort. Everyone is late teens/early twenties.’
‘Oh, just your type then,’ Mike jokes.
‘Which reminds me, I need to find Drea, she must be here,’ Clarky muses. ‘Look, it’s this or the beach, and we can have some serious fun here. You can still relax, if you want, but I need this, guys. Come on, when in Rome, right?’
‘Well, I have no idea where we are,’ Maxi replies. ‘Certainly not Rome. But civilisation definitely suits me. Let’s find reception, book some rooms, and get settled in. And don’t worry about the money, it’s all on me. Let’s just stay here, have some fun, enjoy the facilities, and then we’ll take the boat back to the villa. But then I want to relax, Clarky, all of us, deal?’
‘Deal,’ he says, dancing on the spot like an excitable little boy.
I suppose this is like Disneyland for adults.
‘Excuse me,’ Cam says politely, flagging down a young woman walking past him. ‘Where are we?’
‘La Fine del Mondo,’ she screams before lifting up her bikini, allowing her boobs to fall out with a big flop.
Cam’s eyebrows shoot up. He quickly turns back to us.
‘La Fine del Mondo,’ he tells us.
‘Well, “fine” means “end” and “mondo” is world… The End of the World,’ Maxi eventually figures out. ‘That’s what that means.’
‘Sounds… ominous,’ DJ replies.
‘Oh, who cares, let’s go book some rooms,’ Maxi replies.
Maxi is right. I know this isn’t the holiday we planned but it’s only for a few days and it’s civilisation. Last night, all of us on the beach, thinking we were stranded, that was the end of the world. This place, this place seems amazing.
But at this point, so long as there’s food and beds, who cares?
17
‘I always land on my feet,’ Clarky thinks out loud as we make our way along the hotel corridor.
Obviously, we don’t have any luggage but there was a cheap and cheerful fast fashion shop downstairs – Maxi dubbed it Primarko – where we all stocked up on essentials. Well, sort of. Essentials in that it is essential we wear clothing, but everything was bright, loud, revealing or all of the above. But right now, clothes are clothes. I just want to have a shower, put something clean on and climb into bed.
‘Oh, really?’ Mike replies with a laugh.
‘Yeah, I mean, look at me, bags full of new clothes, strolling through a fancy resort on my way to the biggest suite the place has to offer,’ Clarky points out.
‘You’re not being rewarded,’ Maxi corrects him. ‘I still very much want to kill you. You’re only getting in the suite because this place was fully booked – apart from this fancy suite – so we’re sharing it out of necessity. We’re lucky it sleeps six, I’m hoping I can avoid you for the rest of the trip, but on the off-chance I can’t, that’s what the clean clothes are for.’
Maxi scrunches her nose, as though she’s caught a bad smell.
Clarky doesn’t care. He’s just so over the moon to be finally getting the holiday of his dreams.
‘I wonder how fancy the suite is,’ DJ says, perking up a little.
‘Very, I’m hoping,’ Maxi replies. ‘The girl at reception kept saying the name. I think she said it was the Scambisti Suite. I can’t say I know that word, although my Italian is limited. Perhaps they’re someone rich and famous in Italy. Ah, here we are.’
Maxi unlocks the door. We all follow her inside. The shutters are closed, making it really dark.
‘Oh, fancy,’ Clarky says sarcastically.
‘I’ll find the light switch,’ Mike says.
‘Honestly, I don’t care how fancy it is,’ I say, filling the silence while Mike finds the lights. ‘I think I could sleep on just about anything right now.’
Right on cue, the lights turn on.
I take in a short, sharp breath. No one else makes a peep. No one moves a muscle.
‘What the—’
‘Well, thi—’
Mike and Cam blurt over one another after what feels like an eternity of us just staring, trying to make sense of what we’re looking at.
The décor is interesting. Everything is red or black – deep, dark colours instead of the natural, Mediterranean villa vibes I’ve found elsewhere. It’s a large room, which you would think should be ideal, except that’s one of the problems, it’s just one big room with two super-king beds arranged not too far apart. Oh, and the other problem – and I feel silly even mentioning it really – is that this is clearly some sort of sex dungeon. Even the voice in my head sounds hysterical.
‘Right,’ Maxi says calmly. ‘I suppose the red flags should’ve raised when she described it as a room for six very special friends – I thought it was just a language barrier thing but, yes, right.’
‘I think you’ve got a bargain,’ DJ jokes. ‘There’s some serious kit in this room.’
‘I don’t even know what most of it is,’ I blurt.
‘Well, this is a spanking bench,’ Clarky says, taking a seat on the edge of… something that, had I seen in any other context, I would have assumed was school gym apparatus.
‘It’s also what you’re going to be sleeping on,’ Maxi tells him.
‘Come on,’ he replies with a laugh. Then he realises she’s not joking. ‘You can’t sleep on it, look, this is how you use them.’
Clarky essentially positions himself on all fours on the bench. Mike can’t resist grabbing a sparkly paddle from a table of tools and hitting him on the arse with it. No one asks Clarky why he’s such an expert on spanking benches – no one wants to know.
‘This room does sleep six,’ Clarky reminds her.
‘It doesn’t sleep six,’ she corrects him. ‘There are two beds, that I imagine are supposed to, erm, host three people in each.’
‘Right,’ Clarky replies.
‘So Jas and I are taking one,’ Maxi informs him. ‘And I don’t imagine more than three of you boys will fit in the other – and you are the one who got us into this mess.’
‘We could strap you into that thing,’ Cam jokes, nodding towards a large black X-shaped structure standing between the beds, with straps for your arms and legs, essentially pinning you in some kind of kinky star-jump position.
‘Or that,’ Mike adds. ‘We could hang you from there, it might keep you out of trouble.’
He’s referring to the harness that hangs above one of the beds.
‘My gran has one of these in her care home,’ Clarky says, pointing to a red leather chair with a hole in the seat.
‘No, she doesn’t, buddy,’ Cam replies, patting him on the back.
‘Even the coffee table is kinky,’ Maxi points out. ‘Look at that, there’s a cage underneath it. Perhaps we could stick Clarky in there?’
‘I’ll sleep in the bath,’ Clarky replies.
He thinks for a moment.
‘You know, I know we’re not all going to be shagging…’ You don’t know how relieved I am to have him confirm that. ‘…but this is actually a really sick room.’
‘Sick,’ Mike repeats back to him mockingly. ‘You’ll fit right in here, with your young-person words.’
I can’t help but take a peep at the table of tools. There’s a large wardrobe behind it which, yep, is full of sex toys and naughty outfits.
‘Wow,’ I blurt.
‘I would be interested to know about their hygiene procedures,’ Maxi wonders out loud.
‘At least you know we’re the first ones to stay in here, if it’s opening day,’ DJ reasons. ‘Not that we’re going to be using it,’ he quickly adds.
‘Oh my God, guys, you’ve got to see this,’ Clarky calls out from the bathroom.
We join him in the large bathroom. The first thing I notice is the group shower, with its multiple heads, kind of like you would find in a locker room. Next I notice the large Jacuzzi bath, for you and five of your closest friends. Finally, I notice Clarky, lying on a sofa that is positioned opposite the toilet. Back at the villa, I had no idea why you would ever need a sofa in the bathroom – here, I feel like I know exactly why.
‘I’ll sleep on this,’ Clarky says happily. ‘Best bed in the suite for privacy.’
‘I don’t think privacy is the aim of the game with that thing,’ Mike points out.
‘And you’d better hope no one needs the loo in the night,’ Cam adds.
Clarky shrugs. Then he lies back and shakes his body around excitedly.
‘Guys, I can’t thank you enough,’ he blurts, unable to hide his joy. ‘This is just… the best holiday ever. Exactly what I wanted, just what I needed.’
‘It’s certainly not what I had in mind,’ Maxi replies. ‘But, while we’re here, might as well make the best of it. Let’s all have showers, get dressed, and explore.’
‘Separate showers,’ I quickly point out.
‘Oh, gosh, yes, separate showers,’ she adds. ‘Sorry, that usually goes without saying. Does anyone mind if I go first?’
‘Hey, it’s your room,’ DJ points out. ‘Your S & M suite.’
‘And it has everything you could possibly need except toothbrushes and toothpaste,’ she points out.
‘I’ll go get some,’ I tell her. ‘I noticed a shop down in the lobby that probably sells things like that.’
‘You’re a star,’ she tells me. ‘Just charge it to the room.’
‘Can I come with you?’ Mike asks me.
‘Sure,’ I reply, grabbing a sarong. ‘Back soon, everyone.’
Once we’re out in the hallway, with the door firmly closed behind us, Mike exhales deeply.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask him.
He wipes his mouth with his hand, practically pulling the stress from his jaw, and then relaxes into a smile.
‘It’s been a night,’ he concludes. ‘And a morning. To be honest, it’s a bit awkward in there, isn’t it?’
‘Nah, get your feet in the stirrups, relax a little,’ I joke. ‘Yes, it’s incredibly awkward.’
‘At least you don’t need to sleep with me for warmth now,’ he points out as we stroll back towards the lift.
‘True, but we still get to share a bedroom, so it’s still really odd,’ I reply.
Mike laughs as he calls for the lift.
‘At least Maxi has calmed down,’ he says. ‘But you can tell DJ is overthinking things.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ I reply. ‘Hopefully he lets it go. There’s not much point dwelling on the past, is there?’
Ha. I say that like I don’t spend most of my time dwelling, wondering, worrying, trying to predict the future, having completely imaginary, anticipatory rehearsal arguments with people in my head, just so I’ll be ready for the real thing – and the real thing rarely comes, but best to practise, and feel mentally drained like you would after a real argument, right? I really should practise what I preach.
The lift doors ping open. Inside there are two girls and a guy engaging in some sort of three-way kiss. The guy breaks loose, leaving the girls kissing for a moment.
‘Are you coming in?’ he slurs.
‘We’ll get the next one,’ I tell him.
Mike very kindly reaches inside and presses the button to close the doors. Then he turns to look at me, his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised.
‘How old are we?’ he asks me.
‘Younger than we feel,’ I reassure him.
‘I get the feeling this resort is aimed at people about a decade younger than us,’ he points out. ‘What were you doing with your life a decade ago?’
‘Erm, let’s think,’ I say as we get into the next – thankfully empty – lift. ‘I was probably doing my postgrad teacher training. Wild times.’
‘At least you can answer the question,’ he tells me. ‘I can’t even remember. I sometimes wish I’d gone to uni, instead of getting a job.’
‘You did what was right for you,’ I remind him. ‘Uni isn’t for everyone. I think lots of young people think it’s going to be a wild time – weren’t we all looking at York St John for that very reason? But it’s what you make of it. Not everyone parties their way through it. Going there on my own, in the end, probably made me focus more on the work side of things – the real reason you’re supposed to go.’
‘Well, that’s good then,’ he replies. ‘Imagine trying to do a degree with this lot, with all our shit.’
‘Clarky handing over chunks of his student loan if you let him push you down the stairs in the auditorium,’ I joke.
‘Maxi and DJ planning their wedding instead of writing their dissertation,’ Mike adds.
‘I’m sure Maxi could write a dissertation on planning a wedding,’ I point out. ‘I know it sounds like a strange thing to say but she’s… really good at her lifestyle. Throwing the best holidays, having the nicest house, being the brightest, most beautiful, confident person in a room.’
‘I know what you mean,’ he replies. ‘It’s hard not to feel like the least impressive person at the party, when you’re competing with this lot. Even Clarky is head of his department.’
‘Someone must be regretting giving him that job,’ I laugh. ‘Even Drea has done a runner.’
‘Maxi is loaded, DJ is loaded, Cam must be loaded too – tell me you’re not stinking rich,’ Mike begs.
‘You’re one to talk, heir to your dad’s empire,’ I tease. ‘I am most definitely the least impressive person at the party, to borrow your metaphor.’
‘Drea,’ Mike says.
‘I’d take that victory, if she weren’t practically a child,’ I reply. ‘And I’m probably not doing much better than her, to be hon—’
‘No, I mean she’s over there, look.’ Mike points to a woman pinned against an ornamental pillar, her legs wrapped tightly around a man’s waist and their lips locked. ‘That is her, right?’
‘It can’t be,’ I say, a second before I stand corrected.
Drea breaks for air and spots us out of the corner of her eye. She’s manically excited to see us.
‘Oh my God, my friends,’ she tells the heavily tattooed man in the tiny pair of swim shorts holding her. ‘My friends.’
Drea hops down and runs over to us.
‘You guys, oh my God, it’s been ages,’ she slurs.
‘I don’t even think it’s been half a day,’ I tell her, accepting her hug. She’s all warm and sweaty – unsurprisingly, really.
‘This is, erm…’ she thinks. ‘Danny?’
She says her new friend’s name as more of a question than a statement.
‘Dennis,’ he corrects her.
‘I got the D,’ she concludes. Then she snorts at her words. ‘Denny is, erm, letting me charge my phone and my AirPods in his room.’
‘Ah, nice,’ I say. ‘Well, we’ve got a room here.’
‘Yeah, I think I’m just gonna hang with Denny,’ she says with a casual shrug.
‘Shall we tell Clarky where you are?’ Mike asks her.
‘Erm, no, probably not,’ she replies. ‘I’ll let him know, when my phone is charged.’
With their relationship still not quite clear to me, and Clarky finally having fun on this holiday – coupled with the fact that he didn’t seem all that bothered she was missing – it’s probably not worth telling him we’ve just found Drea, here, like this. If he mentions her again then maybe that might be the right time, but while he’s seemingly unbothered, probably best just to let him have fun. Where’s the sense in letting her ruin his holiday?
‘Okay, cool,’ I reply, clapping my hands. ‘Well, we’d better go, we’ll leave you to your… yeah.’
‘Laters,’ Drea says as she leaps back into Dennis’s arms.
‘Yeah, I’m definitely old,’ Mike concludes as we walk the last few metres towards the shop.
I glance around us. Everyone is so young, so fun, so full of energy.
I don’t necessarily feel old, but I can’t help but feel the tiniest bit envious. Drea has been here a matter of hours, and she’s already found someone new to get off with – evidentially the biggest, hunkiest man at the resort. Then there’s me and Mike, on a quest for toothpaste to avoid spending time in our sex dungeon. Maybe I’m not old, perhaps I’m just boring?
‘I think we’re all in a fish-out-of-water type situation here,’ I reassure him. ‘Perhaps we need to do what Clarky is trying to and lean into it. Well, stopping short of utilising the facilities in the room, but you know what I mean. Just have fun – your own kind – don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.’
Mike stares at me for a moment. I can see the cogs turning in his brain, although I can’t begin to imagine what he’s thinking about.
‘Before we go in, can I just say something, while it’s just the two of us?’ he asks.
‘Of course,’ I reply, suddenly feeling nervous about what he’s going to say. He looks quite serious.
‘I just want to apologise, for what I was like when we were together,’ he says. ‘I was immature, to put it politely.’
‘Mike, you were a teenager,’ I insist. ‘We were all immature. Don’t worry about it, okay?’
‘No, I was out of order,’ he replies. ‘I think about it a lot, about how life could have been different if I’d made better choices, but the one thing I know for certain is that I owe you an apology. We had something good and I blew it.’
Wow, he’s really dwelling on this. I get that he feels bad, our relationship didn’t exactly come to the best end, but we were kids. He doesn’t need to feel so bad, just because a teenage relationship didn’t work out.
I give Mike’s shoulder a rub, to show him that there’s no hard feelings. I know that, for me at least, my feelings for Mike back then were platonic, no matter how hard I tried to get them to blossom into something deeper. I was a teenager, I didn’t know what I wanted – or if I did know, I didn’t know how to make it happen. If I’m being honest, Mike being so difficult towards the end of our brief relationship made it easier for me to end it – I’m almost grateful. But he clearly feels bad about the way he handled himself. I suppose it’s nice, that he still cares.
‘If you want me to accept your apology then I will,’ I reply. ‘But, honestly, it’s all water under the bridge now. We’re adults, it was more than a decade ago – let’s just focus on having fun, yeah?’
