Ma, Now I'm Goin Up in the World, page 11
‘No, no! Shockin! You have to be very careful wha you put into yer mouth!’ the new patient agreed, shaking her head and squinting over at bandage woman. Not able to see much of her, because she hasn’t got her eyes done yet. ‘But you know wha else runs the life outa me, Missus?’
‘No! Wha? Tell us!’ the bandage woman said, shaking her head up and down, and fixing herself in for more comfort. I held me breath, turning me head from one to the other, resting me eyes on them while we all waited to hear.
‘Liver!’ the new woman said, leaning forward and pointing her finger at the air, sucking in her breath, letting it out in a big snort, then dropping herself back into the pillows, completely disgusted at having to even mention the name a liver! ‘Oh, I do get a terrible doze a the scutters after eatin tha stuff!’ she moaned, twisting her face in agony at even the memory.
We all whipped our eyes to the door at the sound of the trolley. ‘Dinner!’ I shouted, me heart lifting like mad at the sound a the dinner covers getting lifted off the plates, then watching the steam pour out, making me mouth water.
‘Where did you wander off to?’ the nice nurse with the fat legs said, coming into the ward to dust the lockers and make sure nothing was outa place. She threw her eye at me empty plate sitting squeaky clean on the tray at the end of me bed. ‘I see you managed to make it back for your dinner! Of course, I should have known! The mere rattle of a dinner plate is enough to send you running back here like a tornado is hitting the place!’ she moaned, twisting her face, half laughing. ‘Martha, I’m telling you this now!’ she said, waving her duster up and down. ‘Sister Munchin threatened she’s going to put a lead on you and tie you to that bed! That nun will crack up if you don’t stay put,’ the nurse said, pointing to the bed. ‘We must have order! Everything should be in its place! And there is a place for everything!’ the nurse said, stretching her head in the air, making her voice squeak, sounding just like the little nun. Then she gave me a little dig in the ribs and we screamed laughing, sounding like a pack of hyenas.
‘So where were you this time?’ she said, getting on with her dusting while I followed her around, hanging onta her arm.
‘I went up to see me friend on the other floor.’
‘Which one is this? Sure, you know more people in this hospital than I’ve met in a lifetime!’
‘Babs! Barbara Caulfield. She has a big iron bolt hammered through her leg. And it’s stuck up on a pulley!’
‘Tsk, tsk! That sounds very nasty,’ the nurse said, swinging her head at me then back to her dusting.
‘Yeah, she broke it falling off a bus!’
‘The mercy she wasn’t killed!’ puffed the nurse.
‘Yeah, anyway! Oh, Nurse! You should see her! She’s the most gorgeous-looking one I ever saw in me life!’
‘Really? What does she look like?’
‘Ohh, she has this lovely silky, wavy, curly blonde hair that she put up today in two pigtails with two brown ribbons, one on each side a her face.’
‘Tsk! She sounds lovely,’ the nurse said in a moany voice, rubbing the back of her own hair, wishing she looked like that too.
‘Yeah, and her skin is creamy white with shiny big blue eyes that glow in the dark!’
‘Glow?’ the nurse said.
‘Yeah, well you know what I mean, Nurse!’
‘Yeah, luminous,’ the nurse said, listening and carrying on with her work.
‘Yeah, that’s right!’ I shouted. ‘Just like that! Lumlynus!’ Even though I didn’t know what the word meant. But it sounded right.
‘Martha?’
I looked around at the sound of me name being called. I stared at the priest, Father Fitzgerald, walking into the ward slowly, staring at me. ‘Well, hello again!’ he said, smiling at me. Taking me in from head to toe like he was examining me to see if I was the same person he met before.
I leapt with the fright, not taking in how he was here. ‘Are you coming to see me?’
‘Who else might I be seeing?’ he laughed, waving his arms, looking around the ward.
‘But how? Who told you I was here? How does people know I met you?’ I said, not being able to take it in, how he found out about me.
‘The hospital telephoned me to say you were here,’ he said, looking a bit confused himself now.
‘We found the telephone number in among your things, Martha,’ the nurse said, watching and listening. ‘The hospital put it in your records.’
‘Yes, that’s right! A Sister Munchin telephoned,’ the priest said.
‘Yes, that’s the sister in charge of this end,’ the nurse said.
‘Oh, right,’ I said, trying to take in the priest was here. I felt meself tightening up inside. Not really sure if I wanted to have anything to say to him. The last time I’d seen him makes me feel sick to even think about it. I would be up one minute, feeling content in meself that he might be able to help me. Then nothing! In the end I was even worse off. Finally the fucker drove me straight into the lion’s mouth! That bastard Jackser!
The nurse left and the priest took me arm, saying, ‘Which bed is yours, Martha?’
I pointed and wandered over to sit on the side of me bed.
‘So,’ he said, taking in a breath and smiling down at me.
I flicked me eyes up, letting them drop, seeing him staring down at me with his hands in his pockets. I said nothing, because I’m not really interested in talking to him. He said nothing, just stared, letting his eyes wander around me, taking in me bed and locker.
‘You are looking a lot better,’ he said in a quiet voice. ‘The rest has done you good. But you are still looking a bit peaky, rather pale and thin in the face. We shall have to build you up!’ he laughed, tapping me on the arm.
I blinked, giving him a half look, then dropped me head down again. We, me arse! He’s making himself sound again like he really cared, I snorted to meself.
‘I believe you are going to come under the guidance of the children’s clinic. They are going to fix you up with some training!’ he said, sounding delighted.
‘Yeah,’ I muttered, wondering when that was going to happen. I hadn’t heard anything since.
‘Listen, Martha. I shall go and have a few words with someone. Perhaps that sister, or maybe even the doctor, OK?’
‘If you want,’ I muttered, watching his black shoes and black suit moving away from me. I didn’t want to lift me head and look up at him. He causes more trouble than he’s worth. I climbed into the bed and lay down staring at the window, seeing the light was beginning to turn into the dark evening. It will soon be time for the tea! I thought, feeling meself lifting with that idea.
I picked up me washbag, grabbing hold of me pyjamas, and shuffled out. Jaysus! I’m going to ask the nurse for something better than these. I looked down at them. They’re miles too big for me around the waist and I keep walking on the legs. Surely she has something better than an aul man’s pair that they shoulda buried him in. They’re not worth keeping! Half the bleedin buttons are missing an the collar’s ripped. But I’m not wearing either, them aul grannies’ nightdresses that she offered me! Jaysus! I look a holy show!
I bent down and put me washbag into me locker.
‘There you are!’
I heard a roar next to me ear and leapt with the fright.
‘Good girl! You had your bath!’
‘Yes, Sister,’ I said, looking up at the little nun.
‘I am glad to see that, because I was going to get very cross when I saw you were missing again!’
‘Yes, Sister. No, Sister. I didn’t go missing.’
‘Very good! Now listen to me, Martha,’ she said, wanting to tell me something and get back quick to the business of chasing the nurses, getting them to pick up specks a dust, then rush around shouting at everyone, making sure they are keeping order and the patients are not messing up her wards. ‘You are being discharged today!’
‘I am?’ I said, feeling me face going white as a sheet.
‘Yes!’ she said, shaking her head up and down slowly. ‘It is marvellous news!’
I held me breath, waiting to hear what else she had to tell me.
‘Now! In two week’s time to the day, you will come back to the children’s clinic. That is run by our Consultant, Doctor O’Hara. You met him!’
I shook me head, agreeing, still holding me breath.
‘Now! Here is a letter for you to take back. You will see Sister Bonyventure Aloysius! She is one of our nuns. She runs one of the departments there. Now! You will be under her charge. She will be responsible for you. Now! Take this letter and mind it carefully. Don’t lose it. You hand that to her when you meet her. Now have you got all that?’ she said, looking at me, making sure she didn’t have to repeat herself.
‘No, I won’t lose it, Sister,’ I said, with me nerves shaking like mad. Jesus! Where will I stay? I’m afraid to ask in case everything collapses. They might not think I’m worth the trouble. Nuns are very peculiar about paupers! They only help you when you have plenty! Say nothing, Martha.
‘Yes, right! Thanks, Sister,’ I said, wanting to get rid of her in case she starts asking awkward questions.
‘Now! One other thing. Father Fitzgerald has been informed. He will be arriving to collect you sometime after 2 p.m. Now! You be ready. I expect you sitting on that chair waiting and ready when he comes! Do you hear me?’ she said, waving her finger at me.
‘Yes, Sister!’ I said, getting another shock. What the hell is that fella up to now? He needn’t think he is taking me back to any convent or fucking Jackser!
11
* * *
I put on me good frock and the good black patent shoes the nuns bought me when I left the convent. Then I folded the trench coat neatly and left it down gently, sitting on the bed, not wanting to crease it. The nuns bought me that too, and the matching soft wool French beret. They got me a whole new rigout when I was leaving. It seems like years ago now, I sighed. But it was only a few months ago. I put me old set of clothes back into the near-empty suitcase and folded me washbag on top, making sure the letter was still sitting safe at the bottom, then clasped it shut and put it sitting down on the floor next to the chair and sat down to wait on the priest. I sat with me hands in me lap, with me head down thinking.
I wonder where that priest is going to take me? One way or the other, I can get along without his idea of helping me. I will ask him out straight, then walk off if he is messing me around. The eejit thinks he knows everything. He didn’t listen when I told him the nuns wouldn’t have anything to do with me. Then he had the fucking almighty cheek to take me back to Jackser’s! What was I thinking going along with that? OK! So where to, Martha? I can go down and ask around in the buildings where I used to live. See if anyone will put me up for a week or two. I can always sleep on the floor. Then I can look for a bit of work. Anything will do. I just need a few bob to keep me going, pay me way. Until I get to see that nun in the clinic. The job should be easier, because I’m not looking for anything living-in. Then if it doesn’t work out with the clinic – maybe that was all codology about doing shorthand and typing – they might just want me to do cleaning in their bleedin convent! Anyway! If they’re messing, I will save up the fare and get meself off to London! That’s the place for opportunities. And there’s no bleedin nuns or priests! Or fucking Jackser! Good! That’s settled. I let out a big breath, feeling easier in meself now I knew what I was doing.
‘Good afternoon, ladies!’
‘Ah, hello, Father!’ I heard, as I lifted me eyes seeing the priest waving and smiling at all the aul ones, showing a mouthful of white teeth as he squeaked his way down to me in a soft leather black pair a shoes.
‘Well! Don’t you look nice?’ he shouted, letting the whole ward hear him, making everyone look over.
They sat gaping at me, shaking their heads, murmuring, ‘Ah, yeah, Father! She looks lovely in them clothes. They really suit her, so they do!’ Then watch him letting his head drop sideways, taking me in from head to toe.
He moved himself closer and bent down with his hands on his hips, pretending he wanted a better look. He watched me, staring into me face with his bright-green eyes that leapt and danced in his head, looking like he could get up to plenty a mischief. ‘Hm! You polish up well!’ he grinned, nodding his head at me. ‘Now! What about a smile?’
I ignored him and turned to look at me case. Then stood up to put on me hat and coat. Jaysus! He acts more like a kid than a man, I thought, watching him sweep back the lock a shiny brown hair that flopped over his eye, then make a grab for me suitcase.
‘Are we ready, shall we go then?’ he said, looking at me then taking off outa the ward, giving the women another big wave.
I took me time and he put his head back in, saying, ‘Come along! Or have you decided to wait for supper?’
‘I’m coming,’ I muttered, still taking me time.
‘OK! Follow me then, please! My car is parked outside,’ he said, making it sound like we were marching off on an expedition.
‘Bye now! You look after yerself, love!’ the new woman shouted after me.
‘Thanks, Missus Grey,’ I said, walking back to her. ‘Sure, you will be next out the door now that your operation is over and you even have the bandages off!’
‘Ah, yeah! Please God I should be goin home soon enough meself. Do ye know something?’ she whispered, leaning over to me. ‘I’m delighted at seein ye lookin so well. Ah, Gawd almighty, me heart often went out to you. Because in all the time I’m here I never once saw a soul come up to see you. I hope ye don’t mind me sayin? But ye see,’ then she lowered her voice, leaning into me, and I bent down to listen, ‘I often heard the nurses talkin about you! Oh, nothin bad. Just tha they were sayin ye were all on yer own. An you just a young one, an all tha! Have ye got no one belongin to you, love?’
‘No, not really anybody, Missus Grey.’
‘Ah, sure, I thought tha too, meself, love! Even without them sayin. Ah, sure, isn’t there many more like you,’ she said, shaking her head, thinking. ‘An there’s been many more before you. Ah, God is good! He’ll mind you! Tha priest there seems nice enough. Wit the help a God, ye’ll land on yer feet. Whatever you do, don’t be worryin yerself. Tha does ye no good. That’s wha I always told mine! Now I’m tellin you! Worry only puts ye in an early grave! I managed to get through some very hard times. An I’m still here, an I’ll have plenty a more years left to me, please God, if he spares me!’ she laughed, shaking her head like she meant it.
‘Course you will!’ I said, smiling at her.
‘That’s right, love! You keep smilin an the world will smile wit you!’
‘Thanks, Missus Grey!’ I said, giving her a big smile, seeing the years of suffering in her poor eyes. The good one was all red and bloodshot, and the other one stared at me, trying to see. I looked at the mass of wrinkles on her tired old face, seeing the years of hardship had left their mark.
Yeah, she could tell I was a bit worried and even lonely in meself be times, because she’s lived a long and hard life. ‘Thanks, Missus Grey,’ I said quietly, leaning into her and putting me hand on her hand. ‘You take care of yerself. And I hope your eyesight will be better than ever!’
‘Oh, indeed it will, daughter! Sure, don’t I see you, here now, clear as day, wit me new eye! Thanks be to God!’
‘Yeah! And won’t it be great when they do the other one?’ I said, laughing.
‘Oh, the sooner the better! Now go on! Run! You better catch up wit that priest. He’s gone runnin wit yer suitcase. I hope that’s not loaded wit money!’ she laughed.
‘Yeah! I better get moving before he leaves the country!’
‘Where in blazes has that girl gone to? Martha!’ the priest snorted, putting his head back in the door. ‘Come along quickly! Heavens! I was halfway out of the hospital when I discovered I was talking to myself!’
‘Yes, Father. Here I am. I’m coming,’ I laughed, racing to catch up with him as he belted himself off down the passage again, making himself in an awful hurry.
The light made me squint and the wind caught me breath as I walked out through the front door and into the open air. It felt strange having the feel of fresh air on my face after being inside the hospital for over a month. I could see and hear the traffic flying past. Me legs felt a bit wobbly after taking it easy for so long. I followed the priest over to the car and he opened the door and shoved my suitcase into the back seat.
‘Hang on, Martha. I want to dash across the road to the shops and get a packet of cigarettes,’ he said, taking off out the gates. ‘I won’t be a minute, wait here for me.’
I walked over to the gates and stood outside, watching him fly across the road. His hair flopped behind him in the wind and he ran with ease, lifting his long legs, hopping on to the footpath. He rushed in the door of the shop, straight into the arms of a young one coming out. They danced around each other, him holding on to her waist and she laughing up at him. Then they broke away and he jumped back, holding his hands down in fists by his sides. ‘Terribly sorry!’ he said, standing back and waving her out the door with a big grin on his face as his eyes followed the length and breadth of her. She sauntered past, wearing a long black midi coat with a matching long scarf wrapped around her neck. The coat was wide open and streeled out behind her showing her flowery mini frock hugging the top of her legs, nearly showing her knickers. She had on lovely white tight boots that hugged her calves.
‘That’s all right, Father!’ she laughed, noticing his shiny brown floppy hair and the green eyes flashing on her in admiration.
‘My! A pretty girl to brighten up my day!’ he said, bowing at her.
‘What?’ I snorted.
I watched yer woman flapping her long black false eyelashes up at him, with the eyeliner curling out at the end. She flipped back her thick, long, straight brown hair, throwing it swinging through the air to land on her shoulders. It was cut straight with a long thick fringe that just tipped above her eyes, making her the image of Cleopatra. I watched as she sashayed off, wriggling her arse, giving him a look back with a smile on her face much as to say, ‘Yeah! I wouldn’t mind gettin to know you!’ He stood like a statue, taking her in, still staring after her with a dirty big grin on his face, enjoying himself no end. I watched, feeling meself raging. Huh! He’s not supposed to be doing that! He’s a priest.
