I rolled my eyes and squeezed my fingers against the bridge of my nose in frustration. “No, Mum. What did he say about Finn?”

  “Oh, right. He said the two of you caught up, that’s all.”

  “And why didn’t you ever mention to me that Finn had moved back? He’s been home for two years, apparently, and yet you never thought to say so. Not to mention the accident. I mean, you tell me absolutely everything that happens in this tiny little hamlet – I knew that Sarai Fenton now waxes her bikini line with organic beeswax, for Heaven’s sake! But I never heard that my old boyfriend had moved back to town. Or that he’d lost his wife.” My voice shifted to whisper the last few words. “Any reason for that?”

  Mum’s face reddened and she coughed into her fist. “Oh well … you know these things slip my mind sometimes. I am getting older, you know.”

  “Please. Don’t even try to pretend.”

  “Okay, darling. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to avoid coming home. I thought that perhaps if you knew he was here, it might just be the excuse you needed to stay away. And your father and I are so very glad you’re home. We just want you here with us. That’s all.” She reached for my arm and patted it lovingly.

  “Mum, you give him far too much credit. I wouldn’t make major life decisions based on where Finn does or does not live.”

  She nodded encouragingly, but didn’t seem convinced.

  I sighed loudly and stood to my feet. “Time to go, kids. You can head back to Nanna and Pop’s for dinner, I’ll be there soon. I just want to unpack the kitchen first. We can come back here to go to bed. Our first night in our new home – what do you think of that?” I smiled brightly, attempting to engage them in the excitement of the adventure.

  “My room smells like dead mice,” said Stella.

  “There’s a croach, a croach!” screamed Pattie, running into the living room with startled eyes.

  “A what?” Mum asked.

  “A cockroach.” I took off my shoe and headed into her room to find the offending insect.

  “Oh dear,” said Mum. She herded the kids out the door and down the street after the disappearing back of my father. He was already well on his way home to watch the latest cricket match, his stiff legs hurrying to make it before the end of the over.

  I swatted the “croach” with my shoe, hobbled back into the living room and fell onto a couch with a huff. My eyes closed and I put an arm over my face to shield it from the sunlight that streamed through the living room window.

  A knock at the door startled me. Too tired to move, I called “come in” and peered out from under my arm to see who it was, expecting Mum or Dad had forgotten something.

  It was Finn.

  I sat up abruptly and ran my hand over my dishevelled hair. “Finn, what are you doing here?”

  He grinned. “Nice to see you too.” He held up two cloth grocery bags. “I brought supplies. Kind of a house-warming gift, I guess.”

  “Wow, thanks. That’s really thoughtful of you.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “The kitchen?”

  I nodded, sat up, and my head immediately swam. I closed my eyes and gasped for breath.

  I heard him drop the bags on the ground. He was beside me in a moment. “Are you okay, Elle? What is it?”

  “I don’t know. I think I’m just overtired. Everything went black for a second, and I’m feeling a bit dizzy. It’s been a busy day. I really don’t think I’m cut out for manual labour.”

  He laughed. He smelled amazing, like he’d just stepped out of the shower. I probably smelled like a bricky’s labourer. “Here, just lay back down and I’ll get you something to drink. Have you had any water today?”

  I frowned. I couldn’t remember the last drink I’d had. “Ummm … not much.”

  He disappeared, soon returning to hold a glass to my lips. “Here you go, some nice room-temperature water straight from the tap. Sorry, it was all I could find.”

  I laughed. “Thanks. I’m surprised you even found a glass.”

  I gulped the water down, relishing the satisfying feel of it as it cooled my throat.

  “Well, I’m not promising it’s clean. It was just sitting on the counter …”

  I screwed up my nose. “Ewww … it could be anyone’s.” I opened my eyes and looked at him.

  His head was tipped to one side and one eyebrow was cocked. “Well, anyone in your immediate family.”

  I laughed. “Good point. Thanks, Finn.”

  He nodded and sat beside me on the couch. “So how’d the move go? Other than the exhaustion.” He looked at the boxes strewn around the living room.

  “Pretty well, I think. We didn’t bring much with us, so it wasn’t too hard.”

  “Sorry I couldn’t get here earlier – I had to work. But I can help now. What do you need – someone to help you unpack, clean, do some heavy lifting? You give the word and I’ll do it.”

  I couldn’t believe how kind he was being now. He’d seemed so distant at first, so hurt, I’d wondered if the gap between us could ever be bridged. But yesterday at the beach and now, he was relaxed, friendly, warm and open. I didn’t even know how he’d found out I was moving today – I certainly hadn’t said anything to him about it. He probably heard it from Dave via Mum or Hayley. Hayley had wanted to help today as well, but I’d insisted she stay home and put her feet up.

  “That would be amazing, thank you. Actually, I was just about to unpack the kitchen – how do you feel about wiping out cabinets?”

  He nodded. “Sounds good. Are you feeling up to it?”

  I stood up slowly. “Yeah, I think I’m better. I must have been dehydrated.”

  He took hold of my arm and looped it through his, then picked up the grocery bags and we walked together into the kitchen. His touch sent a shiver through me. His arm was lean and strong and I could feel the flex of his muscle beneath the skin. What was he doing here? Was he here as a friend, or did he want more? I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Part of me was inexplicably drawn to him, but there was another part that just wanted time to heal – by myself.

  One thing was certain. Living in Emerald Bay meant I’d be running into Finn Matthews a lot. I wouldn’t be able to avoid him like I’d planned. But watching as he cleaned out my kitchen cabinets, I realised that having him in my life, even just as a friend, might well be a good thing.

  * * *

  On Saturday, I dug through the piles of boxes in the living room and finally found the long cardboard one with the words “Mum’s guitar” scrawled across it in bold black marker. Pulling it out from behind a box of books, I slit open the tape that secured it closed.

  Gently tugging the instrument from the box, I brushed the dust off the shining mahogany surface. I slipped it under one arm, then found a pick in the leather pick holder hanging from one of the tuners and tested out the strings. It was horribly out of tune. I dialled the tuners in both directions, plucking at the strings until it sounded reasonable. Then I began strumming the chords for a song I’d written years earlier, before diaper changes and soccer practice consumed my life.

  Just as I got to the chorus, my voice belting out the tune, the front door flew open and three small hellions blew in, my parents in tow. “Hi Mum!” yelled Jack, tearing through the house and straight into the backyard to dig in the new sand pit that had come with the property, much to his delight and my dismay. I knew I could expect months of grit being trekked through the house on a daily basis.

  “Howdy, dudes. How’s your day going?” I set the guitar aside, grabbed Stella and Pattie, one in each arm, and hugged them close, savouring the sweet smell of them.

  I smiled at my parents. “Hi, Mum and Dad. How are you coping?” Actually, I didn’t really want to know, and braced for the worst.

  “We’re having the most amazing time, darling,” Mum replied. “Couldn’t be better. The kids just wanted to pop home and get their pyjamas. Then we’re going back to our place for a movie and hamburgers on the grill. Do you want to join us?”

  I felt as though I could cry. I hadn’t been sure my parents could handle my three children for a consolidated period of time. I’d never been able to leave them all with anyone other than Mack before, and even that had been rare. But things seemed to be going better than I could have hoped for. Maybe being home was the right choice after all. If I could expect this kind of help from my parents, I felt as though maybe I could face the future. A future without Mack.

  Life as a single parent.

  “I think I’ll go out, if that’s okay with you?” I hesitated, waiting for a reply.

  “Of course – that sounds like a great idea. Where are you going?”

  “I ran into Hayley a few days ago, and she invited me to Diablos tonight. Apparently it’s open mike night and I’m thinking of singing. Well … she asked me to sing, I’m not sure I’ll do it yet. Just trying out the guitar.”

  “You have a beautiful voice – you should sing. Well, I hope you have a great time, darling. We’ll get out of your hair. Have fun and knock them dead.”

  “Thanks, Mum. I’ll just go and help the kids with their PJs.”

  “Have you seen Finn Matthews again?” I could tell she was trying to sound casual.

  I frowned. “Yes, I have.”

  “And …?”

  “And what, Mother?”

  “He’s single you know?”

  “I know that, Mum. But he’s not really available, if that’s what you’re hinting at.”

  “It’s been a few years now. He might be ready to move on.” She tipped her head to one side, eyeing me with a half-smile.

  “I don’t think he is.”

  “Did he say something?” she asked.

  “It might have come up.”

  “I’m just saying, there aren’t many Finn Matthewses in this world.” She crossed her arms.

  “There’s only one,” I whispered, staring at the floor. I was thinking about our kiss, his soft lips on mine, the urgency of his need. The anger bubbling beneath the surface. The way he pushed me away, then stood there breathing hard and fighting his desire for me.

  He’d brought me back to life after years of being overlooked, rejected and alone. There was no turning back now. I couldn’t return to the desert of my life before that kiss. I couldn’t move forward without discovering for certain what he was thinking. I had to confront him again and find out if we had a future together, if he felt about me the way I felt about him.

  I had to know the truth.

  CHAPTER TEN

  ELEANOR

  Diablos was only a few blocks from my parent’s house, so I walked there with my guitar slung over one shoulder, enjoying the balmy evening, the sound of crickets and the blanket of brilliant stars stretched across the clear sky.

  The night club was located on the main street above an Italian restaurant. Outside it an enormous fig tree split the road in two, its branches decked in twinkling lights, giving the street a festive vibe. I could hear the crash of waves on the shore, the traffic inching around the tree, and the murmur of tourists eating and drinking in the various al fresco restaurants and cafes along the esplanade.

  Making my way up the stairs, I pushed through the door and into the club. My eyes took a few moments to adjust to the darkness, and I struggled to make out shapes and objects in the smoky room.

  “Eleanor!” Hayley sat on a tall bar stool at a table on the right side of the club, halfway to the stage. She beckoned to me with one hand, using the other to help her balance on the chair – her enormous belly was threatening to topple her forward and onto the floor. Dave, her husband, was seated next to her. Beside him sat Finn Matthews.

  My heart fluttered, and I stumbled over a table leg. What was he doing here? How could Hayley expect me to sing, knowing he was watching me? It would be hard enough for me to sing in a room full of strangers – there was no way I could do it with Finn watching.

  I propped my guitar against the wall beside their table and joined them, avoiding eye contact with Finn. “Good evening.” I always sounded formal when I was nervous. Or I giggled hysterically – it was always one or the other.

  “M’lady.” Hayley smirked and nodded her head, feigning a curtsy. She knew.

  I silently rolled my eyes at her. “Hi, Dave – great to see you again.” I gave him a hug, then walked around the table to where Finn sat, his eyes sparkling as he revelled in my discomfort. “Hullo, Finn,” I pecked him on the cheek and sat on the stool next to him.

  “Eleanor – nice to see you again.” He beamed at me, and I could tell he was in one of his mischievous moods.

  “What are you drinking?” I asked no one in particular.

  “I’m having soda and lime,” Hayley said with a disappointed frown. “Dave’s drinking a Four-X, and Finn’s into his third gin and tonic.”

  “Would you like a margarita, Elle?” He flashed his most devilish grin.

  I worked hard to ignore his innuendo. “Third, huh?” I raised my eyes to his and felt a flush creep up my neck and across my cheeks.

  “Yeah. I don’t get out much, plus I have to get back to Mum and Dad’s by ten to pick up the girls, so I’m making the most of it.”

  “Don’t get out much?” exclaimed Dave.

  “He hasn’t been out with us in six months at least.” Hayley smirked. “I wonder why you decided to join us tonight, Finny boy?”

  She was clearly trying to play matchmaker. I kicked her in the leg. “Ouch – hey!” she shouted, rubbing her shin with one hand.

  “Oh, sorry. My foot slipped.” I crossed my eyes at her, making sure only she could see it.

  She frowned at me. “Eleanor?”

  “I’m getting a drink.” I stood up and hurried to the bar, keeping my head down. In this place I was likely to see familiar faces everywhere, and I was hoping they wouldn’t see me.

  “Is that Eleanor Farmer?” a voice asked.

  No such luck. I looked up at the bartender, “Ted – how are you?”

  “I’m great, how are you? It’s been a long time.”

  “I’m well, thanks. You look good.”

  “Thank you.” He ran a hand over his balding head. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

  “Oh well, thanks.”

  “So, what happened to that husband of yours?”

  I blinked, and sucked in a deep breath. ‘Um…”

  Someone bumped my elbow. I turned to look – and found myself face to face with Finn, his eyes glinted at me. “You running away from something, Elle?”

  “No, I’m ordering a drink.” I turned away from him, lifting my nose. “Ted, I’ll have a Tom Collins, please.”

  “You got it, Eleanor.”

  “You wouldn’t be avoiding me, would you?” Finn leaned back against the bar, his elbows resting on it. “Because I thought we’d gotten past all of that.”

  “Of course I’m not avoiding you.”

  He leaned closer. “Because if you have something you’d like to say, you can say it, you know?”

  I faced him, my eyes searching his for some indication of what he was thinking. But he maintained his casual demeanour. “Well, now that you mention it, I was wondering what you were thinking?”

  “About?” He arched an eyebrow and turned to rest his back against the bar.

  “About us.”

  “Oh? What about us?”

  “We kissed.”

  “Yes, we did.” He crossed his arms over his chest and winked at me.

  “And?” I was becoming impatient with him. He was purposefully avoiding answering my questions.

  “And what?” His eyes sparkled with mischief and it made me boil inside.

  “Was it a mistake? Do you want to do it again? Or avoid me forever? Or somewhere in between? Tell me what you’re thinking.” I put my hands on my hips.

  “Again? Do you mean right now?” He leaned even closer, smirking, his grey eyes lingering on my lips. I could smell his aftershave wafting over me. He raised his eyes to mine, and there was a hardness there that couldn’t be masked by his smile.

  I sighed. “No, I don’t mean right now. Just forget it, okay? You’re obviously not going to take anything seriously tonight.”

  He chuckled and pulled away. “All right then, Miss Serious. Since you want to talk about it now, you tell me what you were thinking – coming to the shop like that, all heated up. What was on your mind?”

  “I wanted to see you.”

  “You said that. Why?” He tipped his head to one side.

  “I can’t remember exactly. I’d had a couple of margaritas, and…”

  “Ah yes, margaritas. You were toasted.” He grinned.

  “No. I wasn’t toasted. Tipsy, maybe.”

  “Girl-talk for toasted. Like how you all say, ‘I don’t sweat, I glow.’ ‘I don’t fart, I toot.’” He laughed and uncrossed his arms, running his fingers through his curls.

  “No. I sweat and I fart. And that’s beside the point.” We were getting off track.

  “Is it? What is your point then, Elle?”

  “Do you want me?” As the words fell from my mouth, I heard them and was surprised by my own audacity.

  His cheeks flushed pink. “Wow, that’s direct.”

  I sucked in a deep breath. “It’s a simple question.” My eyes narrowed as I waited for his response.

  His playfulness evaporated, and he looked tired all of a sudden. A muscle in his jaw tensed. “It doesn’t matter what I want, Elle. I don’t deserve you or anything good in my life.” He spun about and walked quickly back to the table.

  Ted handed me my drink and I followed Finn, balancing on the stool beside him but avoiding eye contact. Hayley raised her eyebrows at me. “So are you singing tonight, Elle?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  She looked confused. “So why’d you bring your guitar then?”

  I came up with a quick lie. “I was going to get it checked out down at Al’s, but his store wasn’t open.”

  “Oh,” I could tell she wasn’t convinced. “But you could sing, since your guitar is here.”

  “Maybe next time. I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

 

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