Vice, Virtue & Video, page 9
I start blushing and I’m trying my hardest not to look at him. He can see right through me, of course, and he turns to me and gives me a big, sly smile.
“What?” he asks, his grin getting wider.
“Nothing, it just reminds me of something,” I say, trying to fix my eyes back on Sookie and Eric so I look like I’m concentrating on the show.
“Come on, Lo,” he chuckles, “what are you thinking about?”
“It’s just,” I begin, debating whether I should even tell him, “it’s something involving Eric—my Eric.”
“And what is it?”
“He wants to do that to me,” I say, definitely not able to look him in the eye without becoming a red-faced, giggly mess.
“He wants to fuck you? Duh! I know that,” he shrugs.
“No, he wants to … you know.” I’m already giggling and I can’t look at him for fear that it will only make it worse.
“He wants to go down on you?” he says, catching my drift.
“Uh-huh,” I nod.
“And you don’t want him to?”
“I mean, I want him to, but I’m nervous,” I explain. “No one’s ever done that to me before and it’s kind of ... stressful.”
“Stressful?” he laughs. “It’s gonna feel really good, I don’t know why it’d be stressful.”
“Because,” I whine. “I just—I’m worried about … you know … him not liking it.”
“Why wouldn’t he like it?” he smiles before he turns completely so he’s staring right at me. “Look how nervous you are, kid!” he laughs. “This is so cute.”
“Shut up!” I scold him through my laughter as I try to will my cheeks back to their normal color.
“Too funny,” he chuckles. “But seriously, Lo, why are you so freaked out about it?”
“I’m worried that he won’t like the way I taste, like, that I’ll taste bad,” I finally blurt out, momentarily covering my face with my hands in embarrassment.
James snickers and shakes his head. “Lo, all girls think they taste bad, but hardly any of them actually do.”
It’s slightly reassuring and I can feel my tension dissipating, but very marginally.
“I’ve probably done it to, like, six hundred girls and I’d say less than one percent of them were slightly below awesome,” he shrugs.
“But what if I’m part of that one percent?!” I giggle.
“You gotta get over it, Lo,” he says sympathetically. “He’s gonna do it and you’re gonna love it and it’s gonna be fine. Besides, I’m sure you’re delicious.”
It’s a strange compliment, but his intentions are sweet, so I take it as he means it.
“It just freaks me out,” I confess bashfully.
“Well you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” he says like he’s concerned. His worst fear is me being pressured into any kind of sexual situation, I know this from his years defending me against exactly that.
“No, I really want to,” I admit. “Just from what I’ve heard, it feels really good and I want to try it, but I’m nervous because I haven’t done it before and Eric has.”
He takes a big sigh and gives me a flirty smile as he stands up from the couch and holds out his hand. I’m curious, so I take it and he pulls me up from the couch. He turns and starts walking towards my bedroom and I follow along.
“What’s this? What are we doing now?” I wonder innocently.
“I’m gonna go down on you, Lo,” he says plainly, like he’s offering to change a lightbulb or pick up my dry cleaning.
“What?!” I gasp, stopping in my tracks.
“I’m gonna do it and I’ll prove that you taste good and that you’ll love it,” he smiles warmly.
What the fuck?! James hasn’t been sexual with me in years and how he’s jumping to this? It’s crazy! Completely insane. But part of me really, really wants to go for it. Deep down, I feel that it’s not so much the experience itself, but something about James doing it that makes me eager and excited. I’ve seen his videos, I know how he rolls, and my heart is fluttering at the mere prospect of him doing this to me.
“But ... what if ... should we ... are you sure?” I try to protest, but there’s no steam behind my words. I want it too badly to deny it.
“It’s no big deal, kid,” he shrugs reassuringly, “I do this every day with girls I’ve just met, so giving my best friend a demo is nothing.”
That’s exactly the thing, he can look at this as just an educational demonstration, no big deal, nothing significant, but I don’t think I can. My mind flashes back to that night several years ago when things suddenly got hot between us and the next thing I knew I was smack dab in the middle of my first orgasm. I wanted more, I wanted him, and not just sex. I wanted to be with him. For a brief moment, I wanted James to be my boyfriend. I’ve thought about that night so many times since then, remembered every second of it in vivid detail like my mind was playing it back in 1080p. This will surely be more intense than that, and a lot more intimate, and I don’t know how it isn’t going to change things between us.
“Come on,” he says softly as he gently tilts my chin up and puts his forehead against mine, “let’s give it a try and if it gets weird, you can just tell me to stop.”
“You don’t have to do this, you know? Just because you’re the expert doesn’t mean you have to put this out there,” I explain. "It's not your job to be my guide on every new sexual experience. Don't think that you're obligated to do this or anything."
“I want to do this, Lo,” he smiles, staring intently into my eyes. "I've wanted to for a while."
I swallow hard and take a deep breath. A while? How long has he had this urge?
Suddenly, I want to kiss him. Though James and I have been in a couple sexual situations, we’ve never actually kissed, but there’s a desire uncoiling in my stomach and I want his lips on mine. I’ve never felt anything this intense for him before. Ever. I’m scared, I’m nervous, I’m confused … and I know I’m going to say yes.
“Ok,” I quietly reply, breaking eye contact with him for fear that he’ll see my sudden and unexpected surge of lust.
“Great,” he smiles, but even his voice sounds softer, very husky and sensual. So maybe it’s not just me who feels it.
He leads me into the bedroom and gives me a sweet smile as he sits me down on my bed. He kneels in front of me and looks up into my eyes. Fuck! I want him so bad right now. How the hell did this happen?
“Do you want me to do it quick so I can just tell you how you taste, or do you want me to make you come?” he asks without even a hint of anxiety in his voice. Of course, he’s likely had similar conversations with his co-stars and this is probably nothing to him.
I swallow hard. “Um, the second one—I mean, if that’s ok with you and all.” This is ridiculous! The second one? I can’t even say the words out loud now?
“Ok,” he smiles flirtatiously. “I’m gonna get you good and warmed up first and then we’ll take this to the finish line.”
His voice is soft and silky smooth. Goddammit! I can’t believe how much I want this, how much I want him. No, no! Stop this! This is James! My friend, not my lover! I have to try to get my head straight and put a stop to these wayward thoughts right now.
“Ok, we can do that,” I nod. Dammit! I already sound so breathy and turned on, and he hasn’t even touched me yet.
I see the hint of a smirk on his face—shit! He knows!—as he brushes my hair back off my shoulder and moves into my space, delicately touching his lips to my neck. He kisses up and down my neck and my skin feels hypersensitive, like there are little electrical shocks emanating from every place his lips make contact with me. I remember these soft, sweet kisses very well from that fateful night when he gave me my first orgasm. I have to close my eyes. It feels so fucking good!
“You smell really nice, Lo,” he whispers, softly kissing from my ear to my shoulder and back again.
“Thanks, it’s probably my new shampoo” I say, my voice completely betraying how hot and bothered I am right now.
I can feel his lips curve into a smile as he kisses along my collarbone. He totally knows. But he’s not stopping, not calling me on it, so that has to be a good sign, right? Maybe he’s feeling it too. Yeah, right! He’s been with way hotter girls than me and sex has probably lost its novelty for him by now. I'm hopelessly inexperienced and I’m so sure he’s ever going to get turned on by some girl he’s known since she was in first grade.
He rises up on his knees so he can lean into me a little more. Even with me sitting on the bed and him kneeling down, he’s still taller than me and I have to look slightly upward to gaze into his eyes. The look on is face is beautiful, lustful but also very caring and warm. He kisses my neck again as his hand slides over my breast, stopping to caress my nipple over my shirt.
“Will you take your shirt off?” he softly asks. “I really wanna touch ‘em.”
I swallow hard as I nod. He reaches for the bottom of my shirt and pulls it off over my head. I can’t help but feel a little shy and I cross my arms to cover myself. He hasn’t seen my breasts in any type of amorous context in years and I’m just as self-conscious as if he’d never seen them before at all. He gives me an incredibly sexy smile and slowly nudges my hands away. His lips return to my neck and his fingers delicately trace circles around my nipples. My breathing grows deeper. It’s the lightest touch, but it feels so good.
“I’ve always loved how quick your nipples get hard,” he whispers against my neck, his breath warm and tantalizing. “Is it cool with you if I kiss 'em?”
I pause for a second, trying to weigh out the angel and devil on my shoulders. I want it too much and I nod, giving him permission.
His kisses drift down my neck and across my collarbone to the dip at the base of my throat.
“Wait a sec,” I eek out.
He stops immediately and looks up at me apologetically. “Something wrong?” he asks with concern.
“No,” I shake my head, “I just feel so naked.”
“That’s ok, baby,” he softly replies, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I plan to get you fully naked by the end of this,” he ads with a cocky grin.
I giggle a little. “Will you take your shirt off too?” I ask.
“You want me to get naked with you?!” he laughs with surprise.
“No, I just ... if I have my shirt off and I’m the only one, I’d feel weirder than if we both had them off. If you had your shirt off too, we’d be even,” I struggle to explain.
“Hey, whatever the reason, I’ll get naked with you,” he teases, pulling his shirt off and revealing that exceptional build.
This man’s body is living art and I’m practically salivating at each rippled muscle in his abs and the firmness of his pecs. He’s strikingly beautiful with his clothes off and he always has been, but I used to be better about blocking it out. Tonight, I’m admiring every square inch of his spectacular torso.
“Even?” he playfully grins.
“Even,” I giggle.
“Good,” he says, turning up the heat again as he holds my hips and slides me closer to him.
I’m sitting on the edge of the bed with no shirt on and James is between my legs, kissing my neck while I let my hands venture over his warm, bare skin. This is so fucking hot!
He resumes gently fondling my breasts as his lips travel down my neck again. His kisses my sternum first, inadvertently driving me wild me with anticipation. When his lips finally make contact with my nipple, I can’t help but let out a breathy moan.
His eyes flash up to meet mine as he extends his tongue and begins circling and flicking at my sensitive flesh. I know what this is. He’s giving me a preview of what’s to come and it’s like my body has rerouted my nerves so I can feel every little lick down below. My fingers unconsciously trail down the nape of his neck as he continues, lightly sucking one breast while he tenderly palms the other.
His hand continues its journey down my body and I’m already breathing heavy by the time he unzips my jeans. He’s moving so slowly, like I’m a deer in the woods and he’s afraid to spook me.
“Ok so far?” he sweetly whispers, tilting his head up to look at me.
“Uh-huh,” is all I can manage.
That sexy little smile returns to his lips and he gives me a playful wink. He’s got me. He knows he does. I swallow hard and try to pull it together. I have to rationalize this, to compartmentalize it in my head. This must be filed away in the “James’ random acts of sexiness” section of my mind.
His hand slides down my body again and drifts beneath my jeans. His fingers slowly rub me over the fabric of my underwear and I can’t contain a little gasp. Memories race through my mind and I recall the gentleness of his fingers that fateful night when I let him touch me.
“Is this ok?” he whispers, looking at me with restrained eagerness. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No, don’t stop,” I breathe. I’m so outrageously aroused that I hate myself. I’m letting myself get way too worked up and I wish I could suppress it a little.
“Lo, we’re doing this to make you feel good, so it’s ok to get into it. It’s just me, babe. You know you can let yourself go, ok?” he says with that incredibly gorgeous smile that makes my heartbeat sped up.
I nod my head. He’s clearly aware of how much he’s turned me on, but he’s trying to reassure me that it’s perfectly fine to be this turned on, even when fooling around with my best friend in some sort of impulsive sexual demonstration. After all, we have done this before—at least this part. I didn’t have a big moral battle with myself when I was 18 and we fooled around like this, so why should I be freaking out about it now? I wonder if we all grow out of that experimental phase or if we just repress it because we think we’re supposed to.
“Just let yourself feel it, baby,” he whispers, resuming his kisses on my neck and my breasts as his fingers start to tantalize me from beneath my panties.
My lips part and I can hear myself panting lightly. This feels even better than the first time he did it.
“You’re good to go,” he whispers with a smile. “I can feel how ready you are,” he adds, delicately spreading my wetness with his fingertip.
I blush and giggle demurely.
He sinks off the bed and kneels between my legs, kissing my stomach along the waistband of my jeans.
“I’m gonna take your jeans off now, ok?” he looks up at me for approval and I nod enthusiastically. He smiles and I can tell he’s pretty proud of himself for getting me this titillated.
He softly kisses my stomach up and down from my navel as I raise my hips and he slides my jeans down my legs.
“So smooth,” he says, caressing my calves, then the outsides of my thighs. “You’ve always had such nice legs, Lo.”
Really? He really thinks I have nice legs? It’s such a little throw away comment, something he probably tossed out there just to help me relax, but I’m suddenly very flattered. I admit, I've always liked the idea of James finding my body attractive. I’m certainly fond of his muscular frame, but over the years I’ve divorced the visual from the individual. I love James’ body, but it belongs to James, so it’s generally off limits from any kind of sexual appeal. I feel oddly flattered knowing that he's experienced something similar for me.
He kisses me over my panties and latches his fingers into the waistband, sliding them down. I’m exposed, completely exposed to him. My knees come together a little as I subconsciously try to hide myself.
“Lola! Nice Brazilian!” he chuckles. “I’m impressed!”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” I burst into loud laughter. Being complimented on my bikini wax by my best friend right before he’s about to perform oral sex on me tips me over the edge and brings the surreal, spontaneous, bizarre and comically absurd nature of all this right to the forefront.
He laughs loudly too and I’m thankful for the joke. I feel relieved as I snicker, though my knees continue to close me off.
“Open up for me a little bit, beautiful girl,” he says softly, kissing low on my stomach as he eases my legs apart.
I tense up a little when I’m sufficiently spread.
“It’s ok, Lo,” he whispers, very slowly caressing my inner thighs. “Just relax and listen to your body.”
He kisses up the inside of my knee as if he’s testing the waters, making sure I’m cool with it before he goes any higher. My whole body feels like it’s molten metal. My heart races as he kisses up my thigh, going extra slowly as arrives at my freshly waxed skin. He kisses me on the outside first, doing it very lightly as if he’s making sure it’s ok with me. The truth is, it’s more than ok with me. It’s incredible!
“Ok, here we go,” he whispers, his breath warm between my legs as he spreads me open very slowly.
I hold my breath as his tongue first makes contact with me. It’s such a subtle motion, but the effect is magnificent. He’s giving me soft, slow, sensual licks and I feel like I’m glowing white-hot. I’m trying to be as quiet as I can, but I’m breathing in little trembly pants as he continues. I take a quick glance down and I can’t even believe my eyes. It’s so surreal to see James doing this to me, his eyes closed like he’s savoring me.
“I told you you’d taste delicious, Lo,” he says softly as he pauses for a second to look up at me. “I’m gonna go a little faster, you just tell me to stop if it’s too much,” he ads.
Suddenly, his whole mouth is on me and I can’t hold myself up. My body flops down on the bed and I’m making short, breathy moans. He closes his lips around my most sensitive region and I can feel a little bit of suction as his tongue rapidly flicks at my clitoris. Holy fucking shit! This is amazing, the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life! My hips rock along with the rhythm of his tongue and I start whimpering. I can feel it building up exponentially and I know it’s going to be intense.
Less than a minute later, I gasp, my back curves up off the bed and my neck arches back as I cry out in a series of moans and whimpers. My whole body shakes. I can’t think, can’t speak, can’t process anything but the intense pleasure rippling through every square inch of me. This is incredible! James is a fucking god!
