Ma, Now I'm Goin Up in the World, page 27
‘Ah, you look even better, Odette! The fellas will be going mad to get a dance with you. You are gorgeous looking, with your lovely creamy white skin, and your hair is out of this world.’
‘Jaysus! Would you listen to the pair of us?’ she laughed. ‘We have a mutual admiration society going together! Who needs a man?’
‘Three shillings and sixpence!’ said the skinny man with the warts on his face and the bald head with a few strips of greasy hair plastered across the top. He snuffled like mad, then started wringing his hands, getting all worked up with impatience at the sight of the load of money landing down on the counter.
‘One shilling and seven pence,’ I muttered, counting out all the pennies.
He watched me, breathing himself heavy on the air, trying not to lose his patience. Then he had had enough. ‘Ah! For the luv a Jaysus!’ he screamed, losing the head. ‘Were you out all night singing for tha? Wha am I expected te do wit tha lot? I can’t carry tha home on me bike! The weight will burst me tyres! Could ye not have done better than bring me in a bag of bleedin coppers?’ he roared, flaring out his nostrils, with his one good eye burning holes in me. The other one was marble.
‘I’m gettin there, Mister! Three shillings and fourpence ha’penny!’ I droned . . . ‘There ye go, three shillings and sixpence to the last ha’penny,’ I gasped, slapping the last penny down and pushing the lot over to land in a big mound in front of him.
‘Holy Jaysus!’ he muttered, shaking his head, looking around the walls of his little box. ‘Give it here te me. The bleedin band will be gone before I have a chance te make any money!’ he growled, whipping up the lot, sending half of it flying in all directions before he had a chance to drop it into his cardboard Oxo box sitting under the counter. ‘NEXT!’ he roared, snapping his head at Odette laughing the head off herself. ‘I’ve a good mind to bar youse!’ he snapped, waving his finger and narrowing his good eye at the pair of us.
‘You can’t! We have a contract! You accepted our money!’ snapped Odette back at him, then dismissed him with a wave of her hand. ‘Come on, Mart! Let’s go,’ she said, grabbing me arm and making for the inside.
We walked out into a yard and through a shed into a big hall with shiny floorboards and benches lined all along the walls. A platform was at the top, with five fellas getting all the music sorted out. One fella was tuning up his banjo and another fella was pulling an accordion in and out, pressing buttons on the side of it, with his hands jammed in a leather strap. Then they started the music, while another fella, with a big curl on top of his head – it went two feet into the air and was kept in place with Brylcreem – started singing down a microphone, ‘Schtep it out, Mary! My fine daughter! Schtep it out, Mary, if you can! Schtep it out, Mary! My fine daughter! Show yer legs to the countryman!’
Everyone leapt up and started dancing. The fellas that were holding up the wall on one side galloped across the room and grabbed the women all standing on the other side. Fuck! I got caught in the melee!
‘What’s happening?’ I roared. Me head was spinning around trying to get me bearings. A big countryman landed his size ten boot on me new sandals and dragged a dozy-looking fat woman after him, swinging her around and slapping her straight into me.
I went mad! ‘Ye dirty-looking culchie eejit!’ I screamed, pushing him outa the way as he swung himself and her around, slamming into me again. I was the only one left without a man! I’m suffocated. Jaysus!
‘Odette! Where are ye?’ I screamed, trying to fight me way out. I made it to the side of the room and stood next to three women all looking desperately for a man. I could see why! They looked like they belonged in a convent. I stared at the woman next to me. She had her cardigan hanging over her handbag, lying on her right arm, and her eyes searched desperately up and down the hall, hoping someone would ask her for a dance. I looked down at her brown missionary sandals, the kind priests wear out in Africa. She had long hairs coming out of a big black mole on her chin and another one on her cheek.
‘Will we get up ourselves, Bridie, and have a twirl on our own?’ her friend asked, shuffling in beside her, sounding desperate. Then she dropped her head, looking down at herself and fixing the red, blue, white and orange nylon frock that kept riding up to her arse. ‘There’s nothing happening,’ she moaned when Bridie said nothing – she was too busy keeping her eyes peeled, looking for a loose man. ‘I don’t see any sign a them fellas from last week, Bridie,’ she moaned, pulling the skinny matching belt tight around the frock, making her chest stick out. Then she felt her arse to make sure the frock was still covering it. Her arse was too big for the tight frock; it wouldn’t stay down.
The woman on the right of me moved in closer. I could get the smell of talcum powder and mothballs. ‘They’re a lovely band!’ she muttered in me ear, spitting down me earhole. ‘I like them: “The Fast Cowboys”!’
‘Yeah, they’re smashing!’ I said, beginning to feel weak from the heat and the noise and the smell. The four of us stood watching every man flying past, twirling and grabbing the women. We were hoping one of them would grab us. The men were dripping in sweat and letting their shirt tails stick out. One fella flew past us with a woman twirling through the air. He suddenly clapped his arms and stamped his feet, giving a loud screech like a mad Indian. But then he couldn’t get his hands back in time to catch the woman and she went flying past him, still sailing through the air.
She landed, taking a pile a bodies with her. The rest all flying in that direction ended up under a heap of bodies. Frocks blew up and knickers of all colours, shapes and sizes were there for the looking. A big country-looking fella with a cannonball head on him and a mop of dirty brown straw hair crawled out first. He looked at the pile of bodies sprawled under each other then grabbed a woman by the leg and started pulling, trying to untangle the lot of them. ‘Come on, Monica!’ he shouted. ‘Get up and stop exposing yureself!’
She was showing a big pink pair of knickers with a safety pin in the waist to hold them up, and pink garters to hold up the stockings. ‘Yeh stupid gombeen!’ she screamed. ‘Let go a meh leg!’
‘Shockin! Tis mayhem! Not dancin at all, at all, tis they are at!’ muttered the women beside me.
‘Isn’t that shocking carry-on in pure broad daylight?’ shouted the talcum-powder woman straight into me face, getting all excited, with her eyes dancing in her head at the sight of them all rolling on top of each other with the excuse they couldn’t get up. Some of the fellas were managing to grab the wrong places in the women. Then handbags were flying.
‘Ah, it’s disgraceful carry-on,’ I said, thinking this is better than the pictures!
‘True for you! Tis fierce! This place is like one a them houses for loose people!’ she snorted. ‘Bridie! Let’s see if we can get ourselves a mineral. There’s no use of us standing here! Come on!’
‘You could be right,’ Bridie said. ‘We might do better, right enough, around the minerals.’
I watched them go, then suddenly started roaring me head laughing when I saw Odette cracking her white handbag over the head of a blond fella wearing white bell-bottom trousers. She was trying to get away from him but he kept pulling her back, trying to say something. She gave him an unmerciful blow of the handbag again, making his nose spurt with blood, then she made straight for the front door, looking around for me.
I stared at your man, seeing blood gushing down, pumping out of his nose like a fountain, turning his get-up from blue shirt and white trousers to red shirt and red trousers. Then I whipped me head around and chased after her.
‘Wait, Odette!’ I flew, squeezing and shouting me way through the crowd. I caught up with her trying to make her way back in again.
‘There you are! Come on, quick!’ she said, grabbing hold of me. ‘Let’s get out of here!’
‘What happened, Odette?’
‘Ask me outside,’ she mouthed, looking to see if the fella was after her. Then the band stopped playing to take a break and suddenly there was an unmerciful rumble. I looked back, seeing a herd of men and women making a terrible stampede straight in my direction. They were rushing for the mineral place. ‘Fuck! Help! MAMMY!’ I screamed, getting the fright of me life as I got sent flying out the door and nearly ended up under a ton of bodies herding down on top of me.
Odette grabbed me hand and yanked me out the door after her. ‘Come on! Don’t lose your footing!’ she roared, tearing me behind her out the door.
We flew past the empty box; Baldy was gone. Then she yanked open the front door and we were out into the street.
The fresh air was like honey in me lungs. ‘Jaysus! Jaysus! I never want to go through the like of that again!’ I said, waiting for the blood to rush back into me face.
She shook her head. ‘Yeah! You and me both, kiddo! Never again! From now on I’m sticking to the National,’ she puffed, with her face red as a beetroot.
‘To think we paid for that!’ I snorted.
‘Yep!’ she laughed. ‘I thought it was a clodhoppers’ dance, but it turned out to be the wild men of Borneo!’
‘Yeah, but do you know what was even worse?’ I said, pulling her arm to get her to look at me. ‘Do you know what?’ I said, making sure she was looking at me.
‘No! What?’ she said, staring into me face.
‘Not only did I pay good money, three shillings and sixpence, then nearly collapse from the lack of air, but after all that them fuckers didn’t even ask me up for a dance! Can you believe that, Odette? Can you?’ I muttered, feeling disgusted thinking about all that hardship I went through and all for nothing. ‘Imagine, Odette!’ I roared, holding me head. ‘I was rolling around in me bed all night in them bleedin spiky rollers. And all in the hopes of getting meself a lovely mass of curly hair. Now look at it!’ I screamed. ‘It’s all collapsed! Gone dead straight from all the sweating I went through!’ I said, feeling me hot damp hair. I was nearly crying at all me loss.
Odette stared at me then suddenly collapsed herself back against a black iron railings and started roaring her head laughing.
‘What’s funny?’ I said, half smiling at seeing her getting hysterical.
She kept waving her hand up at me, trying to talk. ‘Oh, God! Don’t say any more,’ she said, wiping the tears and snots rolling down her face. ‘Whatever about the dance! We sure got a run for our money.’ Then she started wheezing, with her mouth wide open trying to get the laughing out again. When she did, you could hear her screams all the way back to the hostel. I looked at her sprawled at the railings, grabbing at the bars to stop herself slipping. Then I suddenly saw the picture she had and let out a roar, falling beside her with the laughing screaming outa me. We kept trying to grab onta each other, because I was falling, knocking her down. Then we went quiet; we had no more strength left. We just sat on the little wall with our backs against the railings, looking around and watching people milling past, running to catch the last film showing for the evening on the Adelphi picture house around the corner.
‘Odette,’ I suddenly said. ‘Why did you have to give your man a slap of your handbag? What did he do to you?’
‘Oh, that creep!’ she said, dropping her mouth and turning to look at me with a sour look on her face. ‘He grabbed the cheeks of me arse with his big dirty paws and jammed me against him, rocking himself up and down, giving himself a cheap quick thrill. That’s when I lashed out with my bag, letting him have it.’
‘Dirty swine!’ I said.
‘Yeah, but that wasn’t enough for him. He then came after me, bleating with a filthy sneer on his ugly conceited mug, “I was only trying to service you! You were dying for it!” That’s when I gave him the full force of the Odette knockout! I won that match!’ she said, giving a little laugh.
‘Ah, the dirty, filthy, pig, swine toerag,’ I said.
‘Pity I didn’t wrap his balls around his neck while I was at it!’ she muttered.
‘Yeah! But, ah, no! I mean – come to think about it, you did do one better! Did you see the new white trousers he was wearing?’
She shook her head, listening to me.
‘He must love them, Odette! Because, well, I certainly noticed the crease down the middle as the blood was splattering all over them! And down his electric-blue nylon shirt! So, if it’s any consolation to ye, I saw all the lot, because you were too busy scarpering trying to make your getaway. But take it from me, Odette! You left him destroyed!’ I said, wagging me finger at her, getting again the satisfying picture of him being splattered all over himself. That eased the fire flying around me belly with the rage at the filthy cheek of that no-good bastard.
‘Yeah! It’s going to make him nervous around women for a while,’ she laughed. Then she staggered to her feet, pulling me up with her. ‘Come on, Martha! It’s getting late. We better start making our way back to the hostel before we get locked out or locked up!’ she said, giving a look around to see who was watching us.
‘Yeah, but let’s stop first for fish and chips,’ I said. ‘I’m starving with the hunger.’
‘Gawd, Martha. Not only have you beauty but brains too!’ she said, letting her huge blue eyes widen in shock. ‘Come on! Brilliant idea! Let’s go!’ she said, wrapping her arm around me shoulders.
I roared laughing, thinking she says the funniest things, then grabbed me arm around her back, and the two of us started heading off down onto O’Connell Street, with me thinking this is the first time in my whole life I ever had a friend. I feel so warm and cosy inside meself. People are getting to like me!
23
* * *
I came rushing down the stairs, trying to be patient and not push ahead at the crowds of girls all going in the same direction. Gawd! I don’t want to be late.
‘What time is it, please?’ I said to the crowd, looking to catch someone’s eye. They all ignored me, intent on getting themselves out the door and off to work as quick as they could.
‘What time is it, please?’ I said to the young one with the black mantilla wrapped on her head standing holding the door wide open, taking in who was going out and who was trying to get back in. She was busy telling two shifty-looking young ones they had to wait outside until the Reverend Mother got her hands on them.
‘But, Eileen! We spent the whole night in the hospital, didn’t we, Lola? Tell her!’ said the one with the matted black hair streeling around her head, digging Lola in the ribs with her elbow. Lola just stared, with her big brown eyes hanging out of her head looking shocked.
I stopped to listen, looking from one to the other, wanting to hear what was going on. ‘Move out of the way!’ the ones coming up behind me shouted, pushing me out the door and onto the step.
‘What time is it, Eileen?’ I hadn’t met her before. But now I knew her name.
She shook her head at me, muttering with a sour look on her pasty pimply face, ‘How would I know that? I don’t have a watch!’
‘Thanks! Jaysus! Don’t smile whatever you do. Your face might crack,’ I muttered under me breath, then moved off, hearing her say to the two still begging to be let in, ‘No! The pair of you were out prowling the streets all night, getting up to no good when you should have been in your beds like decent Christians! Now you can expect to bring the full wrath of Mother down on your heads!’
Brown-eyes started to roar her head crying. I looked back, seeing Eileen leaning her head out the door, saying with a big happy smirk on her face, ‘Mother will be writing to your parents! Don’t forget that!’ she said, enjoying herself no end.
Fuck! I ran on. Not wanting to hear any more. Oh, God almighty! I hope I never get meself into trouble like that!
I started to hurry, worrying about the time. I don’t want to be late for me first day at the secretarial school. I turned left onto Fitzwilliam Square and rushed on.
‘Excuse me!’ I said to a man in a pinstripe suit carrying a big leather briefcase. ‘What time is it, please?’
He pulled up the sleeve of his jacket, showing lovely gold cufflinks in a snow-white shirt, and looked at his big man’s watch. ‘Eight-fifteen!’ he said.
‘Is that a quarter past eight?’ I said, looking at him with the worry on me.
‘Yes!’ he grinned, smiling at me and staring. Then we turned: he going on his way and me hurrying ahead on mine.
Jaysus! I’m never sure of the time on hearing it said that way. Not since that Jackser aul fella taught me the clock when I was little. He banged it into me, making me learn it in a flash! But I missed out a few bits. Anyway, I’m grand for time. It shouldn’t take me more than half an hour, maybe less, to get there. I am to be there at a quarter to nine, the nun, Sister Allie, told me. For the first day anyway. Then after that I won’t start until nine o’clock.
I turned right before I got to Mount Street, crossing the road and continuing to head on up Fitzwilliam Square. Girls were hurrying past in all directions wearing lovely short mini frocks in all colours with lovely high heels. One stopped in front of me and went up the steps heading in to one of the offices. Oh, she’s lovely, I thought, staring at her black miniskirt with the baby-blue tight jumper showing her pointy chest sticking out. She took her time getting up the steps on her red stiletto slingback high heels, wagging her arse as she moved each leg. Her hair is lovely too. She has straight black hair swinging around in a ponytail with a long thick fringe, and black eyeliner, with long black eyelashes caked with mascara. Her face is lovely and pink and brown from the make-up, with red rouge to make her cheeks red and blue eyeshadow on her eyelids.
A fella in a black suit, wine tie and snow-white shirt, wearing shiny black lace-up shoes, with his thick black silvery hair slicked down with hair oil at the back and sides, came flying up behind her, waving a briefcase, then slowed down to walk beside her with a big smile on his face. ‘Good morning, Miss Dowling!’ he said, sounding very grand. ‘Did you have a nice weekend?’ he said, putting out his arm and letting the briefcase wave in the air, then pushing the door open with his other arm to let her go in the door first.
