Devotion: For Love or Honor, page 22
My body lifts to meet his, warm and pliant wanting him as much as he wants me.
“Jenny. Babe, I can’t wait till graduation. Please.” His eyes are searching filled with desire leaving me to question myself as to what I want. Our moment interrupted by the sharp sound of a knock and an attempt to turn the doorknob. Merrilee’s voice filters through the wood door.
“Jen. Are you okay? Ryan is gone, but his car is here. Jenny wake-up.” His eyes never leave mine; I attempt to move.
“I’m awake. He is in here.”
“Jenny what-the-hell, are you doing? Did you already forget last night?”
Our gaze holds through the pregnant pause waiting for me to answer.
“No, Merrilee I have not forgotten Ryan was just leaving.”
“He has three minutes.” She yells, followed by the sounds of her stomping down the stairs.
“Jenny no. Please.”
“What did you do last night, Ryan? Did you have sex with her?” He hesitates, the worst possible thing he could do.
“I can’t lie to you, babe. I. I. I don’t remember.”
Biting my lip, willing the all too familiar burn of tears as they threaten my eyes, clamping down on the back of my throat, the words to remind him of the aggressive attack on the dance floor, flamed with pain as I swallow the hurt.
“Well, then I guess we are done here.”
“Babe. Please can’t we talk about this? Graduation, we are almost there. Please don’t throw us away.”
I push against the unmovable force of his body, intimidated for a moment where he could easily hurt me if he wanted too.
“You know there were many times during my marriage where I was petrified of Martin. I never dreamed I would ever feel that way with you, but last night what you did, that Ryan I didn’t recognize, and right now I am not sure who you are. Please leave.”
Surprising us both, he relents with ease pushing up off my body stepping onto the floor, abandoning me to feel cold and lonely. Ryan dresses in silence, noticing his phone and keys on the bureau, dropping them into his pocket. Ryan waits until he flips the lock on the knob until he replies.
“Jen. Can I please call you?” Without hesitation, I reply.
“Well, I guess that depends on if you happen to remember if you fucked that girl or not.”
I watch through shuddered eyes as his massive shoulders flinch as if I had hit him. He takes one last look before he walks out of my room, leaving me to hide under the covers clutching his pillow engulfing myself in the smell that is purely Ryan, as I dissolve into a bundle of hopeless sobs.
Chapter 19
Ryan
I retrieve my phone from my pocket as I stepped outside flinching in pain from the bright sunshine. Searching through my contacts until I find Chad’s number listening to the ring over and over.
“Dude call me when you get this.” I toss my phone on the passenger seat, looking down to my legs scrunched as I attempt to put my Jeep in reverse, realizing Jenny must have driven us home last night.
With the seat adjusted, I drive home, ready to face my dad, which I am looking forward to less than what I received from Jenny and Merrilee. During the drive, I replay my night from beginning to the last possible thing I remember. Step by step taking me back, sickened by the thought of how much alcohol I managed to consume in one evening, something I never do. With blocks of time missing, I wonder what happened when I left the dance and then to attack Jenny the way I did in the empty ballroom. -shaking my head, disgusted with my behavior pushing the disgusting thoughts away until I am ready to deal.
“Good Morning, son.” I am greeted in the driveway when I shut the car door.
“Dad, first I want to apologize I should have called you to let you know I was safe. I. Well. I.” His deep rumbling of laughter taken me by surprise.
“Oh, I knew where you were. I was laughing because you managed to make it all through high school without letting yourself lose control in a bottle. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you Jenny is the girl for you before you get it through that thick skull of yours.” I follow him into the house sitting down at the kitchen table supporting my head, now much too heavy to be held upright without support. He is relentless, not giving up until I find a way to make this alright.
“Dad, can we not do this now?”
“Oh, I think you need to hear what I can guess the reason you decided to get drunk. It had to be because of something with Jenny. What was it? Maybe another man?” That caught my attention. He must have recognized he hit a sore spot. “So, did she bring a date?” I shake my head. “You might as well tell me, or we can sit here all day with me guessing.” Shit, he would, if only to prove a point. I spill everything from how Mia tricked me into believing I was doing her a favor to seeing Jenny dancing with that jerk, the new science teacher. The one that is so skinny he couldn’t pick Jenny up let alone, she weighs nothing, protecting her from her ex. I opened up, about going to the suite and coming clean about catching my snap with Mia on top of me thinking it was Jenny. Interrupting the story my dad asks.
“Wait. Do you think you had sex with this girl?” I shake my head.
“No. I don’t, I was dreaming about Jenny. I felt hands on me. But something made me catch my snap, and I got out of there. Then I found Jenny in the ballroom all alone, and I wasn’t nice Dad. I was rough with her. I scared her.” Rubbing my hands over my face as fragments of the evening float above the surface, out of my reach for clarity. “She told me I apologized to her about upstairs. Dad, she thinks I screwed that chick. What am going to do?” He isn’t answering; his thumb runs over his chin as he contemplates my dilemma. “Dad, graduation is in a month. That gives me one weekend with Jenny before I leave and then I won’t be able to see her again for thirteen weeks, and then I will only have ten days with her before I can get deployed. I can’t spend the summer away from her when she believes I betrayed her.”
“You need to find that girl and anyone else who was in that room and if only for your peace of mind, get an answer. Then you will be able to tell Jenny the truth and apologize for either allowing yourself to get in such a compromising position that something could have happened. And that will never happen again. Or with the knowledge that you did betray her then son, if she is the girl for you, then it is time to get on your knees and beg forgiveness.”
#
Jenny
I am not sure how I survived Sunday after spending half of the morning feeling sorry for myself Merrilee declared it a no stupid men dominating our lives at least for today. Dragging me from the house, making me run the trail through the wooded park, the very same I did with Ryan a few weeks before should have made me cry more but what it did was giving me a renewed sense of purpose.
We spent the rest of the day after burning our calories making up for it with Chinese take-out, ice cream, and three chick-flick movies. Cuddled up on the couch where I slept with Ryan when he held me in his arms is a sweet memory I will always cherish, now it needs to stay in a special box inside of my heart. I need to survive the next few weeks of my school, turn in my grades, and notice that I will not be returning the following year. Now, I need to find a new job.
Before I can delay the inevitable any longer, Monday morning dawns early, the gray, dismal, spring rainy day befitting my melancholy thoughts. Pushing away my misery of gloom and doom, I start my car ready to face my day, holding my head up high as I walk into the building after my forced time off.
“Where are you going?”
“To class.” Merrilee pinches my arm when I turn towards her hallway instead of straight towards mine.
“Jen. You are avoiding you know who.”
“I am not. I can get to my classroom just fine from here you take the shortcut all of the time.” She releases a loud enough guffaw causing several students to turn around and ask what she smoked before school. Shaking her head, we say our good-byes with plans for lunch. I managed to unlock the door, stow my belongings, powering up the computers and starting some busy work as my room filled with seniors.
I felt him enter the classroom. I didn’t have to turn to know his eyes had not strayed from my body. I could feel his emotions deep into the darkest part of my belly, where I miss him the most. I crave this man like no other; it breaks my heart to realize I don’t know how to overcome Ryan Raines.
My class has begun their assignments working on the next issue of the paper with articles about prom along with photos. I busy myself on the layout with Mark and Angie two of my star writers. Unfortunately, they sit directly in front of Ryan and two senior girls.
“Ryan, are you and Mia going to the party this weekend at Chad’s house?” I find myself holding my breath, waiting for his response while I am attempting to appear much too busy to hang on every word from behind me.
“No.” His response is more of a deep-throated growl I have come to recognize as him when he is angry. The female student keeps on asking questions.
“Why not or do you two have plans as a couple?”
“We are not a couple.”
“But you took her to prom.”
“It was not a date. I have never dated Mia, and I don’t plan on it. I have a girlfriend.”
“Well, Mr. High and mighty if you have a girlfriend why wasn’t she at prom?”
“She is in college and was not able to get away.” I bite my lip in anticipation of where this conversation will lead, a part of me worries, leading me to ask myself. “Has he been talking to a girl at one of the universities this entire time?” Then I chastise myself because I am a grown-ass woman who has real-world difficulties, and the last thing I need to worry about is the man I believed I knew.
“I don’t believe you in all the years since we were freshmen, I have never seen you with the same girl twice. When did you even meet this girl?”
“She isn’t from here. I met her out-of-town.”
“Oh, really what’s her name?” A second voice asks. “Yea, Ryan, what is her name?
“Jenny Ryan.”
My eyes burn, stomach flip-flops warming deep inside of me; I swallow hard giving a few last instructions to the students I move away from Ryan before I do something, we will both regret.
#
Ryan
I am confident Jenny can hear my words, from her stiff stature while she half listens to my classmates, watching as her shoulders relax, releasing her fists when she hears my girl’s name is Jenny Ryan. Mrs. Stephenson and Jenny Ryan, whereas the former holds her feelings at bay and hiding the smiles behind the pain of what her life had become. Since the day I helped by moving her out of the home she shared with the jerk of a husband, there has been nothing but smiles until me.
I never set out to hurt my girl. In my heart, I don’t believe anything happened with Mia. I want to think I would know but drunk enough to blurt out what I said to Jenny. Now she doesn't trust me when all we had to do is survive somehow the next few weeks until graduation, and I went along and messed it all up. The only gift I have for her is my word, and at this moment I doubt myself that will be enough. When I announced my girl's name, I watched the transformation from the stiff, hurt woman to the relaxed and smiling girl I love. Now I worry she will never find it in her heart to forgive me for my despicable behavior the night of prom.
Debating my options, I ignore the two girls on either side of me and focus on the photos I am editing when I hear my name, my head jerks up.
“Ryan.”
Our eyes meet as I pass the two rows until we are close enough for me to take the pink slip of paper from her trembling fingers. She reads the same words as I do when an unspoken bond moves between us, not unlike each time before.
“I’ve got this.” The words leave my lips on a whisper, meant only for her ears all the while fear building up inside of me alerting me to the danger I face. Ready to accept this new obstacle in my path, moving down the hall with determination to protect Jenny and what we have asked for nothing in return but her faith in me as a man.
“Mr. Raines. Come in and have a seat.”
I take the chair across from the principal the last time I had been this close to him was after he thanked me, for preventing my girl from being dragged off by her husband. I would have preferred to stay standing, but what I don’t need to do is draw more attention to my defensive manner.
“Sorry to get you out-of-class but there has been a complaint of sorts, and I am obligated to follow up on the situation.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Do you have any idea what I am referring to?”
“No, sir. How would I?”
He leans his elbows on his desk, relaxing his demeanor leading me to believe he is attempting to get me to drop my guard in his company.
“Ryan, you are not in any trouble.”
“Okay.”
“You are not concerned?”
“No, sir. To be concerned, you would have done something wrong, and I have not.” He chuckles at my response.
“I see you have already signed with the Marines and you leave soon. Correct?”
“Yes. I have signed and leave the Monday after graduation.”
“I believe from your exemplary record here in our school that you will make an excellent soldier.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“I would never want any rumors or innuendo to risk your career. Do you understand?”
“Perfectly.” There has only been one time in my life where I have struggled having patience, and that has been waiting for Jenny, and even though I broke my first rule and kissed her, I have held to the promise that our relationship will maintain professional until graduation night, even with the failed attempt the morning after prom, while my bloodstream was swimming full of alcohol causing me to beg. Thankfully, my girl had to good sense to stop halt my progress, albeit her anger and best friend interrupting played a large part in me leaving. If the principal mistakenly believes he will get me to divulge some deep dark secret because I can stand his idle chit-chat not a minute longer than he has sorely misjudged me. He laughs, and I fight the urge to wipe his crooked smile off his face.
“I guess I better get to the point then.”
“That would be nice.”
“There seems to be a complaint, a witness that states they saw you leaving prom with Mrs. Stephenson driving your automobile. Do you care to elaborate?” I am quick to smash down the smirk pulling at my lips.
“Is there a question?” The tables have turned by me, surprising him.
“Yes. Did Mrs. Stephenson drive your Jeep and were you indeed in the passenger seat?”
“Yes.”
“Would you care to explain the situation?”
“First I would like to ask which rules were broken?” His head jerks up in surprise, stammering over his words.
“Well. Not at first. But it might show a line crossed between teacher and student.” Hm. Now we are getting to the core of the controversy.
“There were no lines crossed. It was as simple as this. During prom, I had some alcohol, too much. I had been upstairs in one of the suites with my classmates and drank. For some stupid reason, I decided to leave. That is when Mrs. Stephenson and Miss Hargreaves found me. Their concern for me drinking and driving. They took my keys and drove me home. I awoke the next morning, and my dad told me what had happened.” I shake his hand, tamping down the nerves, that Jenny will be called into the office.
I return to her classroom to gather my belonging hoping for enough time to talk before she is subjected to the same scrutiny.
#
Jenny
I worry about Ryan as class ends, forgotten is the hurt I felt as I focus on our future instead of our flailing relationship. I sit at his desk, continuing with the images he was in the middle of editing when he was called down. He walks through the door, leaving me feeling relieved.
“What?” Before I can ask. He is filling me in.
“They wanted to know about prom night, and you drove me home because I was drunk. His head is nodding, and I agree. I told him how I woke up the next morning, and my dad told me you brought me home.”
Ryan never stops amazing me, amidst a situation that single-handedly could blow-up the next few weeks for us he is as calm as can be. His words hold a double meaning. I relax as he heads to work, leaving me to watch him from the window. I know what this means, four weeks of caution along with much less time together.
I meet Merrilee in her room for lunch, her mouth open, ready for a discussion. I interrupt her with a quick hand halting those thoughts until I securely latch the door then following her into her small office behind another closed door, I breathe in a sigh of relief ready to pour out the event of my day. Can I say now I am exhausted, and at last glance towards my watch showed it is now only twelve?
“What is going on?” We are talking in hushed tones.
“Ryan was pulled into the office and questioned. Then I was. I am betting you will be next, and maybe his dad will be questioned.”
“Oh, Jenny. Shit, I told you to be careful.”
“We were. Principal Stockton asked about the night I drove Ryan home, and you followed me after prom when he was drunk. His dad told him the next morning how he got there.” Her knowing smile without another word we ate our lunch.
Merrilee was asked to give a statement, and without any further word from Ryan, I have no idea where we stand or what his dad would have said. We wait until we are home and relaxing over a glass of wine before Merrilee approaches the subject once again.
“Hey. Don’t worry. I repeated the same thing both you and Ryan did. Did you tell him Ryan has worked for you?”
“I did I got worried when Principal Stockton asked me about if there were any contact outside of the classroom. I didn’t want to lie and then have it come up later. I told him about Ryan working the two weddings for me, and we text because of the job.”
I go to bed sad, lonely and fearful missing him something terrible but at the same time hurt not knowing what he did with Mia at prom before he came downstairs drunk looking for me. Merrilee asked me earlier for the details of the incident on the dancefloor, a bad memory for me to overcome. I fibbed, stopping with the bruising kiss, unable to bear his image diminish in my best friend’s eyes, my only ally.
