Past and Future, page 15
The girls are in the kitchen. Daisy is sitting at the table and Rebecca is loading breakfast dishes into the dishwasher.
“So, not only are you going to look after Mummy, you’re helping Teresa,” I say.
“Yes. If I was at home, I would help Mummy in the kitchen.”
Rebecca comes toward me and I pick her up. “You do know this is your home now,” I say.
She studies me closely, her eyes narrowing. “Forever?”
“Yes. Would you like that?”
“I think so. Mummy is happiest here. I don’t like to see her sad.”
Teresa stands and mumbles in Italian about how good the girls are. “None of us like seeing your mummy sad. Now, you have to promise me to be a good girl and I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
Rebecca leans back in my arms, her eyes searching my face and she frowns. “Where are you going?”
“I need to work, so I’ll be staying in the city. But I want you, Daisy, and Mummy to come and have lunch with me soon. Or you could all come for dinner one day after school.”
“Okay. We can do that. But I’ll miss you.”
Hearing footsteps, I turn toward the kitchen doorway to see Lou leaning against the frame. Her eyes are still red and puffy from all the crying she’s done, but she smiles.
“Rebecca, you can call me any time you want. Just ask Mummy or Auntie Maria to phone me,” I say to her.
“Okay.”
“Good girl. I promise I’ll see you soon.” I kiss her on the top of her head before putting her down. I give Daisy a kiss and tell her to be good. She nods but is more interested in the colouring book she’s playing with.
“Teresa, look after them,” I say, and she kisses me.
“Of course.”
“Thank you.”
With a final look at the girls, I leave the kitchen. Lou follows me as I walk toward the front door. Opening the door, I grab the case and step outside. The warm air hits me. The dark clouds are clearing in the sky and I think it will turn into a lovely day. A day where the kids can get outside in the fresh air. I put my case in the boot of the car before turning to face Lou.
I hold out my hand and she steps toward me. I don’t hesitate to wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She leans her head on my chest. I feel her tears through my shirt. “Hey, none of that. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
“It will. I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
I rub her back, hoping it brings her some sort of comfort. “You have my number. Call me day or night if you need me. Steve will be here to keep an eye on you, along with Joe.”
She pulls back, but not out of my hold. She reaches up, her warm hand touching my face. “I’ve never stopped loving you,” she says.
I close my eyes briefly. “I need to go.” I kiss her nose and release her. Before I forget what I’m meant to be doing, I turn and walk away, because if I don’t, I’ll end up doing something else that will leave me with regrets.
Getting in the car, I start the engine and I take one last look at the woman I love. She’s standing in the drive, and Maria is now holding Lou in her arms. I turn away because I can’t stand seeing her in pain.
We need this time, and hopefully, I’ll be able to focus on sorting out this mess with Steel.
I drive away from my family, hoping that I will go home soon and get a happy-ever-after.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Lou
It’s Sunday and I didn’t anticipate how hard this week would be on me. I’ve missed seeing him around the house. Each day I’ve been so tempted to reach out. To call or text Giovanni, but I’ve resisted. Today, I want to talk to him. He left me here last Saturday and all I did that day was cry until I couldn’t cry any more. He’s right; we do need to put the past where it belongs, sort it out in our heads, and then when we’re ready, store it away for safe keeping.
Rebecca has asked more than once when Giovanni is coming home. She was a little upset when I couldn’t give her an answer. I’ve told her ‘soon’, and that’s what I hope.
I’m sitting in the garden, watching the girls playing, with my phone in my hand, mentally debating if I should text him or not.
Me: How are you?
Giovanni: Good. How are you all?
I smile.
Me: Ok. The girls are missing you.
Giovanni: I’m missing them and you.
Me: How about we come for dinner after school tomorrow if you’re not too busy?
Giovanni: I’m never too busy for you. Dinner with three of my favourite ladies sounds like a treat.
Me: I’ll tell the girls in the morning.
Giovanni: I look forward to seeing you all then.
I smile as I look at his message and I’m glad I got in touch.
“Someone looks happier,” Maria says as she joins me outside and takes a seat. She calls over and waves to the girls. They look up but continue playing. “They look happier too.”
“I think they are.”
“What about you? I’ve hardly seen you.”
“I’m okay. I saw my doctor on Wednesday.”
“You didn’t mention it,” she says, watching me with curiosity.
“I know. I needed to get my head around what we spoke about first, before I shared it.” She sits quietly and waits for me to continue. “Tomorrow morning, I have an appointment with a counsellor.”
“That’s a positive step.”
“I think so. I need to sort out all these thoughts once and for all. Let go of all the demons that I’m allowing to hold me hostage. I also have a meeting with the school.”
“About time. I’m proud of you,” she tells me with a huge smile. “Now, I know we’ve spoken about the club and you’ve been quick to dismiss it…”
“Maria!”
“Hear me out.” I nod. “Okay, so being in the club isn’t practical at night for you. Why don’t you come in and do the accounts, file some paperwork a couple of afternoons a week? It will keep you occupied when the kids are at school and nursery. It would give you a purpose and you’d be helping me out. I’m struggling to keep up with everything.”
“You look tired,” I say as I take the time to look at her. She’s spent most of the week at Jack’s home, so I’ve hardly seen her, but as I take in her appearance, she looks as though she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
“It’s been a long week and I’m grateful that today and tonight I get to hang out here with you and my nieces, although I’m sure they’d much rather play out all day.”
“They do love it here. Having the freedom to play outside is something they never had before. Even just out in the garden, there was always a worry that some rival gang member would attempt to hurt Tony through the girls.”
“I’m sorry you’ve had to live like that.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. But I love sitting here and just watching them playing and being happy. It’s almost therapeutic.”
“Could this be home?” she asks.
I don’t hesitate. “Yes. I love Giovanni, you know that. I truly do, but I’m being unfair to him and Mark.”
“When we were younger, I always imagined you two would get married. I know you must have reservations, but I know he loves you deeply, and those two.”
My eyes switch to the girls as they play football. “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know. It’s just strange. My feelings were mixed up before Mark’s death, and I have a feeling he sensed that, but he never questioned me. Last Friday night, I shouldn’t have slept with Giovanni.”
“I know you will do what’s right for you when the timing is correct.”
“What about you? Have you made contact with Steel?”
She sighs. “Yes. Joe made contact and I’m meeting him at some point during the coming week. He’s currently not in the country.”
“No doubt some dodgy dealings that involve some under age European girls.”
“It doesn’t bear thinking about. Jack hasn’t mentioned anything, but I get the feeling the case he’s working on involves Steel. I’ve overheard him talking to Craig.”
“I’m scared about you meeting him.”
“Me too.”
She looks away. There’s something wrong and it’s not just the fact that she’s tired. I see sadness. “Maria, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She shuffles on the chair and it takes her a few moments before she finally looks at me. I know what she’s about to say before the words are out of her mouth. “You’re not the only one who had a doctor’s appointment. I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, Maria. Why are you not happy and how far along are you?”
“Only five or six weeks. This time I know I’m pregnant and I’m willingly putting myself in danger. What kind of person does that?”
“Right, stop there. You don’t have to meet Steel. That was your idea. Pull out. I presume Jack doesn’t know yet because he would be ensuring you don’t go ahead and meet that vile man.”
“No, I haven’t told Jack yet. I’m scared. So much has changed in my life.”
“This doesn’t sound like you. Maria…”
Tears form in her eyes and I lean across the table and take her shaking hands.
“I don’t want anything to happen to this baby. This baby comes from love.” I hear the emotion in her voice. This is different to the baby she was carrying and didn’t know. My brother abused his position as her husband on more than one occasion. I can understand why she was glad she lost that baby, even though I couldn’t at the time.
“Maria, everything will be okay. Speak to Jack. Tell him he’s going to be a dad and let someone else deal with Steel.”
“It’s not that easy,” she says as her tears fall. “It has to be me who meets with him. I won’t put anyone else at risk. Not you and not the girls.”
I listen and the penny drops. Again, she’s trying to protect me. “Stop it. You tell Jack and you tell him today. You watch the smile on that man’s face and the tears that will fall from his eyes. Stop putting everyone else before yourself. I’ll look after Rebecca and Daisy. That’s my job as their mother. Your job for the next eight months is to look after yourself, so my niece or nephew gets the opportunity to grow and come into the world and be loved by us all.”
“I’m not sure.”
“Enough. You tell him and tonight or I will.” I’m sure she must hear the tone of my voice. I will do it because I’m not having her put her life in danger. Not again.
“Okay, fine. I’ll tell him, only because I know you will.”
“Dry those tears. I’m excited. I’m finally going to be an auntie. This baby is going to be spoiled rotten by me, just like my girls are with you. And in answer to your original question about helping you with the paperwork and accounts at Crave, of course I’ll help. It will keep me out of mischief for a while. Now, when are you going to instruct the renovations of your parents’ house? You’ll need to get a wriggle on, so you can be moved in and settled before the birth.”
She laughs at me. “Jack and I were talking about it and I’ve already started designing. I don’t want to change much of the layout, although I would like to extend the kitchen.”
“Why? It’s already big enough.”
“I love the house. There are so many memories, but I want to make it ours. Not just my parents’ house.”
“That I can understand.”
Daisy cries and I look over to see what’s wrong, but Maria is already out of her chair to see to her. I watch as she crouches down and speaks to my daughter. Rebecca is standing back; her hands clap and she’s fidgeting. What has she done? Maria gives Daisy a cuddle and calls over to Rebecca. My daughter’s face falls as she realises she’s about to be told off. I don’t intervene. Maria is more than capable of handling those two, and anyway, it will be good practice. From here, I can’t hear what is being said, but I do witness an apology. Rebecca gives her sister a hug and a kiss, and just like that, they’ve made up.
I hope they remain close as they grow older.
Maria walks back over and the girls go back to playing. “Daisy didn’t want to play football any longer,” she tells me. “We should get them a girlie playhouse for the garden.”
“I don’t know about that. Giovanni might not be happy if we start adding to his garden.”
“Really?” She sits down opposite me; her eyes are glowing at the mention of Giovanni. “My brother, the man who loves you and is prepared to wait for as long as it takes to have you in his life. I’m sure he’ll be fine with a playhouse in the garden, but we can always call him and ask him.”
She already has her phone in her hand, and I can hear it ringing. “You don’t need to do that,” I say with a heavy sigh.
“Oh, but I do.” She smirks, her eyes full of mischief. It’s refreshing to see. “Giovanni, how are you?”
She switches the call to speaker. “I’m good. Is everything okay with Lou and the kids?” he asks.
My heart flutters, and I’m a little surprised that it’s us he asked about first.
I shake my head at her. “Yes. I’m with Lou now. We want to know, do you mind if we get the girls a playhouse for the garden? Lou doesn’t think we should.”
“I hate you,” I mouth at her.
“Why would I mind? It’s their home. They can have anything they want,” he says. “Why don’t you leave it with me, and I’ll make a few enquiries.”
“Thank you. I’m sure the girls will love it.”
“Goodbye, Maria. Lou, give me a call later and we can talk about the playhouse.” He ends the call.
“Bugger. He knew I was listening.”
“Of course he did. Where you’re concerned, my brother seems to know everything. Now, we won’t tell them, maybe keep it as a surprise,” she says with a playful smile.
I can’t answer her because what the hell do I say? Although, now I have butterflies in my stomach at the thought of getting to talk to him later on in private. I shouldn’t be this excited to speak to him, but I am.
With a smile on my face, I turn back to watch my girls play in the garden and I ignore the laughter coming from my best friend.
I’m so glad she finds my situation amusing. Well, if she doesn’t speak to Jack tonight, it will be me with the smirk on my face.
Payback can be a bitch.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Giovanni
I’m smiling.
A big full on fucking grin. And why? All because of a certain woman. Her text messages earlier had me smiling and knowing that she was sitting with Maria when she called… I’m behaving like a teenage boy, hung up on his first girlfriend. In a way, that is me.
Not a lot has changed since then. My feelings have only gotten stronger… more complicated.
Eight days.
Eight whole days since I last saw her. And hopefully tomorrow I’ll see her and the girls when they come here for some dinner. I can’t believe how much I miss all three of them, not just Lou. Even before Mark’s death, the kids had found a way into my heart. I hope that when the time comes for me and Lou, the girls will happily accept me in not just Lou’s life, but theirs also. I don’t want to replace their father and I’ll ensure they never forget the brave man he was, but I do want to protect them and be their friend, and provide them with the stability that they need.
I needed to give Lou and me some distance. We both needed it, even though I didn’t want it. But now, I think she needs me. I’m trying not to build my hopes up, but I can’t help it. I know I can’t rush this. It’s still early days for her. Yet, for me, it’s not. I’ve spent what seems like my whole life waiting for her to come back to me. But I am prepared to take our relationship at a snail’s pace if that’s what keeps her and the girls in my life.
I change the screen on the computer and type into the browser girls’ playhouses, and I wait for the results to filter through. Who would’ve thought I’d be willingly looking at these, yet here I am. It’s funny the things you do for those you love.
Clicking on the first link, I scroll through the website, looking at what they have. There are hundreds, all different styles. How am I supposed to pick?
One catches my eye. It’s stunning. A small cottage style that has two floors, all very rustic-looking. I can imagine them playing for hours in this and I can even see where it would be in the garden; near the big oak tree. I can also see a full swing set, with them giggling and swinging away, happy and carefree. The way children should be.
The girls would love this one. I grab my wallet and take out my bank card. I start filling out my details on the purchase page, but something stops me.
Lou and I should do this together. An excuse to see and talk to her. Tomorrow, I get to see her and the girls and that makes my heart happy. Tonight, though, I’ll give her a call to talk about the playhouse, or I might go home when the kids are in bed.
I’m so indecisive.
I need to get my act together and behave like the grown man I’m meant to be.
A knock on my office door startles me. “Come in,” I shout.
The door opens and in walks McGovern, and like all the times I’ve seen him, it’s hard to read his face. Why is he here?
“Giovanni.” He says my name with calmness, entering my office and taking a seat.
“I thought it was better if we didn’t see each other.” Those were his parting words the last time he paid me a visit. Something is wrong; I feel it in my bones.
“Yes, but word has got to me that Maria has arranged a meeting with Steel.” His eyes are on me and there’s no movement in his body.
“Yes, she has.”
“So, I can presume the girls know they’re in danger?”
